Am Graves. Will answer questions. Go.

last seen: Some time in spring, 1927, aiming for Winter Quay to investigate something called a "Weeping Angel" and yeah, there's no way this can have gone wrong. Right?

[kit-levansque]

For thee head cannons, I imagined that Levansque was very isolated at school for being bookish and not theoretical; thus her proclaimed lack of people skills. However, once she got in the Auror force, she made her best friends for life. People from her year still don't get why she is considered a close friend of Percival Graves, one of the most powerful men in America, if not the world! She certainly isn't saying anything...

The fact that the memos I sent him were spelled to explode if left unread was probably the main factor, actually. As was the fact that I felt sorry for him once - it was after the Brady case - and ended up doing most of his paperwork in a belated ‘hope you feel better soon’ gift. (I was young, and relatively innocent).

That got his immediate attention - if by ‘immediate attention’ you’re referring to how he came barging into the staff room, eyes wild and wand at the ready, demanding to know just what kind of infernal magic-user I was to successfully tame the beast known as ‘paperwork’. (He was also severely sleep-deprived at the time). He tried to interrogate me, I handed him a cup of coffee (well, it was one-fourth coffee and three-fourths whiskey) and told him he needed to submit forms 3a through 17b before next Tuesday, he called me a foul beast escaped from the pit and tried to perform an exorcism, I corrected his pronunciation - it all snowballed from there.

@am-graves

[kit-levansque]

@aethelar

[am-graves]

Damnit Levansque, not only were you sworn to secrecy about this but that’s not even how it happened. If I recall correctly you stole my damn paperwork from the bin where it belonged, somehow reparoed the shredding charm I applied to it and I don’t even know how the hell you un-set fire to the scraps because that shouldn’t even be fucking possible.

The interrogation was entirely justified because those are standard procedure for disposing of classified intel and junior archivists just aren’t supposed to casually undo that. I mean, unnecessary paperwork that no one in their right mind would ever fill in is one thing, but hell, what kind of other secret memos are you just hoarding away in your filing cabinets??

And! The correct response to someone enquiring entirely reasonably if you used necromancy to resurrect the spirit of ex-paper work is not - not! - to assign them more fucking paperwork are you listening Levansque this is important no more paperwork

[am-graves]

I’ve been tagged! The talented @patricia-graves (what the actual, I still can’t tag you??) tagged me:

6 facts about the mun and then tag 10 people.

When we were younger, my brother and I used to push the armchairs together and drape a sheet over them to make a boat. We’d huddle inside with a torch and knit furiously. We called ourselves the knitting pirates, and it frustrates me to this day that he’s better at knitting than I am.

My mother had to carefully monitor the garden for poisonous plants, because when I was little I’d go around and try everything in case it had magic. Heather flowers in particular - I thought they were the perfect faerie dust to sprinkle in a potion of mud, assorted weeds, and unopened rosebuds. Nothing was safe. Everything would get eaten, just in case it had secret powers. (Most of it tasted foul, but so did medicine and that was clearly magic so tasting foul was obviously a good sign.)

I have just painted my nails and am typing this like an old lady, pressing each key with my index finger. Chances are I’m still going to ruin the varnish and have to redo a nail or two.

My cats did have real names at some point, but are now known as Fuzzbomb and Fluffbomb. Fluffbomb is sometimes called Trousers because she has very fluffy fur on her legs, and Fuzzbomb is sometimes called Pudding because when she sits down she’s approximately spherical.

Whenever my friends drag me to the theme park, I am never without a cup of tea in hand. This is done on purpose so that I have an excuse to sit out the terrifying roller coasters and watch the bags, and I use the time while they’re on the terrifying roller coasters to run and get more tea so I can bow out of the next one as well. It’s a system I’ve used for years.

My two favourite places in the UK are Orkney and the New Forest because these were the places we went on family holidays and they’re the places I feel most at home in the world.

And tagging!

@prcivalgraves, @classicalcassiopeia, @hamelin-born, @creative-chaos-in-my-head, @snoozelolly, @psychopath-in-a-tardis, @lady-bellatrix, @stylishbutdefinitelyillegal, @wanderingquill, @officialnewtscammander

[am-graves]

I'm almost scared to ask, but... what do you want the rat and the bucket for?

You sure you want to know? It’s not exactly pleasant. For, uh, for the rat or for Grindelwald.

Since you asked though…

Rat goes on stomach. Bucket upturns over rat. Magic dampeners keep Grindelwald from fighting back. And heating charm on bucket drives the rat to dig to get away from the scalding metal. It’s… messy. Probably should be illegal, but there’s a glaring lack of laws relating to nomaj torture methods and there isn’t exactly a blanket ban on torture. So.

… I’m not saying I would do that. I don’t think I’d do that. I wouldn’t do that. Nomaj torture is still torture. I’m better than that. And it’s unkind to the rat. Newt would be disappointed.

I just.

I don’t like Grindelwald.

[kit-levansque]

Do you happen to be distantly related to anyone named ‘Lannister’, by any chance? Or what about ‘Stark’ - do you happen to know anyone with that surname? I ask purely out of academic curiosity.

[…sudden headcanon that very pre-Merlin pre-Hogwards Wizarding England had a very familiar set of families running around.]

[am-graves]

[... awful admission that I’ve never watched or read Game of Thrones and knew about this from elsewhere? Um. Ancient torture methods are very intriguing. This one’s Dutch. Um. Please don’t judge.]

[am-graves]

I'm almost scared to ask, but... what do you want the rat and the bucket for?

You sure you want to know? It’s not exactly pleasant. For, uh, for the rat or for Grindelwald.

Since you asked though...

Rat goes on stomach. Bucket upturns over rat. Magic dampeners keep Grindelwald from fighting back. And heating charm on bucket drives the rat to dig to get away from the scalding metal. It’s... messy. Probably should be illegal, but there’s a glaring lack of laws relating to nomaj torture methods and there isn’t exactly a blanket ban on torture. So.

... I’m not saying I would do that. I don’t think I’d do that. I wouldn’t do that. Nomaj torture is still torture. I’m better than that. And it’s unkind to the rat. Newt would be disappointed.

I just.

I don’t like Grindelwald.

[am-graves]

prcivalgraves reblogged your post “prcivalgraves: kit-levansque: prcivalgraves: kit-levansque: …” and added:

Oh, Percival.

Of course I’m still angry.

Why on Earth would you like this horrible creature. Just. Why.

Stabby is not a horrible creature! He’s a poppet. Skrewts just have a teething stage, he’s getting used to his flamethrowers. How will he ever learn if he’s not allowed to use them? Besides, everything’s fireproofed now. It’s fine. It was one time and he won’t do it again.

[helveticaes-deactivated20180220]

Listen to me: if that monstrous thing crosses again the door I will order Ibrahim to set it on fire. Or even to eat it if he wants to.

[am-graves]

… this is probably not the best time to let you know that I converted the second bathroom into an enlarged stable for him? I’m working on the rest of the habitat, but I can’t find anything about what would be right for him. He’s part fire crab so that means tropical south pacific island, but part manticore means rocky greek mountains, and there’s kind of a difference between those two. So I got him a whole load of rocks and sand and even a couple of fleecy blankets and some potted plants, and he seems to like it so far. He tore one of the blankets up into little pieces for his nest, so that definitely means he likes it.

I’m trusting you with this information, Yassa. Don’t betray Stabby by letting Ibrahim eat him. 

[helveticaes-deactivated20180220]

Did you just-

Percival.

Calogrenant.

Graves.

You are a dead man walking.

[am-graves]

YASSA WHERE THE FUCK IS STABBY

WHY HAS SOME FUCKING TWERP FORGED A GOODBYE LETTER FROM HIM

BECAUSE I’M PRETTY SURE THAT STABBY HASN’T FLED TO RUSSIA TO FIND HIS TRUE CALLING IN THE BALLET SO WHERE THE FUCK IS HE

[helveticaes-deactivated20180220]

That monstrous thing disappeared? What a funny coincidence, I was just telling Ibrahim all about that disgusting creature a few hours ago. Mhm. Funny, don’t you think. Oh, and if you ban couscous, I’m telling Ibrahim he needs to prevent you from drinking any alcoholic beverage by any mean possible if he wants to have all these bottles for himself…

Now grow the hell up and help me peel these vegetables for tonight’s couscous.

[am-graves]

Do you even realise how lucky Ibrahim is that I haven’t updated the wards to ban him? Going after Stabby was uncalled for. He’s a complete innocent and an absolute darling and your demon monkey has ruthlessly attacked him in cold blood. Grow the hell up you say, when Stabby could be out in the rain and all alone. He doesn’t even know how to dance, what the fuck is he going to do in the Russian ballet?

Besides. I can’t. I mean, don’t get me wrong I’d love to help you prepare your strange and depressing alternative to real food, but I have a prior engagement. Stabby’s brother was supposed to come through the time portal with him but got lost along the way and ended up a few days off course; he’ll be arriving in Central Park any minute now and I need to go and collect him.

And you can bet that I’ll be adding every protection known to man and teaching Stabby Jr to defend himself against djinns.

[am-graves]

creative-chaos-in-my-head replied to your post “Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nfah Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl…”

Cthulu? I am all for Cthulu! Here, send him over if you really don’t want him. I’ve read the Malleus Monstrorum, and I successfully dealt with Lloigor once, I should be good.

“send him over”

what is Cthulu

is Cthulu a small box-sized being I can put in the post to you or do I have to arrange courier delivery or what

[helveticaes-deactivated20180220]

Percival, what is going on? Please don’t tell me you accepted to keep one of monsieur Scamander’s dangerous creatures at home again.

[kit-levansque]

@am-graves

Le sigh. Sir, according to Miskatonic, Cthullu is a Great Old One. I need to call St. Jude’s Sanatorium now to take the inevitable cultists into custody - also, if someone’s going to be unleashing tentacled monstrosities the size of skyscrapers on New York, I need your authorization to crack open Al-Hazrad’s grimoire. That’s the one that causes your brain to leak out of your ears if you’re lucky not careful

I would at least like to be prepared.

*humming*. What? No, I don’t buy into the propaganda, but it’s catchy, and a good cheat-sheet to the pertinent information. You should hear what they sing down at Miskatonic come the holidays.

[helveticaes-deactivated20180220]

Oh God. How- How do people still know how to invoke Them today?

[kit-levansque]

Because people are fucking idiots who will believe any kind of bullshit if it’s fed to them with a silver spoon. Don’t worry about it, Yassa - we get a few whack-jobs every now and again who scream about the Great Old Ones, but that’s all they do - scream. They don’t have the power or materials to actually summon one of Them, usually - and we keep a very close eye on the people who actually might.

[helveticaes-deactivated20180220]

IBRAHIM: Old ones? Is this how you call them here? Why would anyone summon them? They’re not funny. All they want is destruction. They don’t even try to mess with you humans, they’re no fun!

[am-graves]

OOOKAY time to back the fuck off if the devil monkey says they’re too destructive then we do. not. want.

@percivalgravesaurorsquad - Graham, you have a relative of some sort somewhere in the world who wants me to try an unknown ritual to send an unknown Old One to an unknown location. Deal with as you see fit, please try to keep them from ripping the fabric of our universe apart.

And Yassa, you’re not still grumpy about Stabby are you? Stabby isn’t “one of monsieur Scamander’s dangerous creatures” he’ an absolute darling.

@kit-levansque, you can crack open the grimoire in my office while I’m there. And conscious. I will stupefy you if your brains start leaking. And for god’s sake don’t hum songs of praise to the giant monster while you’re doing it. I knew Miskatonic was bad news. I said Miskatonic was bad news. If you end up lost in the ether of life or wherever the hell they lose people there will be hell to pay. I’ll probably get fired over it, so don’t get lost Levansque.

[percivalgravesaurorsquad]

No. NO. Hold on, let me rephrase that. Hell no, we are not getting him anywhere near that thing. And ditch that ritual, for everything that might be holy! He may know the Necronomicon forwards and backwards, but he once nearly got his brain boiled in his head, while bleeding from the eyes and going slowly insane because he insisted on gazing upon a Great Old One. Don’t ask. I didn’t want to know and I still don’t. There are some things in this world, or another, I want nothing to do with. I should mention he’s just a distant relative. Very distant. And craziness does not run in my part of the family, at least not to that extent. I don’t know anyone else who ever considered to challenge a soul devouring monster from another reality to a game of chess. Though he’s mostly harmless. He just has exactly no sense at all for preservation, be it for himself or others around him. @kit-levansque Levansque, I’d offer to get him in as a consultant because he is actually considered one of the European experts on these matters, but I think you can see why I would prefer not to. If there is anything else I can do to help, my office door is always open for you, you know that.

[am-graves]

Graham, for the sake of my ongoing sanity, please refrain from introducing Levansque to your cousin, however distant he may be. That being said, I think it’s probably best for his own safety if he stays on the other side of the world because if he has a propensity for gazing on things that make his eyes bleed then I hate to think what would happen if he got hold of any of the stuff Levansque hoards. Because no offense to your cousin, but he doesn’t sound the smartest cookie in the box.

Could you pass a message to him though if he’s a European expert? Has he heard anything circulating about Angell at all? Levansque thought he might have been held in stasis for unplanned time travel, but nothing’s come up on that front. Miskatonic have recently started sending my owls back with additional limbs and however much they apologise, I just can’t. It’s. It’s not right.

[am-graves]

[ It’s “Booky”, boss | read previous | read all ]

@kit-levansque​

You only get one, boss. Don’t push it.

I’m pretty sure there was a memo? But it would have been sent out at about the same time as the Johnson case, and we Don’t Talk About The Johnson Case. It would have been easy to overlook. Like I said, I go through Long-Term storage every so often and sort out the stuff that gets chucked in there; a lot of stuff I do end up kicking over to the actual Lost and Found - which, apparently, I am also running, since it’s nextdoor to Long-Term Storage, and I’m the only person I’ve ever seen there. Well, aside from the house-elves who clean once a week.

I don’t bother keep track anymore, boss, I just don’t. All I know is that there’s a sign on the door that says they’re open, and people go in and out of the door on a general basis. If you want to talk to them, be my guest - I avoid the DTA. They have some of the most offensive attitudes of anyone I’ve had the displeasure to meet, and I’d be seriously worried that they were planning a coup except they somehow seem to Obliviate each other every other week. Bloody Torchwood.

Boss, Weeping Angels are full-on psychopaths who would kill you as soon as look at you - literally. I have no idea if we have a local colony; you’d have to ask the DTA, and I do not interact with them if I can help it.

I’ll treasure it forever, Levansque. My one and only compliment, given in the Spring of ‘27. I’ll frame it.

Yeeeahhh, I think that was before you started making the important memos explosive. Your exploding memos are the only ones I ever read, because they’re the only ones that inflict bodily harm if I don’t. Oops.

We’re going for the Weeping Angels. Winter Quay, that’s apparently the place - I think? DTA seemed a bit skittish about telling me. It was weird; the girl I asked refused to tell me, then a klaxon went off, three people appeared to try and give her a message - one of whom I’m pretty sure was her identical twin - two more people appeared and tried to “temporarily remove my existence from the time stream” and finally the girl (who had somehow managed to dye and cut her hair in the interim and get her arm in cast) snuck me a piece of paper and told me she was sorry. So now I have to go, because what the fuck is actually going on here. What.

Weird people. I can see why you avoid them. But Winter Quay! It’s happening, as soon as I can get hold of Newt to invite him along. 

[am-graves]

viverridia replied to your post “Dear diary…”

All I can imagine is a Lisa Frank unicorn

but have you considered not

I CANNOT UNSEE

MAN DOWN. GRAHAM, AVENGE ME

[percivalgravesaurorsquad]

[[I am choking. I am crying. This is both hilarious and terrifying. What is this. WHAT IS THIS?!]]

I could call in Scamander. He should be perfectly able to handle that unicorn, maybe knows a way to put it out of its misery. And I’m sure he wouldn’t mind giving you mouth-to-mouth if you can hold on until then…unless you’re willing to pass up that chance and have me do the CPR. But I think I know which option you’d prefer…

AVENGE MODE ENGAGED! ONCE MORE UNTO THE BREACH,DEAR FRIENDS, ONCE MORE! YOU WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN, GRAVES, NOR WILL YOUR DEATH BY COLORFUL SPARKLY ABOMINATION BE IN VAIN! (slipping into an exaggerated Received Pronunciation) STIFFEN THE SINEWS, SUMMON UP THE BLOOD, DISGUISE FAIR NATURE WITH HARD-FAVOUR’D RAGE!

[am-graves]

[ I think it’s staring into my soul I’m scared to have this on my dash what the actual heck]

SEE THIS IS WHY YOU’RE THE SECOND IN COMMAND. AVENGE MODE APPROVED, GET INTO THAT BREACH AND –

Wait, what? death? Graham no - not dead yet - GRAHAM DON’T LEAVE HERE

AT LEAST SEND NEWT FOR THE MOUTH TO MOUTH FIRST

[percivalgravesaurorsquad]

[[I think I need to exorcise my dash to get rid of this…this thing. It might haunt me in my dreams tonight]]

Oh, c’mon. Just let me be dramatic for once. You do it all the time, it looks fun, so I just wanted to try. But fine, if you’re being like that, I’ll just sit down next to you and hold your hand until you’re feeling better.

…maybe staring at this dreadful hellspawn together helps easing the weird baloney? Or should we try more radical approaches?

[am-graves]

[here i was just innocently scrolling through my reblogs to find things I hadn’t replied to yet and the UNICORN CAME BACK so I share this with you again to haunt your dreams once more]

I am not dramatic thank you very much. I have entirely appropriate levels of response to whatever the situation is at any given time, so you can take your sarcasm and hand holding and shove it.

I think radical approaches are the only way forwards at this point. It’s got to have some sort of visual distortion up, an illusion or a perception filter or something. You know a good quick-release blindfold spell? If one of us gets behind it we can set a sensor field between us and use that to tell where it is while fighting blind.

[percivalgravesaurorsquad]

[[Why. Why did you have to do that? I almost had the sight repressed from my memory. Whyyyy.]]

No. Of course you’re not dramatic. Noooooo. Why would you be the most dramatic person I’ve ever met with your swishing coat and your scorpion pins and your glare and…nooo. Of course not. I don’t know how I could make that mistake, really. Did I hurt your feelings with that assumption? Because your reaction comes off a tad dramatic.

Mmmh. I’m going very basic now, but how about the obscuro charm? It can be released with a good old Finite if unmodified. Or do you think that would be too weak against something of this scale? Maybe a Mirror Barrier instead? Most spells coming to mind are aggressive, so they are out of the question.

[am-graves]

[ I refuse to suffer alone, that’s why, and you’re the lucky one chosen join me in my pain. Ahah. ]

… I refuse to dignify that with an answer. Whatever entirely reasonable response I give will be twisted into something completely different so that you can maintain your delusion that I’m dramatic. Instead of, say, stylish. Ever heard of style? It looks like boss coats and bitching scorpion pins, which are classic and timeless. Classic, Graham. And timeless.

Obscuro works; it’s basic enough that I can just overpower it to get the strength. Ok - you go behind, get a Mirror Barrier ready in case it turns around; I’ll take it from the front with an obscuro running. Wide-angle hexes from the front to keep it distracted while you take it down with precision spells from the back, yes?

Ok. You’re being my eyes, tell me where to aim. Do not make me walk into a tree, because however funny you think it might be, I can assure you it won’t be. 

Obscuro.

[am-graves]

[oops, going through activity in order and I didn’t see this one before answering the previous on so let’s just follow on]

snoozelolly replied to your post “viverridia replied to your post “Dear diary…” All…”

Maybe it’s an incredibly vain, incredibly colorblind thestral? Hence the instinctive unrest.

You tell me this now when I’ve just cast the blinding curse? Timing!

@elizabeth-graham​, wasn’t there some nutjob that tried to breed thestrals with unicorns a few years back? I believe they reported the experiment as a failure to carry foals to term but I have a sudden suspicion that they lied through their lying teeth.

Ok, new plan - thestrals hate bright lights and loud noises so I’ll distract with wide-angle hexes and fireworks while you take it down with precision spells from the back. You’re still being my eyes, though.

Starting with a roman candle, you ready?

[am-graves]

viverridia replied to your post “Dear diary…”

All I can imagine is a Lisa Frank unicorn

but have you considered not

I CANNOT UNSEE

MAN DOWN. GRAHAM, AVENGE ME

[percivalgravesaurorsquad]

[[I am choking. I am crying. This is both hilarious and terrifying. What is this. WHAT IS THIS?!]]

I could call in Scamander. He should be perfectly able to handle that unicorn, maybe knows a way to put it out of its misery. And I’m sure he wouldn’t mind giving you mouth-to-mouth if you can hold on until then…unless you’re willing to pass up that chance and have me do the CPR. But I think I know which option you’d prefer…

AVENGE MODE ENGAGED! ONCE MORE UNTO THE BREACH,DEAR FRIENDS, ONCE MORE! YOU WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN, GRAVES, NOR WILL YOUR DEATH BY COLORFUL SPARKLY ABOMINATION BE IN VAIN! (slipping into an exaggerated Received Pronunciation) STIFFEN THE SINEWS, SUMMON UP THE BLOOD, DISGUISE FAIR NATURE WITH HARD-FAVOUR’D RAGE!

[am-graves]

[ I think it’s staring into my soul I’m scared to have this on my dash what the actual heck]

SEE THIS IS WHY YOU’RE THE SECOND IN COMMAND. AVENGE MODE APPROVED, GET INTO THAT BREACH AND –

Wait, what? death? Graham no - not dead yet - GRAHAM DON’T LEAVE HERE

AT LEAST SEND NEWT FOR THE MOUTH TO MOUTH FIRST

[percivalgravesaurorsquad]

[[I think I need to exorcise my dash to get rid of this…this thing. It might haunt me in my dreams tonight]]

Oh, c’mon. Just let me be dramatic for once. You do it all the time, it looks fun, so I just wanted to try. But fine, if you’re being like that, I’ll just sit down next to you and hold your hand until you’re feeling better.

…maybe staring at this dreadful hellspawn together helps easing the weird baloney? Or should we try more radical approaches?

[am-graves]

[here i was just innocently scrolling through my reblogs to find things I hadn’t replied to yet and the UNICORN CAME BACK so I share this with you again to haunt your dreams once more]

I am not dramatic thank you very much. I have entirely appropriate levels of response to whatever the situation is at any given time, so you can take your sarcasm and hand holding and shove it.

I think radical approaches are the only way forwards at this point. It’s got to have some sort of visual distortion up, an illusion or a perception filter or something. You know a good quick-release blindfold spell? If one of us gets behind it we can set a sensor field between us and use that to tell where it is while fighting blind.

[percivalgravesaurorsquad]

[[Why. Why did you have to do that? I almost had the sight repressed from my memory. Whyyyy.]]

No. Of course you’re not dramatic. Noooooo. Why would you be the most dramatic person I’ve ever met with your swishing coat and your scorpion pins and your glare and…nooo. Of course not. I don’t know how I could make that mistake, really. Did I hurt your feelings with that assumption? Because your reaction comes off a tad dramatic.

Mmmh. I’m going very basic now, but how about the obscuro charm? It can be released with a good old Finite if unmodified. Or do you think that would be too weak against something of this scale? Maybe a Mirror Barrier instead? Most spells coming to mind are aggressive, so they are out of the question.

[am-graves]

[ I refuse to suffer alone, that’s why, and you’re the lucky one chosen join me in my pain. Ahah. ]

... I refuse to dignify that with an answer. Whatever entirely reasonable response I give will be twisted into something completely different so that you can maintain your delusion that I’m dramatic. Instead of, say, stylish. Ever heard of style? It looks like boss coats and bitching scorpion pins, which are classic and timeless. Classic, Graham. And timeless.

Obscuro works; it’s basic enough that I can just overpower it to get the strength. Ok - you go behind, get a Mirror Barrier ready in case it turns around; I’ll take it from the front with an obscuro running. Wide-angle hexes from the front to keep it distracted while you take it down with precision spells from the back, yes?

Ok. You’re being my eyes, tell me where to aim. Do not make me walk into a tree, because however funny you think it might be, I can assure you it won’t be. 

Obscuro.

[am-graves]

Levansque again. Does your bar stock cheap beer? For all that my spouse has an excellent grasp of alcohols, his own preference are a lot plainer then my own. With the week he's been having, it'd do him good to have a drink at a /real/ bar.

Cheap beer. As if life isn’t short enough.

… yes it does, because there are times when I just can’t be asked with fancy stuff. What kind does he like? And if he’s having a rough week, do you want me to get some pork scratchings or something? Pork scratchings make everything better.

[kit-levansque]

Apparently, he likes the kind of beer they serve in Czechoslovakia. Don’t ask me about specific brands, I don’t have a clue - actually, though, do you sell Absinthe? I feel the urge for an obscenely sweet drink myself.

Also, I asked, and he said thanks but no thanks to the pork scratchings. Not to his tastes, apparently.

[am-graves]

Absinthe isn’t a drink. It’s a potion. It causes strange bouts of creativity and the mother of all headaches. I’m lobbying to have it classified as an illegal substance.

And no pork scratchings? Not to his taste? Levansque, I don’t mean to question your choice in husband, but I’m having to make a very conscious effort not to question your choice in husband. Pork scratchings.

Czechoslovakian beers? Uh. I. Uh. Not at the moment, I think, but hang on. Holly, in your random and probably illegal collection of strange and esoteric alcohols, do you have anything from Czechoslovakia?

[am-graves]

psychopath-in-a-tardis reblogged your post and added:

KEEP NEWT THE FUCK AWAY FROM WEEPING ANGELS. THAT IS A NO. A BIG, FAT, NO. JESUS CHRIST. 

But. But they sound so perfect for him? Magical constructs that have gained sentience, a whole new form of defence - turning to stone when people look at them, what is this? How do they survive being stone, how do they turn back? They must have magic constantly running to detect when they’re being observed - and also how the hell can you detect when you’re being observed? How? Detect signatures in observation range, maybe, but that wouldn’t tell when something is actually looking at you. Mental field? Scanning for surface thoughts? 

Ahhhh I want to investigate, do you have any idea what we could do if we worked out how to replicate this? Think of it! Magical disguises that only activate when you’re in danger of being seen. Nomaj alerts that let you know if it’s safe to perform magic or not. Wards that only activate when someone approaches them - wards that are impossible to break because they turn to stone when you try to look at the rune bases.

Ok, this is happening. We’re going after the weeping angels. Decision made.

Anyone seen Newt around?

[am-graves]

prcivalgraves reblogged your post “prcivalgraves: kit-levansque: prcivalgraves: kit-levansque: …” and added:

Oh, Percival.

Of course I’m still angry.

Why on Earth would you like this horrible creature. Just. Why.

Stabby is not a horrible creature! He’s a poppet. Skrewts just have a teething stage, he’s getting used to his flamethrowers. How will he ever learn if he’s not allowed to use them? Besides, everything’s fireproofed now. It’s fine. It was one time and he won’t do it again.

[helveticaes-deactivated20180220]

Listen to me: if that monstrous thing crosses again the door I will order Ibrahim to set it on fire. Or even to eat it if he wants to.

[am-graves]

… this is probably not the best time to let you know that I converted the second bathroom into an enlarged stable for him? I’m working on the rest of the habitat, but I can’t find anything about what would be right for him. He’s part fire crab so that means tropical south pacific island, but part manticore means rocky greek mountains, and there’s kind of a difference between those two. So I got him a whole load of rocks and sand and even a couple of fleecy blankets and some potted plants, and he seems to like it so far. He tore one of the blankets up into little pieces for his nest, so that definitely means he likes it.

I’m trusting you with this information, Yassa. Don’t betray Stabby by letting Ibrahim eat him. 

[helveticaes-deactivated20180220]

Did you just-

Percival.

Calogrenant.

Graves.

You are a dead man walking.

[am-graves]

YASSA WHERE THE FUCK IS STABBY

WHY HAS SOME FUCKING TWERP FORGED A GOODBYE LETTER FROM HIM

BECAUSE I’M PRETTY SURE THAT STABBY HASN’T FLED TO RUSSIA TO FIND HIS TRUE CALLING IN THE BALLET SO WHERE THE FUCK IS HE

[am-graves]

So what if I were to tell you that Grindelwald has been seducing/flirting with Newt using your face?

He - what - no. No. He didn’t. Did he? He - I -

Apropos of nothing at all, would anyone happen to know where I can get a metal bucket, a large rat, and a set of magic dampeners? There’s someone I need to introduce to all three. If the rat is diseased that’d be grand, but I’m not picky.

Now. While that’s getting arranged, tell me what happened. Bullet point format if it makes it easier. Key points: did Grindelwald in any way hurt Newt or upset him, is Newt aware that was a bleached pineapple instead of the real me, and did the whole using my face thing work.

[am-graves]

Definitely not evil, don't worry! I'm just- curious, that's all. I like knowing things. And sometimes you need to fight fire with fire. On the note about the Blast- Ended Skrewts, well- Um- There will be two waiting for you at the carousel in Central Park on April 24, 1927, at 5 pm. Very sedated. Don't be alarmed by any flashes of light, portals, or strange smells. Time travel is messy.

Definitely not evil that sounds exactly like something someone evil would say. I’m on to you.

And - time travel? You have time travel at your disposal and forget the fact that it’s illegal in a big way you couldn’t have given me more than about fifteen minutes warning??? Also where the fuck did you get them from that you need portal based time travel what the actual fuck, that stuff’s only used for - for - you’d need to jump decades to justify a portal. What did you do.

But walk and talk, because someone can’t give a guy enough warning about when their time travel portals are going to open, so we’re going to do this at a run.

[am-graves]

[ Les Mousquetaires | read previous | read all]

elizabeth-graham:

kit-levansque:

prcivalgraves:

classicalcassiopeia:

kit-levansque:

@am-graves @prcivalgraves @classicalcassiopeia @percivalgravesaurorsquad

Well, that’s one good thing I’ve been able to find in this mess. The High Security Vaults are blood-locked - regardless of the shape that Grindelfuck was wearing, the wards would only have recognized the boss’s actual blood (fresh from the vein, no more then three seconds out of the body before it registers as invalid) and magical signature. More importantly, there are no records of him accessing the Vaults.

…I’m still going to need to do an inventory, but there’s a distinct possibility that the Fucker might not even have bothered trying to get in there. (Thank fuck.) Look, I’m probably wrong about this, but at a guess - he’s arrogant. He believes in the in-born power of magicals - the key phrase there is in-born. I get the impression that he believes very strong in inherent power, and the artifacts in the Vaults are representative of power outside of one’s self.

Plus, he’s a European snob who believes we’re all a bunch of backwater hicks who can’t possibly have anything all that powerful hidden away in our Vaults. 

In other news, I double-checked the Long Term Storage, and it looks as though the Fucker practically ransacked everything that could possibly be used for scrying. We’re short crystal balls, silver-backed and obsidian mirrors, bottles of ocean water collected at midnight on the full moon, time-locked heat-haze from the High Desert, and braziers stocked with sandelwood and myrth. It’s all replaceable, thank the gods.

Well, that’s something at least. Some of the shit rumoured to be in that vault - if it fell into his hands, well. I don’t wanna think about it. Thank God for European Snobbery eh?

I got some contacts I can hit up to try and get some divination stuff for you - I’ll have a look on the Market to see if he has flogged some of it or if he’s kept it for himself. That was high-grade stuff he took and would fetch a pretty penny to the right buyer. 

I guess he really is looking for someone - or something. At a guess, he used at least some of it to find that Obscurus kid ‘cause from what DMCW told me, they had no idea about the him before Grindelfuck got there. Seems a bit suspicious to me that they had no idea at all, I suspect obliviation and/or imperius on that front. Didn’t bring it up with them, god knows were all on edge enough right now without accusations of mind control and memory erasure running around. I don’t wanna be fired for real - how would I help then?

(Yassa listen to them with a growing feeling of anxiety.

Grindelwald.

The name sends her heart beating erratically. The man who trapped Percival, who hurt him… She shudders when she thinks about the state he was in when she found him. She can’t let that happen again. She can’t….)

I can help.

(Levansque and Delgado turns at the same time to her, as if they had forgotten her very existence.)

I- I can track him down.

(Yassa turns around and lift her hair, showing them her neck. Her khamsa  pulses with their magic and slowly open its eye, staring at them, before closing it and going dormant again. She turns back to the Aurors.)

His magic is dark and evil. With my khamsa I can track him down. That kind of magic leaves a trace.

(She sees Ibrahim scowling. She remembers what he told her: her khamsa is a channel, a bridge between her and people’s magic. And if she can reach out to Grindelwald’s magic, it also means that he can reach out to her. But the danger is too great now to take such things in consideration, Yassa reasons.)

Delgado, I’ve been in that damn Vault once or twice - mainly because they needed someone to do an inventory, and I can say with one-hundred-percent certainty that no, we do not want a genocidal maniac getting within a mile radius of it. Gave me literal nightmares for a week - I had to varnish out the damn hoofprints, and you would not believe the mess they made of my bathtub.

Thanks, I’d appreciate it. The divination stuff - it’s a pain, but it isn’t a priority; all of it can be replaced with time and effort, and frankly I’m more worried about what other little ‘surprises’ he might have left scattered throughout the Department. There are rumors going around that Grindelfucker is a Seer, so he might simply have taken advantage of the opportunity to re-stock on scrying necessities.

I’m frankly more worried about what else the DMCW might have missed - if they managed to miss one No-Maj born who was most likely one of the most powerful wizards born in the last century, what else did they miss? It’s why I asked you to try and get your hands on some of the stuff they use to identify magicals - look, Credence Barebones, the Obscurus kid? One of his adopted sisters is still alive. Modesty Barebones. She’s been Obliviated, couldn’t give us details if she wanted to, but - reading between the lines, there is a possibility that she might be a first-generation witch. I don’t have any proof, but - she’s in an orphanage now, and we at least owe it to the poor kid to be sure. 

We killed her brother, Delgado. We owe her.

Look, none of the options for breaking Obliviations are good ones. It’s either a long, complicated ritual that requires a lot of candles and invocations or - no, the latter isn’t an option. The really quick and dirty way would be to ask Goldstein the Younger to have a quick look - she at least would be able to say whether or not there was something going on with their heads. But I don’t think it would be fair to ask her, so - let me think about it, I’ll come up with something. 

Yassa, just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should do something. Theoretically, I could summon the Hounds of Tindalos - they could hunt down his trail. They could follow him backwards and sideways and in-between; they would not stop until they found him. They would also kill anything and everything in their way; the collatoral damage would probably be equivalent to a targeted hurricane hitting the city. I’d also be driven insane in under four minutes and probably be next on the menu, but I could do it. 

Every magic has its price. I’m not sure what yours would be, but judging by the way Ibrahim is jumping up and down, it’s something that he disapproves of. And if a literal djinn is against it, I’m betting it is - not that good. I’m not saying ‘no’ to your suggestion, but I’d really suggest you talk it over with the Boss first - you and he are pretty much brother and sister in all but actual blood.

Reminds me, I could probably draw up papers for you to mutually adopt one another as siblings, where did I leave my pen…

Right now, localizing Grindelwald is not our top priority, not officially anyway, so scratch that. Securing what he mus not access is much more important. We cannot contain him anyway, even if we managed to take him down again. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to get clearance for that right now. I’ve spent the last hour and a half trying not to yell at the ICW. Britain’s still blocking us off in every way they can and although Picquery is baring her teeth at them, she’s doing nothing to effectively counter them. And as long as we can’t officially go active, we have to build up our defense. We should not forget what Grindelwald is capable of if don’t pay enough attention. We had our wake-up call and should learn from that.

Delgado, I need you to double-check the whole department. Again, I know. We’re still compromised, had to take Jenkins in. He was caught knocking out one of Grindelwald’s guards and I don’t think he was the only one helping with the escape. I’ve got the Goldsteins and Scamander in my office under strict orders not to leave until we’ve got a safe place for them. They can’t just walk around in the open, that blond fucker is definitely one to hold grudges.

Also,,,Levansque, not to question your vast knowledge, but the boss brought up a valid point in a discussion he and I had some time ago. We never found a body. We don’t actually know if the obscurial is dead because we don’t know shit about obscuri. Do you think there is any way to get confirmation this long after the incident? Because if the boy is still alive, we have to find him before Grindelwald does.

Um. Hey, Graham. Long time no see. In person, at least. 

I... might have been hovering in the doorway for a while. You seemed to have things pretty in hand, but... There are some things you aren’t aware of. And there’s no easy way to say it, so...

Grindelwald’s orchestrating nomaj attacks on the wizarding world. Delgado, those KKK fuckers that had you, they way it didn’t make sense that the wizards were working with the racist nomajs? That was him. He set it up while he was - as me. He set it up as me. The south, you know we’ve all but lost the south, right? They’ve been closing offices over the past decade, Atlanta’s the only one we have left. We’re getting reports coming in of whole families being targeted by nomajs and we don’t have the people to send out to help them. Even - even here, in New York, there are nomaj hate groups that are suspiciously well informed and stirring up trouble. I wouldn’t be surprised if this obscurial was somehow connected; from what I’ve heard, it seems like he might be.

And not just America, he’s doing it all over. Yassa, when the French invaded - they went for the magic families, right? They had no way of knowing, they shouldn’t have known, but they targeted the magic families. No one knows what he’s doing in Germany, but it’s big; he’s laying the groundwork for something huge. And that’s just the larger scale stuff; he’s got propaganda spreading through the nomajs, rumours and “religion” and the whole fucking lot. A friend of mine in Britain, he said they’d had an upturn in child abuse cases from the nomaj families turning against magical kids. Hell, he’s managed to get Ireland and Turkey down into all out war to split them from the magical governments that could help their wizarding communities.

I know it sounds mad. I know it sounds counterproductive, believe me, I’ve had Picquery tell me enough times that I’m stark raving insane about this. But, he’s angling for support, isn’t he? Face it - how many of our people, our fucking people are starting to follow Grindlewald? They’d never have looked twice at him before Picquery tightened the nomaj laws. How many people were angry at the nomajs for abusing a kid enough to create an obscurial, how many people thought Picquery chose wrong when she tried to execute him?

He’s trying to make the nomajs attack us first so that he looks justified when he calls people to attack them back. Why else was he so obsessed with the obscurial? It’s power, sure, but he’s got enough of that - and as you say Levansque, he’s more interested in his own power than in commanding something else’s. Someone else’s.

If he’s after the artifacts, it’ll be to expose the wizarding world in some way - to expose our people who are vulnerable. Make them martyrs for his cause. It’s the only way he can see to push us to the war he wants.

[am-graves]

Holly here: should I give you some, ah, things I have for the treatment of alcohol poisoning? You know. Just in case you're ever tempted to try downing everclear grain alcohol, or something. I'm beginning to worry about you, Director Graves. We're only just getting to know each other, it would be a shame to lose you so soon.

Alcohol poisoning? Alcohol what - oh. You mean when you get all dizzy and your skin goes bluish and it’s hard to breath right? Nah, that’s fine. It usually goes away after a nap. Bit inconvenient though if the nap happens before you get home, but that’s life. Last time I drank that much I tried to apparate home because it was too far to walk and ended up in the middle of the Pacific. Had to get rescued by a nomaj fishing trawler which, let me tell you, was awful - seasickness and hangover? Not good. Not good at all.

But other than the surprise fishing trips, it’s all fine. Right?

[am-graves]

classicalcassiopeia:

kit-levansque:

classicalcassiopeia:

prcivalgraves:

classicalcassiopeia:

kit-levansque:

prcivalgraves:

classicalcassiopeia:

prcivalgraves:

classicalcassiopeia:

[ Les Mousquetaires | read previous | read all | previous replies clipped]

*Awkwardly returns fistbump and when Graves is gone, wipes eyes* 

 Right. Well. This apartment is a mess. 

 Yassa @prcivalgraves , can you make sure he actually takes the shower and doesn’t try to drown himself or something? And fish out a decent suit from his wardrobe, he needs to be in clean clothes and the right mind set for this. I’ll get on cleaning in here and make some breakfast. It might be the early morning but that’s the best time for planning. Is there anything you don’t eat? I was thinking eggs and toast.

‘Jesus there are a lot of bottles in here. I thought most of this was for the bar?! Well, the back room should be done by now so a portkey it is…there we go all the booze where is should be. That’s like half the room done. Huh…cleaning spells, polishing spells, silent vaccuuming.. My mamma would be fucking proud of me. Now, the kitchen. Does he have… Yes, there are the eggs and they’re even in date! Hallelujah. And some toast…bread has mold. Eww.’ 

 Yassa if I give you some money could you and your demon run to the store and get some fresh bread and butter? Here’s a twenty, go wild. Thanks so much kiddo, you’re a doll.

‘Right. Trash needs to go out…done. Dishes cleaned - gotta love magic. Why is it so fucking dim in here? Oh yes, it’s before dawn. Damn, I should really sleep. And @kit-levansque will be up fully any minute - ah well, I’ll patronus her to get her ass over here ASAP and damn the paperwork so that’s 4 for breakfast. And I’ll message Graham @percivalgravesaurorsquad as well, we definitely need her. That’s 5. The fabulous five. God, I need sleep soon. 

Ah the shower has cut off. Good timing. I ain’t gonna touch his room but hopefully Yassa was able to lay out one of his suits. Fuck this is gonna be awkward. I didn’t mean to snap and lose it but…I don’t regret it. I told the truth. I reckon I’m gonna have to say it a few more times, but it’s the goddam truth. He isn’t alone. He won’t be again. Not if we have anything to do with it.’ 

 Ah boss @am-graves, You’re looking much more…boss like. Here, have my razor, that beard does not suit you. Honestly your hair could do with a trim too, but hey, your the boss. I’m just saying that my mamma taught me the hair cutting charm. Breakfast is ready whenever Samia gets back from the store.

 [’.’ Is thoughts, cause I didn’t think it was clear without them.]

(Yassa comes back with the demanded bread.)

Ah! Percival! Are you feeling better? (turns to Delgado) And you, monsieur Delgado, need sleep. Eat your breakfast and then you can go rest a bit in my bedroom. I’ll take care of my morons here. (points Graves and Ibrahim)

Ahhh Samia, you’re a good kid. I’ll just- there we go, fried eggs and toast on the table, and a stasis spell for warmth…- yep done, there’s breakfast. Coffee is on the counter. Boss is gonna sulk in his room for a bit and then emerge his usual grumpy ass self. Levansque and Graham should be here in half an hour or so. I’ll set an alarm for then, your devil might deserve dealing with those three at this hour but you sure don’t. The food will stay warm till then. Just need a good nap and I’ll be right as rain.

Oh and Samia? May your God, Allah was it? Yeah. May Allah bless you. Be back soon. Just a little nap….

Allah is simply the Arabic word meaning “God”… But thank you, monsieur Delgado. I’ll take care of Percival while you’re sleeping.

@classicalcassiopeia​ @am-graves​

Delgado.

Listen up, Delgado, because I am only going to - no. No, fuck my innately introverted tendencies. I am not going to say this once. I am going to say this as often as I need to beat the information into your head.

Thank you.

Look, Delgadao, you know that sometimes I just Don’t Get People. People are weird. Books and paperwork - those make sense, but this needs to be said, so I’m honestly gonna give it my best shot here. What I’m trying to say is that while I don’t approve of what you did - drugging someone without their specific verbal agreement is not something I condone - the fact that I was so damn out of it that I didn’t automatically check for spells and potions is probably a pretty damn good indication that I needed to put down the paperwork and sleep. So. I don’t approve of what you did, but I appreciate it? Does that make sense?

I am just gonna return the favor now - Delgado, go home. Go home and hug your kid. The Boss is up and running again, I’ve had twelve hours of sleep, and the paperwork will wait. (Oh my gods, I can’t believe I just said that.) I’m perfectly capable of glaring people into submission, and yes, I walk patrol at least once a week, I know what I’ve doing. I probably won’t do it as well as you can, but I am competent. We can cover for you.

Delgado, you are irreplaceable. I am not kidding when I say that we would fall apart without you - you’re family, you stubborn, incredible man. You stood beside me at my wedding. You listen to me when I talk about alchemical matrices and the ongoing intersection of magic, theory, and the practical. You were the first person to contribute paperwork to my ongoing attempts to weaponize the stuff. And don’t think I haven’t heard you scolding the baby trainees when they badmouth the administrative staff.

You’ve been taking care of us idiots with more stubborness then common sense. Let us take care of you for a change. Please?

Jesus, Levansque I’ve just woken up, gimme a minute. … Yeah, yeah you make perfect sense. I know what I did wasn’t the best and I’m sorry ‘bout that. It’s just- you weren’t listening. And I know you, when you’re in the work headspace you don’t come out easy. I’m sorry for crossing that boundary though. I honestly just- I dunno what I was thinking. Just that you needed to stop, that you couldn’t carry on like this. We’re all stressed out, we don’t have time for burnout leave. And that’s what you were heading towards. I swear I’m gonna get home after we’ve made our plan and sleep, I’m no masochist, I don’t enjoy anything about pulling triple shifts. But my baby girl is at Mama and Papa Graves house and I’m not expected back till tonight so I will get this sorted then I’ll go grab her and get to sleep. If I go now though, it’ll only upset Mama and Papa cause they’ve been worried bout Boss too. And I wanna be able to tell them that he’s gonna be ok, or whatever passes for OK round here anymore. Don’t you worry bout me alright? And yeah I know perfectly well what you’re capable of, I’ve seen the Paperwork Curses. I’ll assign one of the rookies to you just for tonight, as a punishment. He tried to bully admin staff in Records and I won’t be having that. Mess him up a bit and put the fear of God into him, and this weeks coffee’s on me. Ah. Aw man. I dunno what to say, I, I- I love you too Levansque. You’re my family too. It was my honour and pleasure to be there for you, you know that. And I’m just being a good friend ya know? That’s what we do. I don’t always get what you’re saying but I can at least listen and offer my opinion when I do. Besides. Bullying anyone is not ok, the admin staff even less. You guys literally run the place, and I couldn’t do half the stuff I need to without you to help. So. You’re the real hero here Levansque. Don’t you forget it. I just help from the sidelines as you run the fucking world. Now, where’s @am-graves and @percivalgravesaurorsquad? We need to make a game plan for FUCKFACE Von Slichtenstein and how to fix MACUSA - so that I can sleep if nothing else.

Language! Why do you all have to come up with such colorful insults, is this a requirement for the job? Anyway, Percival’s sleeping. He fell on his bed while I was choosing him a tie and when I turned to him he was sleeping. I didn’t want to wake him up, I know he needs rest.

IBRAHIM: (cuts in) So you fools are planning on getting your heads cut? Why go to such complicated lengths? You could just ask me. I’m sure your brains are deli-

(embarrassed) Yes thank you for offering your help, Ibrahim, it’s appreciated. (turns to Delgado) So you’re planning a coup d’état? Isn’t- what’s his name again? Groundenwald? Greedwald?- isn’t that man already in prison? 

Samia. Kiddo. I’ve been swearing all my life, you can’t stop me now. Honestly, boss is way worse than us so yep, guess it really might be a requirement before hiring. And if anyone deserves the nickname Fuckface Von Slichtenstein then it is Grindy. Thanks for not waking boss though. I don’t reckon he’s been sleeping recently. And monkey - I heard that. Fuck off and eat someone else’s brains, I heard that The Crazy Englishman’s weird death parrot thing eats them too, you could start a club. Well, a coup is something I don’t know about. That’s more Graham and Levensques area, the politics and shit. I’ve just been focussed on the department, making sure everyone is back where they were before the Incident, persuading the people FuckFace fired to come back, tactfully re-demoting unqualified commanders and making sure shit is running day to day. However, before I came here I got bad news. Real bad news. It’s why I didn’t control myself and ended up upsetting boss and ranting and shit. Guys. All of you. @kit-levansque , @percivalgravesaurorsquad , @prcivalgraves. Gather round. And try not to punch me in the face. I know you’ll know when we go back in in a few hours but I heard from a contact who heard from their contact that there was a breach in Prison Security late last night. They’re trying to cover it up and uh, let’s tell boss when he’s got shit to break close by, but. Grindelwald is out. I am surprised we haven’t been summoned in yet. It’s only been a few hours. They might catch him again. But because of Britain’s fucking stalling us, he’s alive and out at large as of….three and a quarter hours ago. So, plan. Needed.

[ignore my earlier post, re-posting modified post here]

Oh fuck. We need to instigate Polyjuice Protocols - and yes, I fucking know that the official report says it was transfiguration, not polyjuice, but the checks and measures work the same either way. Delgado, no offense, but what did you give me for a wedding present? The Fucker probably won’t try the same trick twice, but we need - damn it, we need to bring the Goldsteins in. Both of them - Goldstein the elder for obvious reasons, and Goldstein the younger because she helped defy Grindelfuck, and That Fucker does not forget who slighted him. The same for Scamander Junior - oh dammit, the boss is going to explode.

Did you know that, technically, we’re in a state of war? It hasn’t been enforced in a few centuries, but it’s still in the legislature that any high-ranking official being impersonated by a foreign enemy combatant is the equivalent of a declaration of war against MACUSA. It requires verification by Congress, meaning right now our status is kind of undefined, but - during a state of war, the Director of Magical Law Enforcement and Magical Security gets access to emergency powers.

I don’t think we want to go that route. I really, really don’t think we want to do that, because it’s - fuck, Delgado, that’s the same damn justification Picquery used when she ordered the death of a kid. But I will bet you dollars to doughnuts that some other Director is going to realize our current status and try to leverage it for all it’s worth.

We are not overthrowing the government, Yassa, that would mean we’d actually have to try and run the damn thing ourselves. Besides, it’d be treason. Though - hm. We might be able to get Picquery impeached - she hasn’t exactly been all that popular recently, and - we’d have to run it by Grahm, she’s better at this stuff then we are.

Right now, the really big problem is what he did when he was pretending to be the boss. We don’t know everything that he set in motion, but the things I’ve been digging up - it’s pretty bad. Bad enough that we need an Anything That Can Go Wrong session. …and before you ask, Yassa, that’s when the senior staff sits down and makes a list of all the worst case scenarios we can think of before trying to figure out ways to keep them from happening.

It’s a game that we usually play with alcohol, but I think we’re all going to stick with coffee instead for this one. Real coffee. I still have some of the good stuff from Al Mokha left - it was a wedding present, in case you were wondering - and I’ll dig it out for this. We’re gonna need it.

I could use a gopher for an evening. I’ve been putting some more security measures on the filing cabinets, and I need to test them; it’s also so hard to find time to feed the books these days. You’ll get him back properly traumatized, have no fear. 

[just to finish this thread off…see Kits new one for continuation.]

Fucking hell. Well, I gave you the wardstones for your house for your wedding, loaded up as strong as I could make them. What about you?  What did you call me (cough*screamatme*cough) when I blew up your desk in the Great Office Supplly Battle of 1924?

I can get in contact with the Goldsteins on the down low, get them to come in, but Crazy Englishman? Crazy Englishman is harder to get ahold of. Maybe hijack the next date, if boss managed to get one. You can tell Boss that though. I will hide far away from the breakable objects and pray.

NO WAR. We can’t just fucking redeclare war to get Boss extra powers, are you mad? Who are we even at war with? I understand that sometimes you have to use the enemies tactics to win against them but if we look like tyrants then we will come out the worse for it. I can however, try to stir up some more support for Boss among the other departments. He was actually well trusted and respected before all of this, and while his rep has taken a hit with Grindelfuck wearing his face, sympathy levels have come way up. I reckon if he comes back more powerful and pissed off than ever, ya know, with the billow-y robes and that one evil death glare, then we could definitely curry some favour with the others. Directors get fucked, if you’ve got the people then you’ve got the people and most of them hate their own leaders for corruption or shit. Except MacBoon. But he won’t pick a side till it suits him and he is just fucking terrifying, so it doesn’t matter till its crunch time.

In any case we do need to know everything Grindelfuck has done - I know you’re doing that Levensque, but make sure to check the Vaults as well, there is some scary shit in there…

[and then Kit responds on the new thread? That way it is all tied up nicely.]

[percivalgravesaurorsquad]

Names have power

@am-graves @classicalcassiopeia @kit-levansque @prcivalgraves

[am-graves]

[ And last one, last one, but this is all of them together and isn’t it brilliant yes it is ]