An Incomplete List of Things A (Real) Small Kid Does And Says - A Reference
Iāve been reading some fics with lil kids in them recently, and itās been a bit hit-and-miss, and dialogue especially can get a bit jarring. Writing kidsā dialogue/action is REALLY hard, and sometimes a little nudge can help. :)
How to help, though? I decided to take some notes and make a little reference sheet for folks out there who donāt often get to interact with small persons, but like to write kidfic!
So, for reference - my child is 2 years and 10 months old - very bright, happy, funny, loud and super-active. Loves books, singing, words, the alphabet, numbers, dinosaurs, music, ballerinas, and puzzles. She can count to thirty, and will point out the beginning letter of any word a million times (āDOUBYOU IS FOR WHALE! Is for Whale, Mummy!ā).
Speaks in third person sometimes, āMUMMY, OH! OH! [HER NAME] FELL OVER! OW! [HER NAME] HURT MY KNEE!ā (and yes, she will mix up āmyā and āherā because fuck third person/first person rules when you are two and cute as a button and just banged your knee.)
Has never used āMe lovesā or āMe wantsā. EVER. I have never, ever, EVER heard a real living child use this āmeā instead of āIā thing, and itās ubiquitous in fic. Itās inescapable! Seriously. They get the difference between āmeā and āIā REALLY FAST. If anything, they mix up āIā and āIāmā more often.
Mixes up who sheās speaking to - a LOT. I have been called everything from āDaddyā to the catās name to the name of her daycare providerās husband.
āVegablesā (I will be sad when this one disappears!)
When she got the hang of ā-sā to mean a plural, she started saying āsickā instead of āsixā. One, two, three, four, five, sick, seven. Because an ā-sā sound on the end meant that there was more than one six, yeah? Perfectly logical!
āI doneā (I did), āI takedā (I took), āI puttedā (I put). Past tense is difficult. Ā
And mixing up which tense in a full sentence, yup, it happens. āMummy! I want going for a WALK!ā āMummy, Iām swinged on a swing!ā
āLellowā instead of āYellowā. She knows it begins with āYā - she just says āLellow!ā Probably because it is more fun to say.
When she was learning to count to twenty, she would count EVERYTHING. And also make up the names of new numbers when she couldnāt think of them. So. Much. Counting.
Related - SO. MUCH. ALPHABET. āLion is an L! Doubyou is for WATERMELON!ā
āWivā actually happens. Who knew?
I spin like a ballelina! Look mummy! Iām a beeyootiful Ballellina!
for that matter, longer words like ābeautifulā donāt get shortened. They get ELONGATED. She sounds out every vowel and dipthong, quite stretched out. āOhhh. Is so beeyootiful.ā Hearing the word āhippopotamusā is a lengthy experience.
āNoā is a favourite word. It follows words, it precedes words, it is a complete sentence in itself. Always always always. No fic I have ever read ever shows the epic, EPIC overuse of NO in a toddlerās lexicon. Also, āI donāt WANT to/itā vs āI want it!!ā
Repetition, endless ENDLESS repetition. Toddlers love repeating the last thing you say, too. So watch that language ;)
The āfweeā instead of āthreeā thing isnāt every kid, jeez. She can say āthreeā perfectly well, and has been able to for at least a year. She can say GARDENING and HEXAGON and RHINOCEROS and DINOSAUR, ferchrissakes.
Likewise, a lisp and the āfwā thing are not interchangeable to show ātoddler speakā. A kid might have one of these, but itās insanely unlikely to have BOTH.
Mixing up sentence order happens quite a lot! āItās dinner time! Mummy, the clock is on sick! Is dinner time!ā (The hand of the clock is on six - time for dinner!)
Context will often be completely ?????. She had quite a tantrum the other night because Daddy was going to give her three āstoriesā after bath. We were confused - she LOVES reading, and always gets three books after bath, before bed. She absolutely adores it. But no, she didnāt want three STORIES - she wanted three books. To us, that was the same thing, but to her she wasnāt equating āstoryā with āstorybookā.
Likewise, when I asked her to point to something she wanted, she pointed her foot and said āpoint!ā I had meant to point her fingerā¦ but she didnāt know that it was CALLED āpointingā her fingerā¦ she only knew āpointā in the context of pointing her foot!
Oh yes, vocalising/narrating everything she does. āIām patting the pussycat!ā āIām bouncing on the bed!ā āIām riding the scootah!ā (she totally says SCOOTAH) āIām eating the peeeeeeeas!ā āIām playing the tea party!ā āIām in the bath!ā āIām on the toylut!ā All. The. Time.
Incomprehensible mumbles between intelligble words every now and then. Her mouth canāt keep up, you see :) So you end up with āMUMMY, (mumbleumble) a biscuit!ā You get the general gist, but the interim of the sentence is totally lost.
āIsā begins a lot of declarations, rather than āIt Is.ā So, āIs a butterfly!ā āIs a pajamas!ā āIs a dragonfruit!ā āIs a tea party!ā
Gets finicky about food, even food she usually LOVES. They love to test things at this age! Also, bedtime manipulation tactics, to delay lights-off. Sneaky af. Her current one is to yell āhelp help!!ā the minute we turn off the light and shut her bedroom door - god knows what the neighbours think!!
Alternatively clingy as hell/independent as hell. One day you might love to have a cuddle, but she wonāt even look up at you. Ah well! The next day, you canāt pry her off you. HUH. One day, āI CAN DO [HER NAME] SHOES UP MYSELF!ā and the next: āMummyyyyyyyy, I want to putting on my dressing downā (she means dressing gown - and I have to do it for her - and I gotta put mine on too, or we donāt match and she will get the grizzles)
THE SULKS. Even the most chill, even-tempered toddler will get the sulks sometimes. Perhaps after being told, āyou shouldnāt play with [dangerous thing] because you might hurt yourselfā for instance. Thatās ok and normal - some feelings are very big for a very small person to manage! Tantrums happen too: donāt shy away from making your cute little kid a REAL cute little kid, with all the socially-inappropriate little-kid reactions, whining, sulking and screaming in public and all. It makes the cuddly little toddler-hugs even more special.
Demanding things, sometimes very rudely or imperiously, because manners are difficult to remember. They will NOT always say āpleaseā and āthank youā - you gotta prompt them to say it. (When they DO say it without prompting? *ANGELIC CHOIR*)
Ending a sentence before it is finished. For example, āMummy, I put my gumboots!ā The word āonā SHOULD be at the end, of course, but the important word to her is GUMBOOTS, because they are new and she loves them. So. Much. So the sentence ends there!
Oh yes, thereās always the mispronounced word that, no matter how many times you gently correct it, no matter how many times she repeats it properly, stubbornly remains mispronounced. Ours are currently ādressing downā, āvegeblesā āballellinaā and āairloplane.ā AND SIX. oh my god, lmao I love that one.
So, there we have it, a little assortment of things a real toddler says, complete with syntax and context. Use them wisely, and have fun writing those kid characters.
(any other parents/guardians/teachers/carers out there, feel free to add!)
