ANONYMOUS CONFESSIONS

This is where I come when I feel the urge to vague-blog. The main purpose is to help me cope with the more negative side of RPing in ways that won't hurt the people I RP with. If you want to send me your own roleplaying-related issues, you can. I can't promise to have any good advice, but I do promise to listen with a sympathetic ear.

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

I wanna leave Tumblr because my popular bully/stalker is still active out there. The one who made our convos publish and spread lies about me how I godmodded and forceship her muse. I wish she’d leave first, but too bad she’s got a lot of followers and so popular that her followers blindly believe in her lies about me. I want to see her suffer and get her karma so bad so I can have justice and restore my reputation. I tried my best to prove I’m innocent. Too bad it’s never gonna happen soon because a lot of people would be willing to defend and support her. Gross.

[anonymousinvisibility]

OP, it honestly sounds like you need to take a step back from tumblr - maybe find other interests to focus on for awhile.

If you don't want to step back, the best sort of karma you can help make right now would be to keep doing your thing. Block the bully, block anyone who interacts with them, and keep RPing as far from them as you can get. Show them you're moving on, and that they don't matter. With bullies, that's literally the worst thing you can do to them. Bullies don't like being ignored because ignoring them takes away their power over you.

Also, I've (sort of) been in your shoes - wishing for karma against people that blew up my RP community back in the day, and at the time I sent a fair amount of confessions about it, too. If sending things to CoaR helps, then keep doing it. That's what the blog is for. Vent to your heart's content, and ignore anyone who tells you it's not okay to get everything out.

Most importantly, take care of yourself, OP. I know it may seem like things will never get back to normal, but they will. You just have to give it time.

[anonymousinvisibility]

So I have a question about blocking. Let's say you get some Anon hate, and you have a good guess who its from and you block them. Can you still respond to the Anon hate? Like will it answer publicly, or will it fail to post or delete the anon hate messages?

Thanks for your time

Hi there, anon! Sorry for the late reply on this one. I'm not really on this blog too much these days. ^_^; I just did a quick test to answer your question. So, if you get hate via an anonymous ask and you think it came from anonymousinvisibility (for example), and you block anonymousinvisibility, the anonymous hate you received will still be in your inbox and you'll still be able to reply to it publicly. I hope this answers your question, but if you need more, or need to know something else, just let me know and I'll try to test it out. :)

[anonymousinvisibility]

On Blocking in the RPC

My stance on this has varied a bit over the years.  When I first started this blog I was staunchly against blocking of any kind.  Gradually, as I opened myself up to others’ experiences I began to recognize that sometimes blocking is the best option, and sometimes it also makes more sense to do it without talking to the other person first.

For example, there’s absolutely no reason to message a stranger who’s blog/post/comment/etc. you didn’t like and tell them you disagree, so you’re blocking them.  In fact, regardless of the reason for blocking, if the person is someone you’ve never talked with or interacted with on any kind of personal level, then why on earth would you contact them before blocking?  Not only is it more trouble than it’s worth, it could potentially cause the other person undue stress, too.

Another situation where blocking without communication might happen is with someone you’ve been trying to interact with.  Maybe you’ve only talked once or twice, and you feel like they’re stonewalling you.  Maybe you’ve waited the last 6 months for a reply to a message while watching them RP with other people every day.  They’re not really a friend; there was never time for that connection to develop.  I could see blocking someone like that without talking to them first.  After all, you’ve tried talking to them and it hasn’t been working.  Even if the threat of you walking away made them suddenly more chatty, it probably wouldn’t last, and then you’d be right back where you started.

I can also fully understand blocking people who refuse to take ‘no’ for an answer.  Something has happened - you’ve had a falling out, or you’ve told them you want to drop their RPs - whatever it is, they won’t stop messaging you, or liking your posts, or doing whatever they can to keep their presence front and center on your blog.  Talking to a person like that isn’t going to do anything.  Again - you’ve tried talking before and it didn’t work.  There’s no reason to assume it will now.  So, you block without another word.

Finally, I can even understand blocking a partner without talking to them if you 100% KNOW they’re going to take it badly and get SUPER angry about it (based on previous first person accounts) and you don’t want to deal with the fallout.  Basically - you already know with certainty that talking will do more harm than good, so blocking and walking away is the only viable option.

What I can’t - and will NEVER understand - is the notion that it’s ‘okay’ to block someone who thought they were your friend without offering them a single word of explanation first.  The most common excuse I see for this behavior is usually something along the lines of, ‘Oh, well, I’m super anxious about things and blocking without telling them was just the easiest thing because of my anxiety.’  Do people not realize how shallow and selfish that sounds?  What you’re saying is ‘My emotions are more important than this other person’s, so I’m going to make them suffer so that I don’t have to.’

Doing that to someone you called a ‘friend’ tells them loud and clear, ‘I don’t care about you, and I’ve never cared about you; my comfort will always be more important than yours.”  You don’t do that to friends - to people you care about.  Not if you REALLY care about them.  From where I sit, it takes a very cold and callous person to call someone a friend, and then turn around and ghost them like that - acting like it’s ‘normal’ and you haven’t done anything wrong.  And if the person you hurt has the ‘gall’ to try and say something?  Suddenly, you act all affronted and ‘victimized.’  

When I talk about how it’s not okay to block people, these are the people I’m talking to.  These ‘OMG!  I’m the victim here!  How dare you tell people how much I hurt you!  My anxiety is WAY more important than your feelings!’ people - they’re the ones I try to keep as far away from me and my blogs as possible.  People who are willing to consistently cause emotional harm to others (and then bray about how they haven’t really hurt anyone and people just need to ‘get over it’) aren’t people I ever want in my life.  

[anonymousinvisibility]

There will always be people who have nothing better to do than bring other people down. The only way they can eke any joy out of their own existence is by trying to sink other people down to their own miserable level.  It’s not always easy to spot them at first.  They’re the kind of people where you might think, ‘Oh, maybe they’re just having a bad day.’  But over time, you’ll start to notice that they never have a kind or encouraging word for others; the only thing that comes out of them is one bit of negativity after the other.

If you want a better life experience, whether you’re online or off, cut these people out as best you can.  Don’t interact.  That’s what they want.  They want your time and your energy, and they don’t deserve it.  You are better than they’ll ever be, and they know it.  They can’t stand that, so they try to drag you down to their level.  Don’t let them.  I know it can be hard because you want to fight back against whatever drivel they’re spouting, but I promise you will ALWAYS have better things to do with your time, and better ways to expend your energy.  Don’t give them what they want.  Cut them out, and walk away.  Their fight doesn’t have to become yours. 

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

i know of a few roleplayers who use some kind of site tracker or w/e to see who views their blog, and its made me very scared for my privacy with any blog

[anonymousinvisibility]

Realistically, OP, if you’re not doing anything wrong (like sending anon hate) then you probably don’t have much to worry about.  Everyone I’ve ever known who uses one, does so because they’ve had issues with anon hate or stalkers or something along those lines.  I have it on my blogs as an extra layer of protection against toxic people from past interactions.  

Also, if it helps, the sort of free tracking that most RPers use reveals very little useful information, especially if you haven’t offered the mun in question any additional identifiable info, like your name, for example.  What I’m saying is, these trackers don’t give enough information on their own for anyone to track you down in real life.  The statistics are generally very basic and only mildly useful.

If that’s not enough to assuage your worries, you might try looking into software that offers access to a free VPN.  I personally like TunnelBear for my purposes, but there are a lot of them out there, and you’re bound to be able to find one that suits your needs.  :)

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

Lately, I’ve been using the block button liberally. From people who tend to ignore me and my character-related posts or can’t even bother to like/reblog the drabbles and artwork they requested, to people whose prose I don’t like or who I can tell would be ship/smut-crazy, from complete strangers to people I’ve been mutual with for years, I block when it’s not working. Yes, it makes me a shitty communicator, and even outright immature and maybe mean, but it’s a system that worked out for me.

It weeds out people who only want a big follower count from people who genuinely want to write with me and are even enthusiastic about my muse as I am about theirs; it weeds out writers who are only interested in shipping with major canon characters from people who are genuinely looking for developing relationships between our muses, familial, platonic, romantic, etc. It weeds out muses that seem to have gone stale from muses that I am excited to roleplay against and read about. It weeds out  "writers" who reblog memes every hour without furthering any threads from writers who want to write. It shrinks my writing pool so I don’t feel like I have to work three times as hard to get a fraction of attention for my muse, and that I’m not screaming into the void.

I’m not foolish to think that dropping partners without a word wouldn’t hurt someone, but 1) they’ll get over it. They’ll have writing partners who’ll love/tolerate their roleplaying style and may even write incredible threads with, just as I will find partners that will make me excited for writing and 2) this is rare. I am positive my presence barely registered on their dash pre-block, if at all.

People who are afraid of soft or hard blocking for even the tiniest reason: just do it. The RPC is toxic and frustrating, and you making your writing experience better for yourself by surrounding yourself with writers you care about and who care about you will not do a damn thing.

[anonymousinvisibility]

There aren’t many times when I wish I could see who wrote a confession, but this is definitely one of them.  OP - you have a mindset that I would block on every blog without thinking twice, and that’s coming from someone who typically only blocks people as a last resort.  

Also, speaking from personal experience, no, we don’t always ‘get over it.’  We spend years second guessing ourselves and wondering what we could’ve possibly done wrong.  We worry that (whatever it was) we’ll do it again, and another partner will ghost us, too.  We DWELL on it.  Not because we want to, but because our brains won’t let us do anything else.

Your way of doing things HURTS people, OP.  But apparently you think that’s okay because it’s a ‘system that works for you.’  You’re hurting people because you just can’t be bothered to have a conversation with them.  That makes you sound like a user, OP, and I seriously hope - at the VERY least - you have in your rules that you drop your partners like that.  Potential partners deserve to know that you don’t believe in communication... or in treating people like ACTUAL people.

[roleplayerconfessions]

🌴 Sorry not sorry, saying you only follow people with strong writing and who commit to stories is ableist and gross. No one keeps threads forever and some of us are esl

[anonymousinvisibility]

I guess you can feel about me however you want, OP.  /shrugs/  It’s hard to care about some internet stranger’s opinion of my writing choices.  But here’s the thing - I write on this site to have fun.  If your English/grammar is so terrible I can’t understand you well enough to write or to plot, then I’m not having fun.  I’m sorry if someone doesn’t have a good grasp of English, but that’s not my fault and it doesn’t make me (or anyone else) obligated to write with them.

The same thing goes for people who drop threads all the time and/or jump from one RP obsession to another.  I don’t have fun writing with people who do that.  I want a partner that’s in things for the long haul.  If your mental illness prevents you from writing that way, that’s fine.  You do you.  But that still doesn’t mean everyone is obligated to write with you.  That’s not how it works.

I seriously hope you don’t use lines like that to try and guilt people into writing with you, OP.  And if you do, I hope your partners have the wherewithal not to fall for it.

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

Blocking a rper should be updated to where you never see their url or anything made by them ever again and they’re not able to stalk you and make new blogs to send you hate. This needs to be done across the board on the rest of Tumblr too. Blocking needs to be this strong, too many loopholes for creeps to utilize. Yes, you are a creep if you keep tabs on those you’ve blocked or who have blocked you. Fucking stop and leave people the fuck alone.

[anonymousinvisibility]

While your ideas surrounding a new blocking system sound like a wonderful dream, OP - it won’t ever happen.  There’s absolutely no way for Tumblr (or any social media site) to pull off that level of policing.  It sucks.  I know.  And that’s PRECISELY why people do what you’re calling them names for.  They keep tabs on blogs that have caused them problems because they KNOW the blocking system can only do so much.  They do it because it makes them feel safer.  And that doesn’t make them ‘creeps;’ it makes them cautious.  I find it incredibly strange that you so CLEARLY see the inadequacies of blocking on tumblr, but you can’t see that the actions you’re ‘calling out’ are often a direct result of those same inadequacies. 

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

RE 676604381130571776 - I disagree. The original people are never going to know about it. OP isn't making money. It is OP's right to write their muse as much as the other muses are their friends. I don't think its that big of a deal, and the comparison to writing another rpers muse isn't the same imo.

Referencing this post.

~ Mod MJ ~

[anonymousinvisibility]

“The original people are never going to know” is just about the worst excuse I’ve ever heard for why someone should do something vs. not do something.  The original OP seems concerned that their choices might lead to upset people and  lost friendships if the people in question ever find out.  Both the mod and someone in the comments stated that it might, and then gave examples of how the original OP could change things so that doesn’t happen.  It’s not about copyright - it’s about maintaining friendships in a situation where the OP’s actions might upset people.

I’m also thinking, OP of this post, that you’ve probably never played a serious tabletop game where you create a character and then spend months, or even years developing them through a campaign.  You can get as attached to one of those characters just as much as a roleplayer does to one of their characters.  You can make plans to turn them into a roleplayable character.  You can take them and put them into the novel or short story you’re working on.  They are YOUR character.  NOT someone else’s.  And to take that from someone without asking permission first, is a very shady thing to do.  

‘It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission,’ is a fallacy that only serves to hurt others and help cowards avoid difficult conversations.

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

As nice as it was for you to include me in your “shout out to my faves” post on your blog, the fact that you did that over reblogging my promo (which was literally the first post after my pinned post at the time you did the shout out) and at 3 am your time. While also ignoring my messages and threads made it feel kind of back handed.

[anonymousinvisibility]

Ignoring the whole ‘shoutout vs promo’ thing (because I’ve never found either of them to be particularly useful) - I feel like maybe you’re glossing over the real issue here, OP.  If a partner is consistently ignoring your messages and your threads while continuing to do things with their other partners over a long period of time, then it’s probably time for you to walk away.  Why waste your time or your concern over someone who’s not willing to offer you the same in return?

[roleplayerconfessions]

🌴 when I block you, it’s not my responsibility to research what your other blogs are and block them too. you’re the one who has twenty separate blogs and accounts, it’s your responsibility to handle them yourself and to make sure i didn’t block you on one of them before you follow me on another. if you can’t respect a single block from a single person and a single blog because you have too much to keep track of, because you’re in blogs up to your armpits and you don’t have a good system to manage them, that’s not my problem.

[anonymousinvisibility]

While I can totally see a situation where your argument makes sense, OP, there are plenty of situations where it wouldn’t.  Yeah, if drama has gone down and you block someone you were writing with/were friends with, that’s one thing.  Obviously, the person you’ve blocked is going to know what you’ve done and should also know (I would hope) not to follow you on any of their other blogs.

However, if you’ve surreptitiously blocked them on one of their blogs, then how on earth do you expect that person to suddenly realize/know that you did it?  It’s possible they never noticed at all.  In that situation, I would honestly argue that, yes, it IS your responsibility to figure out which blogs are theirs and block them.  You’re the one not wanting interactions with this person.  If they truly have no idea you blocked them, then I can’t really see it as their fault for not noticing you blocked them and following you on another of their blogs.

[roleplayerconfessions]

🌴 Welp, so I learned that one of the vent blogs I followed for literal years - yes, a vent blog, which invites people to make submissions they believe are completely anonymous - was using a freehostedscript tracker to identify visitors and the pages they’re on, which links them to the asks they send. This is why I look at the source code before I follow “community” blogs now. Too much bullshit, and not enough transparency. People deserve to know what they’re getting into, and not be lied to. Ordinary roleplayers? Sure, do what it takes to make sure people don’t stalk or harass you. But if you’re running a freaking community blog that promises anonymity, don’t contradict yourself and not actually promise that anonymity. The moment you do, you lose all impartiality, and your followers are subject to abuse of knowledge they thought wasn’t even available in the first place. It’s incredibly slimy.

[anonymousinvisibility]

You have a lot more trust than I do, OP.  I don’t think I’d ever trust a vent blog enough to send anything to them off-anon.  And if you’re sending things on anon... then I guess I don’t understand what the big deal is?  It’s not likely they’ll be able to link your blog to anonymous messages you’ve sent them.  Unless it’s on the off-chance that they recognize your IP/location from one of their private blogs.  

And what’s with the implication that community blogs don’t get stalked and/or harassed, too?  Just because they don’t publicize their issues, it doesn’t mean they don’t have the right to try and protect themselves (and the rest of their followers) from a serial harasser.  And if they’re not actively publishing your IP information to others, then how is that a betrayal of trust?  How is it any different than if you were to send them a vent off anon, which they then publish anonymously?  Unless, of course, you’re trying to block evade by using a different blog.  Or trying to convince the mod/s that a bunch of anonymous messages are coming from multiple people, when the truth is they’re just coming from one.  And in both of those scenarios, having a tracker sounds ideal, tbh.

I mean - be angry about whatever you want, OP.  That’s your right.  But I personally don’t see the issue here.  (Especially when free VPNs exist.)

[rpersanonymous]

Mod Note:  This was sent with a name attached, but since it’s a response instead of an actual submission, the mods decided that it would be a good idea to differentiate it from other posts.  So, we decided to ‘submit’ it to ourselves in order to make the replier anonymous.

Response begins below:

I’m the one who wrote post # 649755117797687296, and just wanted a chance to reply to the people who commented.

I was pretty specific about how I wasn’t speaking for EVERY asexual out there. “I know I’m only one ace in a sea of asexuals” were my exact words. I said that right at the beginning. I also reiterated in the final paragraph - “asexual is a vast spectrum.“  At no point did I ever even TRY to indicate I was speaking for the collective ‘every ace’ and thought I’d done a good job of clarifying that.

You yourself admit that sex-repulsed is a thing, and then brush it off like my experience isn’t ‘the norm’ so it doesn’t matter/doesn’t count. My feelings and experiences DO matter, and they DO count - whether they’re the ‘norm’ for ace individuals or not.

While your feelings and experiences are different than mine, I refuse to believe I’m the ONLY asexual person out there who might feel the same way I do. I’m not ever going to be following (or feeling safe/comfortable) on blogs where 75% of their content is smut and sex, regardless of how ace-supportive the mun is.

For me, this person’s offer of a 'safe space’ comes with caveats I’m not prepared to overlook, and the least they could’ve done is said something in their tags. 'Fully support, but blog is NSFW.  Be aware.’ Anything would’ve been better than nothing.

Also, to the person telling me to 'check my definitions’ - you’ll have to be a little more specific. My definition of asexual?

Asexual: 'not involving sexual activity, feelings, or associations; nonsexual.’

My definition of a safe space?

Safe Space: 'a place or environment in which a person or category of people can feel confident that they will not be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other emotional or physical harm.’

Or are we talking about some other definition entirely?

Both of the above definitions are inline with who I am and what I’m feeling about the situation. I am an asexual person who is uninterested in sexual activity, feelings, or associations. This person’s blog is chock-full of sexual associations which cause me emotional discomfort (aka harm), and therefore is NOT a safe space for me. All I was really asking/suggesting in my post is to take things like that into consideration before blindly reblogging ‘This blog is a safe space for all ace people.’ (That’s not a direct quote, but close enough.)

It’s really not that hard to do, and I’m kind of confused over why not one, but two people decided they needed to invalidate how I was feeling about the situation.  Why am I getting push back for asking someone to be empathetic (or at least considerate) to EVERY ace’s situation rather than just a section of the ace population?  Is that really asking too much?

[anonymousinvisibility]

Hey, OP - While the Oxford Dictionary is a strong choice for many definitions, you probably shouldn’t have used it in this case... especially not in its adjective form.  There are so many nuances to the term these days - as this argument that’s arisen is now (probably) revealing to you.

That said, I still understand what you’re saying here - and what you had to say in your other post.  It’s easy to get upset when you identify with a particular group of people and then someone unintentionally excludes you from it in a way that feels damaging.  It’s understandable to want to vent that frustration.

I think you did good to start off in your first post by saying you weren’t trying to speak for everyone.  You can’t be blamed for anyone who missed, or skimmed over, or chose to ignore that part of either of your posts.

I have a real-life friend who’s sex-repulsed and it’s a constant struggle for them in a lot of ways.  Being exposed to certain kinds of sexual situations can actually make them physically nauseous.  Anyway, you probably know this already, but don’t ever let people try to invalidate how you feel.  Being sex-repulsed isn’t something you need to be ashamed of, and it definitely doesn’t make you any less of an asexual than anyone else.

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

“My muse would never lie to your muse.” She just did. Just told a bold faced lie. “But she didn’t!” So, what you’re saying is, what she JUST told my muse doesn’t blatantly contradict what actually happened? In OUR thread? THAT I PERSONALLY WITNESSED? “I guess it does… But she never lies to your muse! Your muse shouldn’t think that she does!” She JUST DID KIDDO. “No she didn’t!”

[anonymousinvisibility]

From an outside perspective, this sounds like a case of a mun forgetting something from earlier in the RP and getting it wrong in their reply.  The OP then replied IC instead of messaging them to figure out what was up and the other mun reacted badly because of it.  If that’s the case, would it really be so hard just to retcon the mistake and move forward instead of arguing about it?  And if that’s not the case, it might be time for you to tell this partner you’re no longer interested, OP.

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

I don’t want to hear any more about your new fandom. You fucking dropped me for it and there is only so cool about it I can be. I thought it was bad just being dumped for new things, but this is worse. Why would you think it was ok to still be going on endlessly about this after months when it’s what ruined everything? WHY? I’m not excited about it. I’m not excited about any of it. If you’re actually my friend you’ll shut up about it even a little.

[anonymousinvisibility]

MOOD.  And yet, my guess, OP, is that your friend has absolutely no clue how you feel about ‘being dumped.’  A real friend wouldn’t keep talking to you about something that they knew was upsetting you.  If you want to save the friendship - if you think it CAN be saved - then talk to them about how you’re feeling. Otherwise, it might be time for you to quietly move on.

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

people like to complain that muns have “favorites”. They don’t. They react to people who show engagement. They respond to people who send asks. They respond to people who give them interesting things to work with in roleplays. Maybe they don’t treat people equally, because not all people can be equally interesting and fun. Not all writing is equally good. And someone accused me of favoritism. I didn’t point out to them that they repeatedly broke my rules. I shouldn’t have to

[anonymousinvisibility]

See, but therein lies the problem, OP.  If I want to write with someone, I want to write.  I shouldn’t have to ‘put on a show’ for EVERY partner I’ve got in order to get a reply out of them.  I can tell from all the likes on this post that I’m definitely in the minority on this, but man do I dislike partners who make me feel like I have to be on my blog catering to them 24/7 just in order to get a reply now and then.  It feels like a shitty, manipulative thing to do to someone - agree to an RP and then ignore them in favor of the people who send you asks and messages every day.  And if that’s how you’re going to treat your partners, at least have it in your rules so that people like me know to give you a pass.

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

Honestly, I find things like statcounter creepy and controling af. I once checked a blog out for a bit, going through their wishlist, muses etc. pondering if I should message the mun if they wanted to start something but I was very shy. They popped up out of nothing like I CAN SEE YOU ON MY BLOG SO YOU BETTER SEND SOMETHING IN OR GET TF OFF MY BLOG U FUCKING CREEP!! And I’m like… wtf just happened? I see so many vague posts about people using statcounter, it really creeps me out.

[anonymousinvisibility]

OP, it sounds to me like it’s not Statcounter that’s creepy and controlling, but the mun behind the blog.  Personally, I use it on all my blogs and will NEVER get rid of it.  It’s not fool proof, of course. But it’s better than nothing.  As someone else in the comments said, I hope you’re never in a situation where you find yourself needing to use it.  However, you should consider that there are plenty of people who HAVE been there and use it responsibly in order to protect themselves.  Judge them if you want, but you might be missing out on good partners that way.