The Diary of an Androgynous Pansexual @andropandiary - Tumblr Blog

Everything Changes but Stays the Same

Happier as I am, but still not enough.

At least it’s for me, and not who I’d want to want me.

The who has changed but not the what.

Still progress is progress.

#diary #screaming into the void #my shitty mental health is a little less shitty these days

Exposure

All I want is a little exposure. Just enough to grow a little bit closer, to all the things that I want to touch. All the things I see when I am not enough.

femvulvaphile

it’s hilarious when people defending bdsm think those who criticize it only know fifty shades of grey.

they’re so willfully blind to how toxic their community is that it never crosses their mind that someone who has been part of it would ever “turn their backs” and say anything bad about bdsm.

universityofkink

It’s hilarious that radfems and anti-kink people are so ignorant about BDSM that they literally aren’t able to understand simple concepts like aftercare and safewords.

That’s probably why most people assume you’ve watched 50 Shades and think BDSM is exactly how it’s portrayed in a movie - because you literally cannot understand simple concepts in BDSM.

“How come you have to have safewords??? Why can’t no just mean no???”

We have safewords because saying ‘no’ and resisiting is part of the foreplay. Like if you’re being spanked, a lot of people have fetishes for being dominated that way, and not everyone gets off on just allowing it to happen in play (because, again, they ARE allowing it to happen because they consent to the act and have safewords if they need to stop). So sometimes people find it sexy to say things like ‘nooo, stop pleaseee’ because it’s hot and it creates that fantasy. And if you think this kind of play is inherently ‘wrong’ (i.e you can’t fathom when a woman chooses to have sex differently than you, or when someone has fantasies that are not PG-13), then you are the problem, not us.

“Aftercare is trauma bonding”

Aftercare, i.e the things we BDSM'ers do to calm down after scenes, is anything from cuddling after a scene to taking a shower to making dinner and eating. Aftercare isn’t a secret fucking code, it’s literally meant to help each partner regain control of themselves after having sex. Because, if you didn’t know, whether you have vanilla sex or kinky fuckery going on, sex releases endorphines and dopamine in our brain, which are chemicals that make you feel super happy and euphoric. You get these chemicals from doing lots of things from eating to having sex, and also - it’s a similar feeling to what drugs do to our brain. So even vanilla or non-kink people have aftercare after sex, because it’s normal to need to be coming down from all those chemicals (because again, having sex releases similar chemicals in the same way as doing drugs do, and that can be rough on your body and brain, and makes you need time to readjust). Aftercare is cuddling after sex. Aftercare is drinking water and making each other pancakes after sexual intercourse so you can get the energy back that you need and get your brain chemicals worked out and back in balance.

“BDSM is abuse because you can’t consent to being hurt”

Yeah well I’ll be the first to admit if you go by technicalities here, BDSM is illegal, because under the law you cannot consent to being hurt. But you’re not going to see police officers going around searching through BDSM dungeons and arresting everyone who shows up. (At least, not in America and most first world countries).

This precedent was set in place to keep abusers from trying to set their case to “they said I could/they wanted it/they told me to”.

And before anyone says it, no, BDSM does not allow abusers a get-out-of-jail free card exactly because of this precedent in the law. The law clearly states that a human cannot consent to anything that could harm or hurt them.

And if you’re still going to shout from the depths of Hell that BDSM is still abuse, just know that you are trivializing actual abuse survivors’ experiences and trauma.

Because now if a victim of abuse sees you saying that someone’s consensual relationship is abuse, they might start thinking their trauma wasn’t valid, or that it was somehow less than what it was.

And again, if you still want to go on this route, and say all BDSM is abuse, then you really don’t know what BDSM actually encompasses (which again is why we might think you only saw 50 Shades, because you are ignorant to the lifestyle).

Hickeys, a common form of sexual arousal for a lot of goddamn vanilla people, also happen to be a very common form and practice of sadomasochism, aka the S&M in BDSM. Hickeys are painful, and the person recieving the hickey is a masochist in the fact that they are deriving pleasure from the pain of the hickey, and the person giving the hickey is practicing sadism, that is, they are enjoying putting pain on the partner, and getting aroused by it.

And once more, if you’re still like “but that’s not BDSM”, yes, it is, it’s a very simple form but it is practicing parts of BDSM.

And maybe one more, if you’re that crazy that you’re like “well hickeys are terrible and I think that should also be behavior that is frowned upon!”, then i present to you: wrestling, boxing, football, sky diving, rock climbing, and basically any sport you could think of.

What do all of those have in common? They all allow us to hurt one another!! (Or even ourselves!)

Boxing is literally just people consenting to beat the hell out of each other. Wrestling is allowing two people to consent to hurt one another… Football allows people to tackle one another (and also is super duper more dangerous than almost any BDSM practice, because of the risk of head injuries and permenant brain damage).

So listen, us humans, we’re kinda wack. We like beating each other up with our fists, we like giving hickeys to one another, we like tackling each other, and we even like kinky fucking sex.

So yes, OP, we, as BDSM practitioners, think you are one damn ignorant person to try and tell us we are abusing our partners (or we are being abused) because we choose to actively give consent for our partners to spank us and chain us up.

Because you vanilla’s also practice aftercare (you just don’t label it), and you also practice a lot of the core fundamentals of BDSM every day without fluttering an eyelash.

And because boxers get to beat someone to a pulp, all consensually, and they even get paid for it.

So who’s really the bad guy here?

Sincerely,

A very anti-radfem, anti-anti-kink, BDSM participant and enthusiast.

sworntovalor

Here’s a “life-hack” for you. Apparently concentrated Kool-Aid can be used as a pretty effective leather dye. I was making a drink while cutting the snaps off some new straps for my pauldrons and I got curious, so I tried it, thinking, “ok even if this works, it will just wash out.” Nope. It took the “dye” (undiluted) in about 3 seconds. After drying for about an hour and a half, it would not wash off in the hottest tap-water. It would not wash out after soaking for 30 minutes. It did not wash out until I BOILED it, and even then, only by a tiny bit and it gave it a weathered look that was kind of cool. Add some waterproofing and I’d wager it would survive even that. That rich red is only one application too. Plus it smells great, lol. So there you go, cheap, fruity smelling leather dye in all the colors Kool-Aid has to offer.

hammerhide

WELL THEN!

pomegranateandivy-deactivated20

this may be important to some of my followers *and certainly not just getting reblogged because of my costuming and my boyfriends desire for leather armor*

armeleia

When I was in middle school we used to use it to dye our hair. Potent stuff.

baedlyweathered

If you’re dying anything with kool-aid it’s best to use SUGAR-FREE ones otherwise the thing you’re dying might get all sticky

samthor

the flavor only packets where you are supposed add sugar are the best. they will dye any natural fiber: leather, wool, cotton, hair, flax, jute, silk and so forth. heat the dye water so it is more potent. let dry then rinse excess out in cold water. there’s a whole system to this.

mittensmcgee-deactivated2018033

Oh my god

triforceofdoom

This will prove very useful for any future cosplays I wanna do.

systlin

DUDE

theroxbox-blog

Being bisexual makes me feel like I'm especially single.

finallyhaunted

“I can’t do that, it gives me anxiety” vs. “it gives me anxiety because I haven’t done it” = unstoppable force vs. immovable object

betterstayabsurd-deactivated202

bemusedlybespectacled

Gomez gives out better relationship advice than like 90% of dudes.

obstinate-nocturna

Gomez Addams is a suave motherfucker who loves his wife more than his own life.

Everyone should want a Gomez. He’s p cool.

breelandwalker

Gomez and Morticia Addams actually have a very loving and extremely healthy relationship, both in the old TV show and in the more recent movies. They were also one of the first television couples to be shown to have an active (albeit offscreen) sex life. Their frank attitude towards sexuality was shocking in its’ time, but their relationship and their family dynamic is actually more functional and more…dare I say it…sane than most families portrayed on TV.

The comedy in the show came from the family’s “odd” lifestyle, rather than from infighting and petty bickering, or worse, as was common on other shows of the time, thinly veiled references to spousal abuse. They didn’t make fun of each other or act like their children were creatures from another world. Were they strange and outside of social norms? Yes. Were they united in creating a loving home and being good, supportive parents? Absolutely.

These two support and adore their children, care for an aging mother and an estranged brother, put family before everything, and they love each other, wholly, fiercely, without reserve. They are every bit as much in love after at least a decade of marriage as they were the day they met.

Relationship goals. LIFE goals.

avotica

Just remembered in the second movie when their third child became “normal” for a period and although they were shocked and didn’t know how to handle it, they didn’t mistreat the child or love it any less. They accepted the difference, even though it was hard for them.

drnerdlove

Reblogged for truth.

franklyunfabulous

❤️❤️❤️

endreal

Posts about Gomez and Morticia Addams are almost always uplifting and I’m happy to have them on my dash, but I think my favorite bit about this conversation is what Gomez is actually saying to Fester.

It’s nobody’s surprise that many of the aesthetic and thematic elements of The Addams Family in its various incarnations are influenced by Gothic tradition (not goth, that mostly came later. And not Goth, that was much much much too early), and I think Gomez’s words are a dead bullseye in terms of Gothic mentality.

“Make her feel like she’s the most sublime creature on earth”

The sublime is a recurring theme throughout Gothic literature. Although the word (like “awesome”) has lost a lot of it’s original luster over the intervening decades, sublime doesn’t really mean elevated and lofty (or even heavenly) as it’s often used today, but rather something possessing the power and grandeur to induce awe and veneration in the mind of the beholder. Although less than divine, something sublime possessed a wildness and power that transcended human ability to control…or even to comprehend.

Sublime is standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon leaning as far as you dare over the railing and still not being able to see the canyon floor below. Sublime is warrior-queen Galadriel being tempted by the One Ring. Sublime is waking up in the middle of the night in the heart of a wild thunderstorm.

“Make her feel like she’s the most sublime creature on earth”

Gomez isn’t advising Fester to treat a woman he fancies like a princess, or even elevate her to pedestal of angelic nature (who’s idea was it to equate femininity with purity anyway? What a laughable and historically damaging idea. Shame on whatever dead (probably) white dudes promoted that!)

Gomez is advising Fester that if he truly loves a woman he must do everything he can to remind her of how she’s an untameable force of nature who’s grandeur brings him to his knees in awe and terror. Just like Morticia, for Gomez.

I’ll sign off with one of my most favorite quotes of all time, because it feels suddenly very relevant:

“When I find myself surrounded by so much beauty, I feel as if I am the eye of a hurricane.”

- -Sanjay Kulkarni

360degreesasthecrowflies

It got better.

Get you a man who treats you like an untameable force of nature

wnq-psychology

How To Build Your Self Esteem

fyp-psychology

wnq-psychology:

step away from the affirmations

“To be healthy, functioning individuals, we need to feel good about ourselves. To feel good about ourselves, we need to feel that our time and energy is spent meaningfully. Meaning is the fuel of our minds. When you run out of it, everything else stops working.”

Most of us struggle with self esteem. Many of us are fortunate enough to realize this, and some of us care enough to try to fix it.

The problem, however, is with the majority of the resources available to us — especially online. I am pretty sure these articles are 100% written by people who have serious self esteem issues, regurgitated from everyone else who has self esteem issues, on down the cycle to readers with self esteem issues, who think it’s just their fault for not being able to apply them and successfully boost their self esteem.

But of course not. Because none of this is how self esteem works.

First, let’s talk about what self esteem ISN’T:

Keep reading

captainsmolboy-deactivated20180

ahh … ha ha. oh god. ye good ole fear of abandonment.

also, for the record, you can reblog even if you don’t have bpd. I understand a lot of people with different disorders may feel these things, even though we experience them differently. so you are allowed to reblog!

wheresmybubble

Journal comic. Inktober day 29.

12/22/17

PTSD nightmares still find me from time to time. But I have gotten better about avoiding the things that cause them. Thoughts on the past: I’m sure I met my soulmate, years ago now. They were what I needed when I needed it and they may have saved me. So while I have regrets, even if they were really my soulmate, they still saved me.

Thoughts on the Future: Do I really even have much of one. I fear falling into the pitfalls I’ve seen my father find, or those of my mother or grandmother. I truly would like to learn from what I’ve seen and live a better life. But so many things, mostly myself hold me back. Fear. Fear of failure, of not being good enough. Of being ALMOST good enough. Thoughts on the Present: I did what I thought was best for me. And my anxiety eats at me and my depression chains me down. I hold the key to be free if only I was brave enough to use it. I know I don’t like feeling this way. It’s hard to focus on projects. Things that I’ve been interested in when the thing I crave most is human contact. Soft, sweet touches and the embrace of friends. But when I go around friends the anxiety starts up. I get defensive sometimes. I feel like I’m not good enough. I’ll stay to myself, not speak much, I probably come off as pouty or stuck up. And then I’ll wonder why I don’t have a group of close knit friends that live nearby.

Summary: I’m not doing too well. I’m surviving, and there are good times. There will be both good and bad times ahead, nothing new there. I just need to keep moving forward, maybe get my sleep schedule together.

#depression speaks