[ourdarling]

everyone shut the fuck up and look at this snake named barcode

[identifying-snakes-in-posts]

Look at this wonderful creature- Barcode is a great name for a gorgeous California Kingsnake!

[yokowan]

recently we were out on a hilltop taking photos of the comet and suddenly some car's headlights blind us from across the bay. literally four miles away.

who the fuck is out here with these nuclear fusion powered headlights. who puts naval searchlights on their fucking toyota tacoma.

[mesetacadre]

Sodus Point, east of Rochester, NY

[apas-95]

mystery solved

[radiation]

never gonna stop thinking about this

[yeahiwasintheshit]

[so-much-for-subtlety]

[thickness-protection-program]

Red onion shaped like a giant airpod

[scramratz]

[chapeldean]

i’m only on reddit for r/Kevin

[chapeldean]

[notavalidblognamebut]

This thread under the post is the funniest thing I've seen today

[ashleyjizzdale3]

[depsidase]

[haunted-fen]

A brief insight into a world where animals vocalize like Pokémon:

Patient: “What’s wrong with me?”

Doctor: “Well let’s take a listen.”

Muffled voice from inside patient: “Tapeworm”

[stickyfrogs]

The Sisters of Mischief have returned and they are Up To No Good!

[deepseasmetro]

trans people who whine about how actually they DON'T want legal sex taken off legal documents because it makes them feel VALIDATED or helps them PASS astound me to no end. why a trans person would want the legal structure of assigned sex to continue baffles me endlessly. like yeah lets continue to legally enshrine the system that violently imposes gendered upbringings and violence upon us sure yeah uh huh. this will work out for us

[addendumbeekeeper]

there’s a tumblr person right in front of me and i can’t do anything

[addendumbeekeeper]

I don’t think you guys understand. I was in the car as my parents were driving me back to my apartment.

my dad went “What’s a ‘Destiel’??” and my head shot up like a sleeper agent

[65823094723597280348-deactivate]

funniest shit is going down on discord rn

[65823094723597280348-deactivate]

we recently made a discord server for people who do drama at my school and a cis guy irl has randomly decided to one-sided beef with me. so i'm having a conversation when he rolls up & randomly pings me saying he wants more pronouns than me. and i'm like Well. This isn't hurting anyone. Maybe he'll do some introspection

so he tells me in addition to he/him, he'd also like they/them, it/its, and the "other" role. since i don't have they/them, he would therefore have more pronouns than me. so i congratulate him, but then i point out what that "other" means.

i have an en.pronouns linked on my discord with my neopronouns written down. i show him this. i explain what neopronouns are.

he then proceeds to copy&paste a list of 40 sets of neopronouns. just to "have more than me". at no point did i care about this hallucinated conflict so i tell him he wins

[65823094723597280348-deactivate]

update: he's asking me to give him an "alpha/alphaed" pronoun set rn. i've told him that he needs to give me the full 5-word conjugated set before i do. this is the ultimate test for a 14 year old boy

[65823094723597280348-deactivate]

this is what he came up with

[graceful-not]

[triski73]

Kiddos hear EVERYTHING

[thememedaddy]

[crtter]

When I was a kid me and my friends liked to play this game we called “absurd cheatcodes” in which one of us would just start making up convoluted steps for a video game cheatcode on the spot. Like, one of us would say something like “how to unlock Luigi in Mario 64” and the other one would start going like “well first of all you have to beat the game exactly 1000 times in a row without killing a single goomba. Then you have to take your cartridge out, put on Mario Kart instead and beat it 1000 times without slipping on a single banana peel. And then you put in Mario 64 again and-“ Basically just improv when you think about it.

[crtter]

My favorite bit to do when we did this was always sneaking Professor Oak in. I’d be making something up about some completely unrelated game and then I’d randomly go “And then who’ll show up? That’s right. Professor Oak.” My friends thought it was the funniest thing ever.

[tazmiilly]

hes trying not to out the both of them on live television

[the-haiku-bot]

ALThes trying not

to out the both of them on

live television

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.