will byers stan first human second
trying on a metaphor
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Xuebing Du
Not today Justin
bliss lane
Claire Keane
Misplaced Lens Cap
we're not kids anymore.
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
KIROKAZE
Keni
Today's Document
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
noise dept.
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Noah Kahan
Origami Around
seen from Germany
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seen from Malaysia
seen from Japan
seen from Iraq
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seen from Bangladesh
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seen from T1
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@totearup
Good morning today I’m having emotions about how Shane cradles Ilya’s head after they say I love you—big strong hands wrapped all around his head and neck, giving the gentlest scratches that you know felt so good, making no effort to move just holding firm but soft, pressing Ilya into his chest and lips brushing his forehead—it’s such a perfect comfort to give Ilya and Shane does it so naturally.
ILYA ROZANOV APPRECIATION WEEK — day two: favorite look
MyShane was DEVASTATED when "Ilya Rozanov Best Hits Compilation" by Hockey_Guy435423 disappeared due to copyright claims. It only had like 200 views and 100 of them were Shane watching with his dick in his hand.
There are others from SportsNet and ESPN but that one just had a certain je n'ais ce quoi that got Shane going. Shane DMs Hockey_Guy435423 but doesn't hear back and goes on a deep dive trying to figure out if there's a way to recover deleted youtube videos and he never does but it's okay because in the process he finds like 5 more Ilya Rozanov fight compilation videos from small creators. He meticulously downloads these to a special folder just in case and adds them to the regular rotation.
okay I can’t keep it in anymore. Shane may be autistic, but he simply Would Not have a problem with things being too bright or loud. This boy plays HOCKEY, he is a SENSORY SEEKER, there is NO SUCH THING AS TOO BRIGHT AND LOUD. In my HEART OF HEARTS I know that this man used to stand in the middle of arcades as a child and soak in all of the different sounds and lights and flashy bits and finally feel like he’s getting enough sensation to settle into his own skin. He sleeps under 2 weighted blankets and preferably also another giant 250lb hockey player. He’s not having a problem with too much noise and stimulation. He plays recorded crowd noises from other sports games to focus on stuff. He’s fine sitting in wet clothes for an hour if that’s how long it takes to finish sexting before he gets changed. He’s a SENSORY SEEKER. LET HIM SEEK.
hello yes I have more thoughts on this.
It is key to my personal #myshane that he does not have an autism diagnosis. As a kid he was maybe brought to a specialist, and they looked at him and diagnosed him with Rambunctious Little Boy, because it was the 90s and he wasn't experiencing any significant delays! He was just throwing himself in puddles constantly, and he never stopped wiggling, and his favorite game was Toddler Rave Chamber, in which he shut himself in the bathroom and flickered the lights off and on for as long as it took for his parents to find and stop him.
Wrapping small child Shane in heavy, sweaty hockey gear was an unexpected lifeline in the ongoing battle he's been waging against his body. Gear is heavy. It pressed him into himself. Any sweaty feeling was a bonus, because wet fabric against skin is A Distinct Feeling and that feeling also helped him get the minimum sensory input needed to function effectively. Underarmor would also be a favorite.
(For context: my brother is an autistic sensory seeker. Aside from the ongoing sensory stuff he has very low support needs at this point in his life. I am pulling from Life Experience living with him, I am not spouting autism stereotypes out my ass)
I don't know if monkey bars were a playground staple for Canadian kids in the 90s, but the proprioceptive input from them is GREAT for baby Shane. He's too socially aware to do any visible repetitive motion stims, but sports and playground equipment that involve flinging himself around in space are the best. If there's a convenient puddle on that playground, you'd better believe be is sticking his feet in it. Wet shoes are heavy and heavy things on his body Feel Nice.
The one other sensory thing that I believe in my heart he is doing (and he is NOT growing out of) is chewing. The hoodie-string-sexting shot is foundational for me. He's bitten through a dozen pens. He's chewing off his fingernails. If he had long enough hair, you'd better believe it would be in his mouth. He's chomping on his mouthguard like it's a chew toy. Somewhere in the depths of his juniors teammate's myspace page is a pic of him straight up biting a beer can in half. It's played off as a joke, but if something looks like a nice texture it WILL go in his mouth. It's a matter of when, not if. He’s a biter because Oral Sensoru Input Very Good, and he will never be stopped.
Look I don't know for sure what color The Dildo is but I know for sure that 19yo Shane Hollander did not buy a flesh colored one because 'That Would Be Gay'
Shane and Ilya cannot be trusted to be alone in a room together for 2 minutes without going at it in some capacity and that’s why Ilya had to keep so much physical and emotional distance between in Russia, a place he doesn’t consider safe.
They shared a single, brief, stilted conversation and Ilya was staring at Shane in the rafters while he was actively involved with a practice with his team at the International Prospect Cup.
At the draft, Ilya stares down at Shane from above and corners him in a public hotel gym to flirt with him.
At the CCM photoshoot, Ilya calls Shane pretty and cannot stop himself from giggling at his proximity to the cute boy who’s been consuming his thoughts since their first meeting. Afterward, in the shower, he touches himself next to Shane and they end up hooking up.
At the Nashville All-Star game, Ilya taps his foot against Shane’s in a room full of people, moves across the bench to flirt with him, and pointedly tells him his hotel room number as he skates by him in front of everyone. A few hours later, Ilya is throwing himself between Shane’s legs and begging to fuck him.
On the Vegas rooftop, which is accessible to anyone, they argue yet Ilya can’t help but push Shane against a wall and kiss him passionately.
At the Vegas award show, he holds Shane’s neck in the crowded room and sensually trails his hand down his back. In the bathroom, which is, again, public and accessible to everyone, Ilya can’t help but cross the small space to touch Shane, caress him, and kiss him, then text him in the middle of a crowded party his hotel room number.
In the episode 4 montage, Ilya doesn’t even make it to the bedroom in Shane’s apartment before he bends Shane over the couch, and in the same montage refuses to part his lips from Shane’s as the ascend the stairs in Shane’s apartment. When Shane comes to Ilya’s house, it’s barely a minute before Ilya’s mouth is on Shane’s and he has Shane up on the counter.
Contrast this to Sasha in the Russian bathroom in episode 2, someone who Ilya has been intimate with. He allows Sasha to crowd into his space, unaffected, and rejects him with ease because it’s disinterest motivating his rejection here more than fear.
Ilya does not trust himself around Shane because he knows he can’t resist being close to him, touching him, kissing him, holding him. Ilya tries to come off as cool and unaffected, which can lead to the shallow interpretation that he’s manipulating or using Shane, but the fact of the matter is he knows he can’t resist Shane. When Shane approaches him in Russia, Ilya barely looks at him because he knows there’s a chance he’ll crumble if he does, and that’s dangerous.
Ilya desires and loves Shane so much he’ll often behave recklessly just to be near him in places where he feels less threatened, but Russia is one place he knows he cannot do that, and his distance is to protect Shane as much as it is himself.
Yuna Interrupted
yuna shows up at the cottage because shane isn’t replying to her emails or texts or calls, all while she basically has samsung and in the palm of her hand ready to sign a deal with shane
she locks herself in and very nearly gets an eyesore of something she definitely shouldn’t see - but thankfully shane was able to stop her in time (barely dressed)
“what the fuck are you doing here?!”
“well you’ve been ignoring me all week! no answers, no word, nothing - and meanwhile i’ve almost secured the next big sponsorship for you with samsung”
“mum! you know these are the only two weeks of the year ilya and i get to be completely alone and safe in our own home…with no one interrupting us or fucking up our peace”
“and i’m so sorry the world is so unfair to you baby, but really it would’ve only taken you an hour or two to read over the new potential contract with samsung and reply — (interrupted)”
“i’m on vacation! im not gonna read any contracts or spend any amount of time away from my man. we get two precious weeks out of the year just to our selves, where we can finally fucking breathe!…also samsung? i’ve never owned a samsung product ever in my life?”
“well it would be a good opportunity for you! all they want is a photoshoot over the weekend, one or two sponsored instagram posts and photops where you use the new phone — (interrupted again)”
“do you even hear yourself?! this weekend? the last one ilya and i have together before we’re separated again and have to pretend the other doesn’t exist? actually no, im not explaining anymore. get out and give me your fucking key”
“wha- what?”
“your emergency key. clearly you don’t know what qualifies as an emergency. had i not heard your car pull in you would’ve seen your son in a very compromising position. i’ll only trust dad with the key form now on.”
“but what about samsung? shall i tell them you require some additional time to consider —”
“no! i’m not signing with any new sponsors. i’ll keep rolex and ccm but once my other contracts expire i will not resign. i’m a hockey player, not a model.” (takes a deep breath)
“but these sponsors help give you a better image, a broader reach and — ”
“i’m the most famous man in hockey. i already have fans outside of hockey just because of my looks. i do not need any more, i do not want any more. i just want to play hockey”
(deafening silence)
“you’ve worked so hard for so long for me. you’ve done incredible work — fuck, you even got me a rolex sponsorship before i even set foot on mlh ice…but i think we’ve reached the point where i don’t need all this anymore. you’d do much better working with rookies or players like hayden who really need your help. i don’t.”
“but shane, honey - i love supporting you”
“and i want your support mom. but not as my manager, because clearly you’ve forgotten where the fucking line is.”
“so what - this is it, you’re firing me?” (tearful but composed)
“maybe. or maybe we should mtually decide to end our professional partnership. because as my manager you might be right to check up on a client not responding to any calls…but as my mom you should’ve fucking known what our silent retreat means, you should’ve never come here to berate me about a sponsorship you should know i’d never want”
(yuna nodding in quiet acceptance)
“now hand over the key and please leave. we’ll see you both on saturday for dads pasta. until then i don’t want to be near any other person”
“i’ll …i’ll do as you say. and i’ll find a way out of this samsung deal, i promise”
“thanks mom” (still barely dressed, drool dried on his chin) “i appreciate it”
“and, maybe…maybe you’re right, even though it will fucking hurt not helping your career. but we can figure all this out after your vacation.
“you will still be there for me mom, just from the stands and not from behind the camera”
(quick hug and kiss on the cheek) “well, dad and i look forward to seeing you both on saturday. kiss ilya for me, honey”
“i will. say hi to dad, ilya will have a thousand new questions about mcgill for him so he better be ready…now you have about five seconds to leave before ilya comes out here naked and — ”
“leaving, leaving!”
Just thinking about Ilya telling Svetlana "I don't deserve you" and her immediately responding "yes, you do".
And Ilya telling Shane "You don't like me" and Shane immediately responding "Yeah, I do. I like you maybe a little too much".
Poor baby Ilya has exactly two people he truly loves in the world, who love him back, and he doesn't believe he's worthy of either of them.
since you said you don't reread the books often, i've come to provide mean dom ilya ammunition from my own 1000th reread: "Ilya had no idea why he got so much enjoyment from causing Shane distress, but he did." (while doing under-negotiated orgasm delay right after first saying i love you, chapter 25)
keep fighting the good fight 🫡
YESSSS fuck yes he's a SADIST. It's there in the text for those with eyes to see. I'm going to relate this back to the look on his face when Shane says no to him immediately before the phone call blowjob. The way his eyes are working, the expression on his face...the man is a sadist. He loves causing Shane distress and embarrassment. And Shane CANONICALLY loves taking all of it and being rewarded afterwards.
I go back and forth on whether I think Rachel completely understood the kind of gas she was cooking with. Currently my theory is that she knew these things were HOT, and maybe specifically hot TO HER, but that maybe she didn't entirely understand the context of the tropes. Some things are SO OBVIOUS while other things she says in the narration are like. Okay well that's very clearly kink but it's being couched in a weird way. Maybe it's a consequence of the editorial process or maybe it's Rachel herself, it's genuinely hard to tell.
But YES. Mean Dom Ilya/Sadist Ilya truthers we ride at DAWN. Honestly we've been riding this whole time but like. U kno.
Ilya gets excited that the loft Shane invites him to Shane’s actual place. he’s never been anywhere else with Shane but hotel rooms. it’s not Shane’s actual place, so Shane tries to play it off and says “I don’t live here, it’s an investment and I thought it would be a safe place to meet.” someone’s ego is starting to take hold, so Ilya asks if Shane bought it just so they could have a place to fuck? Shane is “nO iTs An InVeStMeNt” love, we heard you the first time and didn’t believe you so we won’t believe this time either. Ilya is pleased with this reveal “Hollander bought us a fucking building” and that’s how Ilyas ego began to take hold. I mean, if I found out my situationship bought us a building so we could fuck, i would think im hot shit too.
After the wedding (and all of Ilya’s citizenship paperwork is secure so that a name change won't fuck everything up) their legal names are Hollander-Rozanov but they keep them the same for hockey to avoid confusion.
However, Ilya starts this bit where whenever someone at practice or at an event calls for Hollander he acts like he thought they were calling for him, usually saying something like "you said Hollander! I am a Hollander!" And it's so stupid but Shane is charmed and amused every time, and he starts doing the same thing when people say Rozanov.
Eventually the team just starts using their numbers to refer to them, and Ilya follows one time when Wiebe calls for "24" because "I am a 24 by marriage!" And the whole team groans at them and someone throws a ball of tape at Ilya's head.
I want more fics where WAGs complain about their husbands being unable to grocery shop or put their dirty clothes away or take care of the children and Shane and Ilya just being like 👀👀 straight couples sound horrible.
I crave more fics where shane Spells It Out about how he and ilya hid for years. i need his parents and hayden crying about it.
On his real estate career:
“i had to buy a whole other house i pretended to live in just so people wouldn’t guess we were secretly together. imagine if you had to do that with jackie”
On why it’s so important everyone knows they’re married:
“i’m almost thirty and my whole career i couldn’t have my parter being my next of kin, emergency contact, or power of attorney. instead it was my mum like i’m still a child”
On why he loves spending his time with ilya:
“did you know that in the ten years we’ve been together we’ve never even had breakfast together. everything we had was rushed, clandestine, kept under wraps so we didn’t loose our livelihoods and reputation”
Bonus Ilya explaining the russia of it all
“my father was high ranking military officer. my brother is police. we have connections in high places…it would be an embarrassment, for many people if my sexuality is out. probably they will not put me on trial, i am too famous, but they would make me disappear. block my bank accounts, revoke my passport. make me no longer citizen of russia. make me no one”
Shane loves his personal space. Ilya also loves Shane's personal space.
can we stop pretending that yuna hollander doesnt swear or like swearing. one of the first things she says about ilya is “fuck him. fuck him right up the butt.”
i tried making a contrapuntal poem for hollanov, which can be read 3 ways: shane’s side alone, ilya’s side alone, or both sides together. inspired by the long game.
"is it better to read non fiction or novels?" No. It is better to read than not to read full stop. That is the only argument. Let's not create yet another fake scale of who is a better reader. I am so fucking tired of this kind of discourse. If you only read graphic novels you are still reading and that is better than not reading. If you only read middle grade books despite being in your 30s you are still reading and that is better than no reading. If you read one single book a year it is still good because you are reading. And that makes you a reader.
