So much time wasted crying over spilled milk.
I fucked up. You fucked up. Nobody wants to own up to their mistakes. Pride will kill us all.
I miss you. You donât. You got a rebound, I got a pillow full of screams and tears.
I asked for forgiveness, I let my selfishness aside.
You threw me to the ground and danced around my corpse with your new toy.
I watched from a distance how little did I meant to you, while you still mean the world to me.
I stood up, washed my still open wounds, put a bandage on and went out the door.
Not to find someone to use for my own selfish reasons.
Not to throw my heart again at someone who will probably have no clue what to do with it.
But to try to love myself for once,
And accept my imperfections as part of who I am.
Day to day I still stumble and scrap a knee once in a blue sky
But if you dont then are you really living though?
The pain only reminds me that Iâm still alive
When I could have probably just ended it all
The day I found out I was just another brick in your wall
Of useless things that you pity once in a while
Because youâre head is so stuck in youâre behind you believe the world owns you something
When in reality you are nothing
Just like the rest of us.
I donât blame you though
In your eyes I was a monster
Who didnât bow down to your greatness everyday
And pleasure your existance the moment you walked through the door.
Who did the same things you did in the day to day life
But it wasnât enough because it was you who deserved everything.
And I was just there.
My feelings were not permitted. I was not allowed to have a voice. An opinion. I was not allowed to have ownership of my body because I was yours for the taking and I shouldnât be covering myself because it wasnt my choice.
I was not allowed to feel guilty when I felt you touch my skin without me wanting it because as a woman
I should always want it, right?
I should always want to be touched, to be groped, to be kissed, to be always ready for sex. Because thatâs what we strive for, to feel âwantedâ, even if we donât want to.
These scars probably wonât heal
As soon as yours did
Because how simple life can be
When somebody is already there waiting
When you get tired enough of your toy
And you move on to the next one.
Leaving your old one in the dust
in the dark corners of your mind
Where I will always be
Just another brick in your wall.
jacobvanloon
dailybridgerton
romaincrisis
theartofmadeline
annaxmalina
turnnoffyourmind
stormborns
kaledo-art
