ANTONIOLOGY

Gemini/ 17/ Filipino Spoken-word Artist/ Visual Artist/ Soulful/

[antoniology-blog1]

I’m so tired of being myself.

For a day I want to experience being somebody else. Somebody else that is obviously way better, way cooler than me. Still, that somebody else doesn’t want  to be himself either. We don’t want to be ourselves, aren’t we? Even the kings doesn’t want to be kings. Nobody asked for this. No one.

[antoniology-blog1]

Maybe you feel lonely

because you reply within 5 seconds to all the people who replies

after an hour or two

using only

a word or two.

[prospects]

[antoniology-blog1]

Meh

[antoniology-blog1]

This is how insecure I am.

1. I am secretly sorry for myself for not having rich parents.

2. I am secretly sorry for myself for having an internet connection and several social media accounts.

3. The thought of being replaced by somebody who looks (or actually is) western (Caucasian or European, I guess) or more Asian than me (Y'know, koreans) makes me want to melt into oblivion.

4. I may be tall but I have already accepted the fact that I would be facing a life-long struggle of growing up.

5. You'll rarely find me sad.

Prolly because I'm hiding.

6. If you've seen my sad side, believe me, you're important.

7. I'd probably die besides my poetry and sense of humor. Death would say "C'mon, you're the punchline I'm proud to get". We'd laugh at each other because of the pun Death said.

8. I'm sacred of people who doesn't know how to laugh.

9. I'm also scared of people who laughs to much.

10. I want my last breath to be a breath from laughter.

Probably because I think: Life is a joke.

[antoniology-blog1]

Patalastas

Nakapagitan ka sa mga istorya

ng mga nagtutunggaliang pamilya

at pakikipagpatintero sa tadhana

ng 'sang pares ng binata't dalaga.

(Pakikipagpatintero namin)

Nakikita kitang nagpapaanyaya:

Nakangiti at makinâng ang ngipin

Sunod sa uso't elegante ang suot

At ang buhay ay parang pinandidirian

ng anumang uri o specie ng lungkot.

Nakakapanghalina

na makisangot—

sa anumang inalalakô sa'king mata

maaaring ang buhay ay mas maluwag

at mas gaganda sa iyo.

Sa mga maikli ngunit makukulay mong mga pangako.

Sabay maalalang wala palang pambili.

Sabay masasabing meron na 'ko niyan

Hindi pala kita kailangan

Walang epekto ang iyong DTI permit

hindi matutuksong sumali sa promo

maaalalang wala naman akong sakit

at hindi ka kailanman magagamit

bilang pamalit sa mga gamot.

If symptoms persist—

ang dalaga ay kumaripas ng takbo

sabay hawak sa kamay ng binata

(sa kamay ko)

welcome back to the show.

[antoniology-blog1]

Wala Lang #1

Minsan nasa kawalan ako. Minsan ako ang kawalan.

Kadalasan, hindi naman ako kawalan.

Nawawalan ako nang hindi naman nagkakaroon.

Bale meron akong wala. 

[tackled]

[antoniology-blog1]

If You’re Afraid

Email me your 3 am imaginary tragedies. You will be sent a package containing hugs and kisses and occasional “I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to. No” Whisper me your fears and let it be deafened by the voiceless shouts that my hand holding you could bring.

I will build you a wall made up of prayers. Ceiling with a crystal chandelier lit by bulbs made of hope and smiles. A reinforced glass door only sensitive and will open to your touch. Floors cozier than home. This room is my heart. This room I’ll let you take part of when the outside world seem so dim and mean.

This is what it means to love you. This means myself, willing to be your refuge. Rest here, love. Be steady.

[antoniology-blog1]

Anez, Tiis S’ya

Natutuhan ko nang patigasin ang damdamin na parang titi ko lang ang nilalaro-laro  ipapasyal-pasyal sa mga pantasya, hihimasin nang may pagmamahal sa sarili, may paninindigang matikas; ang tulad ko’y dapat ding masarapan. May karapatan na umiwas sa sakit. Maghimutok, ilabas ang inipon na samu’t saring sama ng loob nang walang nakakakita. Noong isang araw sa kubeta, ngayong gabi nama’y habang mag-isang nakahiga sa kama.

Natutuhan ko nang patigasin ang damdamin na parang titi ko lang ang nilalaro-laro pataas at pababa, paloob at palabas na paghinga, paghikbi, pagsinga pagtapos tumigas ng damdamin mamumugto na ang mata. Mapapapikit, ‘di sa sarap marahil sa bigat; sakit o baka napunta na sa rurok ng pagkamanhid para makatulog  at mag-orgasmo ng panaginip na mabilis ding naglalaho.

—Antonio Panagu

“Ang tigas ng ari'y lagi’t laging mapapalitan ng lambot ng dila.” —Mabanglo, Ruth Elynia S.

[gosh]

[alanwilsonwatts]

“And the principle is that any time you voluntarily let up control (in other words, cease to cling to yourself) you have an access of power. Because you [aren’t] wasting energy all the time in self defence—trying to manage things, trying to force things to conform to your will…

…the moment you stop doing that, that wasted energy is available. And, therefore, you are, in that sense, one with the divine principle; you have the energy.

When you are trying, however, to act as if you were God, that is to say you don’t trust anybody and you’re the dictator and you have to keep everybody in line, you lose the divine energy. Because what you’re doing is simply defending yourself.

So, then, the principle is the more you give it away, the more it comes back.”

— Alan Watts

[antoniology-blog1]

Your fears

would be overcomed

through my love.

[antoniology-blog1]

Cow Talk

I cannot be your Burger King.

I am not as beefy like the models

and stars you see on TV.

But certainly, you can be

my Dairy Queen.

But not because of money or milk

you give, or the tits 'coz definitely

you're not a cow or we're gonna

get the feminists pissed.

Girl, it's prohibited to compare a cow unto you, especially in Hindu

but I'll do it anyways but without intruding any race.

Because girl, like how indians view cows, I find you sacred.

It doesn't matter if you're covered or naked.

Just like in Hindu, It'll be a privilege to be reincarnated as you.

If that happens, then good karma.

Whenever some bastard calls you a cow, tell him you make the best shawarma

he will never taste.

So stop putting so much waste

of time towards those. . . pigs.

I cannot be your Burger King

'cause you already got the beef.

---

Antonio Panagu|2018

[antoniology-blog1]

Draw aliens conjured from the shape of a dick. That's what I want to do dying.

[antoniology-blog1]

SIRKULO NG APIR

Dalawang kamay

nagkasundong magdikit

pansamantala.

Nagtalikuran

sandala'y isa't isa;

sumusuporta.

Nagkatagilid

waring nagbubulungan

kung nakadidinig lang.

Naghugis suntok

sa bulong na narinig

ay naghimutok.

Dalawang kamay

ay muling magdidikit

sa paghinahon.

Appear, dissapear

one-half, then one-fourth

ad infinitum.

---

Antonio Panagu

2018

[tackled]

[antoniology-blog1]

Oh yes.