Johnny Depp's lawyers accused Amber Heard of dragging their divorce out for attention, and trying to "extend her fifteen minutes of fame"
Itâs a disappointing truth that when a woman is saying things people donât like, and they run out of other arguments or never had any to begin with, thereâs always one last-ditch back-pocket accusation to try to discredit her: she loves attention.
A desire for attention is an oddly gendered insult. You rarely hear about men needing attention. And if you do, in the extreme casesâthe Trumps, the Milosâwanting attention isnât their crime. Us giving them attention is whatâs always being criticized in those cases. Women, though? Our mere presence can be seen as an insult. How dare we waste the time of the people forced to hear our thoughts and opinions and even just our voices? Thereâs a reason why âattention whoreâ is such a common term. When it comes to women, attention is often viewed as the currency weâre after, and weâre getting it by embarrassing ourselves by oversharing things (read: opinions, words, the sight of our faces) no one asked for. Even, if not especially, when they very much were asked for.
The latest accusation of attention-grabbing (outside of Twitter, where Iâm sure 100 women have been told theyâre seeking attention since you started reading this sentence) comes from the perpetual garbage fire that is Johnny Depp and Amber Heardâs divorce settlement.
The divorce has been dragged out in the public eye for nearly eight months. Heard filed for divorce in May of 2016 and revealed the abuse sheâd suffered when with Depp. Depp and his lawyers tried to paint her as an attention-craving gold digger. It doesnât matter that the image has no apparent basis in realityâsettling quickly and donating your entire sum to charity doesnât exactly support the need for attention or the moneyâbut negative perceptions of famous women rarely do.
Last summer, when Depp was dragging his heels and refusing to pay the settlement, why didnât people see that as an attempt to stay in the limelight? What about when, instead of paying her directly, he donated the amount directly to the charities sheâd announced sheâd be supporting? How was that not viewed by the entirety of all humans as a blatant grab at our praise and attention (as well as a significant tax break)?
But no. Depp and his lawyers continued to shout attention whore. And for a lot of people reading (and writing) those headlines, it worked. Because weâre constantly being conditioned to see women through that lens.
Depp hasnât been paying the settlement installments they agreed upon, so she filed a Request for Order, asking the judge to force Depp to pay, as well as requesting he pay her growing legal fees. Which is now being painted as an âattempt to get more from him than they agreed in their divorce settlement.â You know, typical gold digger stuff! Which Deppâs lawyer, incredibly, pretty much just came right out and said.
Johnnyâs lawyer, Laura Wasser, says Amberâs move is âa blatant attempt to extend her fifteen minutes of fameâ and âan embarrassing grab for additional and unwarranted attorneyâs fees.â
âFifteen minutes of fame.â âEmbarrassing.â This is familiar language, Iâd guess, for all women. When it becomes clear you wonât back down or apologize or concede, itâs viewed as a baseless quest for attention. Thereâs no dirtier tactic or more surefire way to guarantee no one takes you seriously. Itâs upsetting that it works so well. Itâs a clear and pathetic last resort, but it does work in the eyes of public perception. No matter how loudly a man demand eyes on him, waste a womanâs time, insults her, denies her what she was promisedâthe âattentionâ card is a go-to game ender. Itâs lazy and groundless, so donât be afraid to call people out when they go to it.
âI witnessed my friend Amber Heard go through the most devastating period of her life as her marriage ended last year. What I saw was not what the rest of the world saw. I simply could not fathom the level of vitriol and aggression that was aimed at her by paparazzi and online trollsâand how that almost broke her spirit. As a photographer there are times when I have to decide if itâs appropriate to invade a moment with my camera. This was one of those times. I shot this photograph in Amberâs apartment, where she was with the small group of women whoâd been by her side during the chaos, just after she learned that her divorce had finally been settled. It was a moment of joy, relief, and sadness all in one.â - Amanda de Cadenet (Glamour magazine)
A commander and a scavenger walked into this list.
1. Alycia Debnam-Carey
2. Daisy Ridley
3. Eliza Taylor
4. Jennifer Lawrence +4
5. Margot Robbie
6. Kate McKinnon
7. Gillian Anderson
8. Zendaya â7
9. Emma Watson â3
10. Kristen Stewart â5
11. Carrie Fisher
12. Sophie Turner
13. Cate Blanchett
14. Emilia Clarke
15. Scarlett Johansson â11
16. Leslie Jones
17. Lana Parilla +3
18. Amber Heard
19. Bella Thorne
20. Elizabeth Olsen
The number in italics indicates how many spots a name moved up or down from the previous year. Bolded names werenât on the list last year.
Ryder is the latest in a long line of Depp associates to discuss how domestic abuse seems out of character for him. But all these stories are drowning out the one that matters.
In a Time interview published on Monday, Winona Ryder offered her thoughts on the abuse allegations that have been leveled against her former boyfriend of three years, Johnny Depp.
Ryder, who started dating the actor in 1990, was tellingly asked to comment by a reporter whose âeditor would kill me if I had you here and didnât ask you about the recent allegations.â The Reality Bites star, who was 17 when the relationship began, insisted that it was âa very, very long time ago.â She continued, âI can only speak from my own experience, which was wildly different than what is being said. I mean, he was never, never that way towards me. Never abusive at all towards me. I only know him as a really good, loving, caring guy who is very, very protective of the people that he loves.â
While the â90s icon repeatedly stressed that she could only speak to her own experienceâcareful wording allowing for the fact that two women can have vastly different interactions with the same manâher lengthy response is already being reduced toanother defense of the accused.
The mediaâs clear intention to tally up the experiences of Deppâs exes, and to confuse âhe didnât do it to meâ with âhe didnât do it,â is hardly unbiased. Relaying the stories of women like Winona Ryder and Vanessa Paradis conveys an undeserved assumption of innocence. The narrative has been one of bolstering a defense, of fact-findingâas if you need to have a history of abuse to be an abuser, or as if a victimâs testimony (let alonepictures of her bruised face) arenât proof enough.
Boiling this case down to a list of exes and allies who support Depp and/or donât believe his ex-wife, Amber Heard, is anything but fair coverage. In an effort to report every facet of the story, Heardâs gruesome accusation that, âDuring the entirety of our relationship, Johnny has been verbally and physically abusive to meâ has been buried under the victim-blaming rhetoric of Depp supporters, many of whom are literally on the movie starâs payroll.
Doug Stanhope, whoâs currently peddling a book with a forward written by Jonny Depp,insisted that the allegations were âbullshit,â and that Heard was a blackmailer and a manipulator; The Wrap proceeded to publish this unsubstantiated gossip as if it were actual news. Deppâs personal bodyguards, unsurprisingly, refuted Heardâs story. Terry Gilliam, who has frequently directed Johnny Depp and is a close friend of the actor, posted, âLike many of Johnny Deppâs friends Iâm discovering that Amber is a better actress than I thought... if only the âbruiseâ would stay in one place.â Benicio Del Toro, who worked with Depp on Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, admitted that he didnât âknow the specificsââbut that didnât stop him from sharing what he did âknowââthat âthereâs a lot of trouble from the girl that sounds a little manipulative. It sounds a little bit like thereâs something really twisted about that girl.â
Of course, you canât throw a rock at an abuse allegation without hitting a diehard bro apologist. Equally, if not more disheartening, are the responses of the Hollywood elite who donât care about maligning Amber Heard, so much as they care about protecting the status quo. Take Disney CEO Bob Iger, who told The Hollywood Reporter that he was ânot worried aboutâ the allegations, because âwe have Jack Sparrow.â Igerâs confidence that abuse allegations against the celebrity wouldnât touch his personal profit margins isnât unfounded. From Christian Slater to Chris Brown to Charlie Sheen, a myriad of male stars have managed to maintain their careers in the face of egregious accusations. And while Bill Cosby has finally been stripped of his Teflon reputation, itâs almost comical how high the victim count had to be, and how clearly the assaults had to fit into a textbook definition of rape, in order to get any sort of media traction. It took decades as a serial rapist for Cosby to be tried in the court of public opinion, let alone found guiltyâa rare example of a male celebrity paying any sort of price for assaulting a woman. If Bill Cosby is the standard of culpability, then what chance does one woman stand against a Hollywood heavyweight, armed with a singular story of domestic abuse?
Just ask Amber Heard. The actressâs decision to share her story, which could have been a step forward for the widespread acknowledgment of this perpetually underreported crime, has only served to illustrate the perils of speaking up. The icky rhetoric that surrounds this case could be found under the dictionary definition of victim-blaming. But while lazy celebrity journalism isnât a crime, itâs no laughing matter. A 2016 study of celebrity domestic violence cases found that media coverage regularly included âvictim-blaming statements⊠failed to contextualize domestic violence as larger social problem, and commonly portrayed domestic violence as a coupleâs problem.â Additionally, âWhen reporting on white male celebrities, articles are 2.5 times more likely to make excuses for their behavior, suggesting there was mutual violence or pointing to drug addiction and inebriation as mitigating circumstances.â That means E! News headlines like âJohnny Depp Never âLaid a Handâ on Amber Heard While Soberâ and âWhy Amber Heard Finally Left Johnny Depp: âHis Problems Got the Best of Him,â Source Says.â
While opinion pieces like Doug Stanhopeâs paint Depp as the victim of false accusations, these articles allege that Depp fell victim to his own demons. Both takes ignore the real victim, Amber Heard, and scrub the alleged crime of any trace of deliberate wrongdoing or criminality. But while these narratives allow for the possibility that Depp is ultimately innocent, even if he hit his wife, Heard isnât granted this degree of good faith. Instead, articles are riddled with subtle accusations that the actress is to blame for her own abuse, from The Mirrorâs claim that âJohnny Deppâs Marriage to âAlpha Femaleâ Amber Heard Was Destined to Fail,â to Hollywood Lifeâs shady interrogative, âDid Amber Heardâs lesbian friends have an impact on her marriage?â The relentless inclusion of Heardâs bisexuality in the coverage of her divorce intimates, sometimes overtly, that her sexuality triggered Deppâs distrust, and eventually drove him to violence. Referring to Amber Heard as Johnny Deppâs âbisexual wifeââas opposed to, you know, using her real nameâcontributes to her casting as an archetype, a sexually promiscuous, lying manipulator. Tragically, given the A-list status of the man she was brave enough to call out, this may be the last big role Hollywood will ask Heard to play.
This story shouldnât be about Heardâs bisexuality, unless itâs to draw attention to the fact that bi women are at a far greater risk of experiencing intimate partner violence than their straight counterparts. It shouldnât be about how great of an ex-boyfriend Johnny Depp is, or how much his daughter loves himâalthough, if we insist on this approach, letâs talk about how Depp spent a few hours in jail after getting into a hotel room brawl with then-girlfriend Kate Moss, and has a history of being âjealous beyond words.â
If weâre going to talk about something other than the actual facts of the case, or Amber Heardâs story in her own words, then letâs talk about our shared culpability in a culture of victim-blaming. Instead of just being shocked and outraged when the Brock Turnerâs of the world donât get their comeuppance, letâs talk about how our refusal to treat allegations with good faith means that victims often feel like theyâre the ones being punished. Letâs talk about the myth of false allegations, and the fact that one in four women will be victims of severe violence by an intimate partner in their lifetimes. Instead of drumming up a defense that fails to actually exonerate another famous man, letâs consider that only 25 percent of physical assaults perpetrated against women are reported to the police. And why would they come forward, given the cold reception that Amber Heard, an incredibly privileged, famous white woman, received?
Bearing witness to the abusive relationships of others
I am haunted by the photograph of Amber Heard sobbing in her car after leaving the courtroom where she was granted a restraining order against Johnny Depp. I see her hand in front of her open mouth, eyes squinted shut, cheeks shiny. She appears to be gasping. In the past week, the vision of Heardâs face has accompanied me through everything I have done. The photo hurts. I have cried those same tears.
I believe Heard. Her story is too familiar for me not to. I was not married to a celebrity, nor was I a supermodel. My abuser and I were decidedly average. Still, like Depp, my abuser was beloved by nearly everyone who knew him. My abuser was a man who was regarded as kind and gentle, who was always willing to help those in need, who listened more than he talked, who offered hugs freely, and who knew how to make everyone around him feel special.
None of those characteristics kept him from hitting me, but they did keep other people from believing me.
In many ways, my abuser was more likable than I was, so when he was arrested for domestic battery, it was a shock to those who knew us both. I had carefully protected himânot out of some kind of ulterior motive, but out of love. Hope was a drug that kept me tethered to the man who hurt me. Hope was a drug that was hard to kick. I imagined that the moment that Heard was granted that restraining order, she had to give up hope that she could be with the man she loved.
This is why it is so difficult for me to observe the way the media and the American public are talking about Heard. Many of the things that have been said about her were also said about me. I am part of a community of survivors, and we are hurting. The things we are hearingâthat she is manipulative and opportunistic, that she didnât get along with his family, that she was the abusive oneâhurt us because we have already heard it. We heard the same stuff when we left our own abusers. The narrative remains unchanged.
Time passes, wounds heal, and people move on, but some things never stop hurting. For me, and so many other survivors, being blamed for our abuse will never stop hurting.
I could list the other ways that my story resembles Heardâs. That, although my abuser was arrested, I did not want to press charges. That I was more interested in protecting him and our privacy than I was in protecting myself. That the police did not look for injuries when they first arrived at my home. That the police failed to recognize the extent of my suffering. That, although the police did eventually discover my injuries and had to arrest him, I never felt that they had any protective motivations. That there were far more incidents in the history of my marriage where the injuries were not visible. That bruises, so often, do not materialize until the next day. That the moment I left my abuser was not triumphant; rather, it was a moment of face contorting tears. That I, too, smiled in the days after I left, but not because I was happy. I smiled because, by then, I knew how to smile through suffering.
There are many other resemblances that I could list, but I am no longer interested in asserting my legitimacy as a victim. Instead, I am interested in asserting my value as a human who deserves to believed, in asserting the value of all of usâthe quarter of all women in the United Statesâwho have experienced domestic violence.
There is a scene in the movie Room where the grandfather keeps his head turned away from his grandson. The grandfather cannot bear to look; he squints his eyes shut, so that he does not have to be a witness to that pain. The grandfatherâs refusal to look is an act of cowardice. In order to bear witness, we must look. Bearing witness means acknowledging what has happened, that it is unequivocally wrong, and that it was not the victimâs fault. Bearing witness hurts, but is necessary. It is necessary for Heard, it is necessary for me, and it is necessary for the millions of other survivors of domestic violence in our country. We need you to open your eyes. We need you to look at us. I tell myself that, when you see us, things will change. I tell myself that, when you see us, youâll finally believe us.
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