An ode to my ex

This is a personal blog. I write my thoughts, and it rarely ends well - so bear with me, please.

[thelovejournals]

I never expected her. Sometimes people sneak up on you and suddenly you don’t know you ever lived without them.

Elle Kennedy, The Deal (via thelovejournals)

[anodetomyex]

I've been a bit quiet for a while. I've found new potential and I've moved on for good in many ways. I don't hate you anymore, but I still can't forget everything you did. Just as I would never forgive a friend if they treated me like you did.

- S.

[anodetomyex]

I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to see you without getting dizzy and having a heart that feels like it's pumping a thousand times too hard and too much. Seeing you gives me anxiety, because it reminds me of how badly I was treated and hurt.

- S.

[anodetomyex]

I fall fast and hard, most often for the wrong people. Some day I might find what I thought we had, but right now I need to practice not to crush on people out of my reach.

S.

[anodetomyex]

A first true love is hard to get past. And maybe you never will. Maybe it is supposed to stay with us so that we are reminded what we deserve.

S. 

[anodetomyex]

I'm going through this right now. Years of the toxic relationship just tearing me away. I developed high anxiety because of it. I couldn't talk to anyway because I was so scared of everyone. I managed to break it off and moved out of town just to be sure I would go back because I have in the past. I am trying hard to not feel the need to have him because I know I shouldn't want that in my life and I can do better for myself. I just really like your posts. So thank you

Thank you, I am glad you like my posts! I am sorry that you are going through this right now, and I hope you will find the path to moving on. It can be difficult, but keep faith in yourself, and remind yourself that you deserve much more than a toxic relationship. // S.

[anodetomyex]

You liked having me as your backup. And you still like the emotional torture you put me through by holding on to me, contacting me when I have finally managed to get you out of my head and my dreams.

S.

[anodetomyex]

Getting over someone by dating seems meaningless when even the idea of a date makes you more sad.

S. 

[anodetomyex]

All I do at the moment is saying goodbye. I'm not sure if I can handle one more.

- S.

[anodetomyex]

I’m with someone else now, but the trust issues you planted in my body are still breathing down my neck.

S.

[anodetomyex]

There's a time and a place for apologies and forgiveness. But the thing is, without the apology, forgiveness rarely comes.

S

[anodetomyex]

I honestly think I might be damaged for life. I have no interest in being with you ever again. But I keep comparing you to girls I meet. But that might actually be a good thing, because it could help me keep away from girls who are good at fucking up.

S.

[anodetomyex]

I still can’t help feeling angry. You betrayed me. You betrayed my trust. But foremost, you betrayed everything we ever had. I didn’t expect you to be with me. But I did expect you to have the decency of respecting what we had. Because we both know that what we had was love. It might have been toxic and destructive, but it was love. - S

[anodetomyex]

Get your shit together honey. Acting like that is just pathetic.

S.

[anodetomyex]

I'm having this feeling that this might be the end of the road. The road to move on. Why, you might ask? My friend asked me the other day, what I missed about you. And all I could come up with was.. nothing. All that I miss I can get from someone else; the cuddling, the caring, the loving and the kisses. And by that, I figure this is it. My process of moving on has finally paid off. I honestly hope you'll have a great life, but I will not be in it. Nothing changes the fact that you treated me like crap. Remember that, whenever "you are sad that we cannot be friends". Friends don't treat one another like that.

S. 

[anodetomyex]

Don’t text me. Don’t call me. Don’t tell me you’re sorry. Don’t tell me to take care. Leave me the hell alone, you ignorant fuck.

S.

[anodetomyex]

I wish I could be happy for you. 
But I can’t. The way you broke me, used me and ruined me is just weighing way too much for me to let go of my anger. I was your backup for way too long. I’m not afraid of admitting it now. I only regret not realizing this, before it was too late.

S.