Another day another relapse

she/her, 27, lesbian// my depression and ed sideblog// blanket trigger warning for this blog

[monthoffearart]

[shisasan]

𝙹𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝟸, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟸 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙳𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝙾𝚏 𝙵𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚣 𝙺𝚊𝚏𝚔𝚊, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟺-𝟷𝟿𝟸𝟹 [ᴛʀɪᴘ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴇɪᴍᴀʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴊᴜɴɢʙᴏʀɴ ᴊᴜɴᴇ 𝟸𝟾-ᴊᴜʟʏ 𝟸𝟿, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟸]

[ID: July 2. Sad. END ID]

[petaltexturedskies]

Virginia Woolf in a diary entry dated 30 June 1919, from The Diary of Virginia Woolf: Vol. I 1915-1919

[ana-morphic]

Probably gonna sh tonight because I gotta be at work in t minus three hours and I've never found a more effective coping mechanism for keeping myself "put together" when I'm this overwhelmed.

Gonna sleep a bit and hope that helps. Waking up is gonna be a bitch. So will work. 2 separate hour and a half long naps is all the sleep I've gotten since last night's shift.

And I have supervision at the end of my shift. Ik I'm low-key getting fired (being forced to resign)(bc I've been late every day for these past couple weeks of this depression episode)(but they'll fire me outright if I'm more than 10 minutes late again during this notice period).... but I still really don't want to cry in front of my supervisor.

I've gotten myself landed a psych eval before at a different job, and ik when I'm too emotional I tend to say the type of shit that might get me one. And that is the fucking LAST thing I need. Because they can't do jack fucking shit for me. I'm already doing all the things. And I'm not bad enough for hospitalization, and even if I was I can't afford it.

Anyway. Sleep time

[acutabovetherest]

Despite the promise of pain, I keep coming back for more.

[adelidae]

getting up from bed tips

getting up from bed cheats

getting up from bed codes

getting up from bed ending explained

[serotoninsuggestion]

TRACK your progress by which i DON'T mean download soul-draining apps that tell you how far you've run or how much weight you've lost. i mean make a written note of the moments when you notice yourself able to swerve a bad decision, avoid an old habit, step away from a spiral. one day you will feel hopeless again and your notes app folder full of "i never thought i'd make it to my 18th birthday and here i am", "last night i read a book to send me back to sleep instead of focusing on my anxious thoughts and this morning i feel rested", "i never thought i'd be able to discuss that without crying but today it didn't feel so bad", "today i helped a friend carry boxes and noticed how strong my body feels", "i just made a meal from scratch and it was delicious", might be what reminds you to keep going.

[good-4-her]

[good-4-her]

simply dont monday

[sawed-on-shotgun]

the human body when you use it and exist in it

[ana-morphic]

Can I just rot

[catchymemes]

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

anorexia is crazy because you convince yourself that everything will be better once you're skinny but instead it sucks and you're miserable all the time. and then you get better and are finally happy and having so much fun but oh no you also got fat and now you're like maybe I should go back to being anorexic so I can be skinny again. and then you think about it and you're like wait I'm happy now and I was going to do the thing that made me miserable? why would I do that? I'd literally be less happy. that's fucking stupid. and then you eat some pad thai and get over it.

[acutabovetherest]

[wolvess-atthedoor]

[perryfellow]

[probuccalfat]

i know i’ve talked about this before but it’s really insane when you were passively suicidal for two decades and out of the blue you catch yourself saying shit like “i’ve been trying to eat a lot of fibre because i don’t want to risk colorectal cancer in my 40s” like okay … 40s are part of the plan now?

[cruncherzz]

my girlfailure depresso baby gorl you better put that motherfucking scalpel back