* dreams eternal .

𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳-𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 .

[amouralgia]

a tenderness took hold of her, a fantasy, a hope . . . private / highly selective / low activity / independent original character. 21+ friends / mutuals exclusive. brenda, she / her, 28. --- carrd .

[amouralgia]

"are you trying to be funny?"

( * WHO'S LILA? / @saroses .

❛❛  i'm not trying to be funny, i am funny. you just wouldn't know funny if it bit you in the ass, ass.   ❜❜ the sting of their rejection warps her into somebody she isn't entirely familiar with --- a brat, they might say --- but to her, it feels significantly more shameful than that. she's agitated by the grayness of the space between them, and something about the infuriating amount of effort it's taken to try reaching them, in spite of their time apart, sours her into somebody that wants to cut back in the ways they've cut her.

❛❛   it's called lightening the mood --- ❜❜ she turns her body entirely away from them in her seat beside them, arms crossed and back almost twisted to turn as far as possible. even in this moment, she's burning with indignation --- not over her failed attempt at stirring up banter, but the fact that they aren't willing to accept her in any amount. even in spite of how badly she's missed them. ❛❛ you know, since you've been in a bad one all day for no reason in particular. just looking at you seems to be enough to do that these days, so let me just do you the favor of facing this way. ❜❜

[amouralgia]

Beatrice's voice, delighted: “You amuse me. You really are nothing like those fools.”

( * WHO'S LILA? / @willwant .

❛❛   my, my. ... if i hadn't known better, i would have almost mistaken that for a compliment.  ❜❜ this is a picture of feminine grace that sits before the golden witch with naught but a demeanor so perfectly ladylike. though she taunts her fellow witch, in that way that they seem to do, nothing about their conversation seems to disturb the pleasantness of mara's smile, nor the ease with which she delicately cradles her teacup.

❛❛   you know, for as much trouble as we give each other, we truly are of similar heart. loathe as you are to acknowledge it, i'm sure. regardless of our differences, i'd still like for him to remember too.  ❜❜ and what an honorable sacrifice it is to relinquish that which is precious to the both of them, to conduct herself so saintly, so willing to love, and yet give away. it is with a broken heart and a spirit so contrite that much of her own honest feelings remain unspoken, delicate muscle memory guiding the idle stirs what is left of her now-cold tea. genteel still, she smiles once more --- it doesn't reach her eyes. ❛❛   of course, you know how i'd just love to meddle and help him out, but i'm behaved enough to respect that you're particular about your ... game.  ❜❜

[jamsmemes]

(     *     WHO'S LILA?

a selection of dialogue prompts from the game who's lila? feel free to change pronouns / details as needed.

"must be really scary."

"so not existing is like being asleep?"

"you aren't making any sense right now."

"so you are your personality and your memories? is that what you're trying to say?"

"you see, there's a problem with what you just said."

"oh, i wouldn't trust the mirror, my dear. the ghosts on the other side may only look like us."

"the pupil can never see itself."

"you can analyse your memories and your personality, yet the real perceiver always stays in the shadows."

"in that sense, there isn't really a difference between you and other people."

"you have no ability to see what's inside someone's head."

"what's the definition of imaginary?"

"please, don't go closer. stay in the corner there, please."

"they are all dead, aren't they?"

"why did you tell me to stay home that day?"

"i'm sorry, i can't do this anymore. you have to leave."

"please, stop with this nonsense."

"you know, i can't leave you. but something has to change..."

"don't worry too much about it. it's important to keep a clear mind."

"no! don't touch me!"

"it's useless now. you think you've got the upper hand?"

"you are just delaying the inevitable."

"this is so wrong, isn't it?"

"do you love me?"

"i mean, i get it. if i were you, i wouldn't trust myself either."

"no, it's not about that. you just remind me of someone i knew."

"after what i did, i don't really deserve anything better, do i?"

"is that so? honestly, i feel a bit offended."

"what? if it's a joke, i don't get it."

"who's lila? some girl you like?"

"i'm alright. my face just doing its shenanigans again, i guess."

"what the hell's going on?"

"please be quiet. everything's alright. what's gotten into you?"

"this is what you get for trying to get rid of me."

"there's no need to scream. you look very cute today. don't scream."

"it's difficult for me to express emotions."

"i envy other people, they make faces naturally, but i have to make a conscious decision each time i move a muscle."

"every morning i go to the bathroom to rehearse what my face is going to show today."

"do you think we don't know what's happening between you two?"

"it's really not good to spread rumours. that's a sign of a very, very bad friend."

"so you wanted to see so badly? well. feast your eyes."

"well, are you satiated... now?"

"i do not desire to feed for now."

"your endeavours amuse me. but now it's time for us to cease."

"thanks for coming today. i rarely see you these days."

"you see, i've been studying you very intently."

"at the end of the day, i'd like to find out who you are."

"you amuse me. you really are nothing like those fools."

"oh, i expect an exquisite feast."

"we aren't going to talk here. meet me at a familiar place. i'll be waiting."

"well, if that's the game you want to play... let's do it."

"it is delightful to see your optimism."

"oh well, enough chit-chat. please, pick a card."

"i don't envy anybody. there's no use in comparing stupid glass shards, even if you think one of them is yours."

"hm, playful as usual, i see."

"don't worry. i won't stop until i find out."

"are you trying to be funny?"

"no need to be so hostile. after all, you are the one who came here."

"i couldn't help myself, i always come when someone calls."

"so it was you lot who stole all my food?"

"there doesn't seem to be a different way to do it. i'm so sorry."

"it's never that simple, is it?"

"you... you tricked me."

"your sorrow is exquisite."

"you are horrible."

"well, that's a harsh thing to say."

"you need to leave... i need a moment."

"not bad. you are much smarter than you look."

"no nourishment for me today, i guess."

"well, i'm sorry, but you won't trick me that easily."

"i don't believe you."

"was it your plan all along?"

"you don't have to be a genius to understand that there are multiple possible routes."

"you seem to think that some of the dreams you see are more important than others. i suggest you reconsider. all of them are equally ephemeral. all of them are nothing but dreams."

"you might not know it, but i've been watching you intently."

"so? did it help you?"

"if i'm being frank, i have almost no damn idea about what happened before or after this day."

"i appreciate your bluntness."

"to be quite honest with you, i feel a bit cheated."

"i'm not sure if the way it ended was a victory of good, or a terrible mistake."

"i... thought you'd be gone after that."

"does everyone see you the same way?"

"there are some who can see better than others."

"are you afraid of death?"

"i think death means different things to us."

"i've died many times, but all i was met with was a different dream."

"you are in a very special position right now. don't waste it."

"you have the opportunity to either jump into the wheel again, or be free of dreams forever."

"it's such a shame. i wish we could talk more like this."

"so, the trickster gets tricked, eh?"

"are we getting jealous?"

"what? i don't possess such feelings for anyone."

"what was that figure in the corner?"

"you love when it's about you, don't you?"

"i mean, i don't care, we can talk about something else if you'd like."

"you are so close to finding out the truth... do you realise that?"

"why are you saying that it's up to me?"

"come on. you are almost there."

"what a strange outcome that was."

"i wish i could do something about it."

"you do have the power to divert the way some events go."

"you won't lull me into a false sense of safety."

"i'm not sure if i can grasp the picture in its entirety yet."

"i don't think i'll be able to find satisfaction until i understand each little thing."

[amouralgia]

you’re hurting. i can tell. you don’t have to hide it.

MAGNOLIA CASTILLO SENTENCE STARTERS / @reienne.

she's had been acutely aware of aylen's observation from the moment the dust had settled and the group began to herd themselves through the ark. by now, acquiescing to their scrutiny had become nothing short of routine, yes, --- but to call it anything but sanctuary wouldn't describe enough of its value. their familiarity with her stride, facial expressions, and even breaths, serve as a means of gauging what marceline's state actually is --- what it is she's hiding, internalizing, fighting, or not noticing herself --- all of this laid bare before aylen. they says exactly what it is she's doing, but only for the two of them to hear.

in spite of this knowing, she can't help feeling reluctant about not hiding the pain. the others are far worse off, she's unfortunately sure, and to admit to being anything less than capable in this moment aches worse than the muscles in her body do. eye contact with aylen is transcendent in moments like this, a channel of wordless communication that they both seem to understand between each other. this gaze of marceline's in particular reads as a "message received" --- but with the glimmer of something else.

❛❛  owwwww ... it hurts so much ...  ❜❜ she trusts aylen's reflexes enough to fling herself into their direction, knowing she'll be caught and held up, regardless of her using all of dead weight to press into them. for as much as the burns all continue to sting across her skin, attempting to make light of it all is what she and hers do best --- her best being whining. that alone, albeit minimally, eases the now permanent reminders of the ark upon her body.

❛❛ i just feel so weak right now ... frail ... delicate --- ❜❜ flourished, of course, with the makings of a demure swoon, hand upon her chest, and the other backhand upon her forehead. she's sure this much is enough to ease the severity of aylen's concern, at least for the duration of whatever amount remains of the ark's timer. ❛❛ carry me the rest of the way, would you ? --- preferably like a bride ... ?  ❜❜

[amouralgia]

will you raid the order's kitchen with me to eat some homemade candy yes or no

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[amouralgia]

putting these side by side for ari #yeah @reienne

[reienne]

this is different. everything about this is different, and the sudden intrusion of different sends aylen off kilter for just a moment. she freezes like an animal spotted in the brush. her line of sight wanders noncommittally before stopping to rest at marceline's feet.

thank you.

aylen can't recall if she's ever heard those words before. not directed towards her, anyway. and it feels strange. she's not sure if she likes it. she's equally unsure if she doesn't.

the barest twitch of a grimace haunts her face. " you don't have to thank me. it just ... that broker just made me mad. "

[amouralgia]

with the crystal clear vision of hindsight, she can't help but agree --- that broker did, and still does, make her angry. the choppy, kinetoscopic memory of her naivety being taken advantage of evokes enough shame to sting as it cuts her open with incisional precision. though, as to whether or not it was up to the exorcists to kill him is a weight of a question that still presses itself upon her even now. but still, even still,

❛❛  well ... even though we're gonna get in some sort of trouble, you still did a good thing.  ❜❜   reaching aylen, and clasping her hands upon aylen's shoulders, is more important to her in this moment than anything else that may continue to nag her. the order's resident ghost is finally in her grasp, and she doesn't dare to let go.  

❛❛   i'm really grateful you were there. seriously. no matter what anyone has to say to us when we get back home. we can just promise to work on your ... "temper" when we're back to training.   ❜❜

[stormbrained]

✦         TWICE HE'D ADJUSTED HIS GLASSES, AND BOTH  times they had fizzled out of focus, the interface glitching horribly.  kingsman equipment did not just lose signal.  there could be any number of reasons — along the range of high-spec interference to outright alien abduction — preventing headquarters from responding to their frantic distress signalling, but it did not make their predicament any less hairy.  one failure to connect was a fluke, but twice in a row was an obvious wall between them and painless escape.  shit, hell, fuck.  

at least he and @amouralgia had been deemed too ungainly and unimportant to be placed in separate jail cells;  always safety in numbers, after all.  “right.  two choices are before us, and we only need one way to escape, or die trying.  do you want the hard option or the harder option?”

[amouralgia]

❛❛  i think i'd like whichever option is more fun, considering we'll either be dying or severely punished as soon as we step foot out of here.  ❜❜    from the rather fussy sound of static and adjustments, her assumption that their glasses would be virtually useless down where they are  —  wherever it is they are  — was correct. she doesn't bother freeing herself from the bars her arms are idly hanging out of to bother even sparing a glance at her glasses long since abandoned, looking rather pathetic and glitchy, across the room where they'd landed. 

❛❛  now, if either of your ideas actually work out, i'll happily take the heat from arthur  —  ❜❜   one could almost read the offer as if it were encouragement, rather than teasing  —  almost.  ❛❛   or i could at least try, knowing how he can be. though, i suppose if they don't, i won't have to, huh?   ❜❜

[whirledskies]

#also you just had no way of knowing this but ari and i decided that marce would get burns from his fire and heaven stamp in the ark so

"...and i was supposed to find out... when exactly?"

[amouralgia]

i'd say ... never .................. <3

[amouralgia]

❝ i’m not sure what love is supposed to feel like. i’ve never really had it before…but i know i feel good with you. warm. like home. ❞

MAGNOLIA CASTILLO SENTENCE STARTERS / @whirledskies .

almost immediately does her attentive gaze snap away from him. and in the brief moments after watching him for what seemed like hours as they rested side-by-side in their infirmary beds, it's only silence that follows. a silence that hums. a silence that shivers with nerves. she considers their state of affairs with a surprising amount of diligence, or perhaps neurosis, for somebody so badly injured. now, it's undeniable that he knows, and that she knows, and that he knows she knows, and that she knows he knows --- but speaking it so plainly, or as plainly as either of the two of them can manage, is rather unexpected.

as she lies in a tense, contemplative silence, avoidant eyes staring at the grey ceiling, she can't help but consider the weight of his words, and what it means for him to be the one saying these things to her after she's kept them to herself for this long. to think that even he, somebody who seems to know everything, doesn't know what love feels like, but somehow finds a way to ascribe it to her; as much as her heart swells in this moment, it sinks twofold at the thought of reciprocating with something even more heartfelt than he did --- even if she did have so much more to say about it. her hesitation is unfairly prompted:

what good is your love in a war like this? a recently familiar voice echos something she remembers from within the memory of a dream. what good is it to love someone who won't ever love you in return?

the recollection of this all tugs almost immediately at the delicate, but worn features of her face: lips fall into a tight frown, eyes squinting the burn of tears back from breaching --- and for as much as the shock of the movement hurts, the pain doesn't seem to be enough to stop her from hiding as she limply curls her arms and bunched blanket up into her chest, her body rolling to the side facing away from him in order to keep him from seeing her fight against getting emotional. though, she already knows he'd notice regardless of how much she tried to hide it.

" sounds like head nurse might've missed a concussion ... or something. " she pretty miraculously fumbles this offering of a ribbing while trying to level her voice. now, the flesh of her cheeks feel as though they're as hot as the sections of burned skin across her arms and chest hiding beneath her bandages, the warmth of her flush heating up her body and making her already disturbed burns throb. for as much as she wants to sink entirely into the warm plush of his words and disappear into them, for now, it feels too soon. for now, a return to what's most familiar to them is something she assumes would help them both anchor each other back down from the ark.

a mumble: " ... i feel the same --- maybe we're both concussed. "

[reienne]

their cage stood tall, not with iron bars gilded to appear more noble than its intended function, but with plain rust and pragmatic wear and all the putrid time-bitten indignities that moaned against the pressure of a body contorted to fit inside. the black order and its history - its mission - was not a gold-plated dream. it was not heroism disguised. it was not a righteous story or a romantic tale, not even a white-lie uttered in panicked shame. the filth of the order was as stark as it was sullied, built into its rotted foundation and the corpse-dirt that foundation stood upon.

the holy war was their altar, and the exorcists the lamb.

why did animals prepped for slaughter follow the lead to the gleaming, smiling knife ? why did the father choose the child to sacrifice ? the answer lay in their size, in their brittle bone, in their still-growing eucharist. nobody, not even god, could pretend otherwise. it seemed they did not wish to.

fight back, they want to say. kick. scream. do something. do anything. aylen is so tired of watching blood be spilled for men who waste its meat.

" you should have told me. " they try to speak without tremor, but the first syllables shake regardless. they aren't angry. they know. they know how agonizing the founders' gaze could be. they know, better than anyone, how much that weighs upon marceline.

and it is because of this knowing that they cannot let it go.

aylen feels strange these days. they feel an anchor in their ribs that wasn't there before: a chain that extends past their body and links to others like a clumsy, sterling lifeline. brief visions of anarchy flash across their eyes. visions and memories. " i could have "

but they stop. their tongue gets caught between their teeth. what could they have done ? what were they willing to do ?

allen comes to mind, trapped in that room. the swarm of officials, the murder of crows. cross and the underlying current of truth. everything buzzes like herald-signs, sermons of the end spilled from the mouth of a preacher's coin-lined pockets, of pain swallowed but caught in their throat, and something / something aylen cannot place / something they must have forgotten /

how many martyrs would this millennium take ?

" ... i would have been there. " their hand reaches to her sleeve. gradually, inevitably, their grip becomes something solid in the midst of their unease. when they look up to stare marce in the eye, the edges have hardened to crystalline.

[amouralgia]

" yeah, i know you would've, " a resigned, but appreciative, release of air from her chest, and its subsequent slouch of her posture, are more subconscious than she's aware of. it's here in their presence, and within their sights, that she feels more at ease than she does scrutinized. she feels more capable of breathing here than she does anywhere else in this unfamiliar and bone-chillingly cold dungeon she's attempting her best to call home now. with them, the homesickness for their previous headquarters seems to ease its grip on her body, even for just a relieving handful of minutes --- it's with them that she's reminded of everyone who survived, aylen included, still being her home.

this, subsequently, is why central's intrusion during their adjustment unsettles her.

" i don't think they would've been worth the trouble though. " she says this knowingly, as if she could, within seconds, answer the question as to what it is aylen is willing to do when it comes to the officials in question. this knowledge is exactly why she makes the choice to omit the scalding burn of all their demands, reprimands, and expectations from her report to aylen. she knows that they likely already know, but at the very least, she's spared the need to relive the conversations in their entirety.

" it seems like they just wanted to gauge what i personally knew about allen's whole --- situation, but ... i'm not sure why they'd bother doing it themselves instead of just sending someone. " the lack of knowing her "family's" motives to close in on her seems to agitate her the most, considering the lengths taken to establish a life of her own and an acceptable distance away from them all. this, and the collective condemnation of somebody as beloved to them all as allen, seems to trigger a temperamental tension in her jaws.

" they kept talking about him like he was some --- " monster doesn't feel quite right, freak is too disparaging, and enemy doesn't quite capture the nature of central's attitude towards him. giving up on attributing their label to him seems best, and the most honorable on allen's behalf. " --- well, you've heard it. they're acting like he's a danger to them. him, of all people. "

a sudden interlude to the situation seems to come over her as she comes back to presence, adjusting to reciprocate the clasp of aylen's hand upon her's.

" have you gotten to seen him yet? or talk to him? "

[seireibi]

#codependentchildhoodfriendsredstringoffateslop

HEAVY on the codependent

[amouralgia]

[amouralgia]

❝  i’m not sure what love is supposed to feel like.  i’ve never really had it before…but i know i feel good with you.  warm.  like home.  ❞

MAGNOLIA CASTILLO SENTENCE STARTERS / @seireibi .

briefly, the fingers combing through their ivory waves of hair seem to unnoticeably still. for as much as this admission feels like it had been obvious, and unspoken, it feels almost revelatory to hear it come from their voice. in a matter of a few words, a few rare and succinct words, they've managed to articulate feeling the same way she's felt, even since they'd first met in the short grass of the play fields they're in even now. the indents of grass-blades upon her shins begin to ache as she considers the weight of this intimate connection, and its consequences the moment one of them is sacrificed without the other.

it's not enough to say 'i feel the same', nor is it the right time to tell them it's her wish for them to take that warmth and eventually live in it without her after she loses. she also knows that it isn't the time to admit that her love for them is enough to compel her into doing whatever it would possibly take to ensure that they win --- survive. even so, hearing their feelings from them in their classically abstract way that she understands thoroughly makes the sound of her heart beat quicker in her ears. she's sure her heart is beating loud enough for them to hear, and her cheeks burn so terribly, she's sure she's unmistakably red in the face --- but she's overjoyed that they're connected to each other in this way.

she feigns breaking through a very unlikely tangle as she resumes her final strokes through their hair. given how long she had been combing this head of hair prior to this moment, a tangle would be a near impossible sight. still, she commits to this, bringing her fingers to the ends in order to bundle it, twist it once, and pull it to the side and over their shoulder. she shifts up onto her knees, briefly scooting, then pressing them into the coolness of their shaded patch of grass, to close as much distance between them as possible.

" you could say we've always had that, no? " dainty arms wrap around the slight bird bones that make up their shoulders and pull their frames together in an embrace, the warmth of her cheek pressing against the cold ridges of their ear. she's resisting the call to pour the contents of her heart out. it's not the right time, but she hopes this is enough to know that she hears them. this unnatural resistance against herself stifles her, and keeps her responding to their admission in a matter that feels incoherent to her as her heart beats staccato against their back. " --- and i'm sure we always will. "

[leneemusing]

MAGNOLIA  CASTILLO  SENTENCE  STARTERS 

❝  what does ‘happy’ feel like?  ❞

❝  i think the real ‘monsters’ are the ones who create the monstrous things.  ❞

❝  broken things aren’t always ruined.  ❞

❝  healing isn’t always about putting yourself back together the way you were.  it’s about making something new out of the pieces that are left.  ❞

❝  they stole my voice.  this is me taking it back.  ❞

❝  dying isn’t so bad…it’s the leaving.  going away when you haven’t really even gotten to do anything yet.  ❞

❝  quiet.  the ghosts are talking.  ❞

❝  i think sometimes,  some people are just meant to carry pain.  ❞

❝  i’m not sure what love is supposed to feel like.  i’ve never really had it before…but i know i feel good with you.  warm.  like home.  ❞

❝  there are some things worse than death.  would you like to see them?  ❞

❝  you can get used to any pain.  but loneliness,   that’s what makes you break.  ❞

❝  the only thing that saved me was me.  ❞

❝  i didn’t survive…i just didn’t die.  there’s a difference.  ❞

❝  please stop lying i’m trying to think.  ❞

❝  i’ve always been at home among the haunted things.  ❞

❝  the world is too big.  and i don’t know how to be in it anymore.  ❞

❝  i’ve seen what ‘bad’ looks like.  you’re one of the good ones,  trust me.  ❞

❝  i think i’m afraid to heal,  because that means i can be broken again.  ❞

❝  there is good in the world.  i know there is.  i just don’t think i get to have it in my life.  ❞

❝  you have to hold on to the little joys when you find them.  ❞

❝  everything in nature is about balance.  i think the spiritual world is like that too.  maybe,  if my life is so filled with darkness and hurt,  someone else out there is getting nothing but light and warmth.  someone who deserves it.  ❞

❝  i don’t want to hide anymore.  ❞

❝  sometimes it’s easier to believe there’s something wrong with me.  it’s easier than if i didn’t deserve all those things and people knew that and chose to hurt me anyway.  that just seems worse somehow.  ❞

❝  you have a very messy brain.  ❞

❝  do you think the moon gets lonely?  ❞

❝  when i was little i used to believe fairies made it rain.  i think i just wanted the world to feel magical.  ❞

❝  people always go away.  even if they don’t mean to.  no one stays.  ❞

❝  anything can be a cage.  ❞

❝  at least,  no one can touch my soul.  that’s mine.  that will always be mine.  ❞

❝  time doesn’t speak to me.  ❞

❝  embrace your chaos…hug your demons.  ❞

❝  there are things you can never forget once you know them.  ❞

❝  don’t go poking around this stuff…it pokes back.  ❞

❝  i just live in each second as it comes.  that’s all i have.  ❞

❝  the only thing we can really control is ourselves.  but there’s a power in that.  only you get to decide what kind of person all the hard things turn you into.  ❞

❝  i feel like i don’t know much of anything anymore.  ❞

❝  a body is just something you’re stuck inside.  it’s not really you.  just a place to stay for a little while.  ❞

❝  i don’t know why people like to hurt me.  they just do.  ❞

❝  i killed him but,  now there’s a mess.  ❞

❝  i want to help.  please?  i just want to do something good.  ❞

❝  i’m not very brave.  or strong.  i broke.  they broke me…but i’m still here.  ❞

❝  i got blood on my dress.  i really like that dress.  ❞

❝  there are so many secrets in my head i never asked for.  ❞

❝  i’m in here.  i’m inside this body.  there’s still a person in here and it’s mine.   it’s my body.  i’m tired of so many people acting like it isn’t.  ❞

❝  i don’t really sleep much anymore.  but it’s okay,  someone has to keep the moon company.  ❞

❝  i’m so angry.  it’s always there.  but if i let it out i’m afraid i’ll never stop.  ❞

❝  i didn’t think i’d still be alive by now.  i’m not really sure what to do now that i am.  ❞

❝  everyone’s a little bit broken.  but it’s okay.  broken things can be pretty too.  that’s how mosaics are made.  ❞

❝  i don’t want anyone to hurt the way i’ve hurt.  no one deserves that kind of pain.  ❞

❝  i’ll be gentle with your heart.  ❞

❝  i like your soul.  it’s beautiful.  ❞

❝  you have a pretty brain.  ❞

❝  the pain gets better.  it won’t go away completely but.  you get used to it.  it will get easier to breathe,  bit by bit until you don’t really notice it anymore.  ❞

❝  let me make it better.  please?  ❞

❝  you’re hurting.  i can tell.  you don’t have to hide it.  ❞

❝  you can’t hurt me in a way i haven’t already survived.  ❞

❝  the thing about being broken,  is it’s already done.  you know you can get through anything after that.  ❞

❝  people are kind of like art.  everyone is going to see something different when they look at you.  ❞

❝  i choose to help people because no one helped me.  i want to be that person for others that i needed.  ❞

❝  fucking dumbasshole.  ❞

❝  i’m still trying to figure out what i want to be.  ❞

[amouralgia]

you'd think he'd be angry with a task like that.

the tale of the princess kaguya , @reienne.

she knows there's no expectation for her to say anything, but for as much as she wants to, she struggles --- searching through the sharp thistles of concern that have long since sprouted in her mind in order to pluck up something to say. he seems unhappy ... he didn't before, but maybe that changed. maybe she hadn't noticed it before. angry? unhappy? confused? she couldn't possibly guess the right answer if he didn't know himself --- which is what she assumes might be the case.

for as long as she considers it all, she's rather quiet. no hums, no animated gestures, no ramblings. just a clear gallery of his features in her mind's eye. smiles, tears, far-away stares, and the secret of something burning in his chest that he seems to be keeping from the world, and himself. it takes the guidance of intuition, a sensation in her chest that palpitates, to understand that he's probably just as mixed-up as the rest of them are.

the longer he lingers in her mind, the more shame stings across her body. searching for answers, for solutions, for reprieve --- all that comes to mind is a rather humiliating recollection of exposure in that dungeon of a dream. a memory that sinks its teeth into her chest and clamps its jaws shut, tightness that feels as it did in the ark --- she seems to squirm uncomfortably in her perching spot beside aylen, adjusting to relieve the numbness starting to tingle up her legs.

she visibly shakes it all from her head in order to come back to her partner, albeit without a direct answer. " ... well, i know i would be. " the pressure slightly releases from her chest as she speaks with a rather heavy heave of a sigh. recalibrating the attention onto herself, rather than remain focused on the original topic of their conversation, seems enough of a distraction to relieve a bit of agitation as her fingers fuss at the buttons on her coat sleeve.

" a life without being close to, say, you is painful enough just to think about, much less live. " she leans into the sturdiness of aylen's frame for comfort as much as she does for support. it's a horrible life to imagine, she thinks. one that would surely kill her. " maybe he is ... something tells me we might not ever know --- at least for awhile, anyway. "

[amouralgia]

i may as well not even be here.

the tale of the princess kaguya , @reienne.

" yeah, i feel you. " the informality of her response, as well as the way she sits and leans back on the steps behind them, dainty legs outstretched languidly, offers a stark contrast to the frill of her finery. for as minute as the similarities between their positions are, she finds herself empathizing viscerally nonetheless, rocking her head side-to-side as she searches for any means of ideas to revive her dearly beloved friend's spirits. " hmm ... --- " and, as suddenly as the idea struck her,

" ah! since it's so nice out, i say we just go out to the garden! it's not like they'd miss us anyways. "