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ig: resibhaskoro
Watching new yorkers online for the last 8 months
"Purity culture" does not just describe the extremes of sex negativity, it also describes the extremes of sex positivity.
The purity culture that first comes to mind for most people is the Christian obsession with virginity, wanting girls to stay virgins for as long as possible, believing that children should know nothing about their own bodies or how they came to exist. This is the obsession of preserving purity.
But what isn't talked about as much is the other end. The kink community's obsession with being as sexually deviant as possible, not because they enjoy the sex, but because they enjoy other's repulsion. It's the obsession with exposing another person to as many sexual acts as possible. It's the desire to change another person through sex. This is the obsession of taking away purity.
For both groups, their obsession is not really with the pleasure of sex itself. It's about owning a part of someone. Christian men want to own the sexuality of their wives and daughters by being the one to decide everything about their sex lives. Kink obsessed men want to own the sexuality of their partners by controlling how they learn about sex. Their form of control is finding a partner who is happy and comfortable with their sex life, and pushing them to their limits to see what they'll tolerate. It's throwing kink after kink at them to skew their idea of sexuality, to warp their idea of what normal, healthy relationships are. They desire comes from being the one to take away their partner's purity.
The idea of "purity" itself is a sexist and misogynist concept, used to romanticize the inexperience and lack of education of girls and women. Men who want "pure" women want them to be as childlike as possible, men who want to destroy a woman's "purity" want her to resemble a teenager learning about their sexuality. But these men on both sides of the spectrum share the idea that women and girls should not know about their sexuality on their own, it should be a man who tells them about it.
This is what "purity" means. A "pure" woman is one who does not know herself, and the "purity" is something for men to devour.
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Any time you say something about men being inherently predatory (man vs bear, a group of men is a threat, etc.) you are being racist. Treating men as inherently predatory is fundamentally inseparable from anti-blackness because Black men are hypermasculinized. That rhetoric affects Black men the most.
When you say you'd pick the bear over the man or a group of men is a threat, you are saying you'd pick the bear over a Black man and a group of Black men are a threat. It's not changing anything or flipping the genders. All Black men are men. If it sounds racist now, that's because it's always been racist and you didn't realize the implication.
Sure you could freely use your free speech to freely say, "A group of White men are a threat" or "I'd pick a Black man over a bear but a bear over a White man." But you and I and everyone else all know exactly how that sounds. And it's still racist because why do you always think only of White men when you're thinking about an abstract hypothetical man?
When you hear something about men being predatory, you should always think about how that affects Black men or you will inevitably say something racist.
framing black men in this way (as victims who could never hurt a woman) is an interesting choice when western black women are currently in the midst of a yearslong femicide crisis. said femicide (and rape, and abuse) is committed almost entirely by black men who, as men, are indeed dangerous. your rhetoric frames the modern issue of black femicide as inherently less important than the historical issue of black men being wrongfully accused of sex crimes. it suggests that black women should shut up about their negative experiences with men out of a kind of race fealty. itβs despicable because black women are indeed incredibly race loyal and suffer in silence from the physical, material harm inflicted on them by black men as well as the psychological warfare of being subjected to constant, intense misogynoir within the community and also outside of it. black cultures, like all cultures, are rooted in patriarchy. the logic of this post is a particularly ugly and blunt example of what afro-patriarchy looks like.
a black woman, along with any race of woman, has every right to say, βi hate all menβ because men are dangerous. you should not seek to control the speech of women when they discuss misogyny, as women are a marginalized group based on sex and subject to sex-specific violence, a universal force that keeps women at the global level under the control of men. when men stop targeting women for sex-based violence, then we can speak on the issue of whether or not saying βall men are ___β leads to racialized thinking. until then, telling women to not disparage men is simply another manifestation of silencing victims and survivors. the fact that you felt this was at all appropriate to write is the perfect demonstration of how misogyny warps thinking to minimize harm to women as mere collateral damage in the rhetoric of political activism.
Rhetoric like this is how the black power movement shamed black women who were raped and sexually abused by Black men in the movement to stay silent or they're race traitors. 30 to 60% of all black women in America are victims of sexual assault. Many Black male predators in the black power movement knowing this, used this to have a captive stock of victims who were too scared to speak because black men are seen as violent.
Lets not forget the femicide rate in the black ass Caribbean and Africa is also high and will regularly be in the top 10 highest femicide rate countries
You people do not see Black women as subjects of oppression or misogyny. Doing PR for Black men is almost more important than the rape, beatings and abuse of Black women.
You people think that everyone lives around white people and that the home is a space place for women and girls
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i think a lot about how many women in a society genuinely want patriarchy to end in ALL its forms, in their personal lives, society at large, entertainment, their sex lives (especially here lol), everywhere. the number seems far smaller than i realized because so many women have absorbed patriarchal standards to such an extent that even when challenging the system their main underlying concern is that they need to find the true masculine patriarch to act out their conditioning with. its insanity.
and they'll hide this under choice by saying oh not all women want this and thats okay. girl will you making this choice make it harder or easier for other women to be truly free? there's such a lack of future oriented thinking here. i was reminded of this but remembering the way only a small amount of feminists have fought for rights that the majority of women enjoy and also feel uncomfortable about well and truly advancing in every aspect of their lives. its so depressing. just as men have not truly changed but just went along with social changes without an actual restructuring of their moral principles to recognize the humanity of women, women by and large have done the same. i do think it'll get better for women, but we won't see it in our lifetimes and it is so, so easily reversible with any social instability or calamity and that kills me
"[...]their main underlying concern is that they need to find the true masculine patriarch to act out their conditioning with."
Yup, pretty much sums up most of mainstream (choice) feminism in a nutshell. It's too hard for most women to do the introspection and analysis to actually undo their patriarchal conditioning in the first place, due to many reasons... and to top it off they think "if me likey it means it's not patriarchy because patriarchy must feel bad at all times" and they forget that part of the conditioning is literally that they learn to validate and see themselves via patriarchal standards (so they feel good), and that's the messed up part.
Once I was naive and thought that all feminists wanted the same thing and it was straight forwards that for example, we all wanted for women to be treated with respect and not decorative sexual objects. But overtime I began to see the cracks and hypocrisy and inconsistencies in women's behavior, and not just small flukes but like full blown insane behavior which made me realize how deep the patriarchal conditioning is and that with enough convincing languages and mental gymnastics, you can convince women to enslave themselves and other women. Look how many actually supported something like b/d/s/m and "s3x w0rk", just completely vile, violent and dehumanizing acts, which will take many many years for the damage to be undone.
But now you see more women criticizing these things but ONLY after it's these ideologies have run it's course and they are starting to see some cracks in their thinking, which, good, but it's still frightening how they harassed and demonized feminists that criticized these things with their whole chests. Like women actually advocated for patriarchal dynamics with men, in their sex lives of all places, and it was all fun and games until men hating women was too much to ignore and now they aren't laughing. They're like "oh wait when men actually choke women in bed and watch p0rn and buy women to have sex with...they actually do it out of hatred for women??? It's no just them just being fun and kinky????" And then normal adjusted feminists respond with "ummmm,,,yeah wasn't it obvious that men hate you???". So now we are in this transition point and maybe they will now wake up now because most men are shit anyways.
Human beings are sheep and it's frightening.
it reminds me of modern religious women who are very uncomfortable with their religion saying they have to submit to a man but cope with 'oh we just need to find a TRULY worthy man to submit to' instead of questioning their religion. they're so deep in it that they have too much to lose, so they try to spin something degrading into something that makes them feel desirable/respected
this is inexplicably my favorite tiktok ever it brings me to tears every time why did he do thatttt
me when i fucking GET you
"I like yaoi because it's free of heterosexual dating mechanics" ppl when the larger more masculine boy takes care of and protects the smaller feminine one.
'i like yaoi because there's no misogyny and gender roles' when they see the masculine dominant top raping and abusing the feminine submissive bottom in the relationship
Kuwaiti magazine βAl-Arabiβ front cover shows Syrian teenage girls carrying rifles as they prepare to combat the Zionist entity in 1967
UNIRONICALLY NEED
Do people live in an alternate universe where J.K Rowling is a misogynist misanthrope who creates her books out of malicious intent, or are they just dense? I'm leaning towards the latter.
Isnβt it weird how the school uniforms of underaged girls in Japan have been so sexualized as to become ubiquitous and uncontroversial in many circles? Isnβt it weird how for many people on this app the sexiest thing they can imagine is a young woman or girl wearing the uniform of an elementary or middle schooler? But itβs treated as if itβs somehow different because theyβre Japanese, in line with a long history of Americans using Japan as fertile ground for consequence-free sex crimes since WWII
to be honest im really sick of the fact that fat people are supposed to suck it up when other peoples worst fear is looking like them
Hey all, while we're busy normalizing women with hairy legs, hairy armpits and bushy pubes, let's also normalize women with hairy upper lips, hairy chins, hairy side burns, hairy chests, and all the other places where women are supposedly magically hair-free.
I'd add to that list bald women, balding women, women with hormonal or genetic issues that make their hair thin and fall out - especially those with autoimmune disorders like AGA that make their hair disappear from the areas around the middle part and the top of the head. A lot of women are ashamed of it, it's rarely even talked about, even though it's a real issue that's more common than you'd think