⋮ ⌗ ┆synopsis: han taesan, a regular office worker, visits your ramen shop daily for a hot, comforting bowl of ramen. but what if ramen isn't the only reason why he keeps coming back?
⋮ ⌗ ┆author's note: sorry I haven't been posting fics in ages.. I had a writing burn out for a while and can't seem to clear the drafts I have TT. i'm actually writing this on the day of taesan's birthday and this story is for that reason, happy birthday taesann!! it is very short so I do apologize but i've been wanting to write a fic with the recent boomboom concept photos (at first it was going to be a 'can this love be translated' au but maybe i'll write that another time ><) anyways, I hope you enjoy this fic mwahmwah
▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|• now playing: so lets go see the stars by boynextdoor
back to masterlist | as always ; reblogs and comments highly valued!! (please!!)
dear diary,
everyday, he comes in at the same time. his buttonup shirt crumpled, his hair disheveled, his eyebags prominent. and everyday, he orders the same ramen from me. a tonkotsu ramen with an extra egg. hot tea if he feels like it. and i'll watch him eat, not in a creepy way but to see if he's satisfied. if he is, he'll let out a soft groan with furrowed eyebrows. if he isn't.. well he hasn't been unsatisfied before. and i take pride in that knowledge. sometimes he'll talk to me. just some small talk. he ask if a lot of people visit. i say not really. i ask if he's doing okay. he says yes, but the look on his face says otherwise. sometimes i'll crack a small joke and he'll laugh. his smile is pretty, it looks like it can light up the whole world. his eyes under the dim lights twinkle, it's mesmerising. i want to see it up close, like a moth drawn to a flame. his skin looks soft to the touch and his hair no matter how disheveled it looks, makes me want to comb my fingers through them. he'll tease me after my joke. maybe my face goes obviously red because sometimes he pokes my cheek while chuckling. his laughter is like honey, sweet to soul and healing to the bones, I would love to hear it all the time. oh dear diary, you ought to know his name. his name is han taesan. and i really, really like him.
- l/n y/n
꒰ 🍜 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟmore below the cut
it was a rainy day, you sit inside the shop fiddling with your apron. it's another quiet day in the town, not many customers and not many orders. you sit alone with your thoughts, which is mostly about han taesan. you've been thinking about him a lot recently after you managed to tell yourself you actually do like him. you stare at the clock, he's an hour late. he usually comes in at 7pm but it's now 8. you should close the shop and head home but the thought of him maybe coming here, realizing it's close and not having food for the night makes you wait. you tell yourself it's worth it. he's worth it.
as the minutes tick past, you find yourself slouching more and more down on the table until your eyes flutter close. maybe 10 minutes had passed, or maybe an hour did but when you open your eyes, a suit jacket is wrapped around you and the smell of ramen wafts through the air. you don't process it until five seconds later. you stand up abruptly to see han taesan in the kitchen making his own ramen.
"good morning." he greets, a scoff escaping his lips. "you could've woken me up you know." you rub your eyes as you walk towards him. he shrugs as he puts the noodles to a boil, "you were asleep and it's past your closing time." you don't say anything but watch the noodles boil.
"thank you." he mumbles under his breath as you look up at him in confusion. "for waiting for me…" he continues. your cheeks turn red immediately, "no-nonsense! who says I was waiting for you." you immediately turn away from him. taesan chuckles under his breath, "hah yea. sorry I assumed."
after a moment of silence, you broke it softly, "so..why did you come so late?"
taesan sighs softly, a look of vulnerability on his face. "my boss asked me to work overtime. and then it started raining once I left the office so I had to wait until it let up into a drizzle." "you could've just went home instead." you mutter.
"and not be able to see you?" taesan looks at you with those stupid entrancing eyes of his. "you'll live." you shot back before avoiding eye contact. he simply laughs.
once the noodles are done, he puts it all together and begins to slurp up the noodles. he lets out a soft groan and his eyebrows are furrowed. cute… you can't help but think.
after he's done, he washes his own bowl and helps you close up the shop. the rain has stopped and all that's left is a cooling night. "let me walk you home." he asks softly but it sounds more like an order. you nod, besides a few extra minutes with him sounds like heaven.
and as you walk, the silence between the two of you is both comforting and soothing. you stare at the stars shining above you, twinkling against the dark backdrop of the sky. "the moon is pretty today isn't it?" taesan asks. you nod, "yeah.. it is."
"you know, today's my birthday." you immediately freeze in your steps, "it is?" he nods in response, "august 10th." "you should've told me that earlier! I wouldn't have charged you for your ramen-" he rolls his eyes. "it's fine.." "I don't have a present for you either-" "I don't need one from you.."
"but come on. it is your birthday, at least let me-" you scramble about as you take out your wallet from your bag. "I just want one thing from you, y/n" you nod in anticipation. his hand reaches out for yours. you nearly have a panic attack then and there. his hands are as soft as you imagined. his fingers intertwine and interlock with yours. it feels grounding. and reassuring. "this is all I want." he smiles softly.
and under the dim streetlight and shining stars and moon, you nearly tell him that you like him.. that you're infatuated with him.. but thank the heavens that he continued walking. and as the two of you continued to walk, you came to the realization that maybe you don't want this night to end. maybe you don't want to let go of his hand. maybe, just maybe, you want more days like this.
you arrive outside your house. the two of you reluctantly let go. how you wish you had rewinding time superhero capabilities.
"get home safe.." you muttered and he nodded in return. "happy birthday." you continue.
he stands there in silence before reaching into his pocket and handing you a piece of paper. you accept it in curiosity. "when you enter your house.. I want you to make sure you can't see me anymore, that I've walked home and then you can open the paper and read it."
you nod slowly and he nudges you to go into your house. and so you do.
you stand at the window, watching him get further and further away from your house until he can no longer be seen. you open the paper with a bated breath and a racing heart.
꒰ 🍜 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ
dear y/n,
everyday, I come in at the same time. your apron ironed and neat, your hair under the head wrap still tidy, your face glowing. and everyday, you greet me with a cheerful voice as I place my messenger bag on the entrance rack out of habit. and i'll watch you make my food, not in a creepy way but to see if that day was a good day. if it was, you'll hum softly with a bounce in your step. if it wasn't.. well I haven't noticed anything, you always seem to be in a good mood. and I take comfort in that knowledge. sometimes i'll talk to you. just some small talk. i ask if a lot of people visit. you say not really. you ask if I'm doing okay. I say yes, because how could I possibly tell you I hate my job and the only thing I look forward to at the end of the day isn't ramen but you? sometimes you'll crack a small joke, it's not funny but i'll laugh anyways. because you'll smile. and your smile is pretty. it's hypnotizing that even if a thousand people are smiling at me, i'll only want to find yours. your eyes under the dim lights sparkle. its captivating to say the least. I want to see it up close, like a bee drawn to honey. your skin looks soft to the touch and your neat and tidy hair, makes me want to ruffle it up. i'll tease you after you say your joke and your face goes extremely red, it's cute how flustered you get that i can't help but poke your cheek while I chuckle. your laughter is like sunlight, warm to the heart and healing to the spirit, i would love to hear it all the time. so dear l/n y/n, i really, really like you. and if you feel the same way.. catch me if you can.
- han taesan
꒰ 🍜 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ
the paper drops to the ground as soon as you finish reading it. you sprint out the door, you run as fast as your legs can take you. even if you run out of breath halfway and even as the stitches cramp the side of your stomach, you run until you finally see him beneath the dim streetlight, you slow down and your feet comes to a halt.
"y/n-" "i like you!" the words come out before you can stop them. you take another breath, trying to steady yourself. "i really, really like you, han taesan!" your voice echoes through the quiet street. taesan stands completely still. for a moment, he doesn't say anything. he just stares at you, his eyes wide as if he can't quite believe what he's hearing. then, slowly, a smile creeps onto his lips. the same smile you've watched from behind the counter so many times. only this time, it's meant for you. "i really, really like you too, l/n y/n."
bunny gif divider by @kthice | network: @berrybittynetwork
like this fic? check for more on my masterlist and maybe even join my taglist!! more interested in moodboards or more regular posts of mine? follow @mxriitaesz
perm tl: @myungmyng @yumangel @gigisnextdoor @aquas-heart @velvetmae @angelsemble @enlov3vampxo @ihanzzn @vernorica123 @aquariumbubble @nikisleftside (dm, comment or send an ask to be added to the tl!!)
⋮ ⌗ ┆synopsis: you became a museum of people, preserving every laugh, every story, every passing preference behind glass. the problem was that nobody ever stayed long enough to learn yours. a story about loneliness, being loved in fractions, and what happens when the person who always remembers decides to stop..
⋮ ⌗ ┆trigger warnings: emotional, self doubt, loneliness, insecurity, jealousy, overthinking, fear of being overlooked, mental health issues, intended lowercase, bestfriend taesan, my personal feelings over the past months compiled into a fic
⋮ ⌗ ┆word count: 3.55k
⋮ ⌗ ┆authors note: hihi everyone, I wrote this fic after months of bottling up my feelings and I couldn't keep them in hence I wrote this fic. i'm not someone who's good at expressing my feelings so openly so I hope this fic can be a substitute for that and just imagine you, the reader, is 'taesan' while 'you' in this story for maximum effect. :)
▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|• now playing: call me by boynextdoor
back to masterlist | as always ; reblogs and comments highly valued!! (please!!)
some people are constellations. no matter where they go, eyes naturally follow them, finding them in the night sky. others are shooting stars, wanted desperately and sparkled bright for a fleeting moment, burning in the night sky. you have always wondered which one you were. perhaps the one that twinkled? or perhaps neither. perhaps you were the moon reflected in a small puddle of rainwater, noticed only when someone happened to glance down when stepped on, only for a second and then they go back to their daily routine. you spent months weaving yourself into others, tucking their favourite songs between your ribs, carrying their stories in your pockets, remembering them with devotion that bordered on worship.
yet when you reached out your hands, hoping to find traces of yourself in return, they come back empty. you became a museum of people, every laugh preserved behind glass, every passing comment careful, every preference memorised as though someday there would be a test. meanwhile, your own exhibits gathered dust in the forgotten corners. nobody stopped to read the plagues with your interest or feelings carved into them. nobody lingered long enough to learn the stories behind them. they walked through your halls and left.
perhaps that was what hurt the most, not being hated, not being abandoned but being overlooked. being loved in fractions when you gave in whole numbers. being remembered only when convenient, like a bookmark tucked into a novel nobody intended to finish. you told yourself you didn’t mind, that you were being dramatic. people had lives of their own. people forgot people. but every forgotten message, every silence stretching a little too long, every moment you realised you were not the first name to come to mind became another stone in your chest.
eventually, you began to wonder what would happen if you stopped, if you ceased watering the gardens that never bloomed for you. if you stopped being the first to reach out, the first to remember, the first to care, would anyone notice the absence? would anyone search or the missing piece? or would the world carry on spinning exactly as it always had, proving what you had feared all along, that you had been a mistake.
after all, a candle can spend its entire life lighting the way for others, only to discover that once the flame dies, nobody remembers where the light came from.
more below the cut:
you’ve been friends with han taesan for months. long enough to know the songs he reaches for when the world becomes too loud for him, long enough to hear simply the opening notes of oasis, nirvana or my chemical romance and think of him before the song itself. long enough to know that he always buys pudding when he’s had a particularly tiring day, that’ll he reach for banana milk on the 3rd shelf without even looking, and that he can never resist stopping at street food truck on the walk home.
you know the stories he tells in passing. the ones that slip out between conversations and disappear as quickly as they came. stories about his childhood, calling his mom ‘auntie’, about his friend, him pranking his friend that they lost his passport, about things he finds funny. sometimes, he doesn’t even remember telling them afterwards, but you do.
the way his face softens whenever he talks about something he genuinely loves. the way he absent-mindedly hums songs under his breath. the expressions he makes when he’s thinking too hard. the habits he’s picked up over the months without ever noticing.
somewhere along the way, memorizing han taesan became effortless. it wasn’t something you consciously chose to do. it simply happened. every passing comment became something worth keeping. every preference became something worth remembering. every fragment of himself that he handed to you. no matter how small, found a permanent place in your mind.
sometimes you think you know taesan better than he knows himself. not because you’re special. but because you spent months paying attention. because caring for someone means remembering them. and you have always cared far more than needed.
whenever something reminds you of him remotely, you send it to him immediately. a song playing in a cafe. a black cat sleeping on a windowsill. a photo of a band tee that looked like something he would wear. an edit you see online. a quote you found on pinterest. if it reminds you of taesan, no matter how insignificant it is, your fingers are already sending it to him.
the problem is that taesan never seems to do the same. at first you don’t notice it. or maybe you do, but you convince yourself that it doesn’t matter. then someone mentions one of your interest, your favourite idol, and instead of turning to you, taesan turns to someone else. he send them pictures of the idol specifically to them, mentions the idol to them.
another time, he excitedly shares a story you’ve never heard before with a group of people you could have sworn he wasn’t at all close to. and then it happens again. and again. and again. they’re such small moment that nobody else would pay attention to them. moments that sound ridiculous when spoken aloud. moments that shouldn’t hurt as much as they do.
but they do.
because every time it happens, a quiet voice in the back of your head asks the same question, why wasn’t it me? you hate that question. you hate the jealousy that follows it. you hate the bitterness curling in your chest whenever you watch him remember someone first. most of all, you hate yourself for caring. because taesan isn’t doing anything wrong. he isn’t choosing to hurt you. he isn’t intentionally leaving you behind.
yet somehow, every time he remembers somebody else before he remembers you, it feels like standing outside a locked door with your hand still wrapped around the key. and eventually, the tiny cuts begin to feel less like cuts and more like proof. proof that maybe you’ve spent months memorizing someone who never thought to memorise you back.
you tell yourself that you’re being dramatic. jealous. selfish.
you tell yourself that friendships aren’t measured by who remembers who first, that taesan is allowed to have other people in his life. that the world doesn’t revolve around you. so you swallow it down. every sting. every disappointment. every moment where your heart sinks for reasons you can’t properly explain. you bury the feelings beneath excuses. he’s probably busy. it doesn’t mean anything. you’re overthinking it again. and for a while, those excuses work. until they don’t.
because no matter how many times you scold yourself for feeling this way, the ache remains. it follows you into the conversations and lingers long after they’ve ended. it settles quietly in your chest whenever you see taesan effortlessly connect with people in ways you’ve spent months wishing he could connect with you.
the guilt is almost worse than the sadness. you know he hasn’t done anything wrong. you know he doesn’t owe you anything. yet every time you realise you’ve remembered another detail about him white struggling to think of a single detail he might have remembered about you, something inside you twists painfully.
you begin questioning everything. whether you’re trying too hard. whether you’re too much. whether people secretly tolerate you rather than enjoy being around you. whether you’ve mistaken being available for important. and no matter how hard you try to silence those thoughts, they always seem to find their way back. because deep down, beneath all the guilt and self-loathing lies a fear you’ve been too afraid to name. that maybe you’re easy to forget. and maybe that’s why nobody ever seems to remember.
while everyone seems to have people waiting for them, messages flooding their asks, their inboxes, their phones, friends checking up on them, you begin feeling increasingly invisible. it’s a feeling that creeps up on you slowly. you notice it when your phone stays silent for hours unless you’re the one starting the conversation. when group chats ignore you. when nobody asks where you’ve been.
meanwhile, everyone else seems to have someone. someone reading their stories. someone checking up on them. someone bringing them into a conversation. someone remembering. and you begin wondering what it is about you that makes people leave your name at the tip of their tongue before forgetting to say it altogether. that you might be at the front as a trio, but at the end of the day, everyone remembers the other two.
still, you smile.
you become frighteningly good at it. you smile when people ask how you’ve been. smile when they joke around you. smile when they tell you stories about people who seem to matter more. eventually, the smile stops feeling natural. so you start practicing. standing in front of the bathroom mirror late at night, tilting your head slightly to the left because that angle looks more convincing, pulling the corners of your lips higher, softer, happier. again. and again. and again. until you’ve perfected the expression of someone who is doing just fine.
sometimes you stare at your reflection afterwards and wonder why it still looks so wrong. why the smile never quite reaches your eyes. why it feels less like happiness and more like a mask you’ve worn for so long that you’re starting to forget what’s underneath it.
even your text messages become performances. you add extra exclamation marks. you type out laughter. you send cheerful replies even when you’re lying in bed staring at the ceiling, feeling emptier than ever. sometimes you’ll catch yourself smiling at your phone while texting someone, not because you’re happy, but because you’ve somehow convinced yourself it’ll make the words sound happier.
as if emotions can travel through a screen. as if pretending long enough will eventually make it true. and maybe that’s the cruelest part. the more lonely you become, the harder you work to make sure nobody notices. because if nobody notices that you’re hurting, then at least you can pretend it’s a choice. at least you can tell yourself that you’re hiding. instead of facing the possibility that nobody was looking for you in the first place.
you wonder if anyone would notice if you stopped reaching out first. it’s a though that lingers in your mind for weeks before you finally act on it. not out of spite. not to test anyone. just because you’re tired. tired of always being the one who remembers. so one day, you stop.
you stop sending taesan songs that remind you of him. you stop taking photos of things you know would make him laugh. you stop texting first. stop asking how he’s doing. stop showing up in the places where he expects to find you. you make yourself smaller, quieter, easier to miss. and then you wait. at first, nobody notices. your phone remains silent.
days pass. then a week. the world continues turning exactly as it always has. people continue laughing. continue making plans. continue living. and somehow, that hurts more than if they had outright told you they didn’t care. because at least rejection is an answer. this feels like proof. proof that your absence creates no gap. that nothing changes when you’re gone.
while taesan continues living his life normally, you find yourself sinking and spiralling deeper and deeper into thoughts you can no longer control. you start seeing yourself through the lens of every insecurity you’ve ever tried to ignore. replaceable. forgettable. temporary. a person who only exists in other people’s lives when it’s convenient.
you begin replaying old conversations in your head, searching for evidence that you mattered more than you think you did. you come up empty every time. sleep becomes difficult. some nights you lie awake staring at the ceiling, wondering how long it would take for people to realize you’ve disappeared completely. a day? a week? a month? or would someone eventually mention your name in passing and be met with a confused silence, as though you were never there at all?
the worst part is that you know these thoughts aren’t fair.
you know loneliness has a way of twisting reality into something uglier. yet the longer the silence stretches on, the harder it becomes to argue against it. because if people miss you, surely they would look for you. surely they would call. surely they would notice.
but every morning, you wake up to the same empty notifications. and every morning, it becomes a little easier to believe the lie that has been growing inside you all along,
that if you vanished tomorrow, the world would simply be the same.
just as it always has.
meanwhile, taesan slowly begins noticing the absence of someone who had always been there. at first, it’s the little things. small things. the kind of things he never paid attention to because they were always there. his phone feels quieter.
there are fewer notifications waiting for him after school. fewer random photos in his chat. fewer messages saying, *plop* or this reminded me of you
he tells himself you’re probably busy. then a song comes on through his headphones. from the idol he knows you like. his thumb hovers overs your contact before he remembers. he hasn’t heard from you in weeks. another day, he sees something stupid that would have made you laugh. another day, he buys a snack and remembers you always trying to steal a bite. another day, he hears a story and thinks, i should tell—
before the thought abruptly stops. because he hasn’t spoken to you. a realization follows him everywhere, for the first time he realizes just how often his thoughts ended with you. through late nights spent staring at old conversations, he scrolls further and further back through your messages, only to discover something he wished he hadn’t noticed. almost every conversation started with you.
every song, every photo, every check-in, every how was your day?
you had been reaching for him for months. and he had never realised. because hed grown so used to your presence that he’s started treating it like something permanent. something that would always be there no matter how little attention he paid to it.
for the first time in his life, han taesan feels the shape of your absence. and it terrifies him. so he goes looking for you. except when he finally finds you, nothing goes the way he imagined. you don’t look angry, you don’t yell, you don’t accuse him. you just look tired. tired in a way he’s never seen before. and when the words finally start spilling out, months of hurt come pouring out with them
all the loneliness. all the jealousy. all the guilt. all the times you see others be better than you. all the times you have been overlooked. all the times someone was more important than you. all the times you’ve cried to sleep. all the moments you curled into a ball wishing life gave you a fair chance. all the moments you wanted someone to remember you instead of needing you of convenience. all the moments you convinced yourself that if you disappeared, nothing in his life would change. all the moments you wished you were someones choice..
taesan listens. and with every sentence, the guilt settles deeper into his chest. because nne of this is new. these feelings didn’t appear overnight, they’d been brewing for months and months. hidden behind every smile and every cheerful message.
and the worst part is realizing he never noticed. that while he was taking your presence for granted, you genuinely believed nobody would notice if you were gone. and now, standing in front of him, you look at him with the certainty of someone who has already accepted the truth.
while taesan is only just beginning to understand how wrong it is, by then, the doesn’t know whether he’s too late to make you believe otherwise because the problem is that by then, you've already convinced yourself that nobody would have noticed if you disappeared.
after spending so long feeling overlooked, you’re no longer sure if being remembers now is enough. because that is what you wanted, wasn’t it? for someone to notice. for someone to realise you were gone. for someone to come looking for you. for someone to choose you. and yet, standing here now, with taesan looking at you as though he’s afraid you’ll disappear again, you feel none of the relief you thought you would.
instead you feel tired, so unbearably tired. the kind of tired that settles deep in your bones after carrying something alone for far too long. because the loneliness didn’t vanish the moment he noticed. the insecurity didn’t disappear the moment he came back.
months of feeling unwanted cannot be undone by a single conversation. months of silence cannot be erased by finally hearing your own name. you spent so long teaching yourself not the need anyone, spent so long teaching yourself that being forgotten was normal. that expecting people to remember you was asking for too much. that caring less would hurt less.
those beliefs didn’t disappear overnight. they rooted themselves inside you. became a part of you. and now taesan stands before you, finally seeing all the things he failed to see before, finally understanding the hurt you’ve been carrying all this time. but understanding it now doesn’t change the nights you spent staring at a silent phone.
it doesn’t change the countless times you swallowed your feelings because you were afraid of being difficult.
it doesn’t change the way you’ve learned to expect disappointment before hope.
for months, you waited for someone to notice you were hurting. eventually, you stopped waiting. and that’s the problem. because somewhere along the way, the question stopped being will anyone notice if i disappear? and it became does it matter if they do?
taesan remembers you now. he sees you now. he’s reaching for you now. but after spending so long feeling forgotten, you’re no longer sure if being remembered now is enough to heal the part of you that learned how to survive with being overlooked.
perhaps you had been wrong all along. perhaps you were never a constellation. never a shooting star. never even the moon reflected in a puddle. because constellations are noticed. shooting stars are wished upon. even reflections catch someone’s eye eventually.
you were the sky itself. always there. so constant that people forgot to look. for months, you stretched endlessly above the people you loved, carrying their storms, their sunlight, their wishes and their dreams. you made room for all of them. held every memory they handed to you with careful hands.
and like the sky, you became something expected. something permanent. something people assumed would still be there tomorrow, asking for nothing. the tragedy of permanence is that people rarely think to appreciate it until it disappears. until one day they leave, and everyone finally notices how much of the sky was missing.
only when the stars vanish do people realize how dark the night has become. only when the music stops do people notice the silence. only when someone leaves do people begin measuring the space they occupied.
perhaps the cruelest thing about being remembered is that it happens only after you stopped waiting for it. for months, you stood at the edge of other people’s lives like a lighthouse overlooking a restless sea. you guided them home through storms. carried their secrets. memorised the shape of their hearts so they would never have to feel alone.
and then one day, exhausted, you let the lights out. only then did people notice the darkness. only then did they stop and wonder where the glow had gone. perhaps that should have been enough. perhaps it should have healed something inside you to know that your absence left a space after all.
but wounds do no disappear simply because someone finally acknowledges they exist.
a flower watered too late still wilts.
a letter delivered months after it was written still arrives stained with time.
some things are not broken by a single moment, but by a thousand tiny moments stacked carefully on top of one another until they become impossible to carry. you spent months searching for evidence that you existed in other people the same way they existed in you. months reaching into conversations and friendships, hoping to find your name stitched somewhere between the seams.
months wondering whether you mattered or whether you had simply become convenient. and eventually, the wondering became its own kind of answer. not because nobody cared. but because you had already learned how to live as though they didn’t.
perhaps that was the real tragedy. not being forgotten. not being overlooked. but becoming so accustomed to emptiness that even when hands finally reached for you, you no longer knew how to reach back.
after all, a candle can spend its entire life lighting the way for others, only to discover that one the flame dies, people suddenly remember how dark the room is.
but knowing that they missed the light does not undo the months spent burning alone.
bunny gif divider by @kthice | network: @berrybittynetwork
like this fic? check for more on my masterlist and maybe even join my taglist!! more interested in moodboards or more regular posts of mine? follow @mxriitaesz
perm tl: @myungmyng @yumangel @ivehan @gigisnextdoor @aquas-heart @velvetmae @angelsemble @enlov3vampxo @ihanzzn @vernorica123 @aquariumbubble @nikisleftside (dm, comment or send an ask to be added to the tl!!)
⋮ ⌗ ┆synopsis: you became a museum of people, preserving every laugh, every story, every passing preference behind glass. the problem was that nobody ever stayed long enough to learn yours. a story about loneliness, being loved in fractions, and what happens when the person who always remembers decides to stop..
⋮ ⌗ ┆trigger warnings: emotional, self doubt, loneliness, insecurity, jealousy, overthinking, fear of being overlooked, mental health issues, intended lowercase, bestfriend taesan, my personal feelings over the past months compiled into a fic
⋮ ⌗ ┆word count: 3.55k
⋮ ⌗ ┆authors note: hihi everyone, I wrote this fic after months of bottling up my feelings and I couldn't keep them in hence I wrote this fic. i'm not someone who's good at expressing my feelings so openly so I hope this fic can be a substitute for that and just imagine you, the reader, is 'taesan' while 'you' in this story for maximum effect. :)
▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|• now playing: call me by boynextdoor
back to masterlist | as always ; reblogs and comments highly valued!! (please!!)
some people are constellations. no matter where they go, eyes naturally follow them, finding them in the night sky. others are shooting stars, wanted desperately and sparkled bright for a fleeting moment, burning in the night sky. you have always wondered which one you were. perhaps the one that twinkled? or perhaps neither. perhaps you were the moon reflected in a small puddle of rainwater, noticed only when someone happened to glance down when stepped on, only for a second and then they go back to their daily routine. you spent months weaving yourself into others, tucking their favourite songs between your ribs, carrying their stories in your pockets, remembering them with devotion that bordered on worship.
yet when you reached out your hands, hoping to find traces of yourself in return, they come back empty. you became a museum of people, every laugh preserved behind glass, every passing comment careful, every preference memorised as though someday there would be a test. meanwhile, your own exhibits gathered dust in the forgotten corners. nobody stopped to read the plagues with your interest or feelings carved into them. nobody lingered long enough to learn the stories behind them. they walked through your halls and left.
perhaps that was what hurt the most, not being hated, not being abandoned but being overlooked. being loved in fractions when you gave in whole numbers. being remembered only when convenient, like a bookmark tucked into a novel nobody intended to finish. you told yourself you didn’t mind, that you were being dramatic. people had lives of their own. people forgot people. but every forgotten message, every silence stretching a little too long, every moment you realised you were not the first name to come to mind became another stone in your chest.
eventually, you began to wonder what would happen if you stopped, if you ceased watering the gardens that never bloomed for you. if you stopped being the first to reach out, the first to remember, the first to care, would anyone notice the absence? would anyone search or the missing piece? or would the world carry on spinning exactly as it always had, proving what you had feared all along, that you had been a mistake.
after all, a candle can spend its entire life lighting the way for others, only to discover that once the flame dies, nobody remembers where the light came from.
more below the cut:
you’ve been friends with han taesan for months. long enough to know the songs he reaches for when the world becomes too loud for him, long enough to hear simply the opening notes of oasis, nirvana or my chemical romance and think of him before the song itself. long enough to know that he always buys pudding when he’s had a particularly tiring day, that’ll he reach for banana milk on the 3rd shelf without even looking, and that he can never resist stopping at street food truck on the walk home.
you know the stories he tells in passing. the ones that slip out between conversations and disappear as quickly as they came. stories about his childhood, calling his mom ‘auntie’, about his friend, him pranking his friend that they lost his passport, about things he finds funny. sometimes, he doesn’t even remember telling them afterwards, but you do.
the way his face softens whenever he talks about something he genuinely loves. the way he absent-mindedly hums songs under his breath. the expressions he makes when he’s thinking too hard. the habits he’s picked up over the months without ever noticing.
somewhere along the way, memorizing han taesan became effortless. it wasn’t something you consciously chose to do. it simply happened. every passing comment became something worth keeping. every preference became something worth remembering. every fragment of himself that he handed to you. no matter how small, found a permanent place in your mind.
sometimes you think you know taesan better than he knows himself. not because you’re special. but because you spent months paying attention. because caring for someone means remembering them. and you have always cared far more than needed.
whenever something reminds you of him remotely, you send it to him immediately. a song playing in a cafe. a black cat sleeping on a windowsill. a photo of a band tee that looked like something he would wear. an edit you see online. a quote you found on pinterest. if it reminds you of taesan, no matter how insignificant it is, your fingers are already sending it to him.
the problem is that taesan never seems to do the same. at first you don’t notice it. or maybe you do, but you convince yourself that it doesn’t matter. then someone mentions one of your interest, your favourite idol, and instead of turning to you, taesan turns to someone else. he send them pictures of the idol specifically to them, mentions the idol to them.
another time, he excitedly shares a story you’ve never heard before with a group of people you could have sworn he wasn’t at all close to. and then it happens again. and again. and again. they’re such small moment that nobody else would pay attention to them. moments that sound ridiculous when spoken aloud. moments that shouldn’t hurt as much as they do.
but they do.
because every time it happens, a quiet voice in the back of your head asks the same question, why wasn’t it me? you hate that question. you hate the jealousy that follows it. you hate the bitterness curling in your chest whenever you watch him remember someone first. most of all, you hate yourself for caring. because taesan isn’t doing anything wrong. he isn’t choosing to hurt you. he isn’t intentionally leaving you behind.
yet somehow, every time he remembers somebody else before he remembers you, it feels like standing outside a locked door with your hand still wrapped around the key. and eventually, the tiny cuts begin to feel less like cuts and more like proof. proof that maybe you’ve spent months memorizing someone who never thought to memorise you back.
you tell yourself that you’re being dramatic. jealous. selfish.
you tell yourself that friendships aren’t measured by who remembers who first, that taesan is allowed to have other people in his life. that the world doesn’t revolve around you. so you swallow it down. every sting. every disappointment. every moment where your heart sinks for reasons you can’t properly explain. you bury the feelings beneath excuses. he’s probably busy. it doesn’t mean anything. you’re overthinking it again. and for a while, those excuses work. until they don’t.
because no matter how many times you scold yourself for feeling this way, the ache remains. it follows you into the conversations and lingers long after they’ve ended. it settles quietly in your chest whenever you see taesan effortlessly connect with people in ways you’ve spent months wishing he could connect with you.
the guilt is almost worse than the sadness. you know he hasn’t done anything wrong. you know he doesn’t owe you anything. yet every time you realise you’ve remembered another detail about him white struggling to think of a single detail he might have remembered about you, something inside you twists painfully.
you begin questioning everything. whether you’re trying too hard. whether you’re too much. whether people secretly tolerate you rather than enjoy being around you. whether you’ve mistaken being available for important. and no matter how hard you try to silence those thoughts, they always seem to find their way back. because deep down, beneath all the guilt and self-loathing lies a fear you’ve been too afraid to name. that maybe you’re easy to forget. and maybe that’s why nobody ever seems to remember.
while everyone seems to have people waiting for them, messages flooding their asks, their inboxes, their phones, friends checking up on them, you begin feeling increasingly invisible. it’s a feeling that creeps up on you slowly. you notice it when your phone stays silent for hours unless you’re the one starting the conversation. when group chats ignore you. when nobody asks where you’ve been.
meanwhile, everyone else seems to have someone. someone reading their stories. someone checking up on them. someone bringing them into a conversation. someone remembering. and you begin wondering what it is about you that makes people leave your name at the tip of their tongue before forgetting to say it altogether. that you might be at the front as a trio, but at the end of the day, everyone remembers the other two.
still, you smile.
you become frighteningly good at it. you smile when people ask how you’ve been. smile when they joke around you. smile when they tell you stories about people who seem to matter more. eventually, the smile stops feeling natural. so you start practicing. standing in front of the bathroom mirror late at night, tilting your head slightly to the left because that angle looks more convincing, pulling the corners of your lips higher, softer, happier. again. and again. and again. until you’ve perfected the expression of someone who is doing just fine.
sometimes you stare at your reflection afterwards and wonder why it still looks so wrong. why the smile never quite reaches your eyes. why it feels less like happiness and more like a mask you’ve worn for so long that you’re starting to forget what’s underneath it.
even your text messages become performances. you add extra exclamation marks. you type out laughter. you send cheerful replies even when you’re lying in bed staring at the ceiling, feeling emptier than ever. sometimes you’ll catch yourself smiling at your phone while texting someone, not because you’re happy, but because you’ve somehow convinced yourself it’ll make the words sound happier.
as if emotions can travel through a screen. as if pretending long enough will eventually make it true. and maybe that’s the cruelest part. the more lonely you become, the harder you work to make sure nobody notices. because if nobody notices that you’re hurting, then at least you can pretend it’s a choice. at least you can tell yourself that you’re hiding. instead of facing the possibility that nobody was looking for you in the first place.
you wonder if anyone would notice if you stopped reaching out first. it’s a though that lingers in your mind for weeks before you finally act on it. not out of spite. not to test anyone. just because you’re tired. tired of always being the one who remembers. so one day, you stop.
you stop sending taesan songs that remind you of him. you stop taking photos of things you know would make him laugh. you stop texting first. stop asking how he’s doing. stop showing up in the places where he expects to find you. you make yourself smaller, quieter, easier to miss. and then you wait. at first, nobody notices. your phone remains silent.
days pass. then a week. the world continues turning exactly as it always has. people continue laughing. continue making plans. continue living. and somehow, that hurts more than if they had outright told you they didn’t care. because at least rejection is an answer. this feels like proof. proof that your absence creates no gap. that nothing changes when you’re gone.
while taesan continues living his life normally, you find yourself sinking and spiralling deeper and deeper into thoughts you can no longer control. you start seeing yourself through the lens of every insecurity you’ve ever tried to ignore. replaceable. forgettable. temporary. a person who only exists in other people’s lives when it’s convenient.
you begin replaying old conversations in your head, searching for evidence that you mattered more than you think you did. you come up empty every time. sleep becomes difficult. some nights you lie awake staring at the ceiling, wondering how long it would take for people to realize you’ve disappeared completely. a day? a week? a month? or would someone eventually mention your name in passing and be met with a confused silence, as though you were never there at all?
the worst part is that you know these thoughts aren’t fair.
you know loneliness has a way of twisting reality into something uglier. yet the longer the silence stretches on, the harder it becomes to argue against it. because if people miss you, surely they would look for you. surely they would call. surely they would notice.
but every morning, you wake up to the same empty notifications. and every morning, it becomes a little easier to believe the lie that has been growing inside you all along,
that if you vanished tomorrow, the world would simply be the same.
just as it always has.
meanwhile, taesan slowly begins noticing the absence of someone who had always been there. at first, it’s the little things. small things. the kind of things he never paid attention to because they were always there. his phone feels quieter.
there are fewer notifications waiting for him after school. fewer random photos in his chat. fewer messages saying, *plop* or this reminded me of you
he tells himself you’re probably busy. then a song comes on through his headphones. from the idol he knows you like. his thumb hovers overs your contact before he remembers. he hasn’t heard from you in weeks. another day, he sees something stupid that would have made you laugh. another day, he buys a snack and remembers you always trying to steal a bite. another day, he hears a story and thinks, i should tell—
before the thought abruptly stops. because he hasn’t spoken to you. a realization follows him everywhere, for the first time he realizes just how often his thoughts ended with you. through late nights spent staring at old conversations, he scrolls further and further back through your messages, only to discover something he wished he hadn’t noticed. almost every conversation started with you.
every song, every photo, every check-in, every how was your day?
you had been reaching for him for months. and he had never realised. because hed grown so used to your presence that he’s started treating it like something permanent. something that would always be there no matter how little attention he paid to it.
for the first time in his life, han taesan feels the shape of your absence. and it terrifies him. so he goes looking for you. except when he finally finds you, nothing goes the way he imagined. you don’t look angry, you don’t yell, you don’t accuse him. you just look tired. tired in a way he’s never seen before. and when the words finally start spilling out, months of hurt come pouring out with them
all the loneliness. all the jealousy. all the guilt. all the times you see others be better than you. all the times you have been overlooked. all the times someone was more important than you. all the times you’ve cried to sleep. all the moments you curled into a ball wishing life gave you a fair chance. all the moments you wanted someone to remember you instead of needing you of convenience. all the moments you convinced yourself that if you disappeared, nothing in his life would change. all the moments you wished you were someones choice..
taesan listens. and with every sentence, the guilt settles deeper into his chest. because nne of this is new. these feelings didn’t appear overnight, they’d been brewing for months and months. hidden behind every smile and every cheerful message.
and the worst part is realizing he never noticed. that while he was taking your presence for granted, you genuinely believed nobody would notice if you were gone. and now, standing in front of him, you look at him with the certainty of someone who has already accepted the truth.
while taesan is only just beginning to understand how wrong it is, by then, the doesn’t know whether he’s too late to make you believe otherwise because the problem is that by then, you've already convinced yourself that nobody would have noticed if you disappeared.
after spending so long feeling overlooked, you’re no longer sure if being remembers now is enough. because that is what you wanted, wasn’t it? for someone to notice. for someone to realise you were gone. for someone to come looking for you. for someone to choose you. and yet, standing here now, with taesan looking at you as though he’s afraid you’ll disappear again, you feel none of the relief you thought you would.
instead you feel tired, so unbearably tired. the kind of tired that settles deep in your bones after carrying something alone for far too long. because the loneliness didn’t vanish the moment he noticed. the insecurity didn’t disappear the moment he came back.
months of feeling unwanted cannot be undone by a single conversation. months of silence cannot be erased by finally hearing your own name. you spent so long teaching yourself not the need anyone, spent so long teaching yourself that being forgotten was normal. that expecting people to remember you was asking for too much. that caring less would hurt less.
those beliefs didn’t disappear overnight. they rooted themselves inside you. became a part of you. and now taesan stands before you, finally seeing all the things he failed to see before, finally understanding the hurt you’ve been carrying all this time. but understanding it now doesn’t change the nights you spent staring at a silent phone.
it doesn’t change the countless times you swallowed your feelings because you were afraid of being difficult.
it doesn’t change the way you’ve learned to expect disappointment before hope.
for months, you waited for someone to notice you were hurting. eventually, you stopped waiting. and that’s the problem. because somewhere along the way, the question stopped being will anyone notice if i disappear? and it became does it matter if they do?
taesan remembers you now. he sees you now. he’s reaching for you now. but after spending so long feeling forgotten, you’re no longer sure if being remembered now is enough to heal the part of you that learned how to survive with being overlooked.
perhaps you had been wrong all along. perhaps you were never a constellation. never a shooting star. never even the moon reflected in a puddle. because constellations are noticed. shooting stars are wished upon. even reflections catch someone’s eye eventually.
you were the sky itself. always there. so constant that people forgot to look. for months, you stretched endlessly above the people you loved, carrying their storms, their sunlight, their wishes and their dreams. you made room for all of them. held every memory they handed to you with careful hands.
and like the sky, you became something expected. something permanent. something people assumed would still be there tomorrow, asking for nothing. the tragedy of permanence is that people rarely think to appreciate it until it disappears. until one day they leave, and everyone finally notices how much of the sky was missing.
only when the stars vanish do people realize how dark the night has become. only when the music stops do people notice the silence. only when someone leaves do people begin measuring the space they occupied.
perhaps the cruelest thing about being remembered is that it happens only after you stopped waiting for it. for months, you stood at the edge of other people’s lives like a lighthouse overlooking a restless sea. you guided them home through storms. carried their secrets. memorised the shape of their hearts so they would never have to feel alone.
and then one day, exhausted, you let the lights out. only then did people notice the darkness. only then did they stop and wonder where the glow had gone. perhaps that should have been enough. perhaps it should have healed something inside you to know that your absence left a space after all.
but wounds do no disappear simply because someone finally acknowledges they exist.
a flower watered too late still wilts.
a letter delivered months after it was written still arrives stained with time.
some things are not broken by a single moment, but by a thousand tiny moments stacked carefully on top of one another until they become impossible to carry. you spent months searching for evidence that you existed in other people the same way they existed in you. months reaching into conversations and friendships, hoping to find your name stitched somewhere between the seams.
months wondering whether you mattered or whether you had simply become convenient. and eventually, the wondering became its own kind of answer. not because nobody cared. but because you had already learned how to live as though they didn’t.
perhaps that was the real tragedy. not being forgotten. not being overlooked. but becoming so accustomed to emptiness that even when hands finally reached for you, you no longer knew how to reach back.
after all, a candle can spend its entire life lighting the way for others, only to discover that one the flame dies, people suddenly remember how dark the room is.
but knowing that they missed the light does not undo the months spent burning alone.
bunny gif divider by @kthice | network: @berrybittynetwork
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⋮ ⌗ ┆synopsis: during a summer trip to Busan, an unexpected encounter at an aquarium leads to a friendship neither you nor Kim Leehan saw coming. But as the season comes to an end, some connections prove harder to leave behind than expected. Bound by the fleeting summer and an inexplicable sense of familiarity, two strangers find themselves connected in ways they don't fully understand summers later.
⋮ ⌗ ┆warnings: open ending, fluff, hint of angst, inspired by the anime 'your name', strangers, intended lowercase, skinship, not entirely proofread
⋮ ⌗ ┆word count: 4.9k
⋮ ⌗ ┆authors note: this is written for the @berrybittynetwork postcard from summer event!! this is also inspired by one of my favourite animes 'your name' teehee. I had soso much fun writing this so I hope you enjoy reading this too <33 p.s. it is an open ending so!! also, do give all the love to all the other members of the network who are taking part in this event. ~ myxo, lumi
ᛝ now playing: seasons by wave to earth
back to masterlist | reblogs and comments highly valued!! (please!!)
there are people who pass through your life like seasons.
they arrive quietly, staying only long enough to leave traces of themselves behind, and disappear before you realise how much space they’ve already taken up. years pass. faces blur. names are forgotten. memories soften at the edges until they become a little more than feelings you can no longer explain. time takes what it wants, little by little, until all that remains is a feeling. and the strange thing about feelings is that they refuse to die.
years can pass. cities can change. people can become strangers to the versions of themselves they used to be. but sometimes, on an ordinary day, a stranger’s presence feels familiar. a glimpse of blue catches your eye. the scent of flowery perfume lingers in the air for a second too long. and suddenly, something deep within you aches for a place you’ve never returned to and a person you can no longer remember. the unsettling certainty that you’ve lost something important, despite not knowing what it is.
it is as though a forgotten summer is trying to find its way back to you. and perhaps that is what growing up is, collecting fragments of people you once loved and carrying them with you long after their names have already disappeared from your mind. or perhaps they wait patiently in the quiet corners of your life, hidden beneath daily routines and years of distance, until the day they are ready to return.
this is a story about one of those fragments. about a summer spent inside an aquarium. about two people who promised they would never lose each other. and about what happens when time forgets everything except the feeling of falling in love.
more below the cut!!:
you visit busan alone during summer vacation.
there isn’t any particular reason behind the trip. with school out and a few weeks of freedom stretching ahead of you, you decide to spend two days away from seoul. busan seemed like a good choice, a train away from seoul yet a place different enough to feel like an adventure. what you forget to account for, however, is the blazing heat. the summer sun is mercilessa and by noon, the sidewalks practically radiate warmth, and even the sea breeze offers little relief.
after spending the morning wandering through the city, you find yourself searching for somewhere, anywhere, with air conditioning. that search eventually leads you to the aquarium. the building stands out against the bright afternoon sky, promising cool temperatures and shelter from the sweltering weather outside. honestly, at this point the marine life is just a bonus.
after buying a ticket, you step through the entrance and are immediately greeted by a rush of cold air. the difference is so dramatic that you sigh in relief. for the first time all day, you feel comfortable. with no schedule to follow and nowhere else you need to be, you begin making your way through the exhibits at your own pace, stopping whenever something catches your attention and lingering wherever you please. the soft blue glow of the tanks reflects across the floor, conversations blend into the distant hums of the filtration systems, and for a while, the outside world seems to disappear entirely.
somewhere between the angelfish exhibit and the tunnel aquarium, you find yourself stopping in front of a lionfish tank. the fish drifts lazily through the water, their striped body and venomous spines illuminated by the soft blue lights of the exhibit. you watch them for a moment before noticing someone else is already standing there.
a guy.
at first, you don’t pay much attention to him. plenty of people stop to admire the displays like you were. then you realize, he’s talking. not on the phone nor to a friend. just.. talking? “and people always think that lionfish are aggressive. like seriously? you’re super chill most of the time.” he says, eyes fixed on the tank. “like, look at yourself. do you look like you’re planning mass destruction?”
you glance around, nobody else seems to be with him. the guy continues without missing a beat, “actually, maybe don’t answer that.. you do look suspicious.” a pause. then he nods thoughtfully, as if the lionfish has offered a valid counterargument. you stare. because surely there is no way this guy is having a full conversation with a lionfish in the middle of an aquarium.
and yet, “okay that’s fair. sorry i judged you so quickly.” the lionfish swims past the glass, blissfully unaware of the accusations being thrown its way. the guy, however, seems completely invested in the discussion.
maybe you’re staring a little too obviously because the moment the guy glances away from the tank, his eyes land directly on you. and he freezes. you freeze too. for a few painful silent seconds, neither of you say anything. then his gaze flickers between you and the lionfish.
“oh.” a pause. “oh this isn’t what it looks like..” you raise an eyebrow, and unfortunately for him, that only seems to make him panic even more.
“i mean– not that it looks bad. not that talking to fish is bad. i wasn’t talking to the fish exactly..” he winces, “okay i was talking to the fish.” your eyebrow rises higher, “i just really like marine life.”
for some reason, it sounds less like an explanation and more like a confession. the guy lets out a defeated sigh and drags a hand down his face, “wow. this is embarrassing..” despite yourself, you laugh. a faint shade of pink immediately appears on his cheeks. “judge me all you want..” the guy mutters, sulking away.
“no,” you say, still smiling “i’m just trying to figure out what kind of conversation you were having with a lionfish. his expression brightens up almost instantly, “a very important one, actually.” “oh?” “he’s being unfairly stereotyped.” you glance at the fish. the fish glances at neither of you.
“i.. see..” “thank you. finally someone understands.” leehan speaks. “i didn’t say that.” “close enough.” A laugh escapes you before you can stop it. the guy grins. for someone who was moments away from disappearing into the aquarium floor from embarrassment, he recovers surprisingly quickly.
“i’m donghyun by the way, you can call me leehan too.” he offers his hand. you accept his hand and tell him your name which somehow becomes the beginning of a conversation. one topic leads to another. the lionfish turns into marine animals, marine animals turn into favourite exhibits and before either of you realizes it, the two of you have wandered away from the tank entirely, continuing your conversation as though you’ve known each other for much longer than five minutes.
for most people, the conversation would have ended at the lionfish tank and similarly, that’s what you expect too. it usually goes something like this: a few awkward minutes. polite smiles. then both people go their separate ways and never think about each other ever again. yet somehow, neither of you leave. instead you find yourself walking beside leehan as the two of you more towards the next exhibit, still talking about fish.
or rather, listening to him talk about fish. a lot.
you quickly learn that leehan knows an alarming amount about marine life. every tank becomes another opportunity for another fact. every species has its own lore. every creature seems to hold some kind of personal significance to him. at first, you think he’s a little strange. not in a bad way. just.. strange.
the kind of person who speaks whatever enters his mind without filtering it first. the kind of person who gets genuinely excited over things more people would walk past without a second glance. you watch him crouch slightly in front of a tank of sea horses, pointing enthusiastically through the glass as he explains something you’ve already forgotten halfway through.
the words blur together. what catches your attention instead is the way his face lights up. the way his eyes seem brighter when he’s talking about something he loves. the way he keeps glancing at you after every explanation, almost as if checking whether you’re still listening. and every time he does, you are. because despite yourself, you’re beginning to enjoy this. you don’t know exactly when it happens. maybe it’s somewhere between the neon tetras and corydoras exhibit. maybe it’s when he spends five minutes passionately defending the flowerhorn cichlid that most people find ugly. maybe it’s when he accidentally walks into a sign because he was too busy explaining something to notice where he was going.
whatever the reason, you eventually stop thinking of him as strange. instead, you start thinking he’s funny. endearing. easy to be around. the hours pass far more quickly than it should. the aquarium feels smaller somehow. each exhibit blends into the next as conversations branch into topics completely unrelated to marine life. school, family, favourite foods, places you’ve always wanted to visit, stories from childhood.
the more you talk, the easier it becomes. the silence stops feeling awkward. the laughter comes naturally. and without realising it, you’re beginning to look for him whenever you stop in front of a display, instinctively wanting to know what he thinks before forming your own opinion.
leehan notices this. he notices a lot of things. like how you always pause a little longer at the bigger tanks. how you tilt your head when you’re curious about something. how you laugh before trying to hide it horribly. but more than anything else, he notices that you listen. not the polite kind or listening nor the kind where someone’s simply waiting for their turn to speak.
you actually listen. when he rambles, you ask questions. when he points out something, you look. and maybe that’s why it happens so quickly. because leehan doesn’t realize he’s falling for you until he’s already there. it sneaks up on him quietly. in the way he catches himself search for your reaction first. in he way every joke suddenly feels more rewarding if it makes you laugh.
he doesn’t know much about love. but he knows this feeling. the feeling of wanting to keep talking to someone forever. the feeling of finding someone after years of searching and somehow feeling as you you’ve known them all along. the feeling of looking at a person and thinking, i hope this day doesn’t end.
one of the last exhibits you visit is the touch pool. the moment you realize that leehan is dragging you to touch starfish, you freeze several feet away from the tank. “no.” leehan looks over, “no?” “no.” “they’re starfish.” “i know what they are..” “then what’s the problem?”
you stare suspiciously at the shallow pool. the starfish stare back. or at least you assume they do. “they look weird.” leehan lets out a laugh, “that’s ridiculous.” you cross your arms, “what’s ridiculous is how they look!” unfortunately for you, this only encourages him. a few minutes later, you’re standing at the edge of the torch pool while Leehan repeatedly insists that the starfish are harmless.
“just one touch.” “no.” leehan chuckles, “you’ve survived talking to me, i promise the starfish are less dangerous.” eventually, through a combination of persistence, teasing, and your own curiosity, he manages to convince you. barely. you crouch beside the pool, staring at the nearest starfish as though it might suddenly spring to life and attack
leehan snorts as he sees your finger trembling. you finger hovers above the starfish, then you immediately pull back. “nope. nuh uh.” leehan laughs, “come on.” you glare at him. he grins back. the worst part is that he’s clearly enjoying this. after a moment of hesitation, you finally force yourself to touch the starfish. the second your finger makes contact, your entire body tenses. the texture surprises you. it’s neither slimy nor hard, just strange. you quickly pull your hand away, “oh.” “oh?” “it wasn’t terrible.” “see?”
you poke it again, then anther one. soon enough, your fear begins fading into curiosity. meanwhile, leehan has somehow acquired your digicam. you don’t notice until a camera shutter sounds and your head snaps up. “did you just take a picture of me?” another shutter. leehan beams, “you looked cute.” “delete it.” “no.” “leehan!–” click. another photo.
“leehan!” “what?” he asks innocently, already taking another. you reach for your digicam but he lifts in higher, “you’ll thank me later.” “i absolutely will not!” yet despite your complaints, you can’t stop smiling and leehan notices. he notices the way your eyes brighten when you forget to be embarrassed. he notices the way your earlier fear completely disappeared. he notices how pretty your smile is.
so he keeps taking pictures. not because he thinks they’re particularly good. because honestly, most of them are burry and some are horribly timed. but for some reason, he can’t bring himself to stop. because every photo feels like proof that today actually happened. proof that he met you. proof that this isn’t some strange, perfect dream he’d wake up from tomorrow.
By the time the aquarium closes, they sky outside has begun turning shades of orange and pink, the transition feels unfair. one moment the two of you are wandering beneath blue-lit tanks and watching fish drift through the water. the next, an announcement echoes through the building, reminding visitors that the aquarium is closing for the day.
neither of you says much as the crowd slowly funnels towards the exit. it’s not because there’s nothing left to talk about. if anything, there is too much. too many unfinished conversations and too many stories left untold. and yet, for the first time all day, words seem inadequate.
the automatic doors slide open. warm summer air rushes forward and reality returns. you and leehan stop just outside the aquarium entrance, neither quite sure how to continue. the day is over– “are you hungry?” the question comes suddenly and you blink. “what?” leehan rubs the back of his neck, “i mean, we’ve been here for hours.” he gestures vaguely towards the aquarium, “people usually eat dinner at some point.” a small smile tugs your lips, “are you asking me out for a meal?”
leehan glances away for a second, palm rubbing the back of his neck, “yea.. i mean only if you want to..” you know he means it casually, at least that’s how he’s trying to make it sound. but there’s a hopeful edge to his voice that makes your chest feel strangely warm. you find yourself smiling before you’ve even decided on an answer. “okay.” the relief that flashes across his face is immediate, “really?” “yea.”
his eyes immediately turn into crescents, a grin spreading across his face so contagiously you had to look away. dinner ends up being simpler than you imagined, just a small restaurant tucked between larger buildings, chosen mostly because neither of you could agree on where to eat and both of you were too hungry to keep debating.
the food is good. nothing extraordinary. years later, neither of you will remember exactly what you ordered. what you will remember is the conversation. the way one short story somehow led to ten long stories. the way laughter and snorts kept interrupting meals halfway through. at one point, leehan laughs so hard he chokes on his drink. you laugh even harder watching him. a few tables over, someone shoots the two of you an annoyed glare.
neither of you notices. or perhaps neither of you cares. hours earlier, he has been a complete weirdo of a stranger. now the idea feels impossible. not because you know everything about him, because you don’t, there are countless things left to learn. but somewhere throughout the day, familiarity has settles between you. comfort.
eventually, however, the restaurant empties and the sky darkens. reality begins catching up once again. your hotel isn’t far and actually it is close enough to walk, so that’s what the two of you do. the city feels different at night, cooler and quieter. streetlights casts pools of golden light across the pavement while distant sounds from the beach drifts through the air.
the two of you continue talking. about anything, everything and nothing at the same time. whatever allows the walk to last a little longer. then, far too soon, your hotel comes int view. beside you, leehan grows noticeably sulkier. the conversation slows, not because you’ve run out of things to say but because suddenly every world feels like a countdown. you stop near the entrance. neither of you moves and the bright hotel sign glows overhead. people pass behind him and the city continues on as though nothing important is happening. yet somehow, this feels important an neither of you can explain why.
the silence continues to stretch, not in an awkward way but just reluctant. as though both of you are waiting for the other person to find a reason not to leave. you glance up at him and he meets your gaze. for a second, neither of you looks away. it’s a strange feeling. standing in front of someone you’ve known for less than a day yet already feeling as though saying goodbye matters far more than it should.
you don’t have a name for it. leehan doesn’t either. maybe because some feelings arrive before the words for them do. all either of you know is that when the moment finally comes to part ways, neither of you is quite ready. and neither of you wants to be the first person to leave.
eventually however, leehan glances toward the hotel entrance before looking back at you, “so, how long are you staying in Busan?” the question is innocent enough yet something about it makes your smile falter. “actually…” you hesitate, “i’m not..”
his brows furrow, “what do you mean? you shift your weight slightly, “i’m only here for summer vacation..” a small laugh escapes you, “i’m going back to seoul tomorrow morning.” the words settle heavily between you and for the first time all day, leehan doesn’t respond immediately. “oh.” just one word.
you watch his expression carefully. the surprise is obvious. the disappointment even more so. neither of you had really thought beyond today. the aquarium. dinner. the walk. It had been easy to pretend there would always be another conversation waiting around the corner. another exhibit, another meal, another day. now suddenly, there isn’t. tomorrow has arrived too quickly.
you look away first, “my train leaves tomorrow morning.” leehan stares at the pavement for a moment. then something seems to occur to him. “what station?” you tell him busan station. he nods once. then, before he can overthink it, the words tumble out, “i’ll bring you.”
you blink, “what?” “to the station..” he rubs the back of his neck, suddenly looking embarrassed. “i mean..” a nervous laugh escapes him, “if that’s okay.” for some reason, the offer makes your chest ache. not because it’s a grand gesture. it’s not. it’s simple. small. the kind of thing most people wouldn’t think about twice.
a smile slowly spreads across your face, “i’d really love that.” the answer comes so quickly that Leehan’s eyes widen slightly. then he smiles too. a genuine one. the kind you’ve grown strangely fond of over the course of a single day.
neither of you says anything. the sadness is still there. tomorrow still exists. the goodbye waiting at the station remains unavoidable. but suddenly, it feels a little farther away. not tonight, tomorrow. tomorrow can wait. for now, there is still one more meeting left between the two of you. and somehow, that makes leaving easier.
the next day arrives far too quickly. when you step out of the hotel lobby with your suitcase rolling behind you. leehan is already there waiting. he’s standing near the entrance, hands shoved into his pockets, absentmindedly kicking at a crack in the pavement. the moment he notices you, his face brightens and suddenly, the morning doesn't quite feel so heavy.
“you’re early.” you say. “that’s because I didn’t want to be late.” you laugh slightly and leehan grins. he doesn’t mention the fact that he had arrived much earlier than necessary. Instead, he reaches for your suitcase.
The journey to the station feels strangely different from yesterday. the city is awake now, cars pass by, people hurry through the streets, life continues normally around you. yet both of you are painfully aware of where this walk ends. still, neither of you allows the conversation to die. you talk about anything you can think of. favourite songs, places you’ve never visited. childhood stories. future plans. every topic feels like an excuse to learn one more thing about the other person before time runs out.
before long, the station comes into view. and suddenly, there are no more streets left to walk. inside, announcements echo overhead as travelers rush between platforms. the atmosphere feels busy, people arriving and people leaving. you hate it immediately and leehan seems to feel the same.
the closer the departure time gets, the quieter both of you become. eventually, you’re standing beside the platform with your suitcase between you. neither of you knows what to say. how do you properly say goodbye to someone you’ve only known for a day? how do you explain why it feels so much harder than it should?
the announcement for your train sounds through the station as your train pulls up to the platform. a knot forms in your chest. beside you, leehan looks down at the floor. then back at you, “hey.” you glance up. his smile is small and nervous. “we should stay in touch..”
the suggestion feels obvious. yet somehow neither of you had said it aloud until now. your expression softens immediately, “yea.” “like..” he rubs the back of his neck, “letters?” you blink, “letters?” a laugh escapes your lips, “who still writes letters?” “we can,” the answer comes without any hesitation.
you look at him for a moment, really look at him. the guy who talks to fishes, the guy who spent an entire day making you laugh, the guy standing here now an trying to keep you in his life. and suddenly, the idea doesn’t seem strange at all. instead, it feels perfect. a way to make sure this isn’t the end. a smile slowly spreads across your face. “okay.” leehan visibly relaxes and his grin returns instantly. the same one you’ve became hopelessly attached and fond of.
you exchange addresses. a station announcement echoes overhead. passengers finish boarding. your chest tightens. this is it. the goodbye you’ve both been avoiding since last night. the noise of the station fades into the background, people move around you and announcements continue overhead. yet somehow, all you can focus on is him. the guy you met less than twenty-four hours ago.
the guy who talks to lionfish. the guy who made an entire day feel far too short. the guy you’re suddenly not ready to leave behind.
“write to me,” he says. his smile is there, but it looks fragile. like he’s trying very hard not to let his sadness show. you nod, “i will.” “and don’t take three months to reply.” a laugh escapes you as you roll your eyes. then, before you can stop yourself from overthinking it, you step forward. leehan blinks. you rise onto you tippy toes slightly and press a quick kiss against his cheek.
the world seems to stop and for one impossibly long second, neither of you moves. leehan freezes completely, his eyes widen and his brain appears to shut down. the realization hits you immediately afterward. you actually did that. heat rushes to your face. before either of you can say anything, the warning chime sounds.
the train doors begin closing, your panic wins. you immediately turn and hurry onto the train. “wait–” the doors slide shut before leehan can finish. you barely make it aboard, breathless, embarrassed and suddenly very aware of what just happened.
through the window, you see him standing on the platform. still somewhat frozen, one hand half-raised and cheeks visibly red as though his mind hasn’t caught up yet. the platform starts drifting away slowly as the train pulls out of the station. leehan finally snaps back to reality, a disbelieving laugh escapes him. he lifts a hand and waves. you wave back. neither of you notices the ridiculous smile spreading across your faces. the distance between you grows as the station disappears. and yet, for the first time since meeting, goodbye didn’t feel that frightening. because with a promise to write letters, it becomes something worth remembering.
the first letter arrives less than a week later. you find it waiting for you when you return home from school, your name written across the envelope. the sight alone makes you smile. for a while, the letters arrive faithfully, allowing your connection and feelings to continue despite the distance.
every envelope feels like a bridge between Busan and Seoul, carrying stories, memories and pieces of each other’s lives. you two write about school, family, dreams for the future and small moments you wish you could share in person.
however as the years pass by, life begins to demand more time from you two. school becomes more challenging, new responsibilities appear, friendships change, opportunities arise and the future gradually pulls you both in different directions. the letters still come but not as often. what was once a week becomes monthly, then every few months. every delayed reply comes with an apology and a promise to write back sooner.
and the gap continues to widen. neither of you meant for it to happen but it was simply life moving forward. eventually, one letter goes unanswered. then another. and before either of you realises it, the letters stop altogether.
years continue to pass. busan remains by the sea. seoul continues to rush forward. the older you grow, the more people you meet, and the faster you build lives separate from the summer that once meant everything.
sometimes, when he visits the aquarium, he’ll pause at the lionfish tank for no reason a moment longer than necessary.
sometimes, the sight of a train pulling away from a platform brings you back with flashes of blurred memories.
both of you remember the feeling of falling in love. not the details, not anymore. time is cruel that way.. it takes the memories apart piece by piece, carrying them away so slowly you never notice what has disappeared until it’s wiped away.
two years become three. then five. the letters are long gone, the paper has yellowed, been misplaced or thrown away during one of many moves. neither of you know what became of the other. neither of you know where life ultimately led the other person you once waited so eagerly to hear from.
yet sometimes, without warning, a familiar ache settles in your chest. you remember walking beside someone who made ordinary moments feel warmer. but time slowly erases the details. faces become a blurry mess, the exact curve of a smile disappears. then the color of their eyes. then the way their hair was styled. voices fade into silence or gibberish. names become harder to remember.
one day you realise you can no longer remember at all. only that there once was a name you repeated to yourself so often that it felt impossible to forget. but somehow, you did.
sometimes you wonder if the other remembers you as badly as you remember them. if somewhere, in another life, another version of the future they never shared, someone occasionally pauses at the sight of an aquarium and feels the same inexplicable ache.
you will never know. and perhaps that’s what makes the memory so achingly beautiful. because for one summer, out of all the summers they would ever experience, two strangers found each other. they fell in love. they promises they would never forget. and in the end, they forgot everything except that they once had.
somewhere deep within them remains the faint outline of a person whose face they can no longer picture, whose voice they can no longer hear, whose name they can no longer recall. a stranger, and yet somehow, was the person who once meant a lot.
all that remains is the memory of a summer and the feeling of being loved within it.
another summer, the afternoon rush spills through the seoul subway station, a steady flow of people moving in every direction. shoes tapping against the concrete, conversations blur together and train announcements echo through the station.
you climb the staircase towards the exit, focused only on getting home, halfway up, someone catches your eye. a stranger, a guy, descending the stairs. you don’t know why you look at him and neither does he. for the briefest moment, both of you stop. confusion flickers across his face. and a strange feeling of familiarity settles in your chest.
you don’t recognize his face, you’ve never seen him before - at least that’s what your mind tells you. yet, his eyes lingers on yours. and suddenly.. blue light, aquarium glass, a lionfish, laughter, starfish, a camera flash, a train station, a promise. memories long buried beneath years of living surge to the surface without warning. it isn’t clear enough to understand but it is enough to make your chest ache.
the words leave your lips before you can stop them.
“your name?”
divider by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more | network @berrybittynetwork
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⋮ ⌗ ┆synopsis: during a summer trip to Busan, an unexpected encounter at an aquarium leads to a friendship neither you nor Kim Leehan saw coming. But as the season comes to an end, some connections prove harder to leave behind than expected. Bound by the fleeting summer and an inexplicable sense of familiarity, two strangers find themselves connected in ways they don't fully understand summers later.
⋮ ⌗ ┆warnings: open ending, fluff, hint of angst, inspired by the anime 'your name', strangers, intended lowercase, skinship, not entirely proofread
⋮ ⌗ ┆word count: 4.9k
⋮ ⌗ ┆authors note: this is written for the @berrybittynetwork postcard from summer event!! this is also inspired by one of my favourite animes 'your name' teehee. I had soso much fun writing this so I hope you enjoy reading this too <33 p.s. it is an open ending so!! also, do give all the love to all the other members of the network who are taking part in this event. ~ myxo, lumi
ᛝ now playing: seasons by wave to earth
back to masterlist | reblogs and comments highly valued!! (please!!)
there are people who pass through your life like seasons.
they arrive quietly, staying only long enough to leave traces of themselves behind, and disappear before you realise how much space they’ve already taken up. years pass. faces blur. names are forgotten. memories soften at the edges until they become a little more than feelings you can no longer explain. time takes what it wants, little by little, until all that remains is a feeling. and the strange thing about feelings is that they refuse to die.
years can pass. cities can change. people can become strangers to the versions of themselves they used to be. but sometimes, on an ordinary day, a stranger’s presence feels familiar. a glimpse of blue catches your eye. the scent of flowery perfume lingers in the air for a second too long. and suddenly, something deep within you aches for a place you’ve never returned to and a person you can no longer remember. the unsettling certainty that you’ve lost something important, despite not knowing what it is.
it is as though a forgotten summer is trying to find its way back to you. and perhaps that is what growing up is, collecting fragments of people you once loved and carrying them with you long after their names have already disappeared from your mind. or perhaps they wait patiently in the quiet corners of your life, hidden beneath daily routines and years of distance, until the day they are ready to return.
this is a story about one of those fragments. about a summer spent inside an aquarium. about two people who promised they would never lose each other. and about what happens when time forgets everything except the feeling of falling in love.
more below the cut!!:
you visit busan alone during summer vacation.
there isn’t any particular reason behind the trip. with school out and a few weeks of freedom stretching ahead of you, you decide to spend two days away from seoul. busan seemed like a good choice, a train away from seoul yet a place different enough to feel like an adventure. what you forget to account for, however, is the blazing heat. the summer sun is mercilessa and by noon, the sidewalks practically radiate warmth, and even the sea breeze offers little relief.
after spending the morning wandering through the city, you find yourself searching for somewhere, anywhere, with air conditioning. that search eventually leads you to the aquarium. the building stands out against the bright afternoon sky, promising cool temperatures and shelter from the sweltering weather outside. honestly, at this point the marine life is just a bonus.
after buying a ticket, you step through the entrance and are immediately greeted by a rush of cold air. the difference is so dramatic that you sigh in relief. for the first time all day, you feel comfortable. with no schedule to follow and nowhere else you need to be, you begin making your way through the exhibits at your own pace, stopping whenever something catches your attention and lingering wherever you please. the soft blue glow of the tanks reflects across the floor, conversations blend into the distant hums of the filtration systems, and for a while, the outside world seems to disappear entirely.
somewhere between the angelfish exhibit and the tunnel aquarium, you find yourself stopping in front of a lionfish tank. the fish drifts lazily through the water, their striped body and venomous spines illuminated by the soft blue lights of the exhibit. you watch them for a moment before noticing someone else is already standing there.
a guy.
at first, you don’t pay much attention to him. plenty of people stop to admire the displays like you were. then you realize, he’s talking. not on the phone nor to a friend. just.. talking? “and people always think that lionfish are aggressive. like seriously? you’re super chill most of the time.” he says, eyes fixed on the tank. “like, look at yourself. do you look like you’re planning mass destruction?”
you glance around, nobody else seems to be with him. the guy continues without missing a beat, “actually, maybe don’t answer that.. you do look suspicious.” a pause. then he nods thoughtfully, as if the lionfish has offered a valid counterargument. you stare. because surely there is no way this guy is having a full conversation with a lionfish in the middle of an aquarium.
and yet, “okay that’s fair. sorry i judged you so quickly.” the lionfish swims past the glass, blissfully unaware of the accusations being thrown its way. the guy, however, seems completely invested in the discussion.
maybe you’re staring a little too obviously because the moment the guy glances away from the tank, his eyes land directly on you. and he freezes. you freeze too. for a few painful silent seconds, neither of you say anything. then his gaze flickers between you and the lionfish.
“oh.” a pause. “oh this isn’t what it looks like..” you raise an eyebrow, and unfortunately for him, that only seems to make him panic even more.
“i mean– not that it looks bad. not that talking to fish is bad. i wasn’t talking to the fish exactly..” he winces, “okay i was talking to the fish.” your eyebrow rises higher, “i just really like marine life.”
for some reason, it sounds less like an explanation and more like a confession. the guy lets out a defeated sigh and drags a hand down his face, “wow. this is embarrassing..” despite yourself, you laugh. a faint shade of pink immediately appears on his cheeks. “judge me all you want..” the guy mutters, sulking away.
“no,” you say, still smiling “i’m just trying to figure out what kind of conversation you were having with a lionfish. his expression brightens up almost instantly, “a very important one, actually.” “oh?” “he’s being unfairly stereotyped.” you glance at the fish. the fish glances at neither of you.
“i.. see..” “thank you. finally someone understands.” leehan speaks. “i didn’t say that.” “close enough.” A laugh escapes you before you can stop it. the guy grins. for someone who was moments away from disappearing into the aquarium floor from embarrassment, he recovers surprisingly quickly.
“i’m donghyun by the way, you can call me leehan too.” he offers his hand. you accept his hand and tell him your name which somehow becomes the beginning of a conversation. one topic leads to another. the lionfish turns into marine animals, marine animals turn into favourite exhibits and before either of you realizes it, the two of you have wandered away from the tank entirely, continuing your conversation as though you’ve known each other for much longer than five minutes.
for most people, the conversation would have ended at the lionfish tank and similarly, that’s what you expect too. it usually goes something like this: a few awkward minutes. polite smiles. then both people go their separate ways and never think about each other ever again. yet somehow, neither of you leave. instead you find yourself walking beside leehan as the two of you more towards the next exhibit, still talking about fish.
or rather, listening to him talk about fish. a lot.
you quickly learn that leehan knows an alarming amount about marine life. every tank becomes another opportunity for another fact. every species has its own lore. every creature seems to hold some kind of personal significance to him. at first, you think he’s a little strange. not in a bad way. just.. strange.
the kind of person who speaks whatever enters his mind without filtering it first. the kind of person who gets genuinely excited over things more people would walk past without a second glance. you watch him crouch slightly in front of a tank of sea horses, pointing enthusiastically through the glass as he explains something you’ve already forgotten halfway through.
the words blur together. what catches your attention instead is the way his face lights up. the way his eyes seem brighter when he’s talking about something he loves. the way he keeps glancing at you after every explanation, almost as if checking whether you’re still listening. and every time he does, you are. because despite yourself, you’re beginning to enjoy this. you don’t know exactly when it happens. maybe it’s somewhere between the neon tetras and corydoras exhibit. maybe it’s when he spends five minutes passionately defending the flowerhorn cichlid that most people find ugly. maybe it’s when he accidentally walks into a sign because he was too busy explaining something to notice where he was going.
whatever the reason, you eventually stop thinking of him as strange. instead, you start thinking he’s funny. endearing. easy to be around. the hours pass far more quickly than it should. the aquarium feels smaller somehow. each exhibit blends into the next as conversations branch into topics completely unrelated to marine life. school, family, favourite foods, places you’ve always wanted to visit, stories from childhood.
the more you talk, the easier it becomes. the silence stops feeling awkward. the laughter comes naturally. and without realising it, you’re beginning to look for him whenever you stop in front of a display, instinctively wanting to know what he thinks before forming your own opinion.
leehan notices this. he notices a lot of things. like how you always pause a little longer at the bigger tanks. how you tilt your head when you’re curious about something. how you laugh before trying to hide it horribly. but more than anything else, he notices that you listen. not the polite kind or listening nor the kind where someone’s simply waiting for their turn to speak.
you actually listen. when he rambles, you ask questions. when he points out something, you look. and maybe that’s why it happens so quickly. because leehan doesn’t realize he’s falling for you until he’s already there. it sneaks up on him quietly. in the way he catches himself search for your reaction first. in he way every joke suddenly feels more rewarding if it makes you laugh.
he doesn’t know much about love. but he knows this feeling. the feeling of wanting to keep talking to someone forever. the feeling of finding someone after years of searching and somehow feeling as you you’ve known them all along. the feeling of looking at a person and thinking, i hope this day doesn’t end.
one of the last exhibits you visit is the touch pool. the moment you realize that leehan is dragging you to touch starfish, you freeze several feet away from the tank. “no.” leehan looks over, “no?” “no.” “they’re starfish.” “i know what they are..” “then what’s the problem?”
you stare suspiciously at the shallow pool. the starfish stare back. or at least you assume they do. “they look weird.” leehan lets out a laugh, “that’s ridiculous.” you cross your arms, “what’s ridiculous is how they look!” unfortunately for you, this only encourages him. a few minutes later, you’re standing at the edge of the torch pool while Leehan repeatedly insists that the starfish are harmless.
“just one touch.” “no.” leehan chuckles, “you’ve survived talking to me, i promise the starfish are less dangerous.” eventually, through a combination of persistence, teasing, and your own curiosity, he manages to convince you. barely. you crouch beside the pool, staring at the nearest starfish as though it might suddenly spring to life and attack
leehan snorts as he sees your finger trembling. you finger hovers above the starfish, then you immediately pull back. “nope. nuh uh.” leehan laughs, “come on.” you glare at him. he grins back. the worst part is that he’s clearly enjoying this. after a moment of hesitation, you finally force yourself to touch the starfish. the second your finger makes contact, your entire body tenses. the texture surprises you. it’s neither slimy nor hard, just strange. you quickly pull your hand away, “oh.” “oh?” “it wasn’t terrible.” “see?”
you poke it again, then anther one. soon enough, your fear begins fading into curiosity. meanwhile, leehan has somehow acquired your digicam. you don’t notice until a camera shutter sounds and your head snaps up. “did you just take a picture of me?” another shutter. leehan beams, “you looked cute.” “delete it.” “no.” “leehan!–” click. another photo.
“leehan!” “what?” he asks innocently, already taking another. you reach for your digicam but he lifts in higher, “you’ll thank me later.” “i absolutely will not!” yet despite your complaints, you can’t stop smiling and leehan notices. he notices the way your eyes brighten when you forget to be embarrassed. he notices the way your earlier fear completely disappeared. he notices how pretty your smile is.
so he keeps taking pictures. not because he thinks they’re particularly good. because honestly, most of them are burry and some are horribly timed. but for some reason, he can’t bring himself to stop. because every photo feels like proof that today actually happened. proof that he met you. proof that this isn’t some strange, perfect dream he’d wake up from tomorrow.
By the time the aquarium closes, they sky outside has begun turning shades of orange and pink, the transition feels unfair. one moment the two of you are wandering beneath blue-lit tanks and watching fish drift through the water. the next, an announcement echoes through the building, reminding visitors that the aquarium is closing for the day.
neither of you says much as the crowd slowly funnels towards the exit. it’s not because there’s nothing left to talk about. if anything, there is too much. too many unfinished conversations and too many stories left untold. and yet, for the first time all day, words seem inadequate.
the automatic doors slide open. warm summer air rushes forward and reality returns. you and leehan stop just outside the aquarium entrance, neither quite sure how to continue. the day is over– “are you hungry?” the question comes suddenly and you blink. “what?” leehan rubs the back of his neck, “i mean, we’ve been here for hours.” he gestures vaguely towards the aquarium, “people usually eat dinner at some point.” a small smile tugs your lips, “are you asking me out for a meal?”
leehan glances away for a second, palm rubbing the back of his neck, “yea.. i mean only if you want to..” you know he means it casually, at least that’s how he’s trying to make it sound. but there’s a hopeful edge to his voice that makes your chest feel strangely warm. you find yourself smiling before you’ve even decided on an answer. “okay.” the relief that flashes across his face is immediate, “really?” “yea.”
his eyes immediately turn into crescents, a grin spreading across his face so contagiously you had to look away. dinner ends up being simpler than you imagined, just a small restaurant tucked between larger buildings, chosen mostly because neither of you could agree on where to eat and both of you were too hungry to keep debating.
the food is good. nothing extraordinary. years later, neither of you will remember exactly what you ordered. what you will remember is the conversation. the way one short story somehow led to ten long stories. the way laughter and snorts kept interrupting meals halfway through. at one point, leehan laughs so hard he chokes on his drink. you laugh even harder watching him. a few tables over, someone shoots the two of you an annoyed glare.
neither of you notices. or perhaps neither of you cares. hours earlier, he has been a complete weirdo of a stranger. now the idea feels impossible. not because you know everything about him, because you don’t, there are countless things left to learn. but somewhere throughout the day, familiarity has settles between you. comfort.
eventually, however, the restaurant empties and the sky darkens. reality begins catching up once again. your hotel isn’t far and actually it is close enough to walk, so that’s what the two of you do. the city feels different at night, cooler and quieter. streetlights casts pools of golden light across the pavement while distant sounds from the beach drifts through the air.
the two of you continue talking. about anything, everything and nothing at the same time. whatever allows the walk to last a little longer. then, far too soon, your hotel comes int view. beside you, leehan grows noticeably sulkier. the conversation slows, not because you’ve run out of things to say but because suddenly every world feels like a countdown. you stop near the entrance. neither of you moves and the bright hotel sign glows overhead. people pass behind him and the city continues on as though nothing important is happening. yet somehow, this feels important an neither of you can explain why.
the silence continues to stretch, not in an awkward way but just reluctant. as though both of you are waiting for the other person to find a reason not to leave. you glance up at him and he meets your gaze. for a second, neither of you looks away. it’s a strange feeling. standing in front of someone you’ve known for less than a day yet already feeling as though saying goodbye matters far more than it should.
you don’t have a name for it. leehan doesn’t either. maybe because some feelings arrive before the words for them do. all either of you know is that when the moment finally comes to part ways, neither of you is quite ready. and neither of you wants to be the first person to leave.
eventually however, leehan glances toward the hotel entrance before looking back at you, “so, how long are you staying in Busan?” the question is innocent enough yet something about it makes your smile falter. “actually…” you hesitate, “i’m not..”
his brows furrow, “what do you mean? you shift your weight slightly, “i’m only here for summer vacation..” a small laugh escapes you, “i’m going back to seoul tomorrow morning.” the words settle heavily between you and for the first time all day, leehan doesn’t respond immediately. “oh.” just one word.
you watch his expression carefully. the surprise is obvious. the disappointment even more so. neither of you had really thought beyond today. the aquarium. dinner. the walk. It had been easy to pretend there would always be another conversation waiting around the corner. another exhibit, another meal, another day. now suddenly, there isn’t. tomorrow has arrived too quickly.
you look away first, “my train leaves tomorrow morning.” leehan stares at the pavement for a moment. then something seems to occur to him. “what station?” you tell him busan station. he nods once. then, before he can overthink it, the words tumble out, “i’ll bring you.”
you blink, “what?” “to the station..” he rubs the back of his neck, suddenly looking embarrassed. “i mean..” a nervous laugh escapes him, “if that’s okay.” for some reason, the offer makes your chest ache. not because it’s a grand gesture. it’s not. it’s simple. small. the kind of thing most people wouldn’t think about twice.
a smile slowly spreads across your face, “i’d really love that.” the answer comes so quickly that Leehan’s eyes widen slightly. then he smiles too. a genuine one. the kind you’ve grown strangely fond of over the course of a single day.
neither of you says anything. the sadness is still there. tomorrow still exists. the goodbye waiting at the station remains unavoidable. but suddenly, it feels a little farther away. not tonight, tomorrow. tomorrow can wait. for now, there is still one more meeting left between the two of you. and somehow, that makes leaving easier.
the next day arrives far too quickly. when you step out of the hotel lobby with your suitcase rolling behind you. leehan is already there waiting. he’s standing near the entrance, hands shoved into his pockets, absentmindedly kicking at a crack in the pavement. the moment he notices you, his face brightens and suddenly, the morning doesn't quite feel so heavy.
“you’re early.” you say. “that’s because I didn’t want to be late.” you laugh slightly and leehan grins. he doesn’t mention the fact that he had arrived much earlier than necessary. Instead, he reaches for your suitcase.
The journey to the station feels strangely different from yesterday. the city is awake now, cars pass by, people hurry through the streets, life continues normally around you. yet both of you are painfully aware of where this walk ends. still, neither of you allows the conversation to die. you talk about anything you can think of. favourite songs, places you’ve never visited. childhood stories. future plans. every topic feels like an excuse to learn one more thing about the other person before time runs out.
before long, the station comes into view. and suddenly, there are no more streets left to walk. inside, announcements echo overhead as travelers rush between platforms. the atmosphere feels busy, people arriving and people leaving. you hate it immediately and leehan seems to feel the same.
the closer the departure time gets, the quieter both of you become. eventually, you’re standing beside the platform with your suitcase between you. neither of you knows what to say. how do you properly say goodbye to someone you’ve only known for a day? how do you explain why it feels so much harder than it should?
the announcement for your train sounds through the station as your train pulls up to the platform. a knot forms in your chest. beside you, leehan looks down at the floor. then back at you, “hey.” you glance up. his smile is small and nervous. “we should stay in touch..”
the suggestion feels obvious. yet somehow neither of you had said it aloud until now. your expression softens immediately, “yea.” “like..” he rubs the back of his neck, “letters?” you blink, “letters?” a laugh escapes your lips, “who still writes letters?” “we can,” the answer comes without any hesitation.
you look at him for a moment, really look at him. the guy who talks to fishes, the guy who spent an entire day making you laugh, the guy standing here now an trying to keep you in his life. and suddenly, the idea doesn’t seem strange at all. instead, it feels perfect. a way to make sure this isn’t the end. a smile slowly spreads across your face. “okay.” leehan visibly relaxes and his grin returns instantly. the same one you’ve became hopelessly attached and fond of.
you exchange addresses. a station announcement echoes overhead. passengers finish boarding. your chest tightens. this is it. the goodbye you’ve both been avoiding since last night. the noise of the station fades into the background, people move around you and announcements continue overhead. yet somehow, all you can focus on is him. the guy you met less than twenty-four hours ago.
the guy who talks to lionfish. the guy who made an entire day feel far too short. the guy you’re suddenly not ready to leave behind.
“write to me,” he says. his smile is there, but it looks fragile. like he’s trying very hard not to let his sadness show. you nod, “i will.” “and don’t take three months to reply.” a laugh escapes you as you roll your eyes. then, before you can stop yourself from overthinking it, you step forward. leehan blinks. you rise onto you tippy toes slightly and press a quick kiss against his cheek.
the world seems to stop and for one impossibly long second, neither of you moves. leehan freezes completely, his eyes widen and his brain appears to shut down. the realization hits you immediately afterward. you actually did that. heat rushes to your face. before either of you can say anything, the warning chime sounds.
the train doors begin closing, your panic wins. you immediately turn and hurry onto the train. “wait–” the doors slide shut before leehan can finish. you barely make it aboard, breathless, embarrassed and suddenly very aware of what just happened.
through the window, you see him standing on the platform. still somewhat frozen, one hand half-raised and cheeks visibly red as though his mind hasn’t caught up yet. the platform starts drifting away slowly as the train pulls out of the station. leehan finally snaps back to reality, a disbelieving laugh escapes him. he lifts a hand and waves. you wave back. neither of you notices the ridiculous smile spreading across your faces. the distance between you grows as the station disappears. and yet, for the first time since meeting, goodbye didn’t feel that frightening. because with a promise to write letters, it becomes something worth remembering.
the first letter arrives less than a week later. you find it waiting for you when you return home from school, your name written across the envelope. the sight alone makes you smile. for a while, the letters arrive faithfully, allowing your connection and feelings to continue despite the distance.
every envelope feels like a bridge between Busan and Seoul, carrying stories, memories and pieces of each other’s lives. you two write about school, family, dreams for the future and small moments you wish you could share in person.
however as the years pass by, life begins to demand more time from you two. school becomes more challenging, new responsibilities appear, friendships change, opportunities arise and the future gradually pulls you both in different directions. the letters still come but not as often. what was once a week becomes monthly, then every few months. every delayed reply comes with an apology and a promise to write back sooner.
and the gap continues to widen. neither of you meant for it to happen but it was simply life moving forward. eventually, one letter goes unanswered. then another. and before either of you realises it, the letters stop altogether.
years continue to pass. busan remains by the sea. seoul continues to rush forward. the older you grow, the more people you meet, and the faster you build lives separate from the summer that once meant everything.
sometimes, when he visits the aquarium, he’ll pause at the lionfish tank for no reason a moment longer than necessary.
sometimes, the sight of a train pulling away from a platform brings you back with flashes of blurred memories.
both of you remember the feeling of falling in love. not the details, not anymore. time is cruel that way.. it takes the memories apart piece by piece, carrying them away so slowly you never notice what has disappeared until it’s wiped away.
two years become three. then five. the letters are long gone, the paper has yellowed, been misplaced or thrown away during one of many moves. neither of you know what became of the other. neither of you know where life ultimately led the other person you once waited so eagerly to hear from.
yet sometimes, without warning, a familiar ache settles in your chest. you remember walking beside someone who made ordinary moments feel warmer. but time slowly erases the details. faces become a blurry mess, the exact curve of a smile disappears. then the color of their eyes. then the way their hair was styled. voices fade into silence or gibberish. names become harder to remember.
one day you realise you can no longer remember at all. only that there once was a name you repeated to yourself so often that it felt impossible to forget. but somehow, you did.
sometimes you wonder if the other remembers you as badly as you remember them. if somewhere, in another life, another version of the future they never shared, someone occasionally pauses at the sight of an aquarium and feels the same inexplicable ache.
you will never know. and perhaps that’s what makes the memory so achingly beautiful. because for one summer, out of all the summers they would ever experience, two strangers found each other. they fell in love. they promises they would never forget. and in the end, they forgot everything except that they once had.
somewhere deep within them remains the faint outline of a person whose face they can no longer picture, whose voice they can no longer hear, whose name they can no longer recall. a stranger, and yet somehow, was the person who once meant a lot.
all that remains is the memory of a summer and the feeling of being loved within it.
another summer, the afternoon rush spills through the seoul subway station, a steady flow of people moving in every direction. shoes tapping against the concrete, conversations blur together and train announcements echo through the station.
you climb the staircase towards the exit, focused only on getting home, halfway up, someone catches your eye. a stranger, a guy, descending the stairs. you don’t know why you look at him and neither does he. for the briefest moment, both of you stop. confusion flickers across his face. and a strange feeling of familiarity settles in your chest.
you don’t recognize his face, you’ve never seen him before - at least that’s what your mind tells you. yet, his eyes lingers on yours. and suddenly.. blue light, aquarium glass, a lionfish, laughter, starfish, a camera flash, a train station, a promise. memories long buried beneath years of living surge to the surface without warning. it isn’t clear enough to understand but it is enough to make your chest ache.
the words leave your lips before you can stop them.
“your name?”
divider by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more | network @berrybittynetwork
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⋮ ⌗ ┆synopsis: during a summer trip to Busan, an unexpected encounter at an aquarium leads to a friendship neither you nor Kim Leehan saw coming. But as the season comes to an end, some connections prove harder to leave behind than expected. Bound by the fleeting summer and an inexplicable sense of familiarity, two strangers find themselves connected in ways they don't fully understand summers later.
⋮ ⌗ ┆warnings: open ending, fluff, hint of angst, inspired by the anime 'your name', strangers, intended lowercase, skinship, not entirely proofread
⋮ ⌗ ┆word count: 4.9k
⋮ ⌗ ┆authors note: this is written for the @berrybittynetwork postcard from summer event!! this is also inspired by one of my favourite animes 'your name' teehee. I had soso much fun writing this so I hope you enjoy reading this too <33 p.s. it is an open ending so!! also, do give all the love to all the other members of the network who are taking part in this event. ~ myxo, lumi
ᛝ now playing: seasons by wave to earth
back to masterlist | reblogs and comments highly valued!! (please!!)
there are people who pass through your life like seasons.
they arrive quietly, staying only long enough to leave traces of themselves behind, and disappear before you realise how much space they’ve already taken up. years pass. faces blur. names are forgotten. memories soften at the edges until they become a little more than feelings you can no longer explain. time takes what it wants, little by little, until all that remains is a feeling. and the strange thing about feelings is that they refuse to die.
years can pass. cities can change. people can become strangers to the versions of themselves they used to be. but sometimes, on an ordinary day, a stranger’s presence feels familiar. a glimpse of blue catches your eye. the scent of flowery perfume lingers in the air for a second too long. and suddenly, something deep within you aches for a place you’ve never returned to and a person you can no longer remember. the unsettling certainty that you’ve lost something important, despite not knowing what it is.
it is as though a forgotten summer is trying to find its way back to you. and perhaps that is what growing up is, collecting fragments of people you once loved and carrying them with you long after their names have already disappeared from your mind. or perhaps they wait patiently in the quiet corners of your life, hidden beneath daily routines and years of distance, until the day they are ready to return.
this is a story about one of those fragments. about a summer spent inside an aquarium. about two people who promised they would never lose each other. and about what happens when time forgets everything except the feeling of falling in love.
more below the cut!!:
you visit busan alone during summer vacation.
there isn’t any particular reason behind the trip. with school out and a few weeks of freedom stretching ahead of you, you decide to spend two days away from seoul. busan seemed like a good choice, a train away from seoul yet a place different enough to feel like an adventure. what you forget to account for, however, is the blazing heat. the summer sun is mercilessa and by noon, the sidewalks practically radiate warmth, and even the sea breeze offers little relief.
after spending the morning wandering through the city, you find yourself searching for somewhere, anywhere, with air conditioning. that search eventually leads you to the aquarium. the building stands out against the bright afternoon sky, promising cool temperatures and shelter from the sweltering weather outside. honestly, at this point the marine life is just a bonus.
after buying a ticket, you step through the entrance and are immediately greeted by a rush of cold air. the difference is so dramatic that you sigh in relief. for the first time all day, you feel comfortable. with no schedule to follow and nowhere else you need to be, you begin making your way through the exhibits at your own pace, stopping whenever something catches your attention and lingering wherever you please. the soft blue glow of the tanks reflects across the floor, conversations blend into the distant hums of the filtration systems, and for a while, the outside world seems to disappear entirely.
somewhere between the angelfish exhibit and the tunnel aquarium, you find yourself stopping in front of a lionfish tank. the fish drifts lazily through the water, their striped body and venomous spines illuminated by the soft blue lights of the exhibit. you watch them for a moment before noticing someone else is already standing there.
a guy.
at first, you don’t pay much attention to him. plenty of people stop to admire the displays like you were. then you realize, he’s talking. not on the phone nor to a friend. just.. talking? “and people always think that lionfish are aggressive. like seriously? you’re super chill most of the time.” he says, eyes fixed on the tank. “like, look at yourself. do you look like you’re planning mass destruction?”
you glance around, nobody else seems to be with him. the guy continues without missing a beat, “actually, maybe don’t answer that.. you do look suspicious.” a pause. then he nods thoughtfully, as if the lionfish has offered a valid counterargument. you stare. because surely there is no way this guy is having a full conversation with a lionfish in the middle of an aquarium.
and yet, “okay that’s fair. sorry i judged you so quickly.” the lionfish swims past the glass, blissfully unaware of the accusations being thrown its way. the guy, however, seems completely invested in the discussion.
maybe you’re staring a little too obviously because the moment the guy glances away from the tank, his eyes land directly on you. and he freezes. you freeze too. for a few painful silent seconds, neither of you say anything. then his gaze flickers between you and the lionfish.
“oh.” a pause. “oh this isn’t what it looks like..” you raise an eyebrow, and unfortunately for him, that only seems to make him panic even more.
“i mean– not that it looks bad. not that talking to fish is bad. i wasn’t talking to the fish exactly..” he winces, “okay i was talking to the fish.” your eyebrow rises higher, “i just really like marine life.”
for some reason, it sounds less like an explanation and more like a confession. the guy lets out a defeated sigh and drags a hand down his face, “wow. this is embarrassing..” despite yourself, you laugh. a faint shade of pink immediately appears on his cheeks. “judge me all you want..” the guy mutters, sulking away.
“no,” you say, still smiling “i’m just trying to figure out what kind of conversation you were having with a lionfish. his expression brightens up almost instantly, “a very important one, actually.” “oh?” “he’s being unfairly stereotyped.” you glance at the fish. the fish glances at neither of you.
“i.. see..” “thank you. finally someone understands.” leehan speaks. “i didn’t say that.” “close enough.” A laugh escapes you before you can stop it. the guy grins. for someone who was moments away from disappearing into the aquarium floor from embarrassment, he recovers surprisingly quickly.
“i’m donghyun by the way, you can call me leehan too.” he offers his hand. you accept his hand and tell him your name which somehow becomes the beginning of a conversation. one topic leads to another. the lionfish turns into marine animals, marine animals turn into favourite exhibits and before either of you realizes it, the two of you have wandered away from the tank entirely, continuing your conversation as though you’ve known each other for much longer than five minutes.
for most people, the conversation would have ended at the lionfish tank and similarly, that’s what you expect too. it usually goes something like this: a few awkward minutes. polite smiles. then both people go their separate ways and never think about each other ever again. yet somehow, neither of you leave. instead you find yourself walking beside leehan as the two of you more towards the next exhibit, still talking about fish.
or rather, listening to him talk about fish. a lot.
you quickly learn that leehan knows an alarming amount about marine life. every tank becomes another opportunity for another fact. every species has its own lore. every creature seems to hold some kind of personal significance to him. at first, you think he’s a little strange. not in a bad way. just.. strange.
the kind of person who speaks whatever enters his mind without filtering it first. the kind of person who gets genuinely excited over things more people would walk past without a second glance. you watch him crouch slightly in front of a tank of sea horses, pointing enthusiastically through the glass as he explains something you’ve already forgotten halfway through.
the words blur together. what catches your attention instead is the way his face lights up. the way his eyes seem brighter when he’s talking about something he loves. the way he keeps glancing at you after every explanation, almost as if checking whether you’re still listening. and every time he does, you are. because despite yourself, you’re beginning to enjoy this. you don’t know exactly when it happens. maybe it’s somewhere between the neon tetras and corydoras exhibit. maybe it’s when he spends five minutes passionately defending the flowerhorn cichlid that most people find ugly. maybe it’s when he accidentally walks into a sign because he was too busy explaining something to notice where he was going.
whatever the reason, you eventually stop thinking of him as strange. instead, you start thinking he’s funny. endearing. easy to be around. the hours pass far more quickly than it should. the aquarium feels smaller somehow. each exhibit blends into the next as conversations branch into topics completely unrelated to marine life. school, family, favourite foods, places you’ve always wanted to visit, stories from childhood.
the more you talk, the easier it becomes. the silence stops feeling awkward. the laughter comes naturally. and without realising it, you’re beginning to look for him whenever you stop in front of a display, instinctively wanting to know what he thinks before forming your own opinion.
leehan notices this. he notices a lot of things. like how you always pause a little longer at the bigger tanks. how you tilt your head when you’re curious about something. how you laugh before trying to hide it horribly. but more than anything else, he notices that you listen. not the polite kind or listening nor the kind where someone’s simply waiting for their turn to speak.
you actually listen. when he rambles, you ask questions. when he points out something, you look. and maybe that’s why it happens so quickly. because leehan doesn’t realize he’s falling for you until he’s already there. it sneaks up on him quietly. in the way he catches himself search for your reaction first. in he way every joke suddenly feels more rewarding if it makes you laugh.
he doesn’t know much about love. but he knows this feeling. the feeling of wanting to keep talking to someone forever. the feeling of finding someone after years of searching and somehow feeling as you you’ve known them all along. the feeling of looking at a person and thinking, i hope this day doesn’t end.
one of the last exhibits you visit is the touch pool. the moment you realize that leehan is dragging you to touch starfish, you freeze several feet away from the tank. “no.” leehan looks over, “no?” “no.” “they’re starfish.” “i know what they are..” “then what’s the problem?”
you stare suspiciously at the shallow pool. the starfish stare back. or at least you assume they do. “they look weird.” leehan lets out a laugh, “that’s ridiculous.” you cross your arms, “what’s ridiculous is how they look!” unfortunately for you, this only encourages him. a few minutes later, you’re standing at the edge of the torch pool while Leehan repeatedly insists that the starfish are harmless.
“just one touch.” “no.” leehan chuckles, “you’ve survived talking to me, i promise the starfish are less dangerous.” eventually, through a combination of persistence, teasing, and your own curiosity, he manages to convince you. barely. you crouch beside the pool, staring at the nearest starfish as though it might suddenly spring to life and attack
leehan snorts as he sees your finger trembling. you finger hovers above the starfish, then you immediately pull back. “nope. nuh uh.” leehan laughs, “come on.” you glare at him. he grins back. the worst part is that he’s clearly enjoying this. after a moment of hesitation, you finally force yourself to touch the starfish. the second your finger makes contact, your entire body tenses. the texture surprises you. it’s neither slimy nor hard, just strange. you quickly pull your hand away, “oh.” “oh?” “it wasn’t terrible.” “see?”
you poke it again, then anther one. soon enough, your fear begins fading into curiosity. meanwhile, leehan has somehow acquired your digicam. you don’t notice until a camera shutter sounds and your head snaps up. “did you just take a picture of me?” another shutter. leehan beams, “you looked cute.” “delete it.” “no.” “leehan!–” click. another photo.
“leehan!” “what?” he asks innocently, already taking another. you reach for your digicam but he lifts in higher, “you’ll thank me later.” “i absolutely will not!” yet despite your complaints, you can’t stop smiling and leehan notices. he notices the way your eyes brighten when you forget to be embarrassed. he notices the way your earlier fear completely disappeared. he notices how pretty your smile is.
so he keeps taking pictures. not because he thinks they’re particularly good. because honestly, most of them are burry and some are horribly timed. but for some reason, he can’t bring himself to stop. because every photo feels like proof that today actually happened. proof that he met you. proof that this isn’t some strange, perfect dream he’d wake up from tomorrow.
By the time the aquarium closes, they sky outside has begun turning shades of orange and pink, the transition feels unfair. one moment the two of you are wandering beneath blue-lit tanks and watching fish drift through the water. the next, an announcement echoes through the building, reminding visitors that the aquarium is closing for the day.
neither of you says much as the crowd slowly funnels towards the exit. it’s not because there’s nothing left to talk about. if anything, there is too much. too many unfinished conversations and too many stories left untold. and yet, for the first time all day, words seem inadequate.
the automatic doors slide open. warm summer air rushes forward and reality returns. you and leehan stop just outside the aquarium entrance, neither quite sure how to continue. the day is over– “are you hungry?” the question comes suddenly and you blink. “what?” leehan rubs the back of his neck, “i mean, we’ve been here for hours.” he gestures vaguely towards the aquarium, “people usually eat dinner at some point.” a small smile tugs your lips, “are you asking me out for a meal?”
leehan glances away for a second, palm rubbing the back of his neck, “yea.. i mean only if you want to..” you know he means it casually, at least that’s how he’s trying to make it sound. but there’s a hopeful edge to his voice that makes your chest feel strangely warm. you find yourself smiling before you’ve even decided on an answer. “okay.” the relief that flashes across his face is immediate, “really?” “yea.”
his eyes immediately turn into crescents, a grin spreading across his face so contagiously you had to look away. dinner ends up being simpler than you imagined, just a small restaurant tucked between larger buildings, chosen mostly because neither of you could agree on where to eat and both of you were too hungry to keep debating.
the food is good. nothing extraordinary. years later, neither of you will remember exactly what you ordered. what you will remember is the conversation. the way one short story somehow led to ten long stories. the way laughter and snorts kept interrupting meals halfway through. at one point, leehan laughs so hard he chokes on his drink. you laugh even harder watching him. a few tables over, someone shoots the two of you an annoyed glare.
neither of you notices. or perhaps neither of you cares. hours earlier, he has been a complete weirdo of a stranger. now the idea feels impossible. not because you know everything about him, because you don’t, there are countless things left to learn. but somewhere throughout the day, familiarity has settles between you. comfort.
eventually, however, the restaurant empties and the sky darkens. reality begins catching up once again. your hotel isn’t far and actually it is close enough to walk, so that’s what the two of you do. the city feels different at night, cooler and quieter. streetlights casts pools of golden light across the pavement while distant sounds from the beach drifts through the air.
the two of you continue talking. about anything, everything and nothing at the same time. whatever allows the walk to last a little longer. then, far too soon, your hotel comes int view. beside you, leehan grows noticeably sulkier. the conversation slows, not because you’ve run out of things to say but because suddenly every world feels like a countdown. you stop near the entrance. neither of you moves and the bright hotel sign glows overhead. people pass behind him and the city continues on as though nothing important is happening. yet somehow, this feels important an neither of you can explain why.
the silence continues to stretch, not in an awkward way but just reluctant. as though both of you are waiting for the other person to find a reason not to leave. you glance up at him and he meets your gaze. for a second, neither of you looks away. it’s a strange feeling. standing in front of someone you’ve known for less than a day yet already feeling as though saying goodbye matters far more than it should.
you don’t have a name for it. leehan doesn’t either. maybe because some feelings arrive before the words for them do. all either of you know is that when the moment finally comes to part ways, neither of you is quite ready. and neither of you wants to be the first person to leave.
eventually however, leehan glances toward the hotel entrance before looking back at you, “so, how long are you staying in Busan?” the question is innocent enough yet something about it makes your smile falter. “actually…” you hesitate, “i’m not..”
his brows furrow, “what do you mean? you shift your weight slightly, “i’m only here for summer vacation..” a small laugh escapes you, “i’m going back to seoul tomorrow morning.” the words settle heavily between you and for the first time all day, leehan doesn’t respond immediately. “oh.” just one word.
you watch his expression carefully. the surprise is obvious. the disappointment even more so. neither of you had really thought beyond today. the aquarium. dinner. the walk. It had been easy to pretend there would always be another conversation waiting around the corner. another exhibit, another meal, another day. now suddenly, there isn’t. tomorrow has arrived too quickly.
you look away first, “my train leaves tomorrow morning.” leehan stares at the pavement for a moment. then something seems to occur to him. “what station?” you tell him busan station. he nods once. then, before he can overthink it, the words tumble out, “i’ll bring you.”
you blink, “what?” “to the station..” he rubs the back of his neck, suddenly looking embarrassed. “i mean..” a nervous laugh escapes him, “if that’s okay.” for some reason, the offer makes your chest ache. not because it’s a grand gesture. it’s not. it’s simple. small. the kind of thing most people wouldn’t think about twice.
a smile slowly spreads across your face, “i’d really love that.” the answer comes so quickly that Leehan’s eyes widen slightly. then he smiles too. a genuine one. the kind you’ve grown strangely fond of over the course of a single day.
neither of you says anything. the sadness is still there. tomorrow still exists. the goodbye waiting at the station remains unavoidable. but suddenly, it feels a little farther away. not tonight, tomorrow. tomorrow can wait. for now, there is still one more meeting left between the two of you. and somehow, that makes leaving easier.
the next day arrives far too quickly. when you step out of the hotel lobby with your suitcase rolling behind you. leehan is already there waiting. he’s standing near the entrance, hands shoved into his pockets, absentmindedly kicking at a crack in the pavement. the moment he notices you, his face brightens and suddenly, the morning doesn't quite feel so heavy.
“you’re early.” you say. “that’s because I didn’t want to be late.” you laugh slightly and leehan grins. he doesn’t mention the fact that he had arrived much earlier than necessary. Instead, he reaches for your suitcase.
The journey to the station feels strangely different from yesterday. the city is awake now, cars pass by, people hurry through the streets, life continues normally around you. yet both of you are painfully aware of where this walk ends. still, neither of you allows the conversation to die. you talk about anything you can think of. favourite songs, places you’ve never visited. childhood stories. future plans. every topic feels like an excuse to learn one more thing about the other person before time runs out.
before long, the station comes into view. and suddenly, there are no more streets left to walk. inside, announcements echo overhead as travelers rush between platforms. the atmosphere feels busy, people arriving and people leaving. you hate it immediately and leehan seems to feel the same.
the closer the departure time gets, the quieter both of you become. eventually, you’re standing beside the platform with your suitcase between you. neither of you knows what to say. how do you properly say goodbye to someone you’ve only known for a day? how do you explain why it feels so much harder than it should?
the announcement for your train sounds through the station as your train pulls up to the platform. a knot forms in your chest. beside you, leehan looks down at the floor. then back at you, “hey.” you glance up. his smile is small and nervous. “we should stay in touch..”
the suggestion feels obvious. yet somehow neither of you had said it aloud until now. your expression softens immediately, “yea.” “like..” he rubs the back of his neck, “letters?” you blink, “letters?” a laugh escapes your lips, “who still writes letters?” “we can,” the answer comes without any hesitation.
you look at him for a moment, really look at him. the guy who talks to fishes, the guy who spent an entire day making you laugh, the guy standing here now an trying to keep you in his life. and suddenly, the idea doesn’t seem strange at all. instead, it feels perfect. a way to make sure this isn’t the end. a smile slowly spreads across your face. “okay.” leehan visibly relaxes and his grin returns instantly. the same one you’ve became hopelessly attached and fond of.
you exchange addresses. a station announcement echoes overhead. passengers finish boarding. your chest tightens. this is it. the goodbye you’ve both been avoiding since last night. the noise of the station fades into the background, people move around you and announcements continue overhead. yet somehow, all you can focus on is him. the guy you met less than twenty-four hours ago.
the guy who talks to lionfish. the guy who made an entire day feel far too short. the guy you’re suddenly not ready to leave behind.
“write to me,” he says. his smile is there, but it looks fragile. like he’s trying very hard not to let his sadness show. you nod, “i will.” “and don’t take three months to reply.” a laugh escapes you as you roll your eyes. then, before you can stop yourself from overthinking it, you step forward. leehan blinks. you rise onto you tippy toes slightly and press a quick kiss against his cheek.
the world seems to stop and for one impossibly long second, neither of you moves. leehan freezes completely, his eyes widen and his brain appears to shut down. the realization hits you immediately afterward. you actually did that. heat rushes to your face. before either of you can say anything, the warning chime sounds.
the train doors begin closing, your panic wins. you immediately turn and hurry onto the train. “wait–” the doors slide shut before leehan can finish. you barely make it aboard, breathless, embarrassed and suddenly very aware of what just happened.
through the window, you see him standing on the platform. still somewhat frozen, one hand half-raised and cheeks visibly red as though his mind hasn’t caught up yet. the platform starts drifting away slowly as the train pulls out of the station. leehan finally snaps back to reality, a disbelieving laugh escapes him. he lifts a hand and waves. you wave back. neither of you notices the ridiculous smile spreading across your faces. the distance between you grows as the station disappears. and yet, for the first time since meeting, goodbye didn’t feel that frightening. because with a promise to write letters, it becomes something worth remembering.
the first letter arrives less than a week later. you find it waiting for you when you return home from school, your name written across the envelope. the sight alone makes you smile. for a while, the letters arrive faithfully, allowing your connection and feelings to continue despite the distance.
every envelope feels like a bridge between Busan and Seoul, carrying stories, memories and pieces of each other’s lives. you two write about school, family, dreams for the future and small moments you wish you could share in person.
however as the years pass by, life begins to demand more time from you two. school becomes more challenging, new responsibilities appear, friendships change, opportunities arise and the future gradually pulls you both in different directions. the letters still come but not as often. what was once a week becomes monthly, then every few months. every delayed reply comes with an apology and a promise to write back sooner.
and the gap continues to widen. neither of you meant for it to happen but it was simply life moving forward. eventually, one letter goes unanswered. then another. and before either of you realises it, the letters stop altogether.
years continue to pass. busan remains by the sea. seoul continues to rush forward. the older you grow, the more people you meet, and the faster you build lives separate from the summer that once meant everything.
sometimes, when he visits the aquarium, he’ll pause at the lionfish tank for no reason a moment longer than necessary.
sometimes, the sight of a train pulling away from a platform brings you back with flashes of blurred memories.
both of you remember the feeling of falling in love. not the details, not anymore. time is cruel that way.. it takes the memories apart piece by piece, carrying them away so slowly you never notice what has disappeared until it’s wiped away.
two years become three. then five. the letters are long gone, the paper has yellowed, been misplaced or thrown away during one of many moves. neither of you know what became of the other. neither of you know where life ultimately led the other person you once waited so eagerly to hear from.
yet sometimes, without warning, a familiar ache settles in your chest. you remember walking beside someone who made ordinary moments feel warmer. but time slowly erases the details. faces become a blurry mess, the exact curve of a smile disappears. then the color of their eyes. then the way their hair was styled. voices fade into silence or gibberish. names become harder to remember.
one day you realise you can no longer remember at all. only that there once was a name you repeated to yourself so often that it felt impossible to forget. but somehow, you did.
sometimes you wonder if the other remembers you as badly as you remember them. if somewhere, in another life, another version of the future they never shared, someone occasionally pauses at the sight of an aquarium and feels the same inexplicable ache.
you will never know. and perhaps that’s what makes the memory so achingly beautiful. because for one summer, out of all the summers they would ever experience, two strangers found each other. they fell in love. they promises they would never forget. and in the end, they forgot everything except that they once had.
somewhere deep within them remains the faint outline of a person whose face they can no longer picture, whose voice they can no longer hear, whose name they can no longer recall. a stranger, and yet somehow, was the person who once meant a lot.
all that remains is the memory of a summer and the feeling of being loved within it.
another summer, the afternoon rush spills through the seoul subway station, a steady flow of people moving in every direction. shoes tapping against the concrete, conversations blur together and train announcements echo through the station.
you climb the staircase towards the exit, focused only on getting home, halfway up, someone catches your eye. a stranger, a guy, descending the stairs. you don’t know why you look at him and neither does he. for the briefest moment, both of you stop. confusion flickers across his face. and a strange feeling of familiarity settles in your chest.
you don’t recognize his face, you’ve never seen him before - at least that’s what your mind tells you. yet, his eyes lingers on yours. and suddenly.. blue light, aquarium glass, a lionfish, laughter, starfish, a camera flash, a train station, a promise. memories long buried beneath years of living surge to the surface without warning. it isn’t clear enough to understand but it is enough to make your chest ache.
the words leave your lips before you can stop them.
“your name?”
divider by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more | network @berrybittynetwork
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hi lumi 🙂 i happened to notice your pinned post has a lot of similarities with an edit posted by 914media on twitter back in january, including the elements and the placement of them in a way that goes beyond inspiration, and the pinned post on your main shares a lot of the similarities as an edit by bejwyx on pinterest. i just think its a bit disingenuous to be answering asks about your theme and edits when what you just have is essentially a recreation of someone else's work. i hope you can at least address this 😕
hihi anon,
if you look closely at my #s on both my pinned posts on here and my main blog i have added the credits of the rightful, amazing designers of the graphics. at no point did i claim ownership over the concepts or present them as my own ideas.
i truly apologize if it came across as disingenious to be answering asks about my edit or theme. however, these graphics were still done by me from scratch.
i sincerely apologize if i gave anyone the impression that i made these graphics entirely on my own. i take full responsibility for that misunderstanding and i'll be more mindful about how i present my graphics in the future.
⊹ ࣪ ˖ .ᐟ.ᐟ the only rival I never want to lose - 한태산
⋮ ⌗ ┆synopsis: han taesan is the student council president of KOZ’s only boys’ school while you’re the student council president of its rival girls’ school. known throughout the district for your endless competitions and constant bickering, the two of you have spent years trying to outdo each other. and as graduation approaches and your rivalry finally reaches its end, taesan begins to realise that the one person he’s always been chasing might be the one he never wants to let go of.
⋮ ⌗ ┆warnings: rival taesan, headcannons and oneshot, bickering and irritating, skinship, intended lowercase, female reader, fluff, very self indulgent heh
⋮ ⌗ ┆word count: 3.5k (500avg on each headcannon)
⋮ ⌗ ┆authors note: here is my self indulgent fic ever hehe, I had so much fun writing and planning!! I knew this would be one of the first few oneshot/drabbles I wanted to write!! I hope you enjoy reading this!! <33
ᛝ now playing: adios by boynextdoor
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── rival! taesan : makes every combined school event a competition. charity drive? competition. sports day? competition. school festival? definitely a competition. ˎˊ˗
the annual joint school festival was supposed to bring the male students and female students together and encourage mutual friendship. though, somehow along the way, it turned into a battlefield for both student council presidents.
“why are there so many students at your booths.” taesan clicked his tongue as he stood amidst the huge crowd of people around the girls schools stalls. you smirked as you flipped through the stack of tickets in your hand, counting them flauntingly. “maybe because we actually had a good idea, not our fault.” he scoffed, “you bribed them with free brooches.” you corrected him, “incentives.” “bribes.”
before you could retort him again, a teacher walked past whilst shooting a kind smile, “wonderful job, you two!” the two of you could only shoot her a friendly smile and nod.
once she left, taesan leaned in, “we’re beating your sales by lunchtime, mark my words.” “in your dreams.” you snort.
more below the cut!!;
By noon, the boys were ahead by 30 tickets. By one o’clock, the girls had overtaken them. By two o’clock, taesan had managed to convince people to buy beverages from one of their booths. By three o’clock, you were glaring at him from across the courtyard while making a new promotional poster. neither of you had noticed your respective councils had stopped working and were now finding entertainment in watching the two of you.
“this is getting ridiculous.” sungho muttered, staring at taesans determined back. “they’ve been trying to outdo each other since the charity drive.” riwoo shrugged. “and sports day” “oh don’t forget leadership camp.” “ahh cross country too” leehan, woonhak and jaehyun added.
Across the courtyard, taesan caught your gaze and raised a lazy eyebrow and smirk, silently gesturing for you to throw in the towel. you immediately straightened up, over your dead body.
an hour later, the final numbers were announced. a tie. the entire courtyard erupted in cheers. the two of you stared at the result board in disbelief. then both of you spoke at the same time, “this has to be wrong.” “there’s no way.” the teacher in charge took a deep breath, “just accept the tie.” neither of you looked convinced.
As everyone began packing up, taesan walked over to you with two cans of banana milk in his hands. he handed one to you while saying, “you got lucky.” you grinned while accepting the banana milk, “we tied.” for once he didn’t argue but he did let out a chuckle. he glanced at the fairy lights hanging above the courtyard before his gaze fixed on your face again, “same time next event?” the corners of your lips couldn’t help but twitch upwards, “you’re on.”
and somewhere behind you, both student councils collectively groaned, already knowing the next event would tire them out from endless competition.
── rival! taesan : makes sure to disagree immediately if any of his student council members criticizes you or your council. ˎˊ˗
“her councils’ schedule is kind of a mess isn’t it?” the comment from woonhak slips out casually during the meeting. taesan doesn’t even look up from his paperwork, “no it isn’t.” the room immediately goes silent. woonhak blinks, “well, i mean.. they changed the rehearsal schedule for the play three times..” “because the venue got changed twice.” “oh.”
sungho leans back in his chair, “their publicity poster isn’t that great either.” hearing this, taesan finally looked up from his paperwork, “they’re fine.” “fine?” sungho questions. “they have a high percentage of engagement.” the room falls silent again. “..how do you know that?” jaehyun asks.
taesan freezes. a little too long. “i read the reports.”
all of the student council members looked at each other, not daring to say anything since nobody else bothered to read the reports. “well, the girls’ school only did well during the event because they had better sponsors.” riwoo said, trying to agitate taesan. taesan immediately shakes his head, “they secured the sponsors themselves.” riwoo smirks, “you’re defending them again.” taesan sighs, “i’m correcting you.” “same thing.” “it really isn’t.”
the council members exchanged knowing looks. because this happens every single time. the moment someone criticises you or your council, taesan is suddenly the first person to explain why they’re wrong. the moment someone downplays your achievements, taesan pulls out the statistics and reports. it’s getting.. suspicious. “you know for someone who’s supposed to be her rival.. you spend a lot of time defending her.” taesan’s pen stops moving. “just because i’m her rival, that doesn’t mean i have to lie.” jaehyun flashes his usual teasing smirk, “so you think she’s competent?” “obviously.” “talented?” “yes.” “hardworking?” “of course.” jaehyun’s smirk only widened, wanting to push him further, “and pretty–” “this meeting’s over right?” taesan manages to shoo all of them out his office as the council members erupt in cackles. taesan shuts the door behind them before anyone can point out the pink creeping up his cheeks. meanwhile, in your office, you sneeze, unaware that your biggest rival might just be your biggest fan.
── rival! taesan : becomes irritated when you don’t attend joint meetings (he’s secretly worried) ˎˊ˗
the joint meeting starts sharply at 3.30pm. by 3.27pm, taesan is already in the meeting room. not because he’s waiting for you obviously. maybe. the meeting room doors opened, members from both your student councils streamed in whilst chatting away. the seat across from him remains empty. weird. 3.30pm. the meeting begins. your vice president stands instead, “our president isn’t here today so let’s just start.” “why?” the question slips out of taesan’s mouth before he could process. all heads turn to look at him. your vice president blinks, caught off guard, “oh.. she’s sick.” taesan nods and the meeting starts properly.
but something feels.. off.. every time he shares his proposal, nobody challenges him. every time the budget is discussed, no one argues with him about a stingy budget. every time he suggests something, not a single person shoots back with an even better idea just to annoy him. the meeting moves along twice as smoothly. and somehow, thats exactly the problem. by the halfway point of the meeting, taesan’s forehead is scrunched up. irrationally annoyed. jaehyun notices first, “what’s wrong with you?” “nothing.” jaehyun scoffs softly, “you look grumpier than usual.” taesan rolls his eyes and ignores him. the meeting continues. his pulls up the proposal for the leadership camp. normally this is where you’d interrupt halfway to point out the flaws in his plans. instead, the meeting ends. no interruptions, no retorts, no eye rolls. it’s quiet. far too quiet. and he hated it. the realization hits him before he can stop it. he misses you. the thought itself makes him irritated with himself. everyone is busy packing up their stuff when your vice presidents gathers some documents off the table.
“can you give these to her?” she asks. the question catches taesan off guard, “why me?” the entire room goes silent. because everyone knows exactly why. your vice president smiles, “no reason.” there is always a reason. taesan takes the folder anyways, just to see you– no, just to make things easier. that’s all.
── rival! taesan : teases you with his height when preparing for an event ˎˊ˗
the preparation for the leadership camp had been going relatively smoothly. relatively. which in your case and taesan’s case meant there had only been three arguments, two disagreements, and one debate over the placement of a banner. a new record. now you were decorating the auditorium. you were standing on your tippy toes, trying ,though failing, to pin up some banners. the top corner was just slightly out of reach. you stretched higher, nothing. slightly higher, nothing. a shadow suddenly appeared behind you. before you could react, a hand reached above your head and effortlessly attached the decoration where you’d been struggling for the past 5 minutes. you froze and slowly turned around. taesan was looking down at you with the most annoying smug expression imaginable, “..” “don’t–” the grin on his face immediately widened, “don’t what?” you poked his chest, “whatever you were going to say.” “oh, wasn’t going to say anything.” you narrowed your eyes at him. he looked far too pleased with himself. then, he glanced at the decoration and back at you. his smirk returned, “i can see why that was difficult.” you gasp, “shoo.” “i’m just observing.” he smiles. “leave.” “i mean the top of the board is pretty high.” “HAN TAESAN!!”
several of your council members immediately looked over. he raised both of his hands with faux innocence, “not my fault you’re vertically challenged.” you grabbed the nearest roll of tape and threw it as him. he caught it easily, unfortunately. “you know if you ask nicely, i might just help.” he tossed the tape around. “i would rather climb the wall.” you shot back before he chuckled. a few minutes later, you found yourself trying to hang another decoration on an even higher beam. you stared at the beam and then at the ladder. taesan unfortunately noticed. without word, he places the decoration he was originally doing down and walked towards you. you crossed your arms seeing this. he extended his arm towards you, “give it.” you hesitated but then reluctantly handed over the decoration to him. the stupid thing took him less than ten seconds. ten seconds. you hated him, “show off.” “not my fault i was blessed with height.” you rolled your eyes so hard they nearly fell out.
as he climbed down the ladder, he looks suspiciously pleased with himself. he adjusted his shirt and then leaned down slightly, just enough to be annoying, “need help with anything else?” you smiled sweetly, the kind of smile that took him aback with suspicion. a pause. “actually..” you point to a banner in the corner, “since you’re so tall, can you fix that?” his grin grows, “so you need me.” you ignore his comment. you point to another decoration, “and that one.” then another, “that too.” “...” “hmm that one too.” by the fifth task, his smile was completely gone from his face. the council members stifled their laughter. “you’re making me do all the work.” taesan frowns. you only shrug, patting his head, “not my fault you were blessed with height.” taesan stands there frozen, blush creeping up his cheeks but he immediately turned his head away.
── rival! taesan : purposefully misses the last question on the test if he hears your pushing yourself too hard for first place. ˎˊ˗
the rumour reaches him by accident. he was walking past your school gate and since your schools were beside each other, he notices you talking with a classmate of yours. “i just need to beat him this one time.” you mumble. your classmate sighs, “you’ve been studying for hours on end.” “because if i don’t, he gets first place again.” you shot back. “you got 4 hours of sleep last night–” “i’m fine.” you shut her down. taesan keeps walking but the conversation stays with him all the way. every joint academic ranking by the district turns into another battleground between the two of you. first place. second place. always separated by one or two marks. always. the teachers’ think that it’s healthy competition. the students’ think that it’s cute. taesan, on the other hand, thinks it’s a problem. especially when he notices the heavy eyebags under your eyes. especially when you carry coffee with you everywhere. especially when you start dozing off in joint meetings. “you look terrible..” he mutters as he approaches you after the joint meeting. you immediately glare at him, “mind your own business.” “did you sleep?” he asks. “...” “exactly.” the conversation ends there. but the worry doesn’t.
during the exams, taesan sits at his assigned desk, on the very last question. according to his calculations, he has at least 96 marks secured. his eyes drift to question 50. the one worth two marks. the one he confidently knew how to solve. the one he intentionally left blank. he stares at it for a moment. and then he closes the paper. the district ranking came out a few days later. for the first time all year, you’re first. by two marks. the next joint meeting is chaos. your council members are celebrating while his council members are mourning his loss. and you’re in the middle of it all, looking happier than he has seen in months. the smile on your face is bright. genuine. proud. just happy. and for some reason, that feels worth more than some number next to his name.
“what happened to you?” jaehyun asks later. taesan doesn’t look up from his notes, “what do you mean?” “you never lose.” jaehyun raises an eyebrow. “i didn’t lose.” jaehyun narrows his eyes suspiciously, “did you mess up?” taesan sighs, “no.” “did you–” “just drop it.” jaehyun studies his nonchalant attitude for a moment, and then realization slowly dawns on him, “oh my god..” taesan immediately looks up in surprise, “don’t” “you did.” “i did not.” “you absolutely did. you let her win..” “I DID NOT!!” the denial comes far too quickly. which makes the corners of jaehyun’s lips twitch up.
a week later, you cornered him after a joint meeting. “you left question 50 blank.” you ask. his shoulders freeze. just for a second. you noticed, of course you did. “i didn’t know–” he shrugs. “it was the easiest question on the paper.” “...” the hallways suddenly felt very quiet. “why?” you ask softly. taesan sighs, “you were making yourself miserable. you looked tired all the time. so i figured, being first wasn’t worth watching you run yourself into the ground.” the words leave his mouth before he could stop them. your eyes widen and for once, you didn’t have a comeback.”thank you..” you say. taesan groans immediately, “don’t thank me.” “why?” you question. “because now you’re making it weird. you laugh. and for the first time in a long while, the rivalry feels a little less like a competition and a little more like two people making sure the other doesn’t fall too far behind.
── rival! taesan : first person to clap even when he looks annoyed that you won an award. ˎˊ˗
the district awards ceremony is held a few weeks later but no one thought much of it since everyone has already seen the rankings. you know you’re first, you know taesan’s second. and if you’re being honest, part of you still hasn’t forgiven him for what he did. even after confronting him about question 50, you had spent nights wondering why he thought sacrificing his own score was a good idea. it was stupid. incredibly stupid. and somehow annoyingly sweet. which somehow made it even worse. the principal steps up to the podium, students fill the auditorium, teachers sit along the sides. then the district rankings are announced one by one. then– your names echoes through the hall. for a second, everything blurs. the applause, the cheering, the people around you. because all you can think about is the paper sitting in a folder somewhere, question 50, blank. clap. the first clap comes from the person besides you. you don’t even need to look to know who it is. taesan. of course it’s taesan. he’s clapping before anyone reacts. when you glance over, he looks annoyed, not angry, not bitter. like he’d rather be standing on that stage himself. like losing still bothers him. because it does, but his hands never stop clapping.
after the ceremony, you find him outside. naturally leaning against the wall. “hey.” you say. he immediately groans, “no.” you huff, “you didn’t even hear the question.” “i know where this is going.” you lean against the wall beside him, award still in your hands, district champion, the title you had been chasing for years and yet somehow feels heavier than you expected. “you should have been up there too..” your words come out quieter than intended. “don’t start.” he looks away. “i’m serious. you let me win.” “i didn’t let you do anything.” taesan sighs. “you left the question blank.” “you still answered the other 49 yourself.” and you hate how easily he says it. like it doesn’t matter. a laugh escapes you. small and filled of disbelief. “you would’ve won.” “maybe.” “taesan.” “what?” you stare at him and for the first time since all of this started, he finally takes a long sigh. “you looked happier having the award than i’ve seen you in months and that's enough.” simple, matter of factly even. it was as if that was the end of the conversation, like it was a perfectly normal reason to throw away first place. no don’t know what to say because no comeback comes to mind. no sarcastic remark. no argument. nothing.
the silence stretches, then taesan points at the award, “don’t drop it. it’d be embarrassing.” a laugh escapes you, “there he is.” “who?” “the annoying you.” “i was never gone.” taesan smirks. for a moment, things feel normal again yet something has shifted. because now every time you look at the award sitting on your shelf, you remember two things. the district ranking. and the boy who is always the first person to clap for you.
── rival! taesan : realises he doesn’t know what to do without having a ‘rival’ when graduation comes around. ˎˊ˗
graduation day is loud. students are crying, taking photos, signing uniforms, promising to stay in touch. it feels like everyone’s standing on the edge of something, a beginning and an ending. taesan hates it. yet deep down, he know that’s not the reason, because every time he looks across the courtyard, his eyes finds yours. again, again and again.you’re surrounded by people. friends from your school, juniors asking for signatures. the districts’ top student. the girls’ school president. his rival. his– .. well. that’s the problem. for years, that title had been enough, you had always been there. and now? now graduation is ending. in a few hours, everyone will go home. in a few months, you’ll both be somewhere else. different schools. different schedules. this realization hits him harder than expected. because for the first time since meeting you.. he has absolutely no idea what comes next.
the ceremony ends and without meaning to, taesan finds himself walking towards the joint student council room. the door is already open and you’re sitting inside alone, looking out at the window. he sits next to you and for a moment, neither of you say anything. “it’s weird.” you finally say. “what is?” “no more rivalry.” you said teasingly. but they hit harder than expected. because taesan realizes that’s exactly what has been bothering him all day. the idea that after today, you won’t just be in the school next to him anymore. you won’t be at the next district event. or anywhere he can easily find you. it was never about who wins. not really.
“you know what’s annoying?” taesan exhales. you blink as he looks away then quietly laughs to himself. “the idea of not seeing you anymore.” silence. your expression changes immediately. “oh.” brilliant. now you’ve made it weird. “you don’t mean–” “i do.” your mouth closes. for once, neither of you has a comeback. taesan rubs a hand over the back of his neck, “i thought graduation would feel good.” you stay still, listening. “but every time someone talked about college, or moving on, all i can think about is..” he laughs once, “who’s going to argue with me now?” a small smile appears on your face, “that’s your confession?” his face immediately heats up, “i wasn’t finished.” “sure–” “i like you.” the words leave his mouth. simple. direct. heart fluttering. “i think i’ve liked you for a while.” he repeated. you stare at him, speechless. “say something.” he says softly. you smile, the same smile that has followed him through years of competitions, arguments, victories and losses. the same smile he’d recognize anywhere. “what took you so long to figure that out, rival?”
the laugh that escapes him is helpless. relieved. happy. and he kisses your forehead before he can overthink it. for the first time since graduation started, the future doesn’t seem quite so scary anymore. maybe he wasn’t losing his rival after all. maybe he was finally getting something better.
bunny gif divider by @kthice | network: @berrybittynetwork
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⋮ ⌗ ┆synopsis: for years, Myung Jaehyun lived for the thrill of street racing. But as he starts spending more time with you than chasing the next finish line, he begins to wonder if the life he's always loved is one he's finally ready to leave behind.
⋮ ⌗ ┆warnings: fluff, established relationship, illegal street racing, jealousy, intended lowercase, skinship
⋮ ⌗ ┆word count: 2k (333avg per headcannon)
⋮ ⌗ ┆authors note: we are interupting the angst broadcast with a jaehyun fluff headcannon!! this was written for @myungmyng and special thank you to @yumangel for proofreading this for me!! hope you enjoy this, giving out all the love <33
ᛝ now playing: nice to each other by olivia dean
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── racer bf! Jaehyun : keeps random trinkets of yours in his car and calls them his lucky charms. ˎˊ˗
it starts with something small like a hair tie you forgot to take on his gear stick, a receipt from a convenience store date tucked into the sun visor, a keychain you won from an arcade hanging from his rearview mirror. when you ask him why he never throws them away, he just shrugs, “they’re lucky.” “babe, that’s literally a used movie ticket–” “and? i won my race the next day.” and before long, his car was full of little pieces of you. a polaroid wedged into the corner of his dashboard, a bracelet you thought you’d lost looped around his wrist whenever he races, a sticky note with your handwriting folded inside his glove compartment.
more below the cut!!:
the other racers make fun of him for it, “those aren’t lucky charms,” they sneered. “they are if it’s hers.” he says it so seriously that nobody knows whether to laugh or be concerned. and maybe it is stupid, but before every race, he taps one of those trinkets for good luck. not because he thinks that they’ll magically help him win but because they remind him that there’s someone waiting for him at the finish line. someone he would love to go home to. so when people ask what his most prized possession is, they would most likely expect him to point at the car he’s spent years with and a lot of money on but instead, he reaches for the polaroid of you at a vinyl store on his dashboard and smiles, “this.’
── racer bf! Jaehyun : gets jealous when other drivers flirt with you. ˎˊ˗
the racing scene (especially an illegal one) is small enough that everyone knows everyone, which means everyone knows you’re his. unfortunately, that doesn’t stop people from trying.
it usually starts at meetups, some driver you’ve never met before strikes up a conversation while jaehyun was busy cleaning his car and you’re too polite to walk away. from across the lot, jaehyun notices immediately. he pretends he doesn’t though. for aboutt 15 seconds. then suddenly he’s appearing beside you, arm slung casually around your shoulders as if he’d been there the whole time.
“hey.” he says. the other driver glances between the two of you, “oh, you two are together?” “mhm.” the smile on jaehyun’s face is friendly enough. but the grip around your shoulder says otherwise. he doesn’t get angry, doesn’t start fights, and doesn’t act possessive. he just becomes unbearably clingy. he’s following you around, resting his chin on your head, stealing your attention every five seconds. “babe.” “yea?” “you’re jealous.” “am not,” he says while literally holding your hand.
the worst part is when another racer openly flirts with you right before one of his races. because he’s now climbing into the driver’s seat annoyed. and everyone knows what that means. later that night, after crossing the finish line first, he walks straight past the crowds, straight past the celebrations, straight to you. “you won.” “i know.” “aren’t you happy?” you asked. he shrugs before reaching over and lacing his fingers through yours so everyone watching gets the message, loud and clear. “happier now.” with that huge ass grin on his face.
── racer bf! Jaehyun : swears he’ll retire after every race. ˎˊ˗
it becomes a running joke between the two of you. after a race, still buzzing with adrenaline and victory, he’ll throw an arm around your shoulders and announce dramatically, “that’s it, i’m done.” you don’t even bat an eye at his antics, “mhm..” “seriously.” “okay..” “i’m retiring.” “you said that last week..” “this time i mean it!” he never means it. because three days later, you’ll find him under the hood of his car at two in the morning, tweaking something that absolutely did not need tweaking. “i thought you retired?” “i did..” “then why are you working on the car?” “..maintenance..” “for?” you asked with a raised eyebrow. “..future maintenance..”
eventually, the other racers start placing bets on how long his ‘retirement’ will last. the record is three days. what nobody realises is that every time he says it, a part of him genuinely means it. especially after a close call. especially when he catches the look on your face as he steps out of the car safely. the relief, the fear, the way your shoulders finally relax. and those are the moments when he thinks maybe he should quit. maybe he’s had enough. maybe winning doesn’t feel as good as knowing you’ll never have to worry about him again. but then another race comes around. another challenge. another chance to chase the adrenaline he’s spent ages chasing. and he can’t quite let go. so he keeps saying it.
“one more race and i’m done.” until one night, a few days later, he comes home after a race and he finds you asleep on the couch waiting for him, phone still in your hand and the living room lights still on. and for the first time, he doesn’t know what to do.
── racer bf! Jaehyun : gets into arguments with you whenever you call his races dangerous because deep down, he knows you’re right. ˎˊ˗
the thing is, he knows they are. that’s why he gets so defensive. it usually starts the same way. you hear about a crash, a near miss, a race that got shut down halfway through. and when he casually mentions it later, you stare at him in disbelief. “you could have gotten hurt..” “but i didn’t.” he shrugs. “that’s not the point jaehyun.” “then what is it?” and suddenly you’re arguing. his voice gets sharper, your frustration grows. neither of you are really listening anymore. because while you’re trying to explain why you’re scared, he’s trying not to think about the fact that you’re right. he hates it. hates how your words linger in his head long after the fight ends. hates how he can’t confidently tell you it’ll never happen again. because he can’t.
one night, the argument gets worse than usual. he accuses you for not trusting him and before he can stop himself, he says, “then maybe you shouldn’t wait for me anymore.” the second the words leave his mouth, he regrets them. the silence that follows is deafening. you look at him like he’s just slapped you. and for the first time, jaehyun realizes what these arguments have never really been about. it’s not that you’re terrified of getting a phone call in the middle of the night. or terrified of hearing sirens and wondering if it’s him.
later, when he finds you sitting alone after the fight, he doesn’t try to defend himself. doesn’t make excuses. doesn’t tell you that you’re overreacting. he just sits beside you quietly. for a moment, neither of you speak. then he reaches for your hand, “i know it’s dangerous.” his voice barely above a whisper. and somehow, hearing him admit it hurts more than all the arguments combined. because for once, there isn’t denial. no stubbornness. just the truth. and the truth is that every race scares you. but losing you scares him even more.
── racer bf! Jaehyun : starts questioning whether racing is worth it. ˎˊ˗
for years, racing was simple. he loved the speed. the adrenaline. the feeling of being completely free for a few fleeting seconds. every risk felt worth taking. until you came around. because suddenly there was someone waiting for him after every race. someone who always answered his late night calls. someone who would sit in the passenger seat and absentmindedly fiddle with his fingers at red lights. someone who started feeling less like part of his life and more like his future. and that’s what makes it difficult. the first time the thought crosses his mind isn’t after a crash. it isn’t after a dangerous race. it is after something painfully ordinary. you fall asleep in his car. head resting against the window. your hand loosely intertwined with his.
and as he glances over at you while stopped at a red light, he catches himself imagining this years from now. a future. a life. something permanent. the thought shakes him. because for the first time, he has something he genuinely does not want to lose. after that, little things start getting to him. the way you always text him to let you know when he’s safe. the way you always text him to let you know when he’s safe. the way your shoulders visibly relax whenever he steps out of his car unharmed. the way you never outright ask him to quit, even though he knows parts of you wants to.
one night, after a particularly rough race, he’s sitting alone in his car long after everyone else has left. the engine is off. the lots are empty. and for the first time, winning doesn’t feel as good as it used to. instead, all he can think about it you. about how quickly everything could change and he hates that thought. he hates how much power it has over him but he hates the possibility of leaving you behind even more. so when you find him later that night unusually quiet, you ask what’s wrong.
he stares ahead for a moment before asking, “have you ever thought about what happens after?” “after what?” “after all of this.” it’s the first time he’s ever sounded uncertain and tired. when you don’t answer immediately, he laughs softly. not because anything is funny. but because he finally understands. racing used to be the thing he couldn’t live without. now he’s not so sure. because somewhere along the way, you became the thing he couldn’t imagine living without instead.
── racer bf! Jaehyun : finds himself spending more time fixing cars than racing them. ˎˊ˗
nobody notices it at first. not even him. because he still shows up to every meetup. still hangs around the garages until ridiculous hours of the night. still has grease stains on his hands and engine parts scattered across his workspace. the only difference is that he’s spending less time behind the wheel. and more time underneath the car. it starts with him helping a friend, then tuning someone’s engine before a race. then rebuilding an old project car just because he was bored. before he knows it, entire weekends pass without him racing at all.
instead he’s teaching younger drivers how to replace parts properly. arguing with people over modifications. getting way too excited over tools. you make fun of him constantly. “you’re getting old.” “yah! i’m still in my early twenties!” “you sound like a dad.” “you’re crazy!” he says while giving a full fifteen minute lecture about proper engine maintenance. the truth is, he doesn’t mind. because somewhere along the way, racing stopped being his entire world.
he still loves cars, the sound of an engine roaring to life and the people he meets. but he’s starting to realize that maybe he was never in love with racing itself. maybe he was in love with what it gave him. a place to belong, a purpose, something to chase. but now? he has other things. you. late night dinners, lazy afternoons, future plans that stretch further than the next race weekend.
one evening, you’re sitting in the garage while he works on a friend's car. music hums softly through his speaker and the air smells faintly of gasoline and motor oil. you watch him wipe his oily hands on a rag after tightening a bolt. “you haven't raced in a while.” he glances over at you and smiles, “guess i’ve been busy.” but he doesn’t tell you he had made up his mind weeks ago, that he’s found something he enjoys more than crossing the finish line. it was never a car or the adrenaline. it was coming home to you.
divider by @legality-graphics | network @berrybittynetwork
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HELLO I DID NOT SEE THIS NEW THEME?? UR SO CREATIVE THE "What's in my bag?" Is so cuteeee!! ꒰ঌ(˶ˆᗜˆ˵)໒꒱ (I keep calling everything u make cute but it is truly the only word I think of when I see ur themes. Plus calling smth cute is the highest compliment in my book hehe >:] ) also I saw those peach gummies on the bag items and I js wanted to add as someone who's fav desert is gummies PEACH GUMMIES SLAP BRO THEY'RE SO GOOD AMAZING CHOICE 🤤🤤 the photocards r so cute too omg omg I'll stop rambling now TT anyway i luv ur themes hehe જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩( ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ഒ
AWHH RIRI YOU'RE TOO ADORABLE T^T
i'm glad you like the new theme!! and YESS peach gummies are superior, literally the BEST!! oh my gosh i didn't know i could love you even more ><
hehe new themee!! i've been on a roll with blog themes on this acc and my main acc and i'm soso happy!!
here's an update to my blog too!: i'm accepting requests, just pop into my inbox or dm's and i'll do my best!! i'm very very excited to bring all your ideas to life and hopefully do them justice!!
rules: no nsfw, will be mostly below 3k w/c, i'm only writing for boynextdoor for now - i'll think of more as we go!!
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