kamikou fes was an exceptionally immersive and good read, despite flashbacks taking up approximately a quarter of its runtime - they only served to make the experience even More personal, which I found myself appreciating a lot. that being said, my eyes crawled out of my skull upon reading this part,
(I'm actually pretty pleasantly surprised at how expressive the l2d is, please take a moment to scroll through these images and note mizuki's expression) it's even crazier when you realise the conversation that precedes the beginning of their hastily formed camaraderie, the friendship that rui almost seemed excited to establish so quickly; where he introduces himself to mizuki (on his own, unprompted), asks her name, and upon being denied, simply bows his head in a nod, accepting her apprehensiveness without any argument or protest whatsoever. he doesn't demand to go through the motions of introductions...
inbetween drafting this, leaving, and coming back to it, I realised rui is Used to being denied. be is an outcast and a freak, being Refused societal pleasantries, standard greetings and goodbyes and other obligations in a respectful, one-on-one exchange, is basically logically Not going to be given to a societal outsider that he is. 🙂 Okay, moving on, back to their first convo ever
this is so strange. wish I could find a better word to describe it without playing directly into the role rui is "dumbing" himself down into, but it is the truth. especially considering the contrast with the first four screenshots I provided: here, he's singling mizuki out, stating that he knows her; given how it's their first meeting, that knowledge of her existence was brought to him via distorted rumours. for someone who's seemingly in the same position as mizuki - being outcast from their peers and unwelcome in those circles - he's demonstrating that he has the capability to gain the upper hand, Or at the very least, raise himself onto her level of awareness (after a moment of being on the back foot). he's communicating that he's in the know about her [existence and presence in school] about as much as she is in the know about his. mental chess, pretty cool.
but, later, after they've (namely mizuki) have grown somewhat accustomed to their meetings on the rooftop, that Feeling of recognition that mizuki is so averse to, as noted in this event story overall, is removed. perhaps removed isn't an exactly perfect descriptor, but I'll try my best to elaborate, Mizuki stands out. she is bullied by ostracisation and exclusion and being denied the experience of a "regular" teenager that goes to school (direct causation - her attendance being so-and-so). upon their first meeting, this factor of her being recognisable is only confirmed as rui, despite playing innocent and asking for her name, already long knows it. as a defense mechanism, this sparks resentment and a prey-like fear within mizuki, that she can't ever be hidden from the public eye, which can be inferred from here, for example:
[ch7] she's snappy, she's irritable, she's not exactly welcoming. earlier in the event story, when mizuki recognises the two classmates that were talking shit about her previously (pre- or around mainsto, I think it was in her card side stories), her face falls into what can only be read as irritation and a detached disgust. but her entire disposition changes the moment they approach her to speak with her; the two classmates didn't know that She knows that they were talking down on her when they parted ways in that mall. and yet, mizuki doesn't make it known at all, chats with them in a friendly manner, slips away in a very mizuki-like manner by making some totally socially acceptable excuse because she is a social chess grandmaster, only Then does her expression deflate again. it's a wonderfully sad way to defend her safety.
this paragraph above, this is just a shallow retelling of that one scene, but much like rui, I Am Getting There.
I don't think it would be insane to say that mizuki is venting her frustration or allowing it to peek through her seams. mizuki wants to be herself, and that conviction towards her individuality doesn't waver despite the onslaught of insults and transphobia and dehumanisation and whatever else is done to put her down and view her as subhuman, essentially. rui is the only one that gets it; though for other reasons, he can't experience her troubles with [gender] identity in a 1:1 way, he Is experiencing ostracisation. she lets that irritation bleed out by dropping her sociable, playful mask and being downright unpleasant with him, At him. he knows her title within school grounds, she knows he knows, she also knows he's the only one that understands on a different level, so might as well, you know.
[ch6, last 2 lines] awesome proof of her "surrendering" to rui's newfound presence in her middle school life :-). hooray
So, back to my Point, with rui demonstrating he's on mizuki's level of awareness of the titles and roles plastered on their backs,
(screenshot to refresh your memory, same exact thing as the first four screenshots of this post) when he Does "let up" and makes the grand gesture of Generalising mizuki, making her someone average, someone unnoticeable, someone that does not stand out or makes themselves noteworthy in any way, just someone Insignificant and Unmemorable, a nobody in a crowd...... it's the loudest way possible he can temporarily dispel the weight on her shoulders on having a demeaning label attached to her name. she's part of the "everyone", in that brief moment. it's a relief, to her, to not be singled out for the reasons she already is, but to blend in.
this may seem counterintuitive to mizuki's desire, but she doesn't directly want to be noteworthy, she just wants to be herself, free of judgement. True, in her case Judgement is only external, she doesn't deny herself the cuteness she strives after, therefore there isn't any internal judgement - she Must be observed to put the desire of a judgement-free life into practice. but not in a way where she stands out in one way or another, I assume in a way where one would see a teen girl dressed in a frilly skirt and a cute blouse, think absolutely nothing in particular of it, and go about their day. the "asterisk" setting mizuki off from being a "normal" girl by society is on her neck every moment she interacts with the outside world.
and for rui to momentarily pull her into a larger society, making her Only a source of inspiration, a part of something far bigger, it Forces mizuki out of her individual isolation and into a community. which she wants.
[ch8] it's pretty great :-)
mzri's careful dancing around the labels stuck to their foreheads, ones that they almost seem to enforce, it fascinates me deeply. I can't wait to read more about it
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