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@anenglishfangirl
Shinkami doodle!!!
“Shane, how does it feel to be back on Montreal ice?”
Harris gets the idea to do a video asking the team popular questions they get from comments. Bood explains his tattoos, Lucca assures everyone that he is actually 21 (his most popular question is 'who is letting that baby boy play hockey?'), Troy has to defend salmon as a snack again, Wyatt's question is why Marvel? And harris has to cut the video and just put in a screen that says 'answer cut for time'.
Anyway Harris finds Ilya in the gym doing pull-ups or something and Shane is in the background on a treadmill. Harris goes to Ilya "So your most popular question is, Can Ilya Rozanov fight?"
Ilya drops down to the floor and crosses his arms (slightly swollen and sweaty from the pull ups) and mostly fake scowls at the camera, "I see this question all the time because people are very tempted by my very hot husband." He wags a finger at the camera, "But he is mine you cannot take him. I can fight very well." He smirks at the camera now.
Then Shane pops up behind him, having stopped his run, "I can also fight." And Harris is like, "oh no one asked you that Shane."
And Shane shrugs, "No I know, but if they're asking Ilya because they're going to fight him to like, steal me or whatever, they should know I would also fight to stay."
And he also smirks at the camera and Ilya looks at him with such a gooey lovestruck look that it immediately becomes a meme.
pov: you're al'lan mandragoran. your entire people was wiped out when you were a baby. your platonic soulmate girl bestfriend is falling for a gilf (weird. shrug.) you're falling in love with a girl half your age (hashtag oops) she Hates your girl bestfriend. you are all trapped together on a roadtrip. girl bestfriend is Thee ragebait queen. also the devil is coming back. everything is bad and this is the funniest anything has ever been.
keep thinking abt a Crash Out Ilya Fic where ottawa happens and he fucking hates everything abt it. its fucking ruining everything and he is so goddamn bitter and so goddamn depressed and his therapist is rly fucking bad and misdirects ilya's anger and pain at shane and shane is devolving into a full breakdown and pulling away from ilya so. ilya and shane get sorta halfway divorced and ilya gets traded to the west coast and ilya dissociates into a different planet and becomes nothing but each progressive game in the season. then of course, him and shane play each other in the cup finals. ilya beats him and lifts the cup and in the handshake line, shane says good game, rozy like a stranger, and you've really made something great here, ilya, like he's proud, like he's ilya's husband again. and ilya feels. ilya feels on top of the fucking world. then, the next day, shane over-night delivers the finally-signed divorce papers as a cup-win gift. just a little stickynote on top: for the best.
and ilya is crashing so hard into the emotional windshield, he's thinking about how pretty the cup would look, filled with his blood.
and that's where the fic ends.
it's 7/5 day everyday if i'm delusional enough :'> 💛🩵
sorry abt the random trauma thrown in there 🙈 here's a compensation 🥹
shane doesn’t have anything against pet names in a relationship, he just doesn’t see himself using them, especially not baby, but one day over the summer they’re both hiking up a small mountain and through the woods, and ilya tries taking a shortcut that is actually riddled with briars, and his legs get all cut up and he ends up with some thorns stuck in his skin
ilya is whining about it as he takes a seat on a big rock, he’s got tiny pricks of blood and little scrapes all over his legs and he is absolutely making it shane’s problem
and shane scoffs a laugh as he kneels down to pry out as many tiny thorns as he can and says “baby” under his breath, and the thing is that he meant it to be making fun of ilya, but it just comes out so fond and enamored that it sounds genuine
and suddenly ilya is looking down at him with saucer eyes and the bulge in his shorts is growing, and suddenly there’s a hand in shane’s hair and shane’s mouth is watering
so yeah, sue him if he starts calling ilya baby more often
✨️ I married my best friend ✨️
insp.
blessed with the divine vision that bb shane was a fucking STICKLER for equal application of rules when he was an itty bitty. he'll accept the rules just fine, but they will now be HOUSEHOLD rules.
and most of the time it's fine. shane's bedtime is 7:30 pm because he is so itty bitty, but yuna and david have always just gone to their room after that so bb just assumed they were also following The Time To Sleep rules.
which is all well and good until nana is visiting while staying with her sister, it's 7:40 pm, and she is just cooing and delighted at bb shane just repeating "night NIGHT" over and over from the doorway to the living room because she is not understanding that this is not him being cute and saying goodnight.
this is attempted enforcement of the rules because nana, it is time for NIGHT NIGHT and you are clearly NOT ready for night night, and to TOP IT ALL OFF!! YOU ARE KEEPING MAMA AND DADDY FROM NIGHT NIGHT. RULES!! BROKEN!! RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS LITTLE BABY FACE. >:(
You know how little kids think their teachers live at school? Little Shane thought his peewee hockey coach lived at the rink and he was sooooo jealous. Always angry kitten after practice when he had to go home and the coach got to STAY
Do Not separate. they come in a set
Tuna melt au where Shane starts freaking out and so to distract him Ilya is like "I got the marble imported from Turkey, custom cut by a local contractor here in Boston" and Shane wants to have a freak out but he's always wondered about the quality of marble from Turkey, he got his counters from Italy and China but he saw options from Turkey and Brazil and wondered. He really should go, but now he's wondering if Ilya will answer his other questions like who was the architect that built this house and where did ilya find that tile that's in his guest bathroom. Basically Ilya using Shane's real estate fetish to keep him from running out during the tuna meltdown.
Over the years, Shane and Ilya get approached by their lesbian or single friends about being sperm donors. It's a popular ask bc they're kind, talented, and hot. When it first started happening, they considered it. It was a little tempting to think they could potentially breed an entire team's worth of phenomenal hockey players. Team Canada would build them a shrine. But Ilya was worried about what he might pass on, with his family medical history. Less seriously, he was also worried about spawning too many ridiculously hot people, and unintentionally creating incest scenarios among his unassuming offspring. Shane also demurred. He didn't want anyone having his kids except Ilya. He also didn't want anyone having a hockey prodigy but him.
hello The Sveta Understander Ever. it is Sveta Postimg Hours. please bless us with more of your Sveta Thoughts. Svetlana. Reblog.
omg sveta posting 24/7!!!!!!!! i have a lot of sveta thoughts. this is very long because i love my girl.
svetlana's mom in my head is this like brooke shields level famous model in the 80s who is like ridiculously beautiful and is referenced in a lot of old school rap songs because of how out of this world gorgeous she is.
i'm a big fan of double nepo baby svetlana. like she's the product of a soviet hockey player dad and an 80s it girl mom. and because of that svetlana grew up very spoiled and so she's pretty childish and acts kind of irresponsible with her life.
that's why i think if it's between ilya and svetlana i actually think ilya is the more responsible one!!
i have this hc that svetlana is also the one who kind of like...... catalyzed ilya's change from like. sweet mommy's boy who was very shy and polite into like. a playboy, club rat menace
like walk with me here. in my head svetlana meets ilya literally the summer irina dies, and ilya is just this like. 12 year old seeping open wound of grief and nothing makes sense. and then svetlana swans in chainsmoking and underage drinking and is like talking back to adults and like she's sneaking out every night because she knows other nepo children in most major cities so she always knows where the biggest party is. and so of course ilya sees her and is like. she's kind of the coolest girl i've ever seen and like falls as madly in love with someone as you can be at like. 12 or 13.
she's also scary good at math. it kind of hurts her in the long run because her intelligence just makes it so she doesn't take school seriously at all because she does all this crazy shit and just excels anyway. not at reading and writing though. she sucks so bad at it. it's so fucking boring. she had to do reading and writing in russian and english. two languages with the worst fucking books ever. snooze.
she was really good at hockey as a kid!! like i'd argue almost as good as shane. when she was a kid in america from the ages of like 3-11 she was the best in her league/class.
but then one day when she was 10 or 11, you know, pre-puberty, and her dad's having this like get together with all of his old buddies in boston and moscow. and she's playing this casual game with all of her dad's friends' sons who are all older than her.
... and she's CREAMING them dude. she's so happy too while she's playing because she never gets to check when she plays with other girls and in this game she gets to go like allll out
but then she checks one of her dad's friends' son a little too hard and he just like busts his skull open on the ice and there's blood everywhere and it's like, way more gnarly than it looks.
and the kid's dad who is this like big shot in moscow immediately loses his shit and he's so angry at svetlana that she did this to his son
and after that day even though the son fully recovers her dad makes svetlana quit. and her mom, who's been wanting svetlana to quit for the past seven years, is so happy about this because now she can make her do like. things that are more "suitable for girls." you can't be a girl tackling little white russian boys to the ground or people will think you come from a bad home.
this is actually the biggest heartbreak of svetlana's life. i think it adds to the tapestry that svetlana would be REALLY jealous of shane when she first meets him. shane has EVERYTHING svetlana would've wanted. the guy, the sport, the life. and svetlana can't have any of that because she was born a girl it fucking BLOOWS!!!!