Alrighty let's go. Part 1 of this post will be more miscellaneous tips for helping a victim of DV. Part 2 will be some safety tips for if you're ever in a crisis DV situation in which your safety is in immediate danger.
Strangulation can kill days after the fact because the internal damage can collapse the victim's airway. If the victim hasn't already received medical attention and evaluation for physical abuse, get them there. Stat.
Consider the things that women fleeing their abusive homes might need while they're in transitional housing. They often leave with only the items on their person. For themselves: hygiene products, outfits, a phone, bag, shoes...supplies for their children (clothes, hygiene products, school supplies for normalcy's sake, books, toys, stuffies), for their pets (toys, bedding, treats, poop bags or litter, collars and leashes). Remember, you or whatever shelter you're supporting aren't just getting supplies for the victim; they're using supplies to support the victim's loved ones that abusers might hurt and, just as importantly, use as leverage.
DV housing shelters constantly need cleaning supplies, btw. CONSTANTLY.
NEVER ask a victim if she wants to prosecute when she's first reaching out for help. Unless she brings it up, of course. One step at a time. Taking the first step to escaping is daunting enough; the idea of prosecuting the abuser, whom victims are usually codependent with, is downright terrifying.
Part 2: if you're in a domestic violence crisis and you are in immediate danger. This was presented by a 911 calltaker, so if the tips seem rather clinical and common-sense-but-really-fucking-important, that's why.
get to a safe, public place out of the house if possible.
if that's not possible, avoid being trapped in a room with the abuser.
avoid rooms with weapons if things are starting to heat up. This includes all potential weapons. Kitchen knives are potential weapons. Don't get trapped in the kitchen.
as tempting as it may be, don't threaten a weapon-holding suspect with an inferior weapon of your own. Self defense is different.
When calling emergency responders or DV crisis lines:
have the kids flee and call 911 from a safe place (neighbor's house, for example) if possible when you can't make the call yourself.
the calltaker will ask all the right questions -- your location, if weapons are involved, if medical is needed, etc. However, if you can't talk freely, keep the line on speaker and just mute it so the abuser can't hear the calltaker. The 911 center will be able to see where you're calling from. They'll be able to hear what's going on. They are NOT allowed to hang up on you or cancel units on their way to your location.
if you live in a building with a key code to get in, make sure you give them the code and apartment number if able to speak freely. Often, the key codes in their database are outdated.
Domestic abusers sometimes call 911 themselves when they see their victims doing it. They want calltakers and officers to believe their side of the story. Don't be deterred. There are a lot more than just one calltaker there, and they're always comparing notes.
Remember: whereas the "switch" wherein abusers escalate abuse, such as pregnancy, are all about increased control...the most dangerous time for victims is when abusers feel their control waning. For example:
when a victim files for divorce
when the abuser learns that the victim has a new friend who's critical of him
when the victim calls 911 or leaves for the first time
when police officers are on scene.
titsay
vaporwave
