Jasmine

She/her ~ Sagittarius ~ Friend of Mara ~ Giant Nerd 💜

[cosycryptid]

That video where the woman says her boyfriend is about to talk about his nerdy collection except it's Eddie talking to Corroded Coffin before Steve comes to one of their practices/hang outs saying, "Listen up, my boyfriend is coming tonight and he's probably going to make some sports references you don't understand and you better be nice to him or you'll have to start drafting up new characters for Hellfire."

The whole time Steve is talking to them, Eddie is stood slightly behind him giving them a warning glare. And everytime he excitedly brings up something they aren't familiar with, Eddie makes a threatening gesture, such as mouthing 'your character' and dragging a finger across his throat.

[insertsarcasmhere]

Just saw a GIF of Clint Barton in casual clothes holding a bow and am now convinced that in universe he has the same famous person situation as Tony Hawk. He is completely unrecognized in public unless in the vicinity of That One Object. ‘It’s random middle aged guy.’ He picks up a bow. ‘Holy shit it’s Hawkeye!’

[timmydraker]

Jason: Do you think if we met before I died we would have gotten along?

Tim: …? We did meet?

Jason, genuinely confused: what? No, no, I would have remembered meeting your scraggly ass-

Tim: First of all, you once told me you refused to remember rich people’s name because they ‘aren’t really people at that point’.

Jason: this is true.

Tim: secondly, we literally talked for like, an hour? Do you really not remember?

Jason, lowkey feeling a little bad now but refusing to admit it: Maybe you just weren’t memorable.

Tim: we talked about Frankenstein!

Jason: why were we- OH MY GOD THAT WAS YOU?!

Tim: yes! I thought it was a good conversation :(

Jason: YOU EXPLAINED HOW YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD DO EXACTLY WHAT VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN DID BUT BETTER.

Tim: YEAH CAUSE HE SHOULD HAVE USED ELECTRIC EELS INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR A STORM.

Jason: DUDE. I only kept talking to you because I deadass thought you were gonna be a future Rouge.

Tim: huh?!

Jason: dude, you even told me about how easy it is to steal bodies from hospitals in Gotham.

Tim: yeah that… I wasn’t always the best at keeping my cards close to my chest, so that’s on me.

Jason: the only reason I didn’t tell Bruce about you is because I was worried he’d try adopt you and I was worried about getting kicked out.

Tim: I appreciate it.

Jason: if I had he probs wouldn’t have made you Robin.

Tim: that’s… unnerving to think about.

Tim, fiddling with his sleeve: Do you… wanna hear about my new take on how to reanimate the dead to create a whole new person?

Jason, fully aware that Tim could one day be a bad guy and he would have more of a chance if he had Tim on his side: As a reanimated corps, I am more than happy to listen. Have you actually read the book yet though?

Tim: No- so, first thing your going to need is a alibi-

Barbara, who’s been listening over the coms: … *silently starts recording*

[incorrect-losers]

Stan: I can’t tell any of the Losers apart half the time because I don’t go by height, age, or appearance. I go by who’s a pain in my ass. Which makes them all identical

Richie: Hey! Fuck you!

Stan: Except Richie

Richie: Thank you

Stan: He’s the fucking worst of them all

[once-more-with-anxiety]

hate it when people say 'you cant make everything gay'. yes I fucking can???

[merrysithmas]

Eddie is 100% the monkey boyfriend who loves crawling all over Steve/climbing up Steve/stepping on his toes, and being hauled around (by back of shirt collar, by arm, by belt loop, by surprise pick-up, he's felt that way ever since he saw Steve surprise pick up Nancy Wheeler at her locker years before). He loves when Steve grabs his chin and shakes it fondly or scratches at his neck or jaw and wants to roll over and die of joy. Steve is so hooked on his weird little freak and Eddie is like stupid with the attention. Steve slaps his ass casually in that earth-shatteringly Jock kind of way but it's fine-tuned into an easygoing queer fondness and Eddie's brain does confetti

Steve is the innocent-just-brought-home-puppy boyfriend who falls asleep on Eddie's arm and Eddie would rather saw it off his body or wither to dust in death on the couch before moving him. Because look. Look at him he's so relaxed and he trusts me and he's happy and he's resting 🥹

Like Eddie is brandishing his switchblade at the door the millisecond Dustin and Co burst in If you make one sound so help me youll all be NPCs by dawn (cue the whole party whispering and communicating solely through vigorous hand gestures for hours, on the best behavior theyve ever shown while Steve sleeps like 😇😴 and Eddie's arm gets nerve damage)

Or like Eddie always dead stops in the middle of a riff and puts his guitar down the second Steve walks in, overjoyed to see him, even when he's practicing with the band, and Gareth is lowkey relieved because practice with Eddie is merciless, and Steve is all bemused because Eddie is kneeling before him kissing his wrist, murmuring in Elvish (he's only been gone 25 minutes) and then biting his up his arm, standing unevenly when Steve laughs and hauls him up with a strong grip, and Eddie locks his hands on Steve's ass & Steve almost drops the groceries.

Steve holds up a red crinkly bag, a failsafe to keep sticky hands at bay in public.

OOOOH Twizzlers! Eddie has short attention span & loves sugar. Steve chomps contently on one himself in the kitchen putting away the supplies he got while the band shreds the garage to pieces.

Eddie bursts in in an hour for dinner and kisses Steve 100x in the hallway after pushing him against the wall and life is good and easy and they both taste like candy.

[anerdwrites]

“And how many languages do you speak, Dingus?”

Steve never answered the question. He’d given her a sarcastic look and gone out to sling ice cream, but he’d never given a verbal answer. The truth was something she never would have believed, anyway.

Steve grew up with a different nanny every few years through his entire childhood, until he turned fifteen. Each of them spoke English as a second language. He knew Spanish before he knew full sentences in English. He’d learned Italian by the time he was five. French wasn’t a stretch from there, and he’d picked up Portuguese by his thirteenth birthday. Nobody knew how many languages he was actually fluent in, and he wanted to keep it that way.

None of his languages helped him with translating Russian, but they did help him with other things. When the freezer in the back had a short and the operation manual was only in Spanish, Steve fixed it with ease. When the French tourists came through the mall and stopped for ice cream, Steve was the only one who could speak to them. (He scored three phone numbers and an address to write to, but he didn’t tell Robin about it, so the board stayed the same.)

Because he was so good at picking up languages, when Dustin started speaking the occasional Elvish from The Hobbit around him, he started picking up words. He’d ask questions about meanings every once in a while, and the kid answered with the same enthusiasm he gave every other nerd thing he was involved in. Steve never let on that he was retaining it, and Dustin never figured it out, or asked why he was interested.

Nobody found out about his language knowledge until after Vecna’s defeat. A newly healed Eddie was spending his afternoons planning the next Hellfire campaign on Steve’s kitchen table. Steve wasn’t paying much attention to what he was muttering to himself, until Eddie started trying to pronounce something in Italian. His accent was horrible, and he wasn’t saying the vowels right; Steve was pretty sure his ears would start to bleed if he didn’t correct him.

“Dude, it’s guerriero,” he said quietly. “Pretty sure your warrior is a guy, right? So throwing an -a on the end would be feminine. And please don’t try to add vowels, because that’s already a nightmare word.”

“… What?” Eddie asked blankly, openly staring at Steve like he’d never seen him before.

“Did you want to say it wrong to your nerd squad?” Steve asked pointedly. He figured he’d already revealed some of his hand- he might as well keep going.

“No,” Eddie said after a moment. “Did I get the rest of it right?”

And so Steve spent the next three evenings checking Eddie’s horrible attempts at Italian. Eddie told him that the warrior was actually a bard who was talking to a warrior, and while Steve didn’t really understand, he was happy to help with translations. On the third evening, Eddie finally asked him if he spoke any other languages.

“Sure,” Steve replied. He wasn’t going to elaborate until he realized that Eddie wasn’t going to let it go. “I speak a few. Spanish, Italian, French, Portuguese…”

“Oh, is that all?” Eddie asked, smiling despite his obvious bafflement.

“… No,” Steve admitted. Eddie’s eyebrows were halfway up his forehead by then, and Steve wanted to see how high they’d go. So in perfect Elvish, he said, “I learned some things from the kids, too.”

Eddie’s entire face lit up when he recognized the language, and Steve was knocked breathless by the absolute mirth in his eyes. “Harrington, what the fuck?!”

“What?” Steve asked innocently. “It’s all Dustin’s fault. He doesn’t shut up about those books. He says things in Elvish sometimes, and it’s… kind of a lot like Italian, actually. I picked it up from him.”

“Just when I think I’ve got you figured out…” Eddie eyed him appreciatively, and Steve couldn’t hide his blush in time. Eddie’s grin turned into a bit of a smirk. “Don’t you ever stop surprising me.”

“I won’t if I can help it. You have my word,” Steve replied in Elvish. It was worth it to see Eddie get flustered all over again.

[thestrangestthlng]

Just a (not so) friendly reminder that NO one owes you an explanation, a hint, not a god damn thing about their sexuality.

It doesn’t matter what character they play in media, what books they write, what songs they sing, what sports they play—anything.

(And it should go without saying that if you come across something you don’t have to talk about it publicly. People are entitled to their privacy and personal lives.)

[cjbolan]

Nessarose became the female Frollo. In that she willingly persecutes an entire marginalized community because she wants her wicked way with that one person from that community.

And if they can’t have that person, then no one will.

[sakurabraches]

this is killing me because they both canonically and explicitly do not like dorothy so they really could've only meant the other thing with that

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard on the batkid com lines pt 10

Bruce: Robin, Red Robin. ETA on the meeting spot, Red Hood and i are waiting.

Damian: on our way, father.

Tim: yeah we’re like just round the corner- *scuffling noises* *a grunt*-can you fucking cut it out-!

Damian: you are in my way!

Bruce: *sigh* boys…

Tim: no! no, B, you have to tell him to stop shoving into me, you can’t just- Damian knock it off-

Bruce: NO NAMES IN THE MASK!

Jason, slightly muffled: oh for fucks sake-

Bruce: both of you, get here now. clearly we need to have another discussion about the importance of keeping names private.

Damian: i didn’t even do anything, it was Drake that-

-silence-

Damian, solomly: we shall be there soon, father.

-a few minutes later-

Bruce: -not to mention how irresponsible it is to not be paying attention! i know i taught you both better than that.

Jason: *scoffs*

Damian: you didn’t even teach me, Nightwing did.

Tim: *low ‘ooing’ noise* B you gotta spank him, you gonna let him talk back like that?

Damian: shut up, Red Robin.

Bruce: and do you understand how disappointed Nightwing would be with you tonight, Robin? because he sure as hell wouldn’t exactly be proud.

-silence-

Tim, softly: well shit

Jason, incredulous: ok no hold on, usually i let you parent however you want because frankly it’s not my fucking problem, but i actually grew up with Dick and you and i both know he doesn’t give a shit about the no-name rule,

Bruce, instantly: Red Hood go away.

Jason: -one time i accidentally called Batgirl ‘Barb’ during a mission and B made us stay behind so he could give me a chewing out about it, and like half way through the lecture an uber eats driver pulled up and said ‘order for Dick Grayson?’ and Nightwing fucking- sauntered over and took the food without blinking.

Bruce: that’s irrelevant to-

Jason: there was a night i refused to listen to him as Robin when we were patrolling together so he told me that for every act of disobedience he would give one letter of my name up to the police. i fucked up three times and he told an officer my name started with ‘J-A-Y’ and then when i started laughing at him for not knowing how to spell my name he got embarrassed and yelled in front of the officer ‘WELL I GREW UP IN A CIRCUS, SPELLING WASN’T A HIGH PRIORITY!’

Tim: he didn’t know how to spell Jason?

Jason: another time he-

*ping*

Dick: hey sorry to interrupt patrol- Jason unmute your phone, you aren’t answering your texts.

Bruce, weakly: we are in mask, Nightwing. no names.

Dick, unbothered: shut up B- Jason, seriously, i sent you a video of these pigeons i found fighting mid-air you gotta look at it.

Tim: *snickering*

Dick: why is he laughing. Tim why are you laughing.

Damian: Grayson, would you be disappointed if I accidentally forgot about the no-names-in-masks rule?

Dick: *confused* what? no?

Tim: do you know how to spell our names, Nightwing?

Dick: what are you-

*very muffled bird squawks, flapping of wings*

Jason: oh holy shit this video is kinda cool actually

Dick: RIGHT?!

Tim: woah wait let me see-

Damian: tilt the screen forward Todd, theres a glare.

Dick: you guys gotta come to Bludhaven, the pigeon action is off the charts.

Bruce: *forlorn* my mission used to be a solitary one. i used to work alone.

Damian: at least if you worked alone then nobody would ever have a reason to use your name?

Tim: *cackle*

Jason: i bet you guys i could catch a pigeon. like with my bare hands

Dick: we could do pokemon fights-

Bruce: ok patrol over. everyone go home. this is pointless.

[papayafromtv]

ok no actually the funniest way Talia should be shamed for having a one night stand with Jason during his league days is if Damian finds out and refuses to stop referring to Jason as ‘step-father’.

Damian: i request more training with step-father to improve my blade wielding abilities.

Jason, looking up and blinking: wait is that me?

Jason:

Jason: cool.

Jason, turning to Talia: i don’t mind training my step-son.

Talia:

Talia: he isn’t your step-son.

Damian: yes i am.

Talia: Damian, no. he can’t be your father. he’s seventeen.

Damian: oh and that’s an issue is it?

Talia:

Damian:

Jason: *grinning in delight at the family drama*

-later, upon Damian’s arrival in Gotham-

Bruce: and these are your brothers,

Damian: ah yes, i am aware of them.

Damian, nodding at the batkids: Grayson, Drake,

Damian, turning to Jason: step-father,

Jason, solemnly: step-son. good to see you again.

Bruce, having a heart attack: imsorryexcusemewhatnow-?

[melon-official]

draw | aim | fire

[colavoxi]

one of my favorite headcanons for the barton family is that lila has a tiktok account and clint has no idea he gets posted there. there's just a video of lila doing a dance or something and clint passes behind her, she still posts it anyway. there's comments like

"is your dad single"

"IS THAT HAWKEYE??"

"oh this is a cool dan- AVENGERS HAWKEYE??"

etc

she thinks its hilarious

eventually she sits her dad down and reads him interview style the top comments about him which includes but is not limited to:

"raw."

"we know this DIVA💜"

"did he just take out his hearing aid and sigh"

"til his hearing comes back"

"born to ride, forced to scroll"

"does your dad do wedding. perhaps as the bride?" <- top comment

and clint is BAFFLED. he comes home one day and is horrified when he looks at his social media and he's become a reaction image. (its him standing head down in his kitchen with his hearing aids in his hand and his hands on his hips)

[papayafromtv]

Jason should have come back to the manor post-lazarus pit and revealed himself as Jason Todd but not told the rest of the family that he’s also Red Hood. can you imagine how fucking funny that would be.

Nightwing: honestly! my family is fucking INSANE! i swear the only good one is my little brother, he died and came back and decided to ditch the vigilante life.

Red Hood: oh shit really?

Nightwing: honestly probably the smartest one out of all of us, he’s reading in bed while we’re all out here on stakeouts!

Red Hood: interesting. tell me more about how this brother is the best of all of you.

~

Red Hood: so what are you guys getting the smart handsome not-vigilante brother for Christmas?

Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin:

~

Batman: now i need all of you to have an equal share in the clean up-

Red Hood: yeah sorry, you aren’t MY dad, so i’m gonna dip. have fun cleaning!

the funniest part is when Dick and Tim decide that since Red Hood and Jason are so similar and Red Hood CLEARLY seems to like what he hears about Jason, that they should try to set the two up.

Jason, calling Roy at 4am: i need you in Gotham within the next hour so you can dress up as Red Hood and we can pretend that I’m sleeping with myself.

Roy:

Roy: i’m gonna get caught sneaking out of your bedroom with lipstick on your helmet

Jason: this is gonna be the funniest thing we’ve ever done.

[mossing-around]

You know those posts about one of Bruce’s kids getting kidnapped and him having no idea which kid they have based on the vague descriptions he’s given? Well now I can’t only imagine Bruce getting the dreaded call and immediately pulling out a guess who board filled entirely with his kids. Like

kidnapper: we have one of your children

Bruce: I have so many of those you need to be more specific

kidnapper: the loud and annoying one

Bruce, flipping down Cass and Duke: that does not help as much as you think it does

kidnapper: well he has black hair?

Bruce, flips down Steph: keep going

kidnapper: uhhhh? He’s short?

Bruce, flips down Dick and Jason leaving Tim and Damian: more specific

kidnapper: he’s been condescending and judgmental since we got him

Bruce: yeah they both tend to do that

kidnapper: he keeps throwing around words I don’t understand

Bruce, realizing that Damian and Tim are significantly more similar than he thought: uhh more specific?

kidnapper: more?? look just wore us the mon— WHERE’D HE HIDE A KATANA???

Bruce: ah you have Damian

[noodles-and-tea]

Well, yes.

[the-jason-todd-impreganator]

Batman be like: Orphan spotted!