I'm a circus of fucked

A blog about me and mostly about my relationships with my mom but also my struggles with mental illness and life. I can't post a lot on my main blog. My mom knows the url and I can't risk her occasionally looking. Permanent tw for self harm and/or abusive subject matters as well as mental illness. Also, please check the Me and My Momlink tag if you want to help me understand my situation or want to read and relate to my relationship to my mom. Feedback is GREATLY appreciated.

[reverie-system-deactivated20230]

“You’re so good at handling angry customers!”

Thanks it’s a survival mechanism because I have to diffuse any anger as soon as possible or I feel like I’m going to die

[deceptivelips]

ᴰᵉᶜᵉᵖᵗᶦᵛᵉ ᴸᶦᵖˢ

[anorganizedmessup]

Abused kid culture is telling people about stuff and their horrified reaction telling you that these things are actually not normal or ok

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

Ahem... Narcissists...coughcough...

We had these lovely, expensive family photos throughout the house where we looked like a normal, happy, loving family. Anything but true. Especially the photography sessions which would involve my mom making sure they were as unpleasant as possible. Now my mom is not a super smart lady in general, but like any narcissist she was genius level at one thing...the art of manipulating others' perception of her. She deeply understood how important it is to create an acceptable illusion. That's all any outsider has ever seen.

[quantumnecromancer]

*chokes on his tea because of how relatable this is*

[the-witch-named-mavis]

*spits out my lemonade* unholy shit

[trice2599]

Half the time someone would start crying and then get in trouble for ruining it.

[satansthirdniple]

....s..a..m..e.. t..h..o..

[anorganizedmessup]

Yoooo this is common? Like my mom would ruin every picture, especially before big events. She’d find something to get mad about and I’d become miserable. Then she’d yell at me because my smile wasn’t ‘real’. Yeah, no fuck, you’re making me miserable. I can still pick out which pictures she ruined for me.

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

What do you need to hear right now?

Tell me what you need to hear, I'll say it to you!

[anorganizedmessup]

That it's ok to have sexual feelings and have consensual, adult sex. I'm not a bad person and sex is ok for me. I do not need to feel ashamed.

[itallstartedwithakiss]

[anorganizedmessup]

My ex Victor

[anorganizedmessup]

I keep having really horrific nightmares about my mother. If that's not a sign then I don't know what is

[anorganizedmessup]

My first love was abusive and my second couldn't fall in love with me. So please explain what about me is impossible to fall for and truly love

[anorganizedmessup]

Man I love feeling like a worthless piece of shit

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

Connect!

Connect with fellow survivors! Reply to this so other survivors can follow you from the notes. Reblog if you want me to boost you so other survivors can follow. Let’s get connected!

[atiskamatis]

Reblogging so that y’all who are following me can drop by any time to talk with me.So we can help each other through these trying times.

Gonna do this with my other blogs too.

[rxwen]

hi! i have been no contact with my mother for nearly 4 years. it gets better!! there is light at the end of the tunnel for most if not all of us. 💕

open invitation to all to follow and message me if they need someone to talk to. i’m bad at advice, but i will surely listen!

[hellviper]

Hello. I’m not exactly sure if I could call myself a Survivor because I’m still in this toxic situation but it’s looking like I might slowly work my way out of it. I’m not too good at advice either, but I am happy to be there if you want someone to talk to.

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

Good point. You are a survivor because you’re still alive, surviving the abuse. You’re a survivor if you are surviving or have survived abuse.

[satansthirdniple]

I’m still in the toxic house but I’m here if anyone ever wants to talk or vent

[retro-simon]

Got rid of some nasty friends a few months ago. I don’t think I can offer much, but my ask box is always open whoever you wanna chat or need to vent!

[rosesnbliss]

my mom’s been absent from my life for 11 years, and while she was here she was physically and emotionally abusive and right now she’s trying to get back in my life after 11 years of silence because my dad recently passed. idk if that means i’m a “survivor” or something but please chat me if you feel like you need someone to cry to and vent i’m here. i am ALWAYS here for you.

KIK: @rosesnbliss

[skepticintraining-deactivated20]

Hello….

I’m still having a hard time processing if what In going through is really abuse…if I can truly call myself a survivor…

But, if you like Assassin’s creed, Hamilton, or just want to talk about anything, I’m always here for anyone.

[robotbabylon-deactivated2019061]

My mother died 4yrs ago and my step dad almost a year ago. They both abused me my entire life. Dealing with struggling to know i’m safe from them now that they are dead.. My bio dad is still alive but I am no contact with him as he is also abusive.

[sip-the-smooth-air]

I’d suggest following my main blog for things other than vents though

[i-was-abused]

I reblog things that resonate with me and help me process my experiences. Sometimes I write about my childhood, too. I try to be as honest as possible and try to be as positive as possible (without being too nauseating about the whole thing).

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

I just want to say, it’s okay to not be positive when talking about abuse, even if it makes other people uncomfortable. There’s nothing positive about abuse or the experiences we go through when we’re being abused so if you’re not positive when you’re talking about it, that’s just accurate. I think the most important thing is to just let yourself be real about it. And try to find a space where you can be real about it without people foisting their uncomfortableness on you. I know the regular population doesn’t respond well when we’re real about our abusive experiences, and that’s exactly why I created my bog. It’s a safe space where you can just be real about it. And that’s why I created this connect post, so you can find other people who understand and you can just be real about it and not have to censor yourself. 💙

[songsfromtheveil-deactivated202]

I’m a survivor of parental neglect/abuse as well as abuse at the hands of a partner. Cut off contact with my mother about 7 years ago and my father just a few months ago. Like someone else said earlier, I’m not good at the whole advice thing but my asks are always open for anyone that wants to vent/talk!

[jadevibes777]

Survivor of parental psychological and physical abuse here. Trying to stop letting abusive friends and relationships come into my life. I’ve gotten a little better but there is still work to do. Always available to talk as well.

[jinxkatkazama]

Still surviving a narcissistic mother, being a scapegoat fucking sucks but I’m here if anyone needs to talk

[soren-poet-blog]

im still trying to process this situation but feel free to drop into me at anytime

[undeadyetdying]

2 seconds to writw this, feel free to message tho

[anorganizedmessup]

I'm a survivor! This blog is about my experience, my advice, and a way for others to help validate me and feel validated by my experiences and know they are not alone. I'm also a system (I have DID.) and my main blog is knickerdoodles if you want a more carefree survivor blog <3

[anorganizedmessup]

I’ve started cutting again, my relationship is officially ending sooner than either of us intended, I’m depressed and anxious all the time now, and like....idk why life gotta be like this, what’s the point

[anorganizedmessup]

Is it really even a break up if he never loved you romantically?

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

Please share with us if you will, how do this blog and other blogs about abuse help you?

[anorganizedmessup]

It helps me and others see we are not alone. For me I feel like I have a safe place to go to for advice and a fellow soul who could understand my pain. It also is a great source of validation when I see posts about how my abuse was not my fault.

[milknjuice-deactivated20190908]

if you don’t mind i’d like to discuss cold stone creamery with you

[greenmossloveisreal1998iloveyou]

tell me what’s on your mind but be quick i have a meeting in five

[milknjuice-deactivated20190908]

i’ll keep it short. it would be fantastic if they served a vanilla flavor, don’t you think?

[greenmossloveisreal1998iloveyou]

I think I’m going to rip your fucking arms out of their sockets like a crazy gorilla or chimp. Get out of my office before I lose my composure and go bananas.

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

Abusive parents condition us to have a negative narrative of ourselves. As an adult, part of healing is to combat that narrative. This is a good way to start! Finish these sentences…

Reblog your answers if you want me to share them. 🙂

1) I’m good at never giving up.

2) People like me because I’m fun.

3) I contribute meaningfully by trying to help others as much as I can.

[annikawhen-deactivated20200806]

i’m good at writing poetry sometimes

people like me because i’m enthusiastic and talk about interesting things

i contribute meaningfully by trying to help my sister and volunteering sometimes

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

Wow my mom wanted me to keep her abuse a secret so bad. So I started a public online blog and haven’t stopped telling her abuse secrets since. Lol.

[anorganizedmessup]

This is a HUGE part of why I created this blog. And even in real life, I can't stop talking. The minute I finally opened my mouth to someone it just all came out and won't stop. I run circles practically trying to talk for the years I didn't and also because my mom trained me to question everything in relation to her. With blogs like this we find platforms to relate to each other and show ourselves that we aren't alone.

[openblogtomyabusivemother]

When you’re in the abusive situation, abusive parents are your worst enemy, but when you get out, you become your own worst enemy because you carry their voices inside you and unlike with other people, you can’t just walk away from yourself.

Is you ask me, the hardest part of child abuse recovery is retraining that voice to love you instead of hate you.

[overlord-surgeus]

Gosh this is… accurate

[gold-from-straw]

I’m in the process of doing this and holy SHIT is it hard. Like, I panic any time someone is mildly displeased with me and instead of thinking ‘god, what an idiot, getting stressed over such a small thing’ I have to remember that there was once a small child who just wanted to be GOOD and by extension loved, and I don’t want to be another person who calls that child stupid