your boyfriend, taesan, confesses that he loves you for the first time. except, he doesn’t say i love you, he calls you his first love instead.
pairing: han taesan x gn!reader ; contents: established relationship, fluff, saying i love you for the first time, kissing, woonhak mention cause i can’t shut up abt him, just cuteness !! wc: ~0.9k
— now playing i hope my cat loves me
you have been dating taesan for around two months now. everything has come naturally for both of you since you were close friends even before your relationship turned into anything romantic.
comfort came easily. close physical proximity came easily. even staying up until 2 am delving into the political and economic state of the world with your legs tangled together on your couch came easily! there was only one thing that has not settled easily for the two of you yet; words of affection.
taesan will compliment you and vice-versa, but the idea of the words i love you coming out of your mouth feels too foreign. just the thought alone makes you internally cringe.
the odd part is, you do love taesan. that’s something you have never had a thought of doubt about. it’s just that you believe that this enormous sense of love you feel for him has a time and place. you don’t live every minute of your life with the itching urge to express this love in words when you can with your actions. and… the time and place has never come.
when exactly… will it come?
read more under the cut! (^_^*)
well! anyways, you and taesan are on your sofa in your pajamas, each on opposite sides with mugs full of hot tea—your respective favorite flavors—in your hands. your legs are tangle over each other’s in a complex criss-cross pattern.
“can you believe it?” taesan starts.
what a thought provoking question, you think. taesan always starts off a conversation with a question containing absolutely zero context.
you tilt your head a bit. “believe what?”
he emphasizes each word, “woonhak is onto his next talking stage already. it’s been, what, 4 days?” his eyebrows furrow as they always do when he’s talking about something with passion.
“i could believe it,” you respond with a hint of sarcasm.
you take a sip from your warm mug and watch as taesan shuffles in his seat. you like to test him, act like a know-it-all.
“okay, i could believe it too,” taesan surrenders, “but, still!”
you hide back your smile, finding how defeated he looks to be adorable. that is why you test him.
you reason, “we know that woonhak is just doing this out of hurt, though. this is his way of coping with… you know.”
taesan hums, calming down now. “mm, for sure. he’s still not over his first love. that got him good.”
you nod.
a short moment of comfortable silence passes. taesan takes a small sip of his tea before he subtly—or what he might think is subtle—clears his throat and looks at you with a glint of hesitancy.
that’s strange.
“you know…” his voice comes out quieter this time; a little strained like his throat is struggling to let the words flow out.
you wait for him to continue.
taesan’s eyes move to his lap. “i think you’re my first.”
there it is. taesan’s heart was too full that his throat could not possibly hold back such a strong confession.
“your first… what?” you blink.
he stares back at you, eyes full of an emotion you have never seen in your boyfriend before; by uncovering this blanket of indescribable emotion, one would find fear.
and, for the first time in you and taesan’s relationship, you sense a crack in the comfort. a change that cannot be determined to be good or bad at first glance. to define it, you’ll just have to wait and see.
“my first love.”
your heart begins to stutter. your mind can’t form a coherent thought anymore.
you let out a breath, “oh.”
then, as a common coping mechanism of yours, you wrack your brain to something that taesan had told you back when you were just friends.
you use this aged piece of information as an attempt to change the tone of the current topic. you ask, “taesan, i thought you didn’t believe in first loves?”
yet, taesan is determined to keep this conversation on track.
“i used to not believe in first loves. i do now.”
your mouth gapes open a little.
“because of me?” you test the waters back.
he’s still staring at you. “because of you, yeah.”
ah, fuck it. this feels about right for time and place.
“taesan,” you try to steady your voice, but your words still come out shaky, “you love me?”
“yes, yn. i love you.”
you shuffle in your seat to straighten yourself up.
“taesan, i love you too.”
it feels as if a truth that you’ve been holding onto has finally come to light. all of a sudden, you want to say the phrase that you once did not wish to be spoken of over and over again.
taesan fixes his posture as well, leaning forward so your faces are directly in front of each other. he smiles without his teeth, pupils dipping their focus from your eyes to your lips.
he slowly closes the short distance between your lips as his hand, warm from the mug, moves up to caress your cheek.
taesan smiles softly into the kiss, and the corners of your mouth can’t help but lift with his.
you pull apart just enough to make the tips of your noses touch. you admire his beauty; the emotion in his eyes is love. it always has been.
you desire to stare at taesan’s pretty face for longer, but he engulfs you tightly in his arms and the two of you fall onto the armrest of the couch. he stuffs his face into your neck and rapidly places more kisses there. that’s fine too. taesan’s pretty face can be there too, you suppose.
he mumbles “iloveyou” again, and again, and again.
you chuckle, “taesan! i get it, stop! our tea is gonna spill!”
the words i love you will never be foreign to you ever again.
please DO NOT translate, copy, or repost as yours. feeding my works into ai will NOT be condoned.
maia’s note: BNDBLR IM BACK . all roads lead back to boynextdoor it seems… this is also very rusty i just wanted to write for my own enjoyment and i really liked this idea and taesan so. i was aiming for this work to be more dialogue heavy, and i think it is, but it’s still quite description focused haha…. i’m thinking abt making a version of this for a cortis member but i’m not sure. reblogs and feedback are always appreciated!! 🤍
𓏵 ⌞ 한태산 x f!reader, smut, 0.5k ⌝ ∘∘∘ somnophilia, dubcon, softdom!taesan, slight breeding kink near the end
𓏵 you doing something as simple as sleeping shouldn’t be turning anyone on. but to taesan? it has him completely solid in the middle of the night *ੈ✩‧₊˚
ナナ’s ⦂ i took literal years to get to this I’M SO SORRY ANON 😭😭 but here it is after ages!! tysm for requestinggg 🫶
taesan just couldn’t help himself. seeing you in a state of complete tranquil – so still, so peaceful as your lashes delicately fanned over your face, so unconscious – his mind wandered to places it definitely shouldn’t have. the idea of him using you while you’re not fully with him, letting him do whatever he pleased turned him on. the strain in his pants just grew the longer he thought about it.
he turned to his side, pressing his body against your back as he softly rut his body against your ass, getting friction on his clothed dick. his hands gripped tightly around your waist, controlling you as your body twitched, keeping you still for him.
soon enough, it got too much for him. taesan slowly pulled your shorts down, taking your panties off with it. he stuck his digits into your pussy, sloppily pulling in and out of your cunt, stretching you out. “mmngh…” you whimpered, your hole fluttering around his fingers. “t-tae…” even while you weren’t conscious, you moaned his name.
taesan heaved his pants off, waistband gathering around his knees. he lined his dick up to your cunt, steadily slipping his length in. you hugged around his cock, filling you whole. a soft mewl escaped your lips as he fully entered you, his tip kissing your cervix. slowly, he moved his hips, pumping his dick to his release. his hands strayed from your waist to chest, tugging your bra off. he groped your breasts, toying with your nipples that were pebbled from the cold bedroom.
“mmph…” you instinctively rested further into his embrace, seeking his warmth for comfort. you gradually stirred awake, coming to realize what was happening. “f-fuck, san…” your back arched, chest curving further into taesan’s touch.
his fingers wrapped firmly around your waist, leaving red marks on your skin the next day. “m’sorry, baby. you looked so pretty, so unaware.” his thrusts slowed down, yet hit deeper in you. “just go back to sleep, angel. i’ll go slowly, i promise.” you nodded your head, not speaking another word.
taesan didn’t care if you were truly asleep or not. as long as you looked the part, it turned him on the same. watching you get fucked like a prey getting hunted down by it’s predator while being knocked out had him fantasizing about what else he’d be able to do while you weren’t aware.
he got carried away, thinking about him being able to cum in you, pregnating you without you knowing had his head spinning that he didn’t even realize how close he had gotten. his hips stuttered, cock throbbing and he let himself go, ropes of his seed painting your cunt white. he kept his member inside of you, catching his breath as he came down from his high.
“such a doll for me,” he cooed, running his fingers through your hair. “letting me fuck you while you’re fast asleep.”
tags: based off of sanriwooz in the 'home' film essay, fluff, hurt/comfort, tiny bit of angst, best friends to ?, taesan's real name is used
warnings: mentions of sickness (unspecified), emotional distress, overworking, not eating; reader is in the hospital; self-deprecating thoughts
a/n: i loved the film essay dearly, it had so much fanfic material 😮💨 taesan and riwoo's scenes were soooooo asdfjshfk i had to write something about it. also i've very much been in a taesan mood lately :> this is only semi-edited, so idrk if it's any good, but hope you enjoy! <3
♫ this side of paradise - coyote theory | call me - boynextdoor
you've been staring at the blank, off-white wall for a very long time. too long, in fact, that the cracks between the linoleum have started to look like they're alive and actively spreading and it feels like it's your brain that's cracking in half.
an hour ago—more or less, you've lost track at this point—you had been staring at the ceiling fan instead. its measured, monotone spinning seemed comforting at first, almost soothing you to sleep like a soundless lullaby, but then you remembered that every attempt to sleep only led to horrid nightmares that had you jolting up with tears streaming down your face.
so you didn't sleep. and now, the four sterile corners of the hospital are taking its turn at driving you insane.
you inhale deeply, letting your breath completely fill your lungs, feeling the expanse of your chest before letting it out slowly in a sigh—one laced with the fatigue and hopelessness that's been familiar for as long as you've known.
you've reached your breaking point—that's why you're here now. exhausted; overworked to the point of collapse. too many things to do and not enough time to do them. a brain that's so crowded with taunting "what if"s and the impending doom of the future and a heart squeezed dry of every emotion you could possibly feel.
it's been a lot, all at once.
so, for nearly a week now, you've been stuck in a bed tucked in the corner of a hospital ward, with two nurses and a doctor hovering over you day in and day out. checking your vitals, giving you medicine, bringing you meals and reminding you to actually eat them. they tell you to do things you never end up doing.
it was strange at first. you're not used to the attention—hell, you barely gave yourself attention to the point you got sick—and you don't know exactly what to do with it.
you've always been in the shadows; a silent soul just drifting past, and prefer to keep it that way. no one really pays you any mind, and you're okay with it. a truth, an unspoken rule you've long accepted.
but for one exception.
han dongmin.
a strange boy, one you've known for much longer than you expected. your neighbor of ten years and your best friend of eight. though, you still reluctantly call him that while he thinks it's his best title achieved. there's a disparity in the way you view your dynamics, but if there's one thing you're both sure of, it's that he cares about you. a lot. annoyingly and stubbornly a lot.
while everyone around you seems dead set on ignoring your existence; in dongmin's eyes, you're the only person he sees. his world revolves around you, whether he knows it or not, and whatever he does is for you and about you. he's always stuck to your side; he knows you inside and out; he's there at your every beck and call and takes care of you before you ask for it, even when you don't ask for it. you don't know whether to feel flattered or concerned at this point. you're grateful for him, though.
no one has seen you the way dongmin does.
the curtain beside you rattles as someone pushes it aside. you look up, eyes half-lidded, expecting the nurse to show up for her nightly rounds. a head of tousled black hair and a lazy smirk greets you instead.
"hey. you look like shit."
"thanks, dongmin. you've called me worse." dongmin stands at the edge of your bed, clad in his signature black hoodie and work vest. one hand tucked in his pocket, the other clutched around a plastic bag that looks suspiciously like it holds pizza boxes. he looks like he's just come from a late delivery shift. you immediately feel bad.
"what are you doing here? it's late," he nudges at your knee and you shuffle to make space for him. "i told you not to come visit when it's late."
"and when have i ever listened to you, hm?" the smirk on his face widens into the grin he has when he knows he's won over you, but quickly softens into something more gentle.
"pizza?" he lifts the plastic bag. you shake your head. "no, i already ate. the nurse was going to smack me upright in the head if i didn't eat dinner earlier. thank you, though."
dongmin pouts. "you like the hospital food that tastes like cardboard over the pizza that i specifically ordered for you in the way you like it?"
"don't say it like that. now i feel bad."
he chuckles, all fond around the edges. "of course you do. that's why i'm saying it."
there's a lull when you get too tired to continue the conversation, closing your eyes for a brief moment. you can hear dongmin rustling around, taking off his vest and placing the pizza on your bedside table.
you smile at the way he knows you don't like silence and is filling it in small ways.
"today was bad. again."
"worse?"
"yeah."
"how?"
you open your eyes. dongmin sits closer than before, leaning over you with the concern you always see on his face. he's been looking like this more often these days, ever since you were hospitalized, and you hate seeing him like this. he used to always smile around you. you miss it.
"i.. i don't know. it's just— it feels bad. i feel bad. somehow more terrible than yesterday and it just keeps getting worse. i don't know how to stop it. i don't know what to do with it, dongmin."
"the nurses say that i just need food and sunlight, or whatever. real sunlight. i need to get out of this bed and this ward and this hospital. i tell them i don't want to. i can't. i don't know how to explain it, but i just can't."
you sigh. there's really no way you can explain it. how can you explain that your sickness feels more like it's stuck inside of you—deep, deep inside you—rather than it being a physical ailment? that the reason you're here is just a physical manifestation of the turmoil that's been boiling and burning underneath your skin? how can you tell him when you yourself don't understand what's going on with you?
a hand lands on your cheek. warmth spreads from dongmin's fingertips to your clammy skin; you find yourself leaning into it like you're desperate for it. he holds you tighter.
"i'm sorry. for being a bum."
"you're not a bum. well, maybe you are, sometimes, but you're my bum. that's okay."
dongmin gives you that smile—the one that crinkles his eyes and shows all his teeth. he looks like a kid. he looks like the kid who used to push you on the swings and gave you three out of five of his snacks. the smile you love the most.
now you're smiling too. small, but there.
"okay, bum. if you're not going to eat the pizza i bought you, would you at least accompany your best friend on a ride to soothe his hurt feelings?"
"do you really want me to eat the pizza?" you huff fondly.
"no, i want you to go on a ride with me. please?"
you don't really feel like going anywhere, wanting to just sink deeper into your pillows and drift off, but dongmin pulls out his ultimate trump card—innocent, pleading puppy eyes and a soft pout—that he knows you're weak against and you instantly cave in. damn him.
"fine."
"thank you, honey."
dongmin's spare helmet is two sizes too big for your head. even when you've fastened it as tightly as you can underneath your chin, it slips with every bump on the road, rendering it somewhat useless as a safety tool. so, instead of trying helplessly to keep it on, you opt for wrapping your arms tightly around dongmin's waist, lest you fall off from how fast he's driving.
"your helmet is too big," you yell in his ear over the roar of the wind.
"your head is too small," he chucks back. even if he's not looking at you, you can already picture the shit-eating grin he has plastered across his face.
"you're driving too fast."
"fast is good. helps clear your mind. does your mind feel clearer?"
"it's screaming at you to slow down."
dongmin laughs, the sound loud and sweet. for your sake, he slows down a little.
looking around, the city glows in bright, blurry technicolor. you don't really know where you are anymore; you lost track after the fifth turn dongmin took a while back. the warm orange of passing streetlights bleed into neon red, blue, and green signs; the occasional car rushing by washing you in red. there's undoubtedly more to see than your plain old walls back at the hospital, and, after being cooped up in there for days, it's all a bit too much to take in.
"you okay?"
there it is again. dongmin, somehow, just knows instantly when something's wrong.
"i'm okay. the lights are a little overwhelming, is all."
"do you want to stop?"
"no. keep going."
dongmin takes a turn at a stoplight. the road starts to incline, and you assume you're entering one of the quieter neighborhoods some ways away from the city. you drive up, up, up, the bright chaos of lights dulling down to the dim glow of porch lights in front of houses and the stars in the sky.
when you've reached what seems to be the top, dongmin stops. he parks his motorcycle, taps you on the leg to get off, and pulls off his helmet. his hair clings to his forehead, sweat dripping down his neck, but the smile he gives you is blinding. "that was fun."
you smile back. "sure was."
you reach up with your sleeve, tapping at his neck to dry his sweat off. he catches your wrist before you can pull away when you finish and pulls you along with him.
you're still somewhere in the city, but your surroundings are unfamiliar to you. dongmin looks at ease, though, so you assume he's been here before.
the cliff you're standing on is high enough that the buildings below look more like miniature glow-sticks, shining even in the dead of night. the hustle and bustle of cars and people, while far-away, can still be heard from way up where you are. the city never sleeps.
dongmin leans against the railing, breathes out a sigh. "it's nice up here."
"quiet. away from everything else."
you look at him. really look. the wind tousles his hair in a way that still makes him look perfect. his face is peaceful, content. not a trace of the worry he looked at you with back in the hospital. this is the dongmin that you’re used to; that you love.
he catches you staring and stares right back. "what's on your mind, sweetheart?"
sweetheart. honey. your best friend's always had a knack for nicknames. you've never admitted how warm it makes you feel inside.
"nothing much. you look... comfortable. do you come up here often?"
dongmin makes a face at you. "first of all, that's a lie. you always have something on your mind, i know it. and b: yes, i do come up here a lot. usually after late shifts, when i need to take a breather, or when woonhak is still up at three am yelling unoriginal insults at nobodies in his games. annoying little shit."
you snicker softly at the thought. dongmin's younger roommate, woonhak, is always a popular character in his stories. while you've only met him a handful of times in person, it feels like you know him as well as your best friend at this point. he seems like an interesting guy. chaotic, but interesting.
"you know, i'd offer to be your roommate, but we're already neighbors so... it wouldn't make that much of a difference, would it? you'd still be able to hear woonhak through the paper-thin walls."
"hm, i don't care. let me move in with you. woonhak can have the place all to himself if he keeps screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night. plus, you're cleaner than he is."
you laugh louder this time.
it's so easy for dongmin. so easy for him to make you laugh, unabashedly, with all the things he says. for him to come to you late at night even if he's already tired from working all day. for him to look at you and just understand you; to feel what you feel. it kind of frustrates you—it's so easy for him to do anything for you.
you don't understand why he keeps up with it. surely, you don't deserve his kindness. even if you tried, you can't compare to him. you can't give him back the same effort that he gives you, let alone tenfold of it. he deserves it—he deserves to be loved, cared for, in ways you can't try to.
and yet.
he's never asked for anything in return.
"dongmin."
he hums, turning to look at you. even in the darkness you can see the bags under his eyes. the tiredness etched into the lines of his face; the way his shoulders droop from the exhaustion of a long work day.
but he's watching you like he doesn't want to be anywhere else.
"thank you for coming tonight. i needed..." you hesitate for a breath, "... i needed you."
he nods. "i know."
"i'm sorry."
"... why?"
"because i don't deserve it."
dongmin huffs, and suddenly he's standing in front of you. he plants his hands against the railing you're leaning on, trapping you between his arms. there's a crease between his brows as he frowns, one you want to smooth out because the expression doesn't suit him.
"y/n. don't say that. don't be sorry. you should never be, not to me."
"i do this because i want to. because i care about you. i come to you because you're my best friend and i like being with you. even if you deserve it or not, i want to."
"and right now, you're sick, and i want to more than ever. i want you to be better, so i do everything i can to help you. so don't feel sorry. it's not your fault."
you don't say anything back. you can't, not with your heart stuck in your throat and tears threatening to spill past your lashes. dongmin talks as if he's explaining a simple truth; a fact universally accepted that it's difficult to not believe it. it's hard for you still. to truly understand how much space you take up in his heart. how he freely lets you stay there.
you look down at your feet, avoiding his gaze for fear that the longer you look at him, the more you'll cry. he's seen you cry before, of course, but it never gets less embarrassing.
"hey, sweetheart. look at me."
big palms come to cup your tear-stained cheeks, thumbs caressing with a gentleness that makes you melt. you can't help it, not when he's being tender like this.
you fall into dongmin's arms, winding your own tightly around his waist and burying your face into his hoodie. his scent is everything familiar—the dollar store laundry detergent he always buys, the cologne he's been using since high school, and something so unabashedly him. warm. safe.
he hugs you close, enveloping you completely. "i've got you, y/n. i always have. i always will."
he seals his promise with a soft kiss pressed to your forehead.
you're folding your blanket neatly at the edge of your bed when the nurse walks in.
"you've packed up everything, dear?" she asks you. you look up at her, returning her warm smile with a grateful one. "mhm. just fixing up the sheets and stuff."
she tuts. "oh, don't you worry about that. we'll take care of it." she flips through a clipboard nestled in the crook of her arm. "well, we've run the last couple of tests on you and your results are all normal. you're good to go, dear."
"thank you for taking care of me. i know i haven't been... the most obedient patient..."
the nurse chuckles goodheartedly. "that you weren't. but i'm glad you're better now. we all are."
you place the blanket on top of your pillows, now straightened and spotless, and take one last, long look at the hospital bed you resided in for the past week and a half. the shabby but almost cozy corner of the ward that became both your enemy and your friend. the walls you bore imaginary holes into and the ceiling fan that lulled you to sleep almost every night. now that it's all familiar, it's time to leave.
you're glad to leave.
once you've collected all your belongings and sorted out things at the front desk, you make your way outside of the hospital.
the early afternoon sun burns bright, heat instantly seeping through your skin and warming you all over. but you're not too opposed to it. it's more than welcome, in fact. you've missed it.
"hey, bum." you've barely turned towards the voice before someone suspiciously shaped like your best friend comes barreling into you, almost knocking you over.
"ow— han dongmin! you're so heavy!"
"okay, ouch. i haven't seen you in forever and that's how you greet me?"
"more like three days, but, whatever."
dongmin pouts like a child and you laugh in his face.
"how are you feeling?" he brings a hand to your face, palm cool against your heated cheek. you lean into his hand, turning slightly to press your lips to his fingers. "better."
"because of me?" he grins impishly; your heart skips a beat.
"it has nothing to do with you, bum." except it kind of does.
dongmin knows because of course he does. he's great like that. his smile melts into something soft and fond. his hand snakes down your neck, your arm, reaching your hand and fingers curling into yours tightly like he never wants to let go.
"sure, honey. whatever you say."
a/n: wow this one is looong! i honestly didn't expect it to get this long bc i was just writing purely based off of vibes, but i had fun! <33 hope i get to write more like this soon ^__^
SYNOPSIS: you swore you’d never be able to love anyone as much as you had your best friend, myung jaehyun. but two years have passed since jaehyun’s left your life and you can’t tell if it’s your heart or the alcohol talking, but there’s something so intriguing about han taesan, the friend he’d left behind, that makes you wonder: “what if?”
WORD COUNT: 4.1k
GENRE/CONTENTS: angst, hurt/comfort, friends to ???, desperate yearning (guess who), arguing, reader is in denial, drinking, profanity, and other unspecified things (i forget LMAO).
FEATURING: boynextdoor's jaehyun and riwoo.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: i was planning on publishing this in a couple of days but i can’t wait any longer so here it is!!!!! “the sky, it falls” spin-off is finally somewhat complete after a year of me trying to write it 😭 if you haven’t already, i highly recommend reading tsif just to get a better understanding of what’s going on because it’s kind of …. a lot. but if you HAVE read it, this is not the end!! there is way too much lore behind this fic that i still need to share 😞 anyways!! happy reading 🫶🏼
TAGLIST: @floraljae @pupillary
RECOMMENDED SONGS: Corazón Atómico by Zoé and Home Sweet Home by The Favors
PART 1 — PART 2 — PART 3
BACK TO MASTERLIST.
Watching you fall in love with Myung Jaehyun was perhaps more heartbreaking than anything Han Taesan had ever experienced.
It was strange to him, watching a girl he barely knew anything about come to him one evening with anger written all over your face, your eyes furious and frustrated as you yelled about how much you hated Myung Jaehyun on his doorstep. You only knew each other through him after all, so what were you doing, cursing the boy you claimed to be your best friend? What were you doing coming to Taesan, one of Jaehyun’s most trusted friends (aside from you)? It was so strange, so out of the ordinary that he decided perhaps it was best to just let it happen, unaware that his doing so would only result in something more confusing growing inside of him.
"All he ever does is talk about his girlfriend," you scoffed as you aggressively kicked the rocks in front of you, watching them scatter across the road. "I can't even get a word in without him mentioning her."
Taesan hummed as he walked beside you, “Did it ever occur to you that she is his girlfriend?"
Your head turned as you glared at Taesan, your jaw clenching as you exhaled sharply, clearly unhappy with his words. "Of course I know that," you said through gritted teeth, turning back around. "I'd prefer not to be reminded of that, thanks."
It was no surprise to him that you were in love with Myung Jaehyun, especially given how much Jaehyun valued you and put you above everyone else — despite it not seeming as such. He often wondered if you knew just how much Jaehyun cared about you, and if perhaps that was the reason why you liked him so much. Or perhaps it was more of an attachment to you, the fear of losing your best friend growing more and more with each passing day. He understood you, having to watch the boy you liked fall in love over and over again, only really coming back to you whenever his heart was broken, only ever needing you so you could put his heart together once more.
He understood it, the pain of watching someone you love only grow farther apart from you.
Han Taesan witnessed it all. The realization that you were in love with Jaehyun, your heart getting ripped out of your chest so painfully, so violently, that even Taesan couldn't bear to stand by and watch at times. He watched you accept that it would never be, though it pained you to admit that your best friend had chosen so many people over you. And the worst part of it all was that Han Taesan could never tell you the truth, because what kind of friend would he be if he’d told you that Myung Jaehyun had been in love with you for most of his life?
Who was he to tell you?
Who was he to tell you that the only reason he’d asked you to “confess” for him that day was because he wanted to see your reaction, because he wanted you to be jealous? Who was he to tell you that the only reason he’d ever cried over his failed relationships was because he oh, so terribly yearned for you to be the one beside him? Who was he to tell you that the day he’d told you he loved you, that day under the rain as the sky fell from above, he’d meant it? He didn’t mean to get attached, he didn’t mean to find “the one” in someone who wasn’t you because in his heart, it would always be you — no matter how many people came and went from his life. Since the beginning, Myung Jaehyun’s heart had only ever belonged to you, and to have to give it to someone else almost killed him.
“I can’t do it,” Jaehyun had cried the day before his wedding, his eyes red and filled with tears, his hand clutching his shirt in the area above his chest as he sat on the bathroom floor of the hotel he was staying at. Taesan was crouched beside him, watching his friend struggle to breathe, hyperventilating as the realization of what he’d done had finally set in. “I ca— I can’t.”
“Yes, you can,” Taesan spoke to him, trying to calm him down. “You love her, Jaehyun. Tomorrow will be the best day of your life, I promise. You can do it.”
Myung Jaehyun refused to believe him, shaking his head violently, leaning his head against the bathroom wall, sobbing loudly. “No,” he spoke through shaky breaths. “No, I can’t.”
“She’s not—“ Jaehyun opened his eyes as he looked past Taesan, unable to look his friend in the eye. “She’s not her.”
It wasn’t necessarily the fact that he’d finally admitted it after all these years that surprised him. Han Taesan knew that already, that there was only room in his heart for one person and that the space had been filled long before they’d even met. What surprised Taesan was the fact that Jaehyun was completely sober that night — the night of his bachelor’s party, the night before his wedding day. He was sober as he cried in the bathroom, thinking about someone other than his soon-to-be bride. He was sober as he wished it was you who would meet him on the altar tomorrow, you who he’d spend the rest of his life with. You.
Myung Jaehyun had only ever pictured you.
And perhaps that was the most fucked up part of it all, that he’d truly believed he’d gotten over you, that he’d believed getting married to someone else would heal the heart you’d broken unknowingly. Why couldn’t it have been you? Why couldn’t he have proposed to you, married you, promised you forever? What had been stopping him from doing that much?
“Why are you doing this then?” Taesan asked him later that night after he’d gotten Jaehyun to calm down. He stood on the balcony of his friend’s hotel room, looking down at the street, at the cars that passed by, at the people that seemed like ants beneath them. “If you love her so much, why haven’t you told her?”
Jaehyun, lying in bed, blinked as he stared at the ceiling, wondering the same thing. It was all he ever thought about, really — why he hadn’t told you after all this time. “I don’t know,” he said, sighing. “I just don’t think that’s what she wants to hear from me.”
That’s all she wants to hear from you.
Taesan hummed, afraid of saying the wrong thing, afraid he’d spill the secret you swore to take to your grave, choosing to remain silent rather than ruin your life. But the thing was, it was killing him, knowing you both felt the same about each other, knowing you were so close to giving each other everything — simply knowing. But it killed him more to know that what you felt for Myung Jaehyun, the best friend you’d had for forever, would always be more than whatever you were feeling for Han Taesan now, two years after the wedding, after his departure from your life.
It was almost midnight. You can’t recall why you were drinking to begin with — or how you’d even ended up in a bar, for that matter. But there you were, drowning in feelings you thought you’d gotten rid of, feelings you thought had gone with Jaehyun the day he left you. It wasn’t until you’d had your first shot of tequila that you realized those feelings were still very much present, just suppressed — and it wasn't until you’d had your fourth shot that those feelings you’d held back for so long finally saw the light of day.
“I just don’t get it,” you slurred to the bartender, who was listening quite intently as he cleaned glasses from behind the counter (you learned his name was Riwoo after having talked to him for the past hour and a half).“He told me he–” You hiccuped, sighing frustratedly, unable to complete your sentence. “Listen,” you started again. The bartender glanced at you, waiting for you to continue. “Hypothetically speaking, when you’re dancing in the rain with someone and they tell you they love you forever, what exactly does that mean?”
“That they love you forever,” Riwoo replied monotonously.
“Exactly!” you yelled, slamming your hand down on the counter, your shot glass shaking. “So if they love you forever, why would they marry someone else?” The bartender didn’t reply and instead gave you a look, noticing the way your face dropped as your own words sunk in. “Why didn’t he marry me?” you asked yourself quietly, a question you’d asked yourself so many times before.
You’d imagined your life with Myung Jaehyun before. You’d probably live a quiet life, move to the countryside on a farm, plant a garden, grow a family. You imagined yourself growing old with him, only loving him more as the minutes passed you by, as your hair turned white, as your skin began to sag. Your life with Jaehyun would’ve been like a fairytale, like the ones people hear in stories — perfect.
But fairytales are for children, and now you’re twenty-five.
And Myung Jaehyun would never be coming back for you or the life you’d pictured with him.
Your vision blurs as tears well up in your eyes, the realization hitting you for the millionth time, the realization that your best friend would never be yours, that he belonged to someone else. It hurts more now than it ever has, accepting it, living with it. Perhaps it was because you were drunk, the six shots you’d taken being the reason why you felt this way, why you couldn’t bring yourself to let go. Or perhaps this feeling would simply never go away. It would always be attached to you, part of you, haunting you the way Jaehyun always did. It would linger in the back of your mind, the crevices of your heart until you forgot for a second, only to suffocate your lungs the very next.
You would never be able to get rid of Myung Jaehyun, even if you tried.
“Get up, Y/N.”
You don’t move — you can’t. You know his voice, that tired tone he always spoke with, his voice always soft. You know his scent, that woody, rainy smell he carried with him — it’s the reason you always hug him for moments longer than you should, because he always smells so nice, so comforting. And you know he’s mad at you. You can feel it radiating off his body so no, you don’t get up. You don’t even turn to look at him as you cry on that stool at the bar, afraid that you’d disappoint him more than you already had.
But Han Taesan could never blame you for anything because in his eyes, you were perfect.
You hear him sigh and the stool beside you scrape the floor as Taesan pulls it back and sits beside you, propping his arm up as he leans his cheek against his palm. You can feel his eyes on you, staring, waiting for you to look at him, to acknowledge him, to say something. And you do, because you can’t stand the thought of Taesan ever being mad at you. The thought alone is enough to kill you.
His eyes are always soft when he looks at you — never bearing any harshness or anger, always gentle and kind. And today was no different. His brown eyes were warm as they finally met your own red, teary eyes. Your eyeliner was smudged from how harshly you’d been wiping your tears, your lip trembled slightly, and you figured you looked terrible. But his eyes never wavered as he kept staring at you with that look on his face. It almost made you even more upset.
“Why aren’t you saying anything?” you asked him, frustrated by how calm and collected he was. “Why aren’t you yelling at me?”
“Why would I yell at you?” Taesan responded. “You’re an adult. You can reprimand yourself.”
His words only seemed to fuel more tears as you finally looked away, covering your face with your smudged hands. “Why are you here?” you cried into your hands. Taesan sighed again, raising his hand slightly as he asked the bartender quietly for two glasses of water. “Why did you come?”
“Because you asked me to,” Taesan chuckled, moving his stool closer to you. “Like an hour ago. I assume you were much more sober then.”
You don’t get it, really. The only reason you even knew Taesan was because he was Jaehyun’s friend. The only reason you started hanging out with him was because he seemed to fill the hole in your heart that your so-called best friend created. But Jaehyun was out of the picture now. He was a million miles away, living the life he built for himself and his wife, seemingly happy. Han Taesan had no reason to stick around anymore. He had no reason to answer your random calls late at night, no reason to come running to you as you sobbed drunkenly into your phone after a long shift at work. There was nothing tying him to you anymore, yet here he was, in all his glory, paying your tab, helping you onto your feet, letting you hold onto his arm as he walked you out of the bar and to his car.
“Don’t you have work tomorrow?” he asked you as he opened the passenger door for you, watching you practically throw yourself onto the seat, letting out a quiet laugh at the sight. “What were you doing at a bar this late?” He waits for you to adjust your posture before closing the door and walking around to the driver’s seat, getting in before starting the car.
“I don’t know,” you mumble as you close your eyes and let your head fall back onto the headrest, your mind still fuzzy, your head aching. “I was just… there.”
“Hm,” Taesan nodded as he put the car in drive. “Very helpful.” You scoffed and threw your arm at him, hitting his chest. “Hey!” he laughed, “I’m driving!”
“You’re making fun of me!” you raised your voice, crying again.
“What made you think that?”
“You’re laughing at me!”
Taesan let out a jokingly exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes as he shook his head. “You’re so annoying when you’re drunk, did you know that?” he asked, glancing at you before turning his attention back to the road. “You act like a child and then get upset when I don’t treat you like you’re in your right mind.”
“You’re so mean to me,” you said, looking away from him and out the window, sniffling as you wiped your face. “It’s like you hate me or something.”
“I don’t.” The car slowed down as they reached a red light. Taesan’s grip on the steering wheel tightened, trying to find the right words to say to you. “I couldn’t if I tried, Y/N.”
The sound of the A.C. filling the car and the revving of cars filled your ears as you stared out the window, watching the buildings pass by with droopy eyes when the light finally turned green. “Couldn’t if you tried,” you repeated quietly. “Like I’m supposed to know what that means.”
“I care about you.”
“I know you do.”
You hated drinking. You hated being unable to form a coherent, original thought, being unable to control such simple emotions. You hated it. You couldn’t understand why you’d gone to that stupid bar in the first place. But sitting beside Han Taesan wasn’t so bad. Listening to his soft voice that seemed to bring more tears to your eyes than the memory of Jaehyun didn’t seem too bad. Knowing he cared about you and you cared about him almost as much wasn’t the worst thing in the world.
Maybe loving Han Taesan wouldn’t be as terrible as loving Myung Jaehyun ever was.
Your eyes widened at the realization of your own thoughts, glancing at him momentarily just to make sure that had been an inner thought and not something you’d voiced aloud. It was stupid — why would you ever think that in the first place? What was wrong with you? Perhaps the alcohol was taking over your system, your drunk thoughts wanting to have a real meaning so badly. But you weren’t in love with Taesan, no. You didn’t wonder what he was doing whenever you hadn’t seen him for a couple of days, nor did you write example text messages you never sent in your notes app. You didn’t notice how he’d stopped styling his hair back because you’d told him you liked it better when it was down, nor did you realize how often he smiled around you now because you mentioned how pretty his smile was. You didn’t space out whenever he was talking to you and stare into his eyes for way too long, thinking about how beautiful they were, just looking at you.
You didn’t do any of that.
Right?
“Do you want me to walk you in?”
You turned your head back towards him, then looked around, realizing that you were parked right outside your apartment building. You probably had been for a while now, considering Taesan had turned the car off and was looking at you expectantly, waiting for an answer. “Oh,” you spoke, straightening your posture. “It’s okay. I’ll manage.”
“You sure?” he asked, raising a brow.
You scoffed, “D’you want to or what?” Taesan stared at you, his expression blank for a moment, the joking smile you had on your face faltering for just a second. “Do you really?” you asked again, seriously.
“I mean, I’d probably sleep better tonight if I knew you got inside safely.”
What that fuck is that supposed to mean?
Han Taesan wastes no time in walking around to the passenger door and opening it for you, helping you, catching you as you almost fall face-first onto the hard concrete. You hear him laugh but you’re far too immersed in your own thoughts to say anything. Should you tell him why you were at the bar? Should you tell him that you couldn’t help it, that your feelings for Jaehyun were inevitable, almost like death? He deserves to know, right? He deserves the truth, right?
“Watch your step.” You seem to be teleporting because you can’t remember how you ended up on the stairs, almost tripping over the steps, Taesan catching your arm before you face-plant into the corner. God, this is embarrassing. What am I doing? “You drank more than you usually do,” Taesan commented, climbing the stairs behind you, watching your every move, ready to catch you again.
“What makes you say that?” you asked, your head pounding as you reached out to hold onto the railing. It was moments like these that made you regret moving into the twelfth floor of a decaying apartment building with no elevator.
“You don’t really cry when you drink, Y/N,” he said. “So I can’t help but think that you went there with the intention to rip your heart out.”
He’s right. You did. But you won’t tell him that.
“That’d be painful.”
“Well, you’ve done it before, haven’t you?”
Your legs hurt, your bones ache, and your head is about to fall off your neck. You stop walking and sit down on one of the steps between the fifth and sixth floors, leaning your head against the wall, trying to catch your breath. “Why would you say that?” you asked Taesan, looking at him as he stood on the step below yours. “Why would you remind me?”
“Are we gonna act like that wasn’t the reason you went to that bar?”
“What's your problem, Taesan?” You lift your head, narrowing your eyes at him, unable to believe the words coming out of his mouth. “What do you think is going on here? Why are you bringing this up? What do you want me to say?”
He stares at you, an almost-hurt look on his face. “What are you even talking about?”
“I’m talking about you! What’s wrong with you?”
He scoffs, “Me? Are you really in any place to be asking me that when you’re the one who’s still in love with some guy who doesn’t even bother to call you anymore? Some guy who’s married and lives on the other side of the globe?”
Han Taesan was never mean to you, or at least you never expected him to be. You figured he understood what you were going through, how it felt to have your heart crushed by someone you cared about so deeply. “He’s not some guy,” you said, staring at him like he’d just stabbed you. “He’s my best friend.”
Taesan laughed in disbelief, “Why do you still call him that?”
“Because he is.”
“I’m more of a friend than he ever was!” he yelled. Taesan had never been more frustrated in his life. He felt like he had to prove something to you, like if he didn’t open your eyes, everything he’d ever done for you would’ve never been worth it. “You treat me like shit all the time, Y/N! You called me in the middle of the night crying, begging me to help you and then you start yelling at me like I have no place to ask why the fuck you’re still in love with Jaehyun.”
“Why do you even care?!” you raised your voice. “Why do you care so much if I still love him or not?!”
“Because it’s killing me that you can’t see I’ve been in love with you this whole fucking time! You only want me around to play with my feelings and then you throw me to the side like I was never worth your time!” He looks away from you, running a hand through his hair, rolling his eyes. “And it’s not like I ever expected you to feel the same way,” he continued, his voice quieter now. “I just figured maybe you’d at least keep me as close to your heart as you keep that asshole.”
You couldn’t believe your ears. Han Taesan is in love with you, the worst person in the world? Why? Why would he be when he knew how terrible you were? Why would he be in love with you when there were so many better options always crossing his path, when he knew that you would probably never move on from Myung Jaehyun for the rest of your life? Truly, what is wrong with him?
Your head falls to your hands, the pounding almost becoming unbearable as tears fill your eyes, partly because of the pain but mostly because deep down, you knew. You knew he was in love with you — you just couldn’t accept it. Not when you knew that eventually, he’d realize you were the last person he wanted. “I do care about you, Taesan,” you spoke, your voice almost in a whisper. “I do.”
“You have a terrible way of showing it, Y/N.”
“I know, I just–” You sighed, rubbing the side of your face, looking at him. “I don’t know what you want from me. I don’t know what you want me to say.”
Taesan doesn’t say anything, mostly because he can’t look at you when you’re crying. But he feels the lump in his throat growing bigger and his heart clench from inside his chest as he grabs your arm and lifts you up. “Go home,” he says quietly, pushing you gently as you start climbing the steps again, still crying, your vision blurry. And for the next six flights of stairs, a heavy silence falls upon you, neither of you able to say anything. It isn’t until you finally reach the twelfth floor that you manage to push something out of your throat.
“Don’t hate me,” you said, your back turned to him as you pulled out your house keys, struggling to unlock your front door. You sniffle, the lock clicking as you finally get it open, twisting the doorknob. You hear him laugh quietly behind you, and though it hadn’t been long since the last time you heard him laugh, you already missed it.
He hadn’t even left yet, and you already missed him.
“I couldn’t if I tried.”
NOTE: how evil would i be if i just ended it here 😭 HAHAHAHA anyways it’ll probably take me a WHILE to write the next part cuz midterms and other personal stuff i have going on rn, but i hope you guys enjoyed “the worst person in the world”!!!! thank you for reading 🫶🏼
pairings: university/club au, dom!taesan x sub!reader, virgin!reader, competitive!taesan
warnings: lowercase intended, smut, unprotected sex, taesan is lowkey a whore, semi-public sex, consumption of alcohol, clubbing, fingering, tit sucking, slight choking, creampie, taking reader’s virginity
a/n: hellooo!! long time no see! every so often (many many many months) i keep finding my way back to this account and i forget how much fun i have writing things other than assignments 💀 not sure about the quality of this one since it’s been so long but i hope you enjoy it regardless. and feel free to send me requests as i am open to receiving inspiration!
word count: 3.3k
mdni! nsfw content!
ever since your first week at university, you had felt more out of place than you’d expected. sure you made friends, but you didn’t feel like you fit in. they were all so different from you and had experienced things you could only dream of: travel, romance, work. living a sheltered life has led you no where but straight to the depths of naivety. not to be confused with innocence because that for sure isn’t the word to describe you. naive was a better way to put it. you were too trusting and lacked the real world experience your friends had an abundance of.
“ok your turn sungho,” jaehyun yelled out partially drunk off the 3 sips of vodka he had taken, “truth or dare!”
“this game is so stupid but truth,” he mumbled begrudgingly.
“what’s your body count?” a squeal erupted around the table as jaehyun asked the question.
“genuinely why do you need to know…”
“it’s a part of the game, sungho. just answer!”
“ugh fine but what counts as a body?”
“what do you mean by that?!” jaehyun exclaims, the excitement visible in his eyes as he anticipates sungho’s sacred secret.
“basically anyone you’ve put your dick in. oral doesn’t count,” cara interjects.
“uhhh let me think…maybe 7?”
“weren’t you a virgin 6 months ago?” jaehyun giggles.
“yeah and so what. a man has his needs ok.”
this was the kind of thing that made you feel out of place. you had befriended people who were so experienced with their sexuality. you entered your first year of university hoping to lose your virginity to the man of your dreams but those dreams were soon crushed by the disappointing reality of men who were actually available, meaning you hadn’t done so much as hold someone’s hand for more than platonic reasons.
“alright fine! no more questions asked. but anyway, taesan! truth or dare!” jaehyun exclaims.
“dare. someone needs to make this interesting,” taesan states.
this whole evening he’s been seated opposite you and his gaze hasn’t left your side for a second. not even when he’s being spoken to. you knew the type of guy he was though. every time your friend group goes clubbing he picks his prey and by the end of the night he’s bringing her home and dicking her down. it was an unspoken occurrence but everyone knew and no one dared question it. but with the way his eyes were piercing into your entire body, you could tell tonight it was your turn. a part of you was excited to be chosen but most of all you were displeased by his antics of thinking he could just win a woman over whenever he pleases purely just to be used for his own pleasure. you weren’t going to let your first time be with someone who uses you like that. so you were determined. whatever taesan tries on you today the answer would be no. but the more you drank and the more attention he gave you tonight the more you feared for your self respect.
“ooh yes! i’ve got one. taesan, i dare you to NOT bring a girl home from the club today.”
“yes addy! took the words right out of my mouth,” jaehyun screeched, standing up and wobbling in his increasingly tipsy state, “if you do, we’re gonna crash and watch you both fuck.”
“ok fine. won’t be bringing a girl home from the club,” taesan admitted defeat almost too quickly as eyebrows raised around the table, the suspicion levels rising.
a couple more rounds of truth or dare went around and almost each time your dare only involved taking more shots. you weren’t disappointed but a part of you had always hoped that the dares you were given were a bit more explicit and involved people other than yourself. but ever since finding out you were a virgin your friends made sure to never cross that boundary and kept you away from anything intimate.
as the night grew darker, you all started making your way to the club down the road. a group of young adults squealing and giggling at god knows what at the late hours of the night. as you approached the building, you could hear the loud music muffled behind the doors, as a large group of chattering people stood waiting in line.
as you began joining the queue, you felt a large presence behind you. there was limited space in the queue anyway, but you were almost pressed up against someone’s chest. and before you could turn around fully, you knew it was simply from the whiff of his strong woody cologne. taesan’s eyes were still looking down at you sharply, the same gaze in his eyes as before at pre-drinks. he hadn’t said a word to you all night but the way he looked at you had you turning red. his hand slipped smoothly around your waist as he ushered you forward, moving towards the front of the queue.
before long, you were scanned in with your tickets and your entire friend group had entered before splitting off into the various parts of the club.
“let me buy you a drink,” taesan offered, a sly grin imprinted on his pretty face.
“i can buy my own thanks.”
you were drunk but you were still aware of the games he was playing. you pushed his hand off your waist and made your way to the bar, ordering yourself another drink before taking a seat. you hadn’t even left for a minute before the cologne followed you, taking a seat right next to you. his arm slid around the back of your chair as he pulls his own closer to yours.
“taesan, what do you want?” your words slur as you try to look up at him, with a sense of annoyance in your tone.
“when you finish your drink, come dance with me.”
“now why would i do that? i know what you’re up to,” your voice confident.
“what am i up to then y/n,” he gets closer to yours face as he whispers into your ear so only you can hear in the midst of the heavy music playing behind you both.
“you’re going to seduce me and take me home to fuck like with every other girl in this fucking club. like you do every time we’re here.”
“i said i wouldn’t bring a girl home remember? in truth or dare. you can trust me. let lose and have a little fun. come on.”
honestly, you weren’t in the state to be remembering the details of a few hours ago but you believed him regardless and let him grab your hand and take you to the dance floor.
“come closer,” he whispers as his hands grabbed your waist.
the music thumped loud in your chest and your body reacts subconsciously as your hips begin swaying and you step closer to the tall man in front of you. you didn’t realise but your arms had somehow made their way around his neck, your chest pressed closely against his. you look up at him taking in his features. you knew he was attractive but it never occurred to you that maybe you were attracted to him.
“how’s the view?” he smirks, bending down to reach your face.
“stop!” you hit his chest before hiding your face in it, suddenly shy at how you were staring.
“it’s ok y/n. i’ll allow it. i know i’m pretty to look at.”
you couldn’t see his face but you knew he was still smirking, feeling satisfied at how he’d gotten you to start falling for his tricks. but you weren’t going to let that happen. not today at least. it doesn’t take you long to release yourself from his grasp and you began walking away. a sense of loathing builds up in the pits of your stomach, annoyed that you’d let yourself fall even the slightest for his usual antics.
“y/n come back!” he chases after you and catches up within seconds.
his hands grabs your arms pulling you back as you fight back trying to get free.
“taesan! let go for fucks sake!”
“i just wanted to dance with you. what’s wrong with that.”
“pfft don’t even,” you scoff, “i may be drunk but i still know what you’re up to. go find some other girl you can wrap around your finger.”
“i only want you though.”
for a moment you soften. maybe this wasn’t just a part of his elaborate plan to get you to sleep with him. but that thought vanished almost instantly. this was exactly how he plays. he gives in to what you want before taking what he needs from you.
“don’t lie. just go find someone else. i’m sure there’s someone around here willing to fuck you tonight because that someone’s not me. don’t waste your time.”
you expected him to let go and start preying for his next target but instead his grip around your arm tightened, pulling you closer to him.
“i told you already. i don’t want anyone else. i only want you.”
he was competitive. always wanting to win every game he plays. this is just another one of them he usually wins at. but you were being stubborn and taking away his chances of winning and he wasn’t going to let that happen.
his gaze lowers onto yours, but the glimmer in his eyes were hiding something but you couldn’t quite tell what it was. he leans his forehead against yours, closing his eyes and feeling that warmth between the two of you. his softness was a stark contrast from the setting you were in and far from what you were expecting from him.
“i promise. i only want you.”
you weren’t sure if it was was the alcohol you consumed or maybe just your kind playing tricks on you but you were letting your guard down to feel the tension that had been building up between you and taesan the whole night. the constant push and pull was electrifying but you were simply too reluctant to let yourself feel it. this wasn’t how the night was supposed to go but the temptation to give into his games was too high.
your heels slowly lift off the ground as you lift your head to slowly place your lips on his, feeling him smirk into a deep kiss. his hands shift from your arms to slide around your waist, pulling you closer to him. you can taste the vodka shots he had taken earlier, becoming intoxicated by his kiss and your head spinning at how surreal this moment feels. your first kiss being taken in a club was the last thing you were expecting but you weren’t completely upset.
“follow me,” he beckons running behind the crowds of dancing people whilst holding your hand tight.
“i hope you’re not taking me home because that would mean you didn’t follow through with your dare,” you reminded him, but a part of you was hoping that maybe he would and that this moment of electricity wasn’t going to just die out.
“of course not. i’m not going to lose to truth or dare.”
you should have known. he was too competitive to ever lose to anyone.
he opens a door that you recognise and pulls you inside with him. the lights were dim and the walls were dark, matching the environment outside.
“the toilet? are you kidding me? why are we here?”
“we’ll have more privacy this way.”
“privacy for what?”
he steps towards you, as you find your back hitting the cold wall behind you. his arm propped up against your side caging you with his body.
“do you really have to ask that, baby?” his tone was dark, different to his softness a few minutes prior.
it only takes him a few seconds before he’s finding the hem of your dress, lifting it up slowly, grazing your thigh with his fingers.
“taesan, what are you doing?”
“exactly what it looks like baby.”
your breath is short, unable to anticipate his next move. he takes his time lifting your dress to just past your hips but enough so that he can clearly see the lacy underwear you had put on.
“we’re you expecting to be fucked or do you always dress like this?” he sniggers looking intently at your lower half.
your face is hot, shy at his comment but you had nowhere to run or hide. instead all you could do was lower you gaze to avoid meeting his. but with doing so you catch a glimpse at his now fully erect cock, straining against his black jeans. your hands instinctively move towards his belt, running them across his slim waist. you wanted to see more but you were too afraid to make the move.
“getting a bit touchy are we?”
taesan was enjoying this too much for his own good and he hadn’t even seen you bare yet. his warm hands met yours guiding them to his buckle, signalling you to take it off. so you followed, taking your time to make sure you don’t mess it up. as soon as his belt comes off, you unbutton his jeans, pulling them down along with his underwear and watch as his cock springs free.
your mouth is agape, taking in his size. but you were also confused and anxious over seeing a man’s dick for the first time. a million questions ran through your mind but they were silenced immediately when taesan grabs your face by the chin, making you look at him.
“eyes up here baby.”
before you could say anything, he shuts you up with a kiss, pressing you even closer against the wall. it was different to the first kiss you had shared. this was rough and intense. you could also taste his desperation.
his lips travelled lower down your face, sucking against the skin at your jaw and then your neck. his hands caressed the side of your body before coming up to pull down your dress, giving him access to your plush.
“no bra, huh?”
the look he had on his face was that of a winner. he was looking almost too proud of himself for even getting you in this exact position with him. and for once you weren’t overthinking but instead let it happen.
“the dress didn’t need i-…”
before you could even finish your sentence, his lips had found your breasts, sucking again, leaving red marks on your soft skin. he was careful to not touch your nipples which we’re craving to be cared for. your whimpers were getting louder, taesan becoming more satisfied at the way he was making you feel. but soon enough he gave in, circling his tongue across your erect nipple while his hand took care of your other. the feeling was so intense you felt the heat shoot down to your core, grabbing taesan’s hair for some sort of relief.
he pulls away and you had just realised that he had been touching himself the entire time. he looked down at your panties and he didn’t have to even touch them to know you were dripping.
“did i turn you on from just sucking your tits, baby?”
you didn’t answer, too embarrassed to say anything.
“answer me,” he demands, grabbing your face to look up at him.
“mhmm. yes taesan.”
“there’s a good girl. let me warm you up more with my fingers. wouldn’t want you to get hurt on your first time.”
you weren’t sure whether to be even more embarrassed because he knew you were a virgin or whether to be glad that he was taking it slow with you. but you didn’t have too much time to ponder that thought before you felt his long fingers pulling your panties down before gathering the slick that had been building up.
“so wet for me aren’t you?”
he rubbed against your opening, spreading the slick across your lips before inserting his digits into you, taking the air out of your lungs with a loud gasp. he was sharp and precise, finding your spot almost instantly. his thrusts became faster and you felt the result directly on your legs as they began shaking, struggling to hold yourself up.
“you’re so tight for me baby. look at you clenching around just my fingers. can’t to feel you properly.”
with a couple more quick thrusts of his fingers, you felt that peak approaching, preparing yourself to feel ready for the high. but instead you’re faced with emptiness, as taesan pulls out of you, stroking your wetness into his dick.
“i want your first orgasm to be while i’m inside you. think you can do that for me y/n?”
you nodded frantically, desperate for your hole to be filled again. your neediness was a dead give away with the way your eyes almost pleaded as you looked at taesan. he had you right where he wanted you.
his tip grazed your entrance almost teasing you before sliding in. he fit perfectly. taesan pumped himself in slowly allowing you to adjust to his size but the second you let out your first moan, he ramped up the speed. his hands were all over your body, grabbing onto what bit of flesh he could hold: your thigh, your waist, your tits and eventually your neck. his grip was firm but enough so that you could still breath. the sounds that came out of you were music to his hears as he brings himself closer to hear you even better amidst the muffled music from behind the door. you clenched around his length tighter with each thrust. once again he had managed to find your spot and he repeatedly abused it with his quick and sharp thrusts, the speed only increasing.
“you’re taking me so well baby. i’m so close. cum with me.”
you knew it wasn’t long before you felt him twitch inside you and at that moment you felt your high shoot up through your spine, your climax hitting like a wave, leaving your entire body shaking against taesan’s body.
“that’s ok i’ve got you,” he says holding you up against his chest, “you did so well. your pussy was made for me y/n. i don’t think i’ll ever feel this good with anyone else.”
his confession came as a surprise to you but with how intoxicated you were (both by the alcohol and your orgasm) you could barely process his words as you just lay your head on his chest.
“taesan. you took my virginity in a club bathroom,” you manage to mutter as you finally lift your head to look up at him. your eyes were filled with a spark of rage, frustrated that the moment you had been waiting for happened in the bathroom of a club. you hit his chest once again unleashing your annoyance but taesan couldn’t help but laugh.
“stop! this is serious! of all the places you could have taken me, this is the best place you could find?”
“i couldn’t have taken you home baby or i would have lost the dare. would you rather have had everyone watch as i take your virginity?”
the thought of that had you turning red again as you buried your head in his chest.
“this seems to be your favourite place to hide,” taesan chuckles as he strokes your hair in consolation.
“i got the worst end of the stick because you were too competitive.”
“would you rather have not fucked me at all then?”
“no…you seem to have won that game too…” you mumble into his chest not wanting to face the truth of what had just happened.
“i’m a winner baby. you know that. there’s nothing i like to lose and now that i’ve got you i don’t want to lose you. ever,” his voice was raspy but sweet and you could tell he meant it.
“is this because you like me or because you liked fucking me?” you finally braved looking up at him once more and this time you stayed. your eyes connected as he gave you a small smile. he didn’t need to answer your question but you knew the answer. he really had won you over tonight and maybe for even longer.
︵⠀THE GLOSS ⠀◌Ⳋ ✧ ── it turns out dongmin really is the perfect boyfriend to test makeup on at the store.
pairing: dongmin x gn!reader wc: 1.2k words warnings: reader wears makeup lua's note: saw this tweet and had to do something about it..
ᯓ★ "so baby, put your lips on me"
To you, Dongmin was the best boyfriend ever for countless reasons, one of them being his enthusiasm and interest for anything that you seemed to like.
With that being said, your dates at the mall were like heaven to you: you could stop at any store you wanted to and spend how much time you wanted without him rushing you.
After taking a little break to eat and sit down a little bit, you took your lipstick from your purse to reapply it and let out a sigh when you opened its cap.
“I'm running out of my favorite lipstick...” You pouted.
“That’s okay,” Dongmin took his phone, opened the camera app and held the phone in your direction so you could use it as a mirror. “We’re already here, so let’s go to a makeup store and buy you a new one.”
You glanced at him before concentrating on reapplying your lipstick and held back the urge to smile at his words.
“Thank you,” you leaned back and pressed your lips together a few times before putting the makeup product back on your purse. “Now you got me all excited, can we go to the store now?”
With a chuckle, Dongmin put his phone back in his pocket, stood up from his seat and reached out for your hand.
“Let’s get going.”
Once you reached the makeup store, you went straight to the lipstick’s brand aisle (after taking a look at products you weren’t even interested in buying on the way) and looked for the shade.
“No way,” you gasped and Dongmin’s eyes flickered between the countless lipsticks on sale and your face, his brows raised in surprise at the gasp and curiosity. “This is the last one from my shade! I’m so lucky!”
The boy’s curious face turned into a bright one as he laughed.
“It’s like it was waiting for you!”
“Who said it wasn’t?” You winked and then looked around. “You know.. I also need a new gloss…”
“Oh yeah? Any gloss in mind?”
You pressed your lips together and slowly shook your head. Dongmin let out a soft sigh in response and ran his fingers through his hair.
“So I guess it’s going to take a little while, isn’t it?”
“No, never.”
Dongmin looked at you with a skeptical look on his face and you smiled shyly.
“Okay, maybe just a liiiiiiittle bit”
“Alright, as long as we still have time to go take a look at new shoes, you can take how much time you need.”
Your smile lightened up as you started to walk away from that spot, taking a look at every product on the shelf and trying to find the gloss.
Dongmin followed you right behind, watching you and also paying attention to the glosses, pointing at some and saying how they would look pretty on you, or how they would match with one of the lip combos you like to do. There was only one of them that made you agree with his statement and ask him to take it for you, while the others just made you give him a knowing look, which he would always reply to with the same i take it back look while putting his hands up in surrender.
“Alright, we have 3 options, so you know what time it is, right?”
“Test time!” Dongmin smiled.
He was already used to watching you test the products on your hand or wrist, so he just stood still and watched you take a cotton pad and a disposable brush and apply some of the gloss on it. However, his eyes widened open when you started to apply it on his lips.
“What- what are you doing?” He said without moving his lips too much, not wanting to make you mess up and scolding him for speaking while you were applying makeup on him.
“Test time,” you focused on your task, your tongue sticking out in concentration. “Alright, look at the mirror and tell me what you think.”
Dongmin looked at himself in the mirror and hummed.
“I guess it’s fine, I don’t know too much about makeup, love. All I can say is that it’s pretty.”
“Does it taste good?”
He licked his shiny lips and frowned as soon as the taste touched his tongue. His hands immediately found their way to the cotton pad on your hands and wiped the product off his lips.
“Tastes like shit.”
“Really? I thought it’d taste good… Then let’s try this one.”
He watched you take another disposable brush and apply another gloss on it.
“Why am I being the model this time?” He asked while you applied the gloss on his lips once again. “I mean, I don’t mind at all, but I’m curious because I was never the model before.”
“Because we’re talking about something that you’ll be also using if we think about it. What’s the point of using a pretty gloss if my boyfriend won’t like to kiss me while I’m wearing it?”
Dongmin smiled at your thoughtful action and pouted in a teasing way.
“Then go ahead, your model is more than ready.”
“Silly,” you laughed and smacked his arm in a playful way. “Tell me about this one.”
He looked at himself in the mirror, his expression dead serious while he pressed his lips against each other and licked them.
“It’s a pretty color, the glitter on it is not too much, but also not too little, and it tastes good,” he pressed his lips once again. “But it feels tacky.”
“Damn, you’re not just a model anymore,” you took a cotton pad and gave it to him. “You’re an analyst.”
“You gave me a very serious task,” he wiped the gloss off. “So I have to do it properly, right? Let’s go, time for the last one.”
“All righty,” you repeated the same process and started to apply the last option on him. “You have such pretty lips, love.”
“Don’t make me blush here…”
“I mean it, I always get myself staring at them wishing you’d apply super glue on them and kiss me, so we would always have your lips pressed together.”
“Weirdo,” he laughed and tried to brush off the fact that he blushed by looking in the mirror before you tell him to. He did the same thing as before, checked his lips in the mirror very carefully, pressed his lips against each other and groaned when he licked them. “This is the one. It doesn’t have too much glitter, the color is pretty and subtle and the taste…” He licked his lips again. “The taste is amazing, something out of this world.”
“Really?”
“Yes! Here, taste it,” he pecked your lips and smiled when you leaned back with surprise all over your face. “C’mon, taste it.”
You hesitantly licked your lips, still trying to process your boyfriend’s sudden action, but that was soon replaced in your mind with how good the gloss tasted.
“Oh my god it’s so good.”
“I told you!”
“They shouldn’t make such a tasty gloss, I might eat it instead of actually using it,” you looked at yourself in the mirror to check how the gloss looked on you. “And it looks good on me! You’re right, Dongminnie, this is the one.”
Your boyfriend took two of the picked gloss and also the lipstick you were holding.
“Let’s pay for these.”
“Wait.. Why two of them?”
“Because I have the feeling you’ll be running out of it sooner than you expected.”
⊹ ࣪ ˖ .ᐟ.ᐟ the only rival I never want to lose - 한태산
⋮ ⌗ ┆synopsis: han taesan is the student council president of KOZ’s only boys’ school while you’re the student council president of its rival girls’ school. known throughout the district for your endless competitions and constant bickering, the two of you have spent years trying to outdo each other. and as graduation approaches and your rivalry finally reaches its end, taesan begins to realise that the one person he’s always been chasing might be the one he never wants to let go of.
⋮ ⌗ ┆warnings: rival taesan, headcannons and oneshot, bickering and irritating, skinship, intended lowercase, female reader, fluff, very self indulgent heh
⋮ ⌗ ┆word count: 3.5k (500avg on each headcannon)
⋮ ⌗ ┆authors note: here is my self indulgent fic ever hehe, I had so much fun writing and planning!! I knew this would be one of the first few oneshot/drabbles I wanted to write!! I hope you enjoy reading this!! <33
ᛝ now playing: adios by boynextdoor
back to masterlist | reblogs and comments highly valued!! (please!!)
── rival! taesan : makes every combined school event a competition. charity drive? competition. sports day? competition. school festival? definitely a competition. ˎˊ˗
the annual joint school festival was supposed to bring the male students and female students together and encourage mutual friendship. though, somehow along the way, it turned into a battlefield for both student council presidents.
“why are there so many students at your booths.” taesan clicked his tongue as he stood amidst the huge crowd of people around the girls schools stalls. you smirked as you flipped through the stack of tickets in your hand, counting them flauntingly. “maybe because we actually had a good idea, not our fault.” he scoffed, “you bribed them with free brooches.” you corrected him, “incentives.” “bribes.”
before you could retort him again, a teacher walked past whilst shooting a kind smile, “wonderful job, you two!” the two of you could only shoot her a friendly smile and nod.
once she left, taesan leaned in, “we’re beating your sales by lunchtime, mark my words.” “in your dreams.” you snort.
more below the cut!!;
By noon, the boys were ahead by 30 tickets. By one o’clock, the girls had overtaken them. By two o’clock, taesan had managed to convince people to buy beverages from one of their booths. By three o’clock, you were glaring at him from across the courtyard while making a new promotional poster. neither of you had noticed your respective councils had stopped working and were now finding entertainment in watching the two of you.
“this is getting ridiculous.” sungho muttered, staring at taesans determined back. “they’ve been trying to outdo each other since the charity drive.” riwoo shrugged. “and sports day” “oh don’t forget leadership camp.” “ahh cross country too” leehan, woonhak and jaehyun added.
Across the courtyard, taesan caught your gaze and raised a lazy eyebrow and smirk, silently gesturing for you to throw in the towel. you immediately straightened up, over your dead body.
an hour later, the final numbers were announced. a tie. the entire courtyard erupted in cheers. the two of you stared at the result board in disbelief. then both of you spoke at the same time, “this has to be wrong.” “there’s no way.” the teacher in charge took a deep breath, “just accept the tie.” neither of you looked convinced.
As everyone began packing up, taesan walked over to you with two cans of banana milk in his hands. he handed one to you while saying, “you got lucky.” you grinned while accepting the banana milk, “we tied.” for once he didn’t argue but he did let out a chuckle. he glanced at the fairy lights hanging above the courtyard before his gaze fixed on your face again, “same time next event?” the corners of your lips couldn’t help but twitch upwards, “you’re on.”
and somewhere behind you, both student councils collectively groaned, already knowing the next event would tire them out from endless competition.
── rival! taesan : makes sure to disagree immediately if any of his student council members criticizes you or your council. ˎˊ˗
“her councils’ schedule is kind of a mess isn’t it?” the comment from woonhak slips out casually during the meeting. taesan doesn’t even look up from his paperwork, “no it isn’t.” the room immediately goes silent. woonhak blinks, “well, i mean.. they changed the rehearsal schedule for the play three times..” “because the venue got changed twice.” “oh.”
sungho leans back in his chair, “their publicity poster isn’t that great either.” hearing this, taesan finally looked up from his paperwork, “they’re fine.” “fine?” sungho questions. “they have a high percentage of engagement.” the room falls silent again. “..how do you know that?” jaehyun asks.
taesan freezes. a little too long. “i read the reports.”
all of the student council members looked at each other, not daring to say anything since nobody else bothered to read the reports. “well, the girls’ school only did well during the event because they had better sponsors.” riwoo said, trying to agitate taesan. taesan immediately shakes his head, “they secured the sponsors themselves.” riwoo smirks, “you’re defending them again.” taesan sighs, “i’m correcting you.” “same thing.” “it really isn’t.”
the council members exchanged knowing looks. because this happens every single time. the moment someone criticises you or your council, taesan is suddenly the first person to explain why they’re wrong. the moment someone downplays your achievements, taesan pulls out the statistics and reports. it’s getting.. suspicious. “you know for someone who’s supposed to be her rival.. you spend a lot of time defending her.” taesan’s pen stops moving. “just because i’m her rival, that doesn’t mean i have to lie.” jaehyun flashes his usual teasing smirk, “so you think she’s competent?” “obviously.” “talented?” “yes.” “hardworking?” “of course.” jaehyun’s smirk only widened, wanting to push him further, “and pretty–” “this meeting’s over right?” taesan manages to shoo all of them out his office as the council members erupt in cackles. taesan shuts the door behind them before anyone can point out the pink creeping up his cheeks. meanwhile, in your office, you sneeze, unaware that your biggest rival might just be your biggest fan.
── rival! taesan : becomes irritated when you don’t attend joint meetings (he’s secretly worried) ˎˊ˗
the joint meeting starts sharply at 3.30pm. by 3.27pm, taesan is already in the meeting room. not because he’s waiting for you obviously. maybe. the meeting room doors opened, members from both your student councils streamed in whilst chatting away. the seat across from him remains empty. weird. 3.30pm. the meeting begins. your vice president stands instead, “our president isn’t here today so let’s just start.” “why?” the question slips out of taesan’s mouth before he could process. all heads turn to look at him. your vice president blinks, caught off guard, “oh.. she’s sick.” taesan nods and the meeting starts properly.
but something feels.. off.. every time he shares his proposal, nobody challenges him. every time the budget is discussed, no one argues with him about a stingy budget. every time he suggests something, not a single person shoots back with an even better idea just to annoy him. the meeting moves along twice as smoothly. and somehow, thats exactly the problem. by the halfway point of the meeting, taesan’s forehead is scrunched up. irrationally annoyed. jaehyun notices first, “what’s wrong with you?” “nothing.” jaehyun scoffs softly, “you look grumpier than usual.” taesan rolls his eyes and ignores him. the meeting continues. his pulls up the proposal for the leadership camp. normally this is where you’d interrupt halfway to point out the flaws in his plans. instead, the meeting ends. no interruptions, no retorts, no eye rolls. it’s quiet. far too quiet. and he hated it. the realization hits him before he can stop it. he misses you. the thought itself makes him irritated with himself. everyone is busy packing up their stuff when your vice presidents gathers some documents off the table.
“can you give these to her?” she asks. the question catches taesan off guard, “why me?” the entire room goes silent. because everyone knows exactly why. your vice president smiles, “no reason.” there is always a reason. taesan takes the folder anyways, just to see you– no, just to make things easier. that’s all.
── rival! taesan : teases you with his height when preparing for an event ˎˊ˗
the preparation for the leadership camp had been going relatively smoothly. relatively. which in your case and taesan’s case meant there had only been three arguments, two disagreements, and one debate over the placement of a banner. a new record. now you were decorating the auditorium. you were standing on your tippy toes, trying ,though failing, to pin up some banners. the top corner was just slightly out of reach. you stretched higher, nothing. slightly higher, nothing. a shadow suddenly appeared behind you. before you could react, a hand reached above your head and effortlessly attached the decoration where you’d been struggling for the past 5 minutes. you froze and slowly turned around. taesan was looking down at you with the most annoying smug expression imaginable, “..” “don’t–” the grin on his face immediately widened, “don’t what?” you poked his chest, “whatever you were going to say.” “oh, wasn’t going to say anything.” you narrowed your eyes at him. he looked far too pleased with himself. then, he glanced at the decoration and back at you. his smirk returned, “i can see why that was difficult.” you gasp, “shoo.” “i’m just observing.” he smiles. “leave.” “i mean the top of the board is pretty high.” “HAN TAESAN!!”
several of your council members immediately looked over. he raised both of his hands with faux innocence, “not my fault you’re vertically challenged.” you grabbed the nearest roll of tape and threw it as him. he caught it easily, unfortunately. “you know if you ask nicely, i might just help.” he tossed the tape around. “i would rather climb the wall.” you shot back before he chuckled. a few minutes later, you found yourself trying to hang another decoration on an even higher beam. you stared at the beam and then at the ladder. taesan unfortunately noticed. without word, he places the decoration he was originally doing down and walked towards you. you crossed your arms seeing this. he extended his arm towards you, “give it.” you hesitated but then reluctantly handed over the decoration to him. the stupid thing took him less than ten seconds. ten seconds. you hated him, “show off.” “not my fault i was blessed with height.” you rolled your eyes so hard they nearly fell out.
as he climbed down the ladder, he looks suspiciously pleased with himself. he adjusted his shirt and then leaned down slightly, just enough to be annoying, “need help with anything else?” you smiled sweetly, the kind of smile that took him aback with suspicion. a pause. “actually..” you point to a banner in the corner, “since you’re so tall, can you fix that?” his grin grows, “so you need me.” you ignore his comment. you point to another decoration, “and that one.” then another, “that too.” “...” “hmm that one too.” by the fifth task, his smile was completely gone from his face. the council members stifled their laughter. “you’re making me do all the work.” taesan frowns. you only shrug, patting his head, “not my fault you were blessed with height.” taesan stands there frozen, blush creeping up his cheeks but he immediately turned his head away.
── rival! taesan : purposefully misses the last question on the test if he hears your pushing yourself too hard for first place. ˎˊ˗
the rumour reaches him by accident. he was walking past your school gate and since your schools were beside each other, he notices you talking with a classmate of yours. “i just need to beat him this one time.” you mumble. your classmate sighs, “you’ve been studying for hours on end.” “because if i don’t, he gets first place again.” you shot back. “you got 4 hours of sleep last night–” “i’m fine.” you shut her down. taesan keeps walking but the conversation stays with him all the way. every joint academic ranking by the district turns into another battleground between the two of you. first place. second place. always separated by one or two marks. always. the teachers’ think that it’s healthy competition. the students’ think that it’s cute. taesan, on the other hand, thinks it’s a problem. especially when he notices the heavy eyebags under your eyes. especially when you carry coffee with you everywhere. especially when you start dozing off in joint meetings. “you look terrible..” he mutters as he approaches you after the joint meeting. you immediately glare at him, “mind your own business.” “did you sleep?” he asks. “...” “exactly.” the conversation ends there. but the worry doesn’t.
during the exams, taesan sits at his assigned desk, on the very last question. according to his calculations, he has at least 96 marks secured. his eyes drift to question 50. the one worth two marks. the one he confidently knew how to solve. the one he intentionally left blank. he stares at it for a moment. and then he closes the paper. the district ranking came out a few days later. for the first time all year, you’re first. by two marks. the next joint meeting is chaos. your council members are celebrating while his council members are mourning his loss. and you’re in the middle of it all, looking happier than he has seen in months. the smile on your face is bright. genuine. proud. just happy. and for some reason, that feels worth more than some number next to his name.
“what happened to you?” jaehyun asks later. taesan doesn’t look up from his notes, “what do you mean?” “you never lose.” jaehyun raises an eyebrow. “i didn’t lose.” jaehyun narrows his eyes suspiciously, “did you mess up?” taesan sighs, “no.” “did you–” “just drop it.” jaehyun studies his nonchalant attitude for a moment, and then realization slowly dawns on him, “oh my god..” taesan immediately looks up in surprise, “don’t” “you did.” “i did not.” “you absolutely did. you let her win..” “I DID NOT!!” the denial comes far too quickly. which makes the corners of jaehyun’s lips twitch up.
a week later, you cornered him after a joint meeting. “you left question 50 blank.” you ask. his shoulders freeze. just for a second. you noticed, of course you did. “i didn’t know–” he shrugs. “it was the easiest question on the paper.” “...” the hallways suddenly felt very quiet. “why?” you ask softly. taesan sighs, “you were making yourself miserable. you looked tired all the time. so i figured, being first wasn’t worth watching you run yourself into the ground.” the words leave his mouth before he could stop them. your eyes widen and for once, you didn’t have a comeback.”thank you..” you say. taesan groans immediately, “don’t thank me.” “why?” you question. “because now you’re making it weird. you laugh. and for the first time in a long while, the rivalry feels a little less like a competition and a little more like two people making sure the other doesn’t fall too far behind.
── rival! taesan : first person to clap even when he looks annoyed that you won an award. ˎˊ˗
the district awards ceremony is held a few weeks later but no one thought much of it since everyone has already seen the rankings. you know you’re first, you know taesan’s second. and if you’re being honest, part of you still hasn’t forgiven him for what he did. even after confronting him about question 50, you had spent nights wondering why he thought sacrificing his own score was a good idea. it was stupid. incredibly stupid. and somehow annoyingly sweet. which somehow made it even worse. the principal steps up to the podium, students fill the auditorium, teachers sit along the sides. then the district rankings are announced one by one. then– your names echoes through the hall. for a second, everything blurs. the applause, the cheering, the people around you. because all you can think about is the paper sitting in a folder somewhere, question 50, blank. clap. the first clap comes from the person besides you. you don’t even need to look to know who it is. taesan. of course it’s taesan. he’s clapping before anyone reacts. when you glance over, he looks annoyed, not angry, not bitter. like he’d rather be standing on that stage himself. like losing still bothers him. because it does, but his hands never stop clapping.
after the ceremony, you find him outside. naturally leaning against the wall. “hey.” you say. he immediately groans, “no.” you huff, “you didn’t even hear the question.” “i know where this is going.” you lean against the wall beside him, award still in your hands, district champion, the title you had been chasing for years and yet somehow feels heavier than you expected. “you should have been up there too..” your words come out quieter than intended. “don’t start.” he looks away. “i’m serious. you let me win.” “i didn’t let you do anything.” taesan sighs. “you left the question blank.” “you still answered the other 49 yourself.” and you hate how easily he says it. like it doesn’t matter. a laugh escapes you. small and filled of disbelief. “you would’ve won.” “maybe.” “taesan.” “what?” you stare at him and for the first time since all of this started, he finally takes a long sigh. “you looked happier having the award than i’ve seen you in months and that's enough.” simple, matter of factly even. it was as if that was the end of the conversation, like it was a perfectly normal reason to throw away first place. no don’t know what to say because no comeback comes to mind. no sarcastic remark. no argument. nothing.
the silence stretches, then taesan points at the award, “don’t drop it. it’d be embarrassing.” a laugh escapes you, “there he is.” “who?” “the annoying you.” “i was never gone.” taesan smirks. for a moment, things feel normal again yet something has shifted. because now every time you look at the award sitting on your shelf, you remember two things. the district ranking. and the boy who is always the first person to clap for you.
── rival! taesan : realises he doesn’t know what to do without having a ‘rival’ when graduation comes around. ˎˊ˗
graduation day is loud. students are crying, taking photos, signing uniforms, promising to stay in touch. it feels like everyone’s standing on the edge of something, a beginning and an ending. taesan hates it. yet deep down, he know that’s not the reason, because every time he looks across the courtyard, his eyes finds yours. again, again and again.you’re surrounded by people. friends from your school, juniors asking for signatures. the districts’ top student. the girls’ school president. his rival. his– .. well. that’s the problem. for years, that title had been enough, you had always been there. and now? now graduation is ending. in a few hours, everyone will go home. in a few months, you’ll both be somewhere else. different schools. different schedules. this realization hits him harder than expected. because for the first time since meeting you.. he has absolutely no idea what comes next.
the ceremony ends and without meaning to, taesan finds himself walking towards the joint student council room. the door is already open and you’re sitting inside alone, looking out at the window. he sits next to you and for a moment, neither of you say anything. “it’s weird.” you finally say. “what is?” “no more rivalry.” you said teasingly. but they hit harder than expected. because taesan realizes that’s exactly what has been bothering him all day. the idea that after today, you won’t just be in the school next to him anymore. you won’t be at the next district event. or anywhere he can easily find you. it was never about who wins. not really.
“you know what’s annoying?” taesan exhales. you blink as he looks away then quietly laughs to himself. “the idea of not seeing you anymore.” silence. your expression changes immediately. “oh.” brilliant. now you’ve made it weird. “you don’t mean–” “i do.” your mouth closes. for once, neither of you has a comeback. taesan rubs a hand over the back of his neck, “i thought graduation would feel good.” you stay still, listening. “but every time someone talked about college, or moving on, all i can think about is..” he laughs once, “who’s going to argue with me now?” a small smile appears on your face, “that’s your confession?” his face immediately heats up, “i wasn’t finished.” “sure–” “i like you.” the words leave his mouth. simple. direct. heart fluttering. “i think i’ve liked you for a while.” he repeated. you stare at him, speechless. “say something.” he says softly. you smile, the same smile that has followed him through years of competitions, arguments, victories and losses. the same smile he’d recognize anywhere. “what took you so long to figure that out, rival?”
the laugh that escapes him is helpless. relieved. happy. and he kisses your forehead before he can overthink it. for the first time since graduation started, the future doesn’t seem quite so scary anymore. maybe he wasn’t losing his rival after all. maybe he was finally getting something better.
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summary. there are two things to know about han taesan. one, han taesan is hard to understand, and two, han taesan does not like you. it turns out that neither of these are particularly true.
pairing. han taesan x reader
genre. fluff, college/university!au
word count. 1.3k
warnings/notes. brief mention of drinks being spiked (not from MCs) // reader has mid to long hair
from bliss. in love with the concept of taesan looking so cool but being the most idiotic specimen on earth but even i think he’s questionable here 🧍♀️ nonetheless, i hope you enjoy this as much as i did! reblogs are welcomed with open arms :D
masterlist
taesan has always been a bit of an enigma.
he dresses like your typical emo skater boy, but is obsessed with chococat. he hates being called a cat, but has all kinds of cat-related accessories for his outfits. he looks like he would never be seen within a five-meter radius of any dessert, but always has five packs of pudding in his bag.
but above all, what truly confuses you is how he treats you.
for starters, taesan doesn’t like you.
at the very least, he’s uncomfortable around you.
that’s a well-established fact. has been, ever since you started hanging out with jaehyun and naturally integrated with the rest of his group. taesan has always kept his distance with you, even after you’ve grown close enough with everyone else for them to show up at your door unannounced. whenever it comes to you, he’s always chosen to be at the sidelines, walk a few steps behind, pipe up with minimal responses.
but it’s not like you have anything against him for that. you know it’s impossible for everyone to get along, even if it’s within the same friend group—especially when you joined later than everyone else—and it’s not like taesan has ever said or done anything offensive to you; he just . . . tolerates you.
as easily as your friends welcomed you with open arms, you simply accepted that that’s just how it’ll be between the two of you; floating in parallel orbits without ever reaching each other. and you’re okay with that.
. . . despite your tiny, little crush on him.
you don’t know when it started, but from some moment onwards, you frequently found your eyes drifting towards taesan. on monday, when the lecture is particularly boring; on wednesday, when the lecturer enters ten minutes late; on thursday, when his smile is especially blinding and there are strands of white fur on his black tee.
so, maybe your crush isn’t actually minuscule, and the chances of it being reciprocated are less than zero, but you can live with it. that’s just how taesan is with you.
but that’s also why it’s confusing when taesan does things that are so . . . uncharacteristic.
like when you’re having lunch at the cafeteria, and he casually picks up the banchan on his own tray to replenish yours. or when you let out a whisper that you’re cold, and he’s the first to remove his jacket to drape it over you. or when you once dug through your bag and pockets to find a hair tie before settling with a pen, and from then on you always see him with a hair tie on his wrist.
it’s even more confusing when you stare at him afterwards, equal parts flustered and fluttery, and all he does is look back at you in question, as if asking you “what's up?”, like what he did was nothing out of the ordinary; like it’s something he has no problem doing for you; like it’s something as normal as breathing.
and then, when you’re left to wonder what exactly it means, losing sleep and sanity, taesan would show up the next day, acting as usual—distant, aloof, withdrawn.
as much of a whiplash it is, you can’t say it’s particularly surprising. taesan, in all his enigmatic glory, has always been difficult to understand, to comprehend, to grasp.
but right now, you might be a step closer to figuring him out.
“don’t.” taesan’s hand is around your wrist, grip firm but gentle. he’s huffing a little, hair disheveled. it’s clear he had been running towards you, but you haven’t a single clue why.
“what . . . are you doing?” you look at your wrist, the way his hand engulfs it entirely, and then to his eyes. his pupils are so deep and dark that you’re drawn in immediately, and it’s then that you realise: you and taesan have never looked at each other face-to-face, this close before.
instead of looking away, which is what you expected and what he would have done, he does something completely uncharacteristic, once again.
for the first time, taesan takes a step inside your orbit.
your breath hitches at the proximity, and you almost want to ask if jaehyun is around the corner, filming this as a poor idea of a prank. but it’s taesan who’s in front of you, and he would never agree to anything like that. especially not when he’s looking at you like . . . that.
it’s so intense that you have to look away, find a spot on the gravel to ground yourself. but that doesn’t last long, because you’re immediately pulled back to him when he speaks, just like a force to a satellite.
“don’t have dinner with him,” he says—commands.
under normal circumstances, you might have butterflies. be thrilled, even. because this implies that he had been thinking about you; that what you do does affect him.
but right now, what you feel is something closer to indignation. you’re all dolled up, ready to meet someone new and have some fun, and hopefully rid yourself of your chronic illness of pining. but then the reason for all this comes and demands like you owe him?
before you can chew him out, taesan speaks again, and all the words on the tip of your tongue immediately melt away.
“he’s a terrible person.” he clenches his jaw. “has a reputation for . . . tampering with people’s drinks.” his grip on you tightens. “and i overheard him offering to take someone else out tomorrow.
“so . . .” he softens, his fingers slackened against your skin, “don’t go out with him.”
“i. . . .” you open your mouth but shut it immediately. this was the last thing you expected him to say when he came up to you, so you’re not entirely sure how to reply. you decide to say the most appropriate thing first: “thank you for telling me.
“but . . .” you continue before he adds anything, “why?”
“why?” taesan repeats, reeling back in surprise. “what do you mean?”
“why . . . did you come all the way here?” you tilt your head in question. “your class just ended, didn’t it? that means you ran all the way from campus to my dorm to tell me this. which i’m super grateful for, of course!” you add quickly. “but i’m just . . . confused.” internally, you wonder when you’re ever not confused by him. “a phone call would have sufficed.”
taesan blinks, as if he hadn’t thought about that.
“oh.” he lets out. “that . . . wasn’t on my mind.” he scratches his nape. “i just wanted to see you.”
you freeze, your brain short-circuiting. it takes a while to recover, but even then, taesan is still looking at you like he hadn’t just spewed out your new sleep-deprivation material, like it’s truly something as normal as breathing for him.
“taesan.” you call out, and the way his thumb brushes your skin in response sends a jolt down your spine. “do you . . .” you pause, rethinking your wording, before deciding on a far safer option. “are we good?”
“huh?” he tilts his head, wondering if you’re making a joke. when he sees that you’re not, he answers definitively. “of course.”
you let out a shaky breath, unconsciously leaning towards him. so . . . you’re good. taesan doesn’t dislike you. that’s good enough—no, way better news than anything.
“okay.” you nod, and a strike of confidence hits you. emboldened by the newfound knowledge, you inch closer. “i’m all dressed up, but i just found out my date is an asshole. what should i do, taesan?”
“huh?” taesan looks flustered, and you revel in that information now that the smokescreen blocking your vision has disappeared. “you . . . can still go out?” his tone is hesitant and clumsy, but nothing short of endearing.
“right.” you nod. “so go out with me, taesan.”
taesan splutters. “w–what?”
“be my date instead, taesan.”
and for the first time, you know what his answer is going to be.
