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𒌐 .ᐟ.ᐟ the garden left to wilt — 김이한

⋮ ⌗ ┆subjects: spiderman bf! Kim Leehan x gf! reader

⋮ ⌗ ┆incident overview: You and Kim Leehan have known each other since high school, growing from close lovers into strangers divided by silence, secrets, and everything neither of you could say out loud. As distance slowly replaces what once felt certain, misunderstandings pile up and what you had begins to unravel beyond repair. And only when it’s too late does Leehan realise you were never something he was meant to lose.

⋮ ⌗ ┆content advisory: angst angst angst, death, grief, violence, spiderman au, misunderstanding, sensitive topics, female reader, intended lowercase, skinship,

⋮ ⌗ ┆mission duration: 4.3k

⋮ ⌗ ┆agents note: heyyoo!! my first ever au fic!! I never wrote action scenes before so I apologize if it's not that good TT. although I had such a hard time writing this, I think it turned out really well in the end, p.s. see the linking of the ending to the start hehe!! if you guys want to see a part 2 continuation of this fic, do comment!! mwahmwah

▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||။‌‌‌‌‌၊|• now playing: is that true? by boynextdoor

back to masterlist | as always ; reblogs and comments highly valued!! (please!!)

Flowers never realise that they’re dying when the season first begins to change.

The warning signs are always small, a colder breeze slips through an open window, sunlight arrives a little later each morning and petals lose colours one by one. Yet, the flowers continue blooming as if summer lasts forever. By the time they notice the chill in their roots, it’s already too late. Perhaps that is why people like flowers.

No one notices when a relationship begins to ‘wilt’. Not at first. The laughter still sounds the same, hands still fit perfectly together and ‘i love you’ still rolls of the tongue with practiced ease. But between yesterday and tomorrow, somewhere, something changed. And suddenly, the person who once felt like home becomes someone standing on the other side of an impossible distance. The cruelest part is that change rarely arrives all at once. It comes quietly.

Then one day you’ll look back at the garden you spent years tending, and realise

half the flowers have already fallen.

more below the cut;

You met leehan long before he got his spidey powers. Back then, he was just kim leehan, an awkward freshman who seemed to always have his nose buried in a book or newspaper. He was neither popular nor athletic and certainly not the kind of guy people fought to sit beside at lunch. Everyone overlooked him entirely. Except the bullies.

One afternoon, you watched a group of boys bump into him in the hallway. Newspapers slipping from his arm and scattering across the floor. One of them laughed, mocking his ‘collection’. Another crouched down beside him as if to help and for a moment, leehan looked hopeful. Then the boy ripped a page straight out of one of his notebooks. The group cackled with laughter. You expected leehan to yell, to get angry. Instead, he just smiled. A small smile. The bullies eventually got bored and left. The second they disappeared around the corner, you went up to him, knelt down and helped him gather some scattered papers.

“How are you not angry?..” you ask. That earned a laugh from him, “trust me, i am.” for the first time, you noticed it. The frustration hidden beneath his smile. The way his fingers crumpled the edge of the newspaper. The exhaustion in his eyes. “I just don’t think it’d change anything,” he admitted softly. You looked at him for a moment before handing back the last page, “well for what it’s worth.. I think they’re idiots.”

Leehan blinked. Then a genuine smile appeared on his face, “thanks.”

From that moment on, you started spending more time together. One conversation became two. Two became dozens. You walked home together after school, studied together in libraries, texted each other until neither of you could keep your eyes open. And along the way, somewhere, you stopped being just the girl who helped him pick up papers in the hallway. You became his favourite person. And before either of you realized it, you were no longer just schoolmates. You were his girlfriend. And he was your boyfriend.

By sophomore year, you began noticing changes in leehan. At first they were small. The shy boy who used to stumble over his words now had a comeback ready for almost anything you said. He teased you more often, flashed smug little smirks whenever he won an argument. And somehow carried himself with a confidence you had never seen before.

“You’re staring.” you blinked, “what?” “you’re staring,” leehan repeated, fighting back a smug grin. “I am not.” “you literally are.” you rolled your eyes and shoved his shoulder. “You’re just so annoying.” “yet you’re still dating me,” the smug look on his face only widened.

You hated how much you liked this version of him. He seemed happier, lighter. For the first time since you’d met him, it felt like he was finally becoming comfortable in his own skin. But only around you. At school, nothing seemed to change. Leehan was still the same awkward nerd everyone loved picking on. You would still find him kneeling on the floor of crowded hallways collecting newspapers. Bullies would shove him between classes, laugh when he stumbled, and make jokes at his expense whenever teachers weren’t around. The sight always made your stomach twist. You had seen him become more confident, more capable, more willing to stand up for himself. So why? Why did he still let this happen?

One night, while the two of you were walking home, you finally asked, “why don’t you ever do anything?” leehan glanced at you. “What do you mean?” “the bullies.” his expression immediately shifted. You noticed it every time the topic came up, a brief flicker of discomfort.

“They don’t bother me that much.” “that’s a lie.” leehan laughed weakly, “you always know when i’m lying..” “that’s because you’re terrible at it.” for a moment, neither of you spoke. Then he said quietly, “it’s easier this way.” you didn’t understand what he mean then. You simply took his hand and continued walking, unaware that leehan was carrying a secret far bigger than either of you could imagine.

And as time passed, Leehan began disappearing for hours, then days, with horrible excuses that never quite made sense. ‘Sorry something came up.’ ‘I forgot.’ ‘Let’s do it another day.’. At first, you believed him. That was until you started counting how many dates he arrived late to, how many plans he cancelled at the last minute, how many messages were left unanswered for hours.

The seasons continued changing around you, but so did he. One afternoon, when he showed up late yet again, you noticed the bruises peeking out from beneath his sleeve. Dark purple marks, far worse than anything the school bullies could have caused. Your stomach twisted, “leehan? What happened?” his hand immediately pulled the sleeve down, “nothing.”

You reached for him, desperate to understand, but he took a step back. And that.. hurt.. Leehan used to tell you everything, every embarrassing thought, every stupid fish fact that crossed his mind. He was the boy who would call you in the middle of the night just to tell you something he forgot to mention earlier.

Now, he looked at you like you were a stranger asking him questions you had no right to ask about. The distance between you grew quietly, like autumn stealing the green from leaves one day at a time, nothing seemed different at first, until the branches were suddenly bare.

And for the first time, you wondered if you were losing him. Or if you had already lost him long ago.

The argument happened on a rainy night. Maybe it was because you were tired. Maybe it was because you had spent months pretending everything was fine. Or maybe it was because you couldn’t take being shut out anymore.

“What happened to you?” you finally asked. Leehan stood silently in your doorway, rainwater dripping from his jacket.

“You keep disappearing.” silence. “You cancel everything.” silence. “You lie to me.” his jaw tightened. “Can you just tell me what’s going on?” you hated how desperate your voice sounded. “Nothing’s going on.” that was the final straw.

“Stop saying that!” you snapped, “do you think i’m stupid?” leehan flinched, for a second, he almost told you. About the mask hidden in his room. About the bruises. About the nights spent bleeding on rooftops while trying to save strangers. But he couldn’t. So he stayed quiet. And his silence felt like an answer. Tears burned in your eyes, “you don’t love me anymore.”

His head immediately shot up, “what?” “you don’t.” “i never said that–” “you don’t have to.” your voice cracked, “you barely talk to me. You don’t tell me anything anymore. Every time i try to help, you push me away.”

Leehan opened his mouth, then closed it again. Because every explanation sounded impossible. Because telling the truth would put you in danger. Because keeping the secret was supposed to protect you. But standing there, watching you cry, it didn’t feel like protection. It felt like losing you. “You don’t understand..” he whispered. “Then make me understand.” he couldn’t. And that hurt more than any punch he had ever taken.

Months of frustration spilled our in the form of words neither of you truly meant. Words sharp enough to leave scars. “Maybe you’ve become selfish.” his face fell. “Maybe you don’t care anymore. “That’s not true.” “prove it.”

He couldn’t. And eventually, there was nothing left to say. The rain continued falling as you stepped away from him. Neither of you tried to stop the other. Maybe because you were both too hurt. Maybe because you both thought there would be another chance later. There wasn’t.

As you closed the door in his face, you believed leehan had changed. That the sweet boy you once knew had become careless. Distant. Selfish. You never saw the way his hands trembled. Or the way he stood there long after you had disappeared from his sight. For the first time since becoming spiderman, fighting villains felt easy.

Losing you was the thing that truly broke him.

But neither of you had truly moved on.

Leehan still found himself watching you afar, lingering on rooftops just long enough to make sure you got home safely before disappearing into the night. And you caught yourself making room for him in your life. At the bakery, you had absentmindedly ordered two of his favourite pastries before remembering there was no one waiting beside you anymore.

Old habits were hard to break. Especially when the person you were trying to forget was never really gone.

One night, on your way home, you took a shortcut through a narrow alleyway. The city was quiet, the only sounds coming from distant traffic and the hum of streetlights overhead.

Then you heard it. A thud. Followed by a pained groan.

Curiosity got the better of you. You carefully peeked around the corner and froze. A figure sat slumped against a brick wall, breathing heavily. Spiderman?! His suit was torn, blood stained the fabric, fresh bruises bloomed across the exposed skin as trembling hands struggled to pull the mask back on. Then, the mask slipped. And suddenly, the world stopped. Leehan.

Your breath caught in your throat. Every late arrival. Every cancelled date. Every unexplained bruise. Ever lie. It all made sense. The person you had spent months resenting had been spending every night throwing himself into danger for people he didn’t even know. While you thought he was abandoning you, he had been carrying a burden far heavier than either of you could bear.

Your chest tightened painfully. Leehan wasn’t selfish. He wasn’t careless. He was exhausted. The guilt made you feel sick. Before he could tilt his head and notice you there, you stumbled backwards and ran. Not because you were scared of him. But because you finally understood. And suddenly, you didn’t know how to face him.

That day, you were walking towards leehan’s apartment with your heart in your throat. For days, you had rehearsed what you wanted to say. An apology? An explanation? A chance to start over.

You finally knew the truth. You finally understood why he had changed, why he had lied, why he had pushed you away. And despite everything that had happened between you, you wanted to hear his side. You wanted to tell him you were willing to try again. But you never made it to his door. Because you weren’t the only person looking for Leehan. For weeks, the green goblin had been studying spiderman’s movements. Watching. Waiting. Searching for a weakness he could exploit.

And then he noticed you. The same face appearing around the apartment complex. The same person lingering near the building more often than coincidence could explain. He didn’t now exactly who you were. A friend? Family? A lover? It didn’t matter. If you were useful to spiderman, then you were useful.

The attack happened so quickly you had barely any time to react. One moment, you were crossing the street and the next, a gloved hand seized you from behind. A scream caught in your throat as the city disappeared beneath your feet.

The green goblin laughed as his glider carried you into the sky, “let’s see if he comes for you.” and just like that, you became bait. You know he will. Because now you know who spiderman is. And you know leehan would never leave anyone behind him

The green goblin carefully orchestrated the entire situation, ensuring that no matter what spiderman chooses, someone will suffer. The green goblin doesn’t want to kill spiderman, he wants to break him. Weeks of watching him from the shadows had taught him something important about the city’s beloved hero, he always tries to save everyone. So the green goblin creates a situation where saving everyone is impossible.

You are taken up high to a clock tower, your wrists bound as the wind howls around you. Far below, the city continues as normal, blissfully unaware of the disaster waiting to unfold. Then, the explosions begun. Across several blocks, chaos erupted simultaneously. A packed commuter bus is left hanging over the edge of a collapsed bridge. Part of a construction site crumbles, trapping workers beneath unstable steel beams. A crowded train station is thrown into panic as debris rains from above.

The green goblin smiles, spiderman will come.

When leehan arrives, he’s already breathing hard. He had been patrolling for hours before receiving reports of attacks. The moment he sees you restrained that high up, something in his stops. For a second, the city disappears. There’s only you. You. alive. Terrified. Close enough that he can see the fear in your eyes. The same eyes that once looked at him with trust. The same eyes that had been filled with disappointment when you walked away from him. The same eyes he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about since. His heart lurches. Then another explosion echoes through the city.

“Go on, spiderman.” the green goblin laughs. leehan gaze flickers toward the smoke rising in the distance. The bus. The construction site. The station. Hundred of lives. Then back to you. You watch him freeze, not because he doesn’t know what to do. Because he does. He always does. The hesitation only lasts for a moment then he’s gone. You watch him swing away.

For a brief second, despite knowing why, despite finally understanding everything, your chest aches. The next thirty minutes feels endless. You can only watch from afar as flashes of red and blue move across the skyline. One disaster after another. One rescue after another. And with every passing minute, leehan grows slower.

The green goblin keeps his promise. Every rescue is another trap. Every civilian saved costs spider-man something. A collapsing beam falls on his ribs. An explosion sends him crashing through concrete. By the time the last civilians are evacuated, leehan is exhausted. His suit is torn, his hands are shaking, blood stains the red fabric across his shoulder, every muscle in his body burns. But the moment the final civilian is safe, he doesn't stop the rest. He doesn’t stop the breathe, he comes back for you.

The green goblin sees him approaching and sighs dramatically, “finally.”

The fight begins before leehan even lands. A bomb explodes beside him, throwing him across the rooftop. Concrete cracks beneath the impact. Leehan forces himself up immediately but the green goblin doesn’t give him time.

Another attack. Then another. And another. The green goblin knows it too. Every punch lands harder. Every dodge becomes slower. Eventually, leehan crashes to the ground and doesn’t immediately get back up. For the first time, fear settles in your stomach. Not fear for yourself. Fear for him.

The green goblin steps forward. Slowly, confidently. Like he’s already won. “You see?” he says, grabbing leehan by his hair, “this is what happens when you try to save everyone.”

Leehan doesn’t answer, head hangs low, blood dripping onto the concrete. The green goblin laughs, then his gaze shifts towards you. And something changes. Leehan sees it. The direction of his eyes. The intention, the threat. And suddenly, every ounce of exhaustion disappears beneath pure panic. Because losing the fight is one thing. But losing you is another.

The green goblin moves. So does leehan. What happens next, is desperation. The kind born from months of regrets. Months of wishing he could tell you the truth. Months of watching you from afar because he wanted you to be safe. Months of wanting to apologize but never finding the courage. For the first time in the fight, he stops holding anything back, the battle reaches its breaking point.

And somehow impossibly leehan wins. The green goblin falls and silence follows. The city is safe, you are safe. The fight is over. For a several seconds, leehan doesn’t move, he’s barely standing. But he removes his mask with one tug. Blood runs down his face, his suit is shredded, his hands shake from exhaustion. Then slowly, he turns to you. And despite everything, despite the breakup. Despite believing you hated him.. His first concern is still you.

“Are you okay?” he asks immediately, his voice is strained, panicked. Like nothing else matters. Like he didn’t just fight for his life. And standing there, finally seeing the truth laid bare in front of you, you realize something devastating, leehan never stopped loving you. He just thought protecting you meant letting you hate him.

He stumbles towards you, one hand clutching his side. “Hey.. Hang on,” he calls out, voice rough, “i’m coming.. It’s okay i got you..” the words are almost laughable. Because nothing about tonight is okay. But he says them anyway, because he wants you to believe him, because he needs to believe them himself. The concrete beneath you feet cracks. A deep, unsettling sound. Leehan’s stomach drops, “no–”

The structure gives way, and suddenly you’re falling. For one terrible second, all he sees is your expression. Surprise. Fear. then empty air. The world slows. His body moves before his mind can catch up. A web shoots from his wrist. It catches around your chest. Got you. Relief floods through him. Then he jumps, diving after you without hesitation.

The gears in the clock tower rushes past him as he falls, wind tears through his hair, his injuries scream, he ignores all of it. Because all he can think about is reaching you. As he dives, memories crash through him.

You laughing outside a bakery, holding up a pastry, force feeding him to try it.

You sitting beside him on quiet afternoons, talking about your dream with him being a mustard bottle and you bring a ketchup bottle.

The warmth of your hand finding his automatically.

The way you’d call his name.

The way you’d smile at him.

The way you’d look at him before everything became complicated.

Then came the memories he hates.

The unanswered texts.

The disappointment.

The arguments.

The night you stood in front of him with tears in your eyes. “You’ve changed.”

The way he couldn’t tell you why.

The way he watched you shut the door in his face.

The way he let you.

Because he thought keeping you in the dark would keep you safe.

The distance between you closes. Closer. Close. Until finally he’s there. His arms wrap around you, another web fires, then another, creating a desperate web-line to stop the fall. The force hits all at once, a violent jolt, a hollow crack sound.

He caught you, he did it. For a brief, shining moment, relief washes over him. You aren’t falling anymore. You’re safe. You’re–

“Hey.” his voice cracks, he pulls back slightly, waiting for a response. Nothing. The smile on his face falters. “Hey.” still nothing. Around him, the city continues moving, he can hear car honking, distant sirens, the wind. But suddenly, everything feels horribly quiet. His chest tightens.

“No.” his voice comes out as a whisper, “no no no…” you remain motionless in his arms, neck limp. Leehan stares, unable to understand, unable to accept it. He saved you, he caught you, he was fast enough. For once, he was fast enough.. So why–

His hands begin to shake. The realization arrives slowly. Cruelly. The impact, a force he couldn’t control, the thing even spiderman couldn’t stop. His breathing becomes uneven. “No…” the word breaks apart. He pulls you closer as if somehow that will change reality, as if holding on tighter will bring you back.

The city celebrates somewhere around him. The green goblin is defeated. The civilians are safe. Spiderman won. But none of it matters. Not when the person he was trying to reach all his life is gone. For the first time putting on the mask, leehan realizes there are some people he can’t save. No matter how much he loves them.

He pulls you into his arms properly, cradling you against his chest like he can shield you from what already happened. His gloves are shaking when they come up to your face. “Hey..” his voice breaks immediately.

He presses his forehead against yours, eyes squeezed shut, arms tightening around you instinctively. Then very suddenly, everything he’s been holding back for months comes spilling out.

“I’m sorry..” he says, voice shaking. “I’m sorry i didn’t tell you.. I’m sorry I kept pushing you away. I thought– i thought if you hated me, you’d be safe.” his breath catches, rough and uneven. “I didn’t know how to be both things at once.. I didn’t know how to be spiderman and still be yours..”

A broken laugh slips out of him, but there’s no humor in it. “I wanted to come back.. I was going to.. I just– i needed more time.. I needed to fix everything first..” his fingers tremble as they brush your hair back. “You were supposed to be safe,” he whispers, “that was the whole point..”

A pause. A long unbearable silence. Then his voice completely cracks. “You were supposed to live..” his grip tightens again, not letting go even as reality makes it unavoidable. And for leehan, that’s when it finally becomes real.

He can survive villains, he can survive pain. But he cannot save you from this. And as he hold you there, in the aftermath of everything he tried to prevent, leehan understands something he never wanted to learn. All the time he spent trying to protect you.. Ended with the one thing he couldn’t protect you from. Silence. Permanent. Irreversible silence.

And for the first time since he became spiderman, he doesn't feel like a hero at all.

The funeral takes place in spring. The season is wrong for something like this, too bright, too alive. Flowers bloom anyway, as if the world has decided to keep moving forward without permission. Leehan stands at a distance. He doesn’t come closer. He can’t.

Everything feels like it’s happening behind glass. Voices blur into one another. People speak gently, carefully, like the right tone might soften what has already happened. But nothing softens it. Because all he can see is the place you should be standing instead of laying in a coffin.

When it’s over, he doesn’t leave immediately. He waits until everyone else is gone. Until the silence only belongs to him. That’s when he finds it. A message on his phone. Unread. Sent the night when you were headed to his apartment, before everything happened. His hands shake before he even opens it.

Two words. ‘I understand.’

Leehan stares at it for a long time. Long enough that the world around him stops making sense. Because those two words shouldn’t exist there. They shouldn’t be real. They shouldn’t have come too late.

And suddenly, everything he tried to protect you from becomes unbearable in a different way. Not because you died hating him. You died understanding him.

The world moves on. It always does. Classes resume, streets fil again, the city forgets the shape of grief faster than it forgets the shape of destruction. But leehan doesn’t. He stops trying to separate spiderman from himself after that. Because there’s no separation anymore.

Spiderman failed you. Leehan failed you. Both names lead to the same ending, and he can’t decide which one hurts more.

Years pass, seasons keep changing the way they always do, spring returning every time like nothing happened. Autumn stripping the world down again without apology. But for him, nothing resets. Every spring looks like that night and your funeral. Every wind sounds like the moment you fell. Every quiet night feels like the space between his web reaching but too late.

He keeps patrolling. Keeps saving people. Keeps doing what he always did. But it only feels like repetition. Because somewhere deep down, he believes the truth never changed. If he had been faster. If he had been stronger. If he had told you everything sooner. If he had been honest at the start.

You would still be alive. And so he carries it. Not just grief. But the unbearable weight that even spiderman cannot save everyone.

Just like flowers, he never noticed the exact moment things began to die. Only that by the time he finally looked back at the garden he had been trying so hard to protect,

half of it was already gone.

divider by @andromeda-graphics | network @berrybittynetwork

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