Antifa Head Office

ANTIFA stands for Activism, Networking, Training, International outreach, Finance and Accounts payable.  

[antifainternational]

Wow, big if true! (Note: it's not true 🤫 )

[antifaheadoffice]

Did you miss our press release?

[marinetti-dinner-party]

tys ladies

[hellsite-yano]

Antifa sluts DM me immediately

[scottandhiskind]

[rotationalsymmetry]

Ok I know that this is not to be taken seriously, I just can’t get over how the fuck you’d have the psychoactive drugs right up against a mucus membrane like that, that somehow affects your sexual partner(s) more than you, and also where are you getting the privacy to fuck and also why are you not using condoms are you out of your mind.

Also, why would that be more effective than just offering people free drugs?

[antifaheadoffice]

You put the drugs in a cervical cap.

Some psychoactive drugs take 60-90 minutes to get started so if you fuck the capitol rioters in private (like in a car or something) just before Trump’s speech, you’ve got them all drugged up and ready to go in time.

[antifainternational]

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT:

We’re very excited to announce the launch of the world’s very first antifa NFT! We’re blockchaining the next-level blue-chip collection of pre-mint generative Antifa Trash Panda PFP non-fungible tokens. Details, pricing, & whitelisting: bit.ly/antifanft

[kropotkindersurprise]

Getting in on the ground floor! To the moon! WAGMI!

[free-and-to-none-accountable]

Documents Reveal Cops Chasing Absurd Antifa and BLM Tips

George Floyd’s killer cop is guilty, but we’re still learning about just how weird police got when protests exploded in his name.

The following month, another alleged antifa threat, even wilder than the others, found its way to the Skagit County Sheriff, documents show. In this case, it involved two overturned port-a-potties in a gravel pit near a boat launch in Concrete, Washington.

One of the port-a-potties had been spray painted with the acronym “ACAB,” short for “all cops are bastards.” The other was tagged with an A in a circle, an anarchist symbol. But where some observers might have seen common vandalism symbols, the tipster who photographed the port-a-potties saw something more ominous—maybe even part of a plot to blow up a dam.

“Looks like Antifa has been up to Lake Shannon,” the tipster wrote in an email that was forwarded to the Skagit County Sheriff. “That’s incredibly worrisome. The anarchy symbol, ‘ACAB’ (all cops are bastards)… that’s an Antifa signature. Too close to town, for sure… but really worrisome when you consider Antifa is now using explosives in cities, organizing with firearms, and… by being at the lake, they were right next to the dam. Just sayin’. Can'tbe [sic] too careful, you know? Not in these times.”

A sergeant ordered the area to be monitored, claiming that anti-fascists might have previously used the gravel pit as a “training area.”

“Please be aware that there have been some antifa type graffiti at the Lake Shannon boat launch and surrounding area,” the sergeant wrote. “Please monitor the area and be careful. A few years ago we had information that some of them were using the pit for training purposes.”

When reached for comment, a Skagit County Sheriff spokesperson told The Daily Beast the department did not have any information about incidents at the gravel pit.

[therealsmokingleather]

🙄

[free-and-to-none-accountable]

You’re laughing.  The police have found out about our top-secret supersoldier training area next to the turlets at the Lake Shannon gravel pit and you’re laughing.

[antifaheadoffice]

I heard from Trump's extremely trustworthy trial lawyers that the January 6 riots were actually a covert Antifa op to delegitimize the GOP. Very disappointed that my newsletter failed to give me advance notice of this event so I could participate. What am I even paying my dues for at this point?

I’m afraid you have been misinformed. If the January 6 Riots had been an official Antifa Operation we would have done a much better job trashing the place and burning that whole building to the ground. Plus, we dress better. The footage kind of says it all. So don’t worry, we’ll let you know once we plan our next riot. 

[antifainternational]

The Jewish Space Laser Agency responds: We didn’t start the fire

Marjorie Taylor Greene was wrong. The laser is only used to light Chanukah candles.

[antifaheadoffice]

Here at Antifa Head Office we maintain good relations with the Office of the Jewish Space Laser Agency (and only rarely ask them to light up a cop car or two), so it’s distressing to see them come under fire like this. Hang in there OJSLA! You’re doing good work!

[antifaheadoffice]

Statement by the Supreme Board of Antifa North-America

The Supreme Board of Antifa North-America (www(dot)ana(dot)us) has released a public statement as follows:

Accusations that Antifa N-A was involved in yesterday's attack on the Capitol in Washington D.C. are entirely unfounded. It is impossible for these accusations to be true for the following reasons:

Our Board did not issue such an order and since Antifa soldiers are all known to obey us 100%, spontaneous actions by individual Antifa's are impossible. Our organization is strictly hierarchic and not anarchistic or free in any way.

The accusations that Antifa was offered money and other remunerations by the mayor of Washington D.C. to pose as Trump-supporters are unfounded too. No government body in the world can afford our rates.

If Antifa would have stormed a government building it would have been the White House, to take the fascist Donald J. Trump prisoner and trial him in front of a People's Tribunal run by Antifa.

[kropotkindersurprise]

Finally received the Antifa membership cards for my crew from the official Antifa headquarters! No more waiting for riot checks to clear for us!

[antifaheadoffice]

Look, it’s bad enough that people are talking about ‘subpoena antifa’ but this is going too far. Antifa is a highly professional centralized organization that provides an extremely valuable public service and we need your tax dollars to do it.

Do you think Antifa protestors just show up unpaid because they think it’s the right thing to do? Do you think they sacrifice their weekend for it? Do you think they hitchhike there? Do you think they sleep on their friends’ sofa? That’s hardly realistic. We need consistent and reliable government funding for plane tickets, hotels and protesting fees in order to keep things running.

Please, everybody, call your senator today and tell them not to defund Antifa. 

[antifaheadoffice]

Look, we don’t even get that much money:

Perfectly reasonable.

[ygmtwr-atrus]

Okay but let’s actually stop abbreviating it to “Antifa” because that’s part of how the propagandist are keeping people from examining what they’re really talking about.

Call it ANTI-FASCIST every time.

The conversation will change I promise.

Most people hear the word antifa and don’t even register what it means and that’s a problem.

They just register it as something unfamiliar and vaguely threatening seeming.

Half the seemingly well intentioned early adoption of the abbreviation probably even started out as incredibly effective and insidious anti-anti-fascist propaganda and we fell for it.

[antifaheadoffice]

Antifa is our brand. We trademarked it as our legal property.

So of course we’re not very happy with feedback like this, but unfortunately some of it does check out. Have a look at this:

The first wave of people using the word ANTIFA took place in the 1940s. Which we have been told is a time when a lot of anti-anti-fascist propaganda was taking place. Coincidence? We think not.

So maybe we should drop the word Antifa. It only has 75 years of history anyway, not that much, and how relevant can that history really be? Isn’t brand clarity more important that that? What do you think? Time for a rebrand?

Send us your feedback and don’t forget to Vote Antifa or Vote Antifascism

[antifaheadoffice]

[antifaheadoffice]

barmecideblu replied:

If you just whisper "marx" to the poll worker they take you to a secret third room where you can cast 10 votes per person to dismantle the government

OMG

BEST LIFE HACK

[antifainternational]

GREEN LIGHT!  GREEN LIGHT!

[antifaheadoffice]

Where is your headquarters located

We have local branch offices everywhere and official Antifa Courts in every anarchist jurisdiction, but our US head office is at 161 Never Again Street, NYC and looks like this:

[antifaheadoffice]

[threedaysgross]

okay im sorry but by all means this is propaganda. THIS will reelect trump. i hope this is a joke but it doesnt seem like it is

[antifaheadoffice]

You’re correct. This is absolutely serious. We want you to vote for ANTIFA. We think we can run the country a lot better and with your help, we can give it a try. We know we started our election campaign late but we’re serious about this commitment. Register at an ANTIFA office now to become a campaigner.

Vote ANTIFA.

[antifaheadoffice]

[uh--huh--yeah--sure]

Just in case someone doesn’t understand, don’t take this seriously. This is either a joke or something someone made to deter liberal voters.

[antifaheadoffice]

Actually, this is very serious.

You have to vote for ANTIFA. It’s the right thing to do and also mandatory for all registered ANTIFA members.

Frankly, we’re shocked that someone would suggest that voting is a joke.

[antifaheadoffice]

Good to see you admit you use violence to push a political belief, which is by definition a terrorists. Google said it not me

Not sitting down passively and letting things we can not tolerate wash over us is a trait we share with most revolutions, most historic figures who got a statue or a street named after them, and unfortunately also all governments (we’re working on that last bit. Meet us at the usual place at 7. Don’t bring a phone).

But hey, very few of those do the proper paperwork like we do. Why don’t you write ever us about THAT? It’s by definition accounting, according to DuckDuckGo.

Sincerely, Antifa Head Office, a terrorists

[antifaheadoffice]

[antifaheadoffice]

This is serious stuff people. If someone doesn’t carry their official Antifa branch issued Antifa Card do NOT trust them. Every good antifascist has to have their Antifa Card on themselves at all time and show it to any comrade to prove that they’re the real deal. This is how we keep each other safe. Carry your card. Check your comrades. Trust no one that isn’t official Antifa.