amber + camera

友達が大好きです!

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instazine

www.instagram.com/p/DPNOphCAF1S/ trying to make some little digital zines and collages again~ missing blogging and design. got so discouraged about Al and realized i don’t care. i can still make my silly art. AND do any of you still blog or have websites? for a bit i was obsessed with #neocities ~ nothing hits like the early internet days.

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Welcome Way: Retro, Charming Getaway in Coloma, Michigan

Welcome Way: Retro, Charming Getaway in Coloma, Michigan

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interesting that when i talk, i barely speak, but when i write, i say so many things that are unnecessary.

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i never never never thought i would do this but i wanted to work outside the house a bit~ working inside the house can get lonely and difficult to stay on task. “i have all day to finish that website so i can clean the kitchen now… i’ll have time.” theres not really a community unless i pay to join a coworking place.

but yet most in-person jobs in my field (art/design/marketing) are full time. or at least more time than i have. my #1 priority is being there for my kids before and after school, organizing, cleaning, cooking.

i’ve been dog/cat sitting for many years now on the side (animals are my fave), but recently i started volunteering at beas school last year. i still enjoy helping there but i wanted to add some paid things also! and i’ve began guest teaching at colette’s school as well as have taken on a one-on-one client i’m supporting.

i’m still doing design but i’m mostly trying to stick with commissions these days vs designing things for other people. i love commissions—they’re paying for MY style. but i also love clients that are a good fit~

i’m not sue if it’s adhd but i can’t stand the 9-5. it drove me so mad doing it, the 9-5 office life. i was not medicated for my adhd ar that time so maybe that’s why. i couldn’t stand the high-stress, micromanaged monotony. i would rather work at home than that. but after working at home for 15 years…? i’m ready to add back in more jobs that feel right. getting paid to help pets and people is a dream. they are very part time which gives me time for my girls, david, and my remote work.

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What Do I Do if a Bat Gets in my House?

Well. It happened. A bat got in my house. And not just one bat, but two. And one of them? It spent the night with us, tucked away somewhere in the house, without me having a clue until I woke up to find it screeching and swooping in our hall at 3am. Poor baby. And poor us, namely my ocd and anxiety. I’ll admit, my first reaction was panic, followed by a wave of “how do I get this beautiful…

What Do I Do if a Bat Gets in my House?

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Creative Acts of Kindness: Scavenger Hunts And Caches

I simply enjoy these creative acts of kindness and scavenger hunt-style activities that involve inspiration, connection, and surprise. They’re meant to bring a little joy to others through small, colorful creations hidden in public places. I wanted a place to list all of these types of activities as well as offer an opportunity for visitors to leave notes about found items! My daughters and I…

Creative Acts of Kindness: Scavenger Hunts And Caches

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The Indiana State Fair in Indianapolis

The Indiana State Fair in Indianapolis

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Orange Cola by CokesZooka

So my daughter, Colette, has finally released a song with her signing and I am obsessed. She has sang, wrote lyrics, and composed music since she was 5. I have always been proud of her but her growth these days is insane.

Orange Cola by CokesZooka

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Is this thing still on?

Is this thing still on?

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i’m sitting upstairs, reading, looking at the gloomy sky peeking right outside my window. working up the courage to take a walk without the sunshine. slightly irritated that my phone is frozen and won’t update.

from the hallway, colette’s chill and ambient sleep music plays in waves as the peach blossoms sway in the chilly breeze.

everything’s OK.

and everything is going to be fine.

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i’m in a web of grief. there are moments of pure joy and a gorgeous, saturated wonderland lays before me, others it’s cold, gray, and i just focus on doing the next right thing. there are so many beautiful things alongside the hurt.

i meticulously planned each of my girls against all odds. at 25 i wanted to have a baby with my husband but i was always told i couldn’t carry/have kids based on biological reasons. when i did finally get pregnant, after all the issues staying pregnant with her, i was told i couldn’t have kids yet again.

after my husband got a reversal, and i lost a pregnancy, i became pregnant with my second daughter. almost 5 years ago now.

now that my dear family friend (that helped raise me and taught me unconditional love) has passed, i feel a deep sadness and regret. i wish covid hadn’t happened and i could have visited more. i wish i didn’t have to start my life all over from scratch, homeless and depressed even before covid. after years of isolation, i forgot about all of the people that i loved. the people that loved me. i suppose it made it easier to survive through that stretch of time. it’s much less painful if you really have no one else.

i now know i have a lot of someone elses. and it’s totally normal that humans need that. it’s important and it’s beautiful.

so i am feeling thankful for my daughters. we are each here together and that is truly my dream come true. and it’s ok to be sad at the same time because i hate imagining a life without my friend that passed.

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what’s yours?

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i’ve been a little MIA lately… any time my regular schedule is changed, like for a trip, school break, etc, i get so behind. every exciting project i’ve been obsessing over gets forgotten. something about object permanence. then i have to start all over and it takes awhile to get back into my routine.

relatable? adhd thing? i’m not sure.

as a side note, i just made a full page of logo variations for a client and my illustrator crashed. this never happens. eek.