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@andreatriton
Who got rid of public hangings and why? I feel like it must have been so cool in the good old days to see people getting saved by throwing swords and bow and arrows slicing through nooses and stuff.
It was probably your dorkish husband who got rid of them! I mean, his uncle had them and that was only one generation ago. You should get him to reinstate them! Saving people from hanging could become like a new sport!
TEXT 🩸 DYDY
Dylan: Obviously I'm not going to kill an actually cool person. Walking around covered in their blood wouldn’t even be fun anymore.Yeah I know! It's a big yay, now I get to replace them with even more disposable JV cheerleaders
Andy: LOL good! I'm on your side whoever you kill but it's good to know Mary Kate and Blake and Heiress and them all are safe. At least there are plenty of those, I'm sure. I never got the cheerleading thing personally but people seem really into it!
TEXT 🩸 DYDY
Dylan: Truuuue, fingers crossed! I know! They weren't MY teeth, so I'M fine. Both girls were kinda pains in my ass and I was only watching anyway, so I'm actually peachy fucking keen.
Andy: Crossing my fingers and my toes for you! Just make sure not to kill anyone cool on accident, the world has so few cool people in the first place. OH. Well, yay then?
TEXT 🩸 DYDY
Dylan: NO. I wish. Just the goriest cheer practice ever. We tried flying this freshman and she ended up kicking a few of one girl's teeth out on her way down to breaking her own ankle.
Andy: Hmm well it IS spooky season, you have all month to kill someone and walk around covered in their blood just pretending it's Aesthetic. Jeez though, that's INSANE. Are your teeth okay? Is your EVERYTHING okay?
TEXT 🩸 DYDY
Dylan: [dylancoveredinblood.jpg]
Dylan: Guess what happened!
Andy: Holy crap, did you finally murk somebody?! Yay! Time to prove all that 'I'd help you hide the body' chatter wasn't just talk. What happened?
text 💬 heirendy
Heiress: you know i will, right? 😂 i've always been the girlfriend type, even though i guess i don't really look like it. i like you too, andy. and you know i think you're a great person through and through. getting to be your girlfriend would feel like a relief not trapped, okay? and as long as we're upfront with each other about everything then we'll be good.
Heiress: i don't know sizes like that, is that bigger?? 😅 and it's there a bigger one further out?
Heiress: oh hades, rapping on social media? yeah that's kinda cruel 😂 and I'd love to see you rap about me so you're going down lol you have a shit ton of family, i don't blame you. i mean i have a lot of family but like we're all a little spread out at least. that's nice to know though. and the view does sound amazing.
Andy: I'm counting on it 🥵 You're way too hot to be the girlfriend type lol but like irl I KNOW you are but knowing that is different than like expecting you'd want to be that with ME, if that makes sense? As much as you've been the girlfriend type, I've been very much NOT and I know that's not super attractive to a lot of people. If you're sure then I think that'd be really cool, yeah! And being upfront with each other about everything can't be that hard.
Andy: It means it's ALMoSt as big as a mall food court which is still pretty damn big! I don't know about the IKEAs further out, except for the one back home.
Andy: It's way better than my other idea which was texting your parents and telling them you're pregnant if you lose the date challenge lol. But hey, if I lose, I'm sure I could come up with a few bars about how hot you are, no problem. Yeah, no, it's WAY too much family sometimes but I love them. Mostly my sister and the cousins though, in all honesty. Family more spread out sounds way more doable. It's so dope. I should take you out on a boat into the middle of the ocean sometime, if that doesn't sound like a totally creepy offer.
text 💬 heirendy
Heiress: shut up 😂 good, you'd better like it. there's like literally no way to say this stuff without sounding cheesy as fuck. but it comes with the territory i guess. i don't care that you haven't been the "serious" type in the past. the only thing i care about is us being together because we kind of fucking rock. and wanting you to be my girlfriend is something i've been thinking about since we started going out.
Heiress: well you know i can't say no to this auradon food. i can't believe how bomb it tastes! is it as big as the ones in the malls?
Heiress: we should make it a challenge tbh. for both of us to come up the worst date idea and loser has to.... buy the next dinner? I'm slacking, help me out here lol that's true. makes you think of home?
Andy: Make me 😘 and of course I like it! No one's ever really BEEN cheesy with me before, it's so cute. Really, you've been thinking about me as a potential girlfriend for that long? Wow. You're kind of amazing, you know that? I really like you and how you make me feel and so like... yeah, maybe we should be that. Girlfriend and girlfriend, I mean. I just don't want to make you feel trapped or whatever, because people act out when they feel trapped.
Andy: It's about maybe 3/4s the size of the food court at the mall? I'm not great at math so that could be off but almost that big, yeah, at the nearest IKEA anyway!
Andy: OH I love that! It's way less pressure than trying to come up with the best date ever lol. The loser has to uh come up with a rap about how great the other person is and post it on TikTok? Idk! I can't think of anything like embarrassing enough. And yeah, it kinda does, or at least the parts of home that I don't hate. No offense to the aunts but they make it so fucking stressful sometimes. The actual ocean itself though? Being in the middle of it just looking around is one of the coolest feelings ever.
text 💬 heirendy
Heiress: We can talk about it. I've been thinking about that actually. not to sound cheesy or whatever but I like you a lot and I don't know about you but I haven't been seeing anyone else and I don't want to.
Heiress: I never really had a reason to go lol but i did hear it's like an ultra furniture shop which was like ... shocking that people found it so intriguing but it must be something 😂
Heiress: hell yeah it is! 😍 Look, we could do literally anything and I'd love hanging out with you. And yeah I'm not trying to freeze my ass off if i don't have to. And Lapis is for opening the mind to give enlightenment 👍🏿 I can totally bring it for us.
Andy: You know that adding "not to sound cheesy" doesn't make it NOT sound cheesy, right lol? But that's okay. I like cheesy. And I like you too. I haven't been seeing anyone else either but idk, are you sure? Because I wouldn't hold it against you if you didn't feel sure about me. I'm not really that kind of girl, or I haven't been.
Andy: It's like a furniture store/amusement park, I swear! AND they sell some amazing meatballs. They have a whole ass food court, actually.
Andy: You're going to make me want to test that theory by coming up with the most boring fucking date in the world. Your ass is way too gorgeous to risk freezing it off lol. And cool! I just really like the Lapis color, you know? It's super ocean-ish.
text 💬 heirendy
Heiress: you know i would hella go with you. my experience was like .... different? i wouldn't call it domestic tbh. but i like this too. and truthfully, i've never been in an ikea before. that's the place with the fake rooms, right?
Heiress: NICE!! Andy, your brain is: beautiful. I love this idea. it's like a better version of camping. it sounds like a great idea, babe. i say we do it soon before it starts getting cold outside. when we set up, i can bring some of my special crystals with us to protect us from anything that might come out in the middle of the night.
Andy: What would you call it then? If you want to talk about it, anyway. You so don't have to. You've never been to an IKEA before?! Oh, they're so cool, you'll love it! It's got tons of fake rooms, yeah, and idk WHY that's fun but it seriously is!
Andy: It is? 🥺 Good! I'd hate to bring bad ideas to the table lol and yeah, smart to do it while it's still warm out so we don't freeze to death. I mean, you're really warm but cuddles don't really stand a chance against weather sometimes lol. And noice! Can you bring some of that blue crystal? Lapis I think? Idk what it does but it's my favorite one.
text 💬 heirendy
Heiress: niiiiice we've got some fun days and nights ahead of us.
Heiress: me neither 😬 uh like a night under the stars or something? i want it to be like romantic shit, you know? candles too?
Andy: That's so hot, babe. You know what'd be even hotter? If once I got the bed, you wanted to shop for new bedsheets and pillows and stuff with me! I've never done like... domestic errands and stuff with someone I'm kinda dating before. I think it could be fun. Like an Ikea date lol.
Andy: That sounds plenty romantic to me! We could just go all out and like, idk, rent a truck and put a mattress in the back of it and watch a movie projected on a tree in the middle of the woods and just sleep there after under the stars? And also have popcorn lol? Does any of that sound like a good date or am I mashing too many romantic shit together and just hoping it sounds right?
what's the scariest part about a relationship?
I’m just not really used to being someone that people choose and I guess in my head I’m not sure if it’ll ever really happen for me. Even if I got a boyfriend or a girlfriend, like officially, I’m worried part of me would be waiting for them to find someone else who’s not as cool as me but more mature or more sure of what they want in life or just better, all around. Or just decide that they weren’t vibing with me anymore.
honesty hour!
text 💬 ripdy
Ripley: IT WOULD KILL THE MOOD??
Ripley: Do YOU text me while you're fucking??
Ripley: More like ate some good brownies 😌
Andy: HOW? The only thing that kills the mood is if the sex turns bad out of nowhere!
Andy: I WOULD and I wouldn't feel weird about it at all. It's just texting. It's not like I'd be Facetiming you.
Andy: But niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.
text 💬 heirendy
Heiress: no, i haven't done it on a water bed, we've gotta try that someday.
Heiress: but first, next date. ideas?
Andy: YES! I was planning on getting a water bed anyway so that sounds good to me 😇
Andy: I don't know, I've kind of been craving like a nice, elegant, grown-up date... the only problem is I have no idea what nice, elegant, grown-ups DO.
text 💬 ripdy
Ripley: Okay, number one over all, I would not be texting any of my cousins while I'm getting laid. I would immediately go dry. 😣 But i might've gotten a little high
Andy: Why? We're all people, we all fuck. But high's fun! What did you smoke? Just weed?
text 💬 sandy
Sammy: Did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Andy: That must've been a pocket dial, oops! How much of that did you hear? Did you catch any of my very creative swear words?
text 💬 heirendy
heiress: Sex on bubble wrap = best idea ever. agree or disagree?
Andy: I like sex! I like bubble wrap! Sounds like a GOOD idea to me, but the BEST idea? That has to be sex on a water bed. You ever done it?
text 💬 andykate
Mary Kate: My mouth tastes like poor choices.
Mary Kate: I know they were sold out of better wines at the gas station but WE'RE TOO GOOD FOR BOXED WINE, WE'RE REAL ADULTS NOW.
Andy: DON'T YOU DARE EVER SAY WE'RE REAL ADULTS AGAIN, YOU TAKE THAT BACK! I'M YOUNG AND SEXY STILL, AND WILL BE YOUNG AND SEXY FOREVER!
Andy: And the boxed wines weren't THAT bad! Sure, the aftertaste was crazy, but it did the trick, didn't it?
