Should Be Sleeping

she/they I write poetry and reblog things and vent. I used to be a lot of things and now I'm not much of anything except anxious and exhausted.

[annieroses-rant]

decided i'm going to actually start using this as a blog and not just a dumping ground

alright tumblr let's do this one more time

hi i'm a 19 year old queer femme

I was bitten by a radioactive spider called Anxiety

and I expect this blog to help me survive the first summer after college

I love music and writing poetry and I want to start reading again consistently

happy pride!!

[annieroses-rant]

she's overthinking again but at least it's to excellent music

[ruhrohrexia]

i wont worry about it i say to myself with the always worried disorder

[af0922]

It’s chronic 😇

[annieroses-rant]

i feel fucking sick

i'm in that fucking cycle of self isolation

you know the one where you feel like shit so you don't want to talk to anyone and then you continue feeling like shit because you don't talk to anyone and then that makes you feel even more unable to talk to anyone

yeah that part

[thoughtcascades]

i am no longer available for confusing little situations

[annieroses-rant]

today on trying not to lose my shit

- trying to healthily communicate with a man(one who actually knows how to communicate quite well) is making guilt and anxiety bubble up in my chest and making my head hurt

- I don't know how to live in the present only overthink the past and the future

- I don't know how to navigate a budding relationship slowly or how to not feel like I don't have any of my shit together while this man that I really like seems to totally have his shit together

- I keep searching for problems to fixtate on and when I find them I make myself sick over them (ie my relationship w this man)

[goth-queen]

[honeydewdrops333]

what doesn’t kill you makes your nervous system more sensitive for the rest of your life

[simplyxdreaming]

[oncce-againn]

when i ask you how you're doing i always want the long version

[whatbigotspost]

Dear everyone, forever,

If you care at all about people who have anxiety, autism, OCD, CPTSD, or any other number of "ruminating," "nervous," and "catastrophizing" conditions or dispositions, you need to abandon this phrase and others like it IMMEDIATELY:

"I need to talk, give me a call."

The PROBLEM isn't the request, it's ambiguity and unnecessary room to worry. Here's a little help, for the confused and ambiguous communicating types:

❌ "We need to talk."

✅ "Can we talk? I've been thinking about what you shared last night and I'd like to tell you more about my perspective."

❌ "Have you looked at your email yet?"

✅ "Did you see the email about the flight change? We'll need to update our plans."

❌ "Please come see me sometime today."

✅ "Do you have time to swing by my office and to go over the report? I have some feedback before it gets sent out."

❌ "Give me a call when you have a sec."

✅ "Can you call me so we can talk about when to meet to plan the presentation?"

❌ "When can we talk?"

✅ "When can we catch up? I miss you!"

GUESS WHAT???? Being kind not cryptic does mean saying/typing/sending MORE words vs. less. And that's fine--just say/type/send them. Your choice to take 2 minutes instead of 15 seconds will be a HUGE weight of mental load off your anxious receiver. You may save them hours or days of ruminating/worrying/obsessing.

This is especially important if you have power over them, aka, you are a boss/teacher/parent. Especially because some of these same folks won't feel comfortable saying back to you, "about what?" they'll just go on worrying until you say more. Even if they know they shouldn't. Even if they try their best to "assume positive intent." Even if they take anti anxiety or other mental health meds to help.

INTERESTINGLY, I have also heard people who say they cannot stand it when someone does this to them DO IT TO OTHERS because they forget that it sounds cryptic as fuck and they only remember their own firsthand experience. You may know that when you texted "When can we talk?" you are happily reaching out to chit chat, but they might hear it as "something's wrong in our relationship and it's so bad I'm not going to say it until we talk" and then they are wracking their brains to figure out "what they did wrong" when the answer is literally fucking nothing.

Clarity is kindness.

Taking 2 minutes and using a few more words can truly make all the difference to someone else.

[manincaffeine]

I Just want to be Loved

Does anyone else feel so lonely? like my presence doesn't matter in anyone's life? i feel like i'm always chasing people, hoping they will love me and care about me the way i do for them. but no matter how much i try, it feels like i'm never enough.

I know everyone has their own struggles, their own problems to deal with. i understand that. but it still hurts. i try to be my most genuine self. i try to be kind and to be good. and yet, i still feel worthless.

I could hug a cactus for a lifetime if it meant feeling loved, enduring every thorn just to know what love feels like.

Sometimes, i wonder if there's something wrong with me. am i too much? or maybe not enough? i don't know. maybe i wasn't meant to fall in love, only to fail in it.

[minimalistquotes]

The disrespect at the end was louder than every good memory we ever had-and that's when I knew I was done.

[perfectfeelings]

“The thing is: If you’re cold, you hurt people. If you’re sensitive, they hurt you.”

— Unknown

[thoughtcascades]

need someone to kiss my forehead and make the heavy feeling go away

[thoughtcascades]

i’m not avoiding people i’m protecting the atmosphere

[perfectquote]

“Girls should never be afraid to be smart.”

— Emma Watson