am gurd i prumiss

29, F I S H M A N, AZ. Untrusting of left-handed women. Women hate-follow me. Helen Keller Denier. NOT BALD!!! PROFESSIONAL white knight. Californians and New Yorkers DNI. I will use my eventual degree in physics to prove that the Earth is flat. Basically an NHL scout. I am the next Fergie. Oppressor of the Shorts (men under 6'1" and women under 5'6" DNI). Anti-cheesecake. ALL SIX FOOT THREE INCHES OF SOLIDIFIED SEXY. Currently on the hunt for the Scroll of Napoleon to turn anyone into a white manlet for the rest of their days. I will wed Carrie Underwood and anyone who reads this is an accomplice.

[amgurd]

EVERY day on God’s green flat Earth I am haunted by the St. Louis bagel

[sailatina3]

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

i have a false tooth filled with a placebo in case i'm ever captured and need to be a control subject

[vfeioa]

[thisisdaddyspage]

Show daddy that nice picture again

[filthinfatuated]

[sludgebitch]

"🥪" is shorthand for "🍞🧀🍅🥬🍞"

[sludgebitch]

can you people stop reblogging this my notes look like lunchtime

[stupidpetface]

[supreme-leader-stoat]

This is a vent post, feel free to ignore

[kawaii-pastaaaa]

@amgurd

[hungwy]

We genuinely need to kill and eat anyone who likes music

[catcrumb]

[mark-gently]

NDA stands for Non't Dalk Aboutit

[littlemut]

oh for sure

[sovietnam]

[sergal]

my favorite mashup emoji is this one and i wish it was real so bad

[coastal-mangos-one]

[xquisitedeadguy]

the other day I saw a woman distracted driving using the calculator app

[sashthesloth]

The court jester has arrived

[chloematis]

Tell us a joke little guy!

[loulooser]

Can’t wait to not sleep at all on September 11th

[spinostarz]

i know ur from the uk(?) but reading this as an american is really really funny

[loulooser]

why 😭 it’s about twenty one pilots???? Their new album is out sep 12th????

[jarsjam]

THERE'S TWENTY ONE THIS TIME???