all this, and love too

[rohirric-hunter]

"You could get up early and do it before work" I could also wait for a magic beanstalk to start growing in my living room LMAO. Let's focus on things that happen in the real world

[aredblush]

So.

I want a fic in which Ilya is a dragon and his hoard is things that he finds curious and spark joy.

Shane is the knight sent to manage the situation because too many shiny cars are vanishing in the night. Shane does, in fact, spark much joy which is curious in itself as Ilya has rarely encountered joy-sparking people.

I just want Ilya to steal Shane's many pillows in order to get him to come back to his cave of wonders and maybe stay for the night a bit.

He has a collection of whimsical goalie masks. Surely Shane will find them interesting.

At one point, Ilya steals Shane's boring car and gives it a makeover. Gas/mileage had to suffer, but Ilya is sure to point out that dragon riding (of any kind!) is much more environmentally friendly!

Shane is not impressed with the new scale pattern nor with the neon colours. Ilya tells him bright coloured cars are safer for driving.

The blings on the wheels are just a bonus.

It's also important for other people/dragons to know that Ilya has his eyes on Shane and that Knight Hollander is Very! Busy! With! This! Case! Don't assign him any other quest, run along now! Go bother Knight Pike, he has many mouths to feed he needs the extra shifts.

I am also thinking that Shane himself actually asked to be assigned this hoarding dragon case .

He is high enough in the rankings that he is usually sent on Princess-saving quests but he haaaates those! The quest part is okay because he likes solving riddles and navigating maps and driving his car in the great outdoors as lots of princesses are kept in unmarked towers deep in the woods (Shane thinks a lot of these kidnappings could be avoided if the Land Registry Department would do their job seriously. Alas, he's been updating the registry more often that the actual clerks) BUT he hates the paperwork he has to file after the saving is done:

Yes, the princess was saved;

Yes, he knows about the HEA clause;

No, he doesn't want to activate it;

No, he doesn't want to become a prince consort;

No, really, he is not interested;

Yes, he wants to go back to doing knighty things only.

He hears about this great dragon that keeps stealing weird stuff with no logical pattern and no knight has managed to find his cave or make rhyme or reason of his preferences and THAT is a challenge Shane wants to take on.

He pulls strings for the very first time in his career and gets himself assigned to the Dragon case.

He's gonna find that dragon and tame him.

(spoiler: they tame each other)

Anyway, fic? Yes? *grabby hands* I can pay you in doodles

[onedirectionforever]

“you support gay rights so you must be gay”

i support animal rights do i look like a fucking alpaca to you

[onedirectionforever]

turns out i am gay

[monsieurenjlolras]

holy shit how’d this alpaca learn how to type

[mywitchcultblr]

Diversity win! The alpaca is gay!

[adreamthatsworthkeeping]

[thebirdkiwi]

he was a llama

[fritextramole]

a llama?! he’s supposed to be dead!

[loveridden1999]

adult grief by louise glück

[areyoudoingthis]

babe wake up ao3 came up with the only funny april fools joke in the history of the world

[nereiids]

Clementine von Radics, Courtney Love Prays To Oregon

[quasi-normalcy]

The rookie mistake in fiction writing is assuming that short stories will be easier to write than novels because they're smaller. No. This is the equivalent to thinking that it's easier to make a pocket watch than grandfather clock. Short stories are complex engineering problems.

[nereiids]

Clementine von Radics, I Swear, Next Time I See You I'll Be Funny

[flower-of-the-desert]

I enjoy GREATLY the fact that Shane loooves Ilya being an asshole. Like other ppl would be fuming about whatever Rozanov said to piss them off while Shane is sitting there trying to fight off a smile on his face. His own parents complain about Rozanov being an ass and Shane looks delighted. He's sitting there chuckling to himself while watching video compilations of Ilya Rozanov Saying Shit.

"You are an asshole" he says with the biggest smile on his face before smooching the hell out of Rozanov who is making fun of his pillows, mind you.

[aslongasitsblack]

i love you chronically online ilya rozanov i love you redditor ilya rozanov i love you anonymous hate commenter on shit that does not matter ilya rozanov

shane [glances over at ilya’s phone and sees ilya frantically typing in cyrillic, stomach dropping to his ass because he thinks ilya’s getting into it with alexei again]: what are you doing?

ilya: arguing with somebody

shane: who?

ilya: i don’t know somebody on youtube short [clicks on profile picture and it shows a blurry photo of an ugly small dog] i dont think that is them

[lavenderprose]

Shane Hollander sat his freshly fucked ass on a hard metal step during Canadian winter and gripped onto that jacket so tight Ilya practically had to wrestle it from his arms like taking a sock from a doodle puppy. Under no circumstances did he have to follow Ilya down those stairs. These are things that your mother will never know about you Shane Hollander but don't you DARE lie to that woman and tell her you haven't been in love for years. You were playing Russian roulette with plausible deniability all the way back during the first fucking Obama administration.

[lavenderprose]

I think it's very funny that you can see Ilya visibly deciding that he's Shane's boyfriend because yeah, he's ready to be a kept man but is he ready to be Shane Hollander's kept man? Ilya and David are at that table by themselves for four minutes and the whole time David is looking at Ilya like Ilya is in line for a rollercoaster called 'Overthinking Everything Always' and David is the seasoned ride operator.

Ilya loves Shane so much that it's completely rearranged his brain chemistry but is he prepared to wake up in the middle of the night and hear the words, "I have an idea" at least once a month for the rest of his life. Is he ready to watch Shane spiral with anxiety for an entire afternoon because he can't remember if he put his reading glasses back in their case. Does he know that Shane is going to attempt to completely remove the color blue from Ilya's wardrobe for fear that they will inadvertantly match and Reveal Something. Does he know that the words 'I love you' were the secret key to Shane's inner freak and that his situationship-cum-Love of His Life is going to spend a not insignificant amount of time attempting to break Ilya's pelvis for the foreseeable future? Does he know that every time he has sex for the rest of his life there's a chance that Shane will say, "Say it say it say it," and if Ilya doesn't say, "Ya tebya lyublyu," in a timely manner before Shane comes that he will pout for an hour?

Like, does he know?

[notjambalaya]

"you look very pretty today" ✨✨✨

[cranium-thinks]

One thing I will never get tired of reading in fanfics is the ways in which the world discovers that Shane is a little sex freak.

It's so funny how everyone sees hollanov getting married and immediately jumps to "Wow Roz you got domesticated" as if Shane didn't use his gay virginity to do sex magic so powerful he soul-bonded Ilya's dick to his ass

[sisyphusshrugged]

having a hard time focusing today. i've also had a hard time focusing for the previous 15 or so years leading up to now but this post is about today.

[my-2nd-account]

The hottest Ilya Rozanov has ever looked is when Shane asks "how could we let this happen?" and you can see Ilya behind him completely lost in the sauce hanging by a tenuous thread having clearly been edged to an inch of his life going at the pace Shane wants like the service top that he is and that vein visibly throbbing and almost popping out of his temple and his eyes are love drunk fuck struck sex crazed staring at Shane's lips and he's sweating his balls off as red as a tomato looking like he's 2 seconds away from having a reunion with his mother and he loves Shane and Shane loves him and he's too hard rn to understand what the actual fuck a rhetorical question is so he answers out of breath with a not contained at all horniness with something about stupid and irresponsible and Shane finally finally says "please fuck me" so he grips Shane's thigh with one hand and his shoulder with the other and starts thrusting like his life depends on it and Shane's gripping his hair and controlling his movements like the freaking rat from ratatouille and he pulls those golden curls hard enough to take out a few strands and Shane's fingers are in his mouth and he sucks on his nipples so hard he almost has him lactating and the windows are open and the sun is shining and it's a perfect fucking sight.

[healthyscratches]

I THINK LOVE IS SOMETHING / THAT HAPPENS TO OTHER PEOPLE - Michael Gray Bulla // Heated Rivalry