do you even realise what that means to me? twelve years of birthdays, late-night talks, inside jokes, comfort, chaos, growing pains, and becoming different versions of ourselves over and over again but always with the quiet belief that we’d still have each other.
you weren’t just a friend.
you were my person.
my safe place.
my “i don’t need to explain this” person.
my home.
i held space for every broken piece of you. you held mine, at least for a while. and i believed in that. i believed in us. even when it got hard. especially then.
i don’t know exactly when the shift happened. maybe it wasn’t a single moment, but a thousand little ones. you stopped showing up the way you used to. stopped asking how i really was. and worst of all, you started keeping company with people who made it their mission to tear me down. and i still don’t understand how you could be okay with that.
you knew what they did. read every word. heard every crack in my voice and still, you chose to stay connected with them, to laugh with them, to treat it like it wasn’t a betrayal. like my pain was an inconvenience you didn’t have the capacity for.
you called it neutrality.
but it felt like abandonment.
that shattered me. because i wasn’t asking you to choose sides. i was asking you to choose me. just once. to show me that my pain wasn’t inconvenient. to say, “what they did to you matters more than keeping things easy.”
and the worst part?
i still tried.
i still defended you when people asked what happened between us.
i still made space for you in my heart, even when it felt like you had no room left for me in yours.
i kept hoping you’d realise it. that you’d look at the damage,
at the distance, and feel something. that maybe you’d reach out,
maybe you’d say, “i’m sorry i made you feel that way. i didn’t see it before, but i do now.” but you didn’t. and you never will
and that’s the part that breaks me the most. not the loss of what we had, but the realisation that i was holding onto something you had already let go of.
i flew across the world just to see you. because i longed to meet you so much it hurt. because some part of me thought maybe if you looked me in the eyes, you’d see what you were losing. and for a little while, i think you did. we laughed. we slipped back into who we used to be. and i let myself believe we were okay.
but nothing changed after that.
it was like that visit was a sweet detour for you. and for me, it was everything. it was my last hope. and now i have to face what i never wanted to admit. i was the only one holding on.
so i’m letting go. not because i stopped loving you. but because i love you too much to keep letting this hurt me. because i can’t keep begging to be treated like i matter.
you were home to me. you were my person. and maybe you always will be, in some quiet, hidden part of me. but i need more than memories and old laughter. i need someone who shows up when it counts. someone who doesn’t make me feel like my pain is something to tiptoe around.
i hope you’re okay. i really do. i hope your life fills with softness, with people who get you the way i did. i hope you never feel the kind of ache i’m carrying right now.
and if someday, you think of me. if my name crosses your mind and your chest aches just a little. i hope you know, i never stopped loving you. not even now. not even walking away.
maybe one day you’ll feel my absence and realise you lost something you’ll never have again.
goodbye, i love you, im sorry
origamiaround
yousharknotpass
theartofmadeline
turnnoffyourmind
2087
