ā Ā letās just say some brutal murders happened in there which would lends itself into being haunted. Ā ā
ā Ā give that baby a ball. Ā ā
ā Ā why is it only people who get murdered? why doesnāt someone who choked on a peanut get a ghost? Ā ā
ā Ā you know, people donāt like their stepmothers.Ā ā
ā Ā so you think like 90% of people who have stepmothers are like āaw, my stepmother⦠iād love to bury an axe in her face.ā Ā ā
ā Ā that is fucking awful. Ā ā
ā Ā thatās strange because, if your pa is laying there, his head turned into blood oatmeal, and you hear ma come in, youāre probably not just like, āoh, i wonder what sheās up to today.ā youāre probably like, āhey ma, you should probably come here.ā not just, āoh i wonder if sheās gonna go take a little nap.ā Ā ā
ā Ā iāve got a life-changing thing to tell you here. Ā ā
ā Ā we should probably give her a little holler. Ā ā
ā Ā i mean, maybe sheās just thinking back on the good old mutton days. Ā ā
ā Ā it reminds me of downton abbey a little bit. itās very proper. Ā ā
ā Ā i feel like a little fancy little lord in this room. Ā ā
ā Ā iām not doing this because i want to steal. Ā ā
ā Ā iām doing this because i want to give the ghosts significant reason to haunt me. i want them to be upset with me. Ā ā
ā Ā i stole from you, you hear me?! Ā ā
ā Ā coolā¦.. thatās pretty⦠cool. Ā ā
ā Ā if people were already like, āwe think you murdered themā iād be like, āfine, i guess iāll spend their money.ā Ā ā
ā Ā iād like to see you put on a dress from that time periodā that came out weird, i couldāve worded that better. Ā ā
ā Ā weāre sleeping here. we canāt even run away! Ā ā
ā Ā sheās gonna kill us tonight. Ā ā
ā Ā come on, buddy. times-a-tickinā. show up. murder us. be the first ghost to murder someone in history. weāll get it on film. youāll be famous. Ā ā
ā Ā just say something. you donāt have to get violent. Ā ā
ā Ā those are four pieces of circumstantial evidence that make him just as much of a suspect, in my mind. Ā ā
ā Ā both of them seem dubious as hell, thatās all iām saying. Ā ā
ā but you know me⦠iām a fan of conspiracy theories. Ā ā
ā Ā i was gonna say this doesnāt seem that crazy to me. Ā ā
ā Ā wait, are we agreeing right now? Ā ā
ā Ā iām not saying ghosts are real, iām just saying. Ā ā
ā Ā can you imagine if you got sleep paralysis in this room? Ā ā
ā Ā why would you fucking say that right before weāre about to sleep? Ā ā
ā Ā dude, why would you say that? you know one of my greatest fears is a face staring at me through the window. Ā ā
ā Ā even if we get possessed tonight, we can have a nice brewski after. Ā ā
ā Ā well, iām just trying to distract myself now. Ā ā
ā Ā the late 1800ā²s was peak ghost time. 90% of ghosts are from that era. Ā ā
ā Ā you never really hear about a ghost from 2010 or so thatās wearing like a flannel and ripped jeans or some shit like that. Ā ā
ā Ā theyāre followed by doom. Ā ā
ā Ā theyāre really just getting boned by fate now. Ā ā
ā Ā do you think because you believe in all of this stuff that you have a higher chance of being a ghost? Ā ā
ā Ā iād be a pleasant ghost. iād like pour people tea and stuff like that or iād do chores around the house and iād tip my hat and iād tap dance out of the room. Ā ā
ā Ā right, doesnāt that sound great? wouldnāt you like to be haunted by me? Ā ā
ā Ā this is the sorrowful room. do you feel sorrowful in here? Ā ā
ā Ā iām fine with not talking too much to he because she scares me. Ā ā
ā Ā i feel a little bit like iām being watched, but i donāt mind it. Ā ā
ā Ā oh fuck, dude. i feel really weird all the sudden. Ā ā
ā Ā i donāt feel particularly strange, itās just not a great chair. Ā ā
ā Ā now thatās just rude. Ā ā
ā Ā itās kinda just a dick thing to do. Ā ā
ā Ā how do you arrest a ghost? you canāt. Ā ā
ā Ā you better watch out or the ghost of yankee jim will give you some taffy. some folks say they hear him playing a jolly little kazoo tune in the middle of the night. Ā ā
ā Ā heās not a ghost. thatās not a spooky enough name. Ā ā
ā Ā if i were him, iād haunt this place. Ā ā
ā Ā letās do it before i change my mind. letās just do it. Ā ā
ā Ā watch your language! Ā ā
ā Ā well, youāre not a man of your word. Ā ā
ā Ā itās a nice sunset. enjoy it, itās the last one youāre ever gonna see. Ā ā
ā Ā you donāt think āthe grey ghostā is a pretty cool nickname? Ā ā
ā Ā right, yeah, itās a haunted ziplock bag. Ā ā
ā Ā before that toothpaste hit the floor, i didnāt believe in ghosts. i thought this was all b.s. Ā ā
ā Ā i swore iād never return, but here i sit, like a freakinā idiot. Ā ā
ā Ā who stores laundry detergent in a gin bottle, though? Ā ā
ā Ā by the way, i have a bottle of whiskey in my room if you wanna go drink it. Ā ā
ā Ā that just fucking cut through that thing like a hot butter patty. Ā ā
ā Ā āughā? thatās all you gotta say about that? Ā ā
ā Ā boats are tough, yaāknow? itās not an easy life, the boat life.. Ā ā
ā Ā are you scared right now? Ā ā
ā Ā youāre not fucking scared right now? Ā ā
ā Ā could it have been my imagination? of course. could it have been a spirit? well, maybe. Ā ā
ā Ā i just think itās embarrassing for them to drown in a pool⦠on a boat. Ā ā
ā Ā it looks like itād be pretty easy to get crushed to death here. Ā ā
ā Ā a little seamen lubrication, huh? cāmon, that was funny. Ā ā
ā Ā do i feel strange right here? yep, i donāt like it. Ā ā
ā Ā okay, now iām starting to get scared again. Ā ā
ā Ā youāre really gonna hate this. Ā ā
ā Ā i have a feeling iām really gonna hate this. Ā ā
ā Ā youāre gonna lose your mind. Ā ā
ā Ā they laughed and told me i was an idiot to my face. Ā ā
ā Ā i donāt think weāve ever attempted something more idiotic than this. Ā ā
ā Ā did you just fart? you piece of shit. Ā ā
ā Ā oh crap, iām starting to psych myself out again. Ā ā
ā Ā i donāt know what you did. iām angry again. Ā ā
ā Ā what the fuck? itās morning. Ā ā
ā Ā sheās a beaut. youāre a beautiful lady. i love your bones. Ā ā
ā Ā alright, approach it with an open mind. letās get started. Ā ā
ā Ā so this is just a bunch of hobos and rapscallions who were meeting down by the train tracks? Ā ā
ā Ā 28% of people believe in the existence of a new world order. Ā ā
ā Ā 28% of people probably believe that the sun moves around the earth. Ā ā
ā Ā well, i donāt have any scientific polls for that, so⦠ ā
ā Ā iām just sayinā people are dumb! Ā ā
ā Ā thatās not creepy? that didnāt make your spine tingle a little bit? Ā ā
ā Ā oh, i canāt wait for that parade of other āexpertsā youāve got lined up. Ā ā
ā Ā 4% believe that lizard people control our societies. Ā ā
ā Ā xeroxing is not how cloning works! Ā ā
ā Ā what are you, a clone expert now? Ā ā
ā Ā i donāt believe you. iāll fucken look it up right now. Ā ā
ā Ā he looks like he just pooped his pants. Ā ā
ā Ā the name of their child, blue ivy, has been interpreted to stand for āborn living under evil illuminatiās very youngest.ā Ā ā
ā Ā so this has just moved to⦠like, frat-level hazing? Ā ā
ā Ā i am not in the illuminati, she is not in the illuminati⦠you may be. Ā ā
ā Ā by the way, if the illuminati is a real thing, the fact that they have a public relations director⦠fucking amazing, right? Ā ā
ā Ā iām not saying that thereās lizard peopleā ah, fuck, i guess that is what iām saying. Ā ā
ā Ā what the hell are you talking about? youāre making this all up. Ā ā
ā Ā what the fuck are we doing here? Ā ā
ā Ā get our little detectives hat out. Ā ā
ā Ā is this all in our mind? Ā ā
ā Ā this could be the most elaborate delusion of all. Ā ā
ā Ā these are true crime serial killer trading cards. Ā ā