Why Are We Still Here?

I post random stuff. None of it will make sense, and you're better off leaving right now. Pronouns: change at seemingly random intervals. call me whatever the fuck you want, I don't care. want to call me a hibiscus plant? whatever. call me whatever you feel calling me, pronouns-wise. Name-wise, my name is Xander/Xandra. other information includes: Sanders Sides obsessed Hyperfixates on everything and nothing all at once Possibly ADHD Gay alert! Gay alert! Gay alert! Pplyamorous Currently single :( Very unready to mingle Genderfluid; I am water; my pronouns are drink and me (jk, but seriously TAKE A FUCKING DRINK! HYDRATE YOURSELF, OR I WILL COME OVER THERE AND SHOVE THAT WATER BOTTLE DOWN YOUR THROAT UNTIL YOU CHOKE ON IT) Do I make sense? no. do I make cents? also no. what's it to you? I post random shit I am depressed Undiagnosed anxiety disorder since I was nine Have a good day! BYYYYYYYYYYYYYYE!

[wootwona]

since the old version of this post was flagged for 'adult content'...

reblog this post if your account is a trans safe space or owned by a trans person!

along with that, reblog if your account is a trans non-binary spectrum safe space or owned by someone on the trans enby spectrum!

[anxiousandindenial]

I hopped on a very very old train. I turned the Sanders Sides into SCPs. These are all made up by me. I will be releasing their 'files' one by one, each week, for the next few weeks. Understand that these are not nor will they likely ever be part of the official SCP database, as hey are based on characters from another source, and draw pretty heavily. If anyone makes art of this, I will love you forever, until the day that I die and go to Hell and beyond.

First up, we have the wonderful Logan Sanders, who is now:

Item #: SCP-18175 (L.O.G.A.N.)

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-18175 is to be contained within a standard humanoid containment chamber at Site-████. The chamber is to be equipped with reinforced steel walls and an observation window. Security personnel are to monitor SCP-18175 at all times via closed-circuit cameras.

SCP-18175's containment procedures require Dr. ███████ to enter the containment chamber at least once per hour for routine checks and interaction. In the event of SCP-18175 becoming agitated, security personnel are to engage in de-escalation protocols until the anomaly returns to a calm state.

Under no circumstances is SCP-18175 to interact with █████ █████. All personnel must adhere to this protocol strictly.

Description: SCP-18175 is a robotic entity resembling ██████████ composed of unidentified metal-like plates. When calm, the gaps between these plates emit a dark blue glow, while its ocular sensors emit a similar hue. However, when agitated, the glow transitions to an intense orange, and SCP-18175 displays aggressive behavior towards any nearby individuals.

The significance of the designation "L.O.G.A.N." remains uncertain, though it appears to hold emotional significance for the anomaly. Further research is required to elucidate its meaning.

SCP-18175 exhibits technopathic abilities, allowing it to █████████ ████ ███ ██████████ ██████████ ███████ ██████ ███ ████████. The entity becomes increasingly agitated when left unattended for extended periods, with a threshold of approximately three days before agitation manifests.

The composition beneath SCP-18175's metal plates remains unknown, as attempts to investigate its internal structure have been unsuccessful.

SCP-18175 was recovered on ██/██/████ from ██████ City. Its origin and potential connections to other anomalies, including SCP ██ , warrant further investigation.

Update: Following continued interviews conducted by Dr. ███████, SCP-18175 disclosed the meaning behind its designation. "L.O.G.A.N." serves as an acronym for "Lethal Operations Guardian And Nemesis."

Update: Due to repeated attempts by SCP-18175 to access █████ ██ ███████, containment protocols have been revised to ensure spatial separation between the anomaly and the restricted files.

Update: Dr. ███████ has proposed the hypothesis that SCP-18175 may consist of two distinct anomalies, designated SCP-18175-1 and SCP-18175-2. SCP-18175-1, identified as L.O.G.A.N., exhibits docile behavior, whereas SCP-18175-2, which we have classified as The Warbot, manifests as an aggressive antagonist triggered by SCP-18175-1's emotional state. Notably, SCP-18175-1 appears to lack awareness of SCP-18175-2's actions.

Update: Following multiple incidents involving SCP-18175-2's hostile behavior, Dr. ███████ has recommended termination of SCP-18175.

Update: SCP-18175 has evaded containment, with Dr. ███████ present during its disappearance. Dr. ███████ has declined to provide further information regarding the incident. Investigations into the anomaly's whereabouts are ongoing.

@thatsthat24

[anxiousandindenial]

My life is pointless, so here, have a gif:

[anxiousandindenial]

I dream of flying.

Soaring through the clouds, smiling up at the sun.

Then, eventually, I land on top of a building.

I look back. There's my entire family looking at me, smiling happily, but not at me. At a photographer. They're happy without me. And I look forward. I look down, all the way down. And I leap.

Suddenly, I'm falling. Down, watching the city fly by me, waiting for the sound of breaking bones, the peace that comes with death.

And I hit the ground - and suddenly I'm drowning, suffocating in water. I can't breathe. I don't know how to swim. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I need to breathe.

Suddenly, I'm laying in a forest. There's roots all around me, growing, trapping me, and I start sinking into the ground, the roots pulling me down, into the ground.

And then, just when my face goes into the earth, I'm standing on that building again. This time, when I look back, they're all looking at me, worried. I smile, and wave them off. They all smile, and turn back to the photographer.

Then I feel something in my hand. A gun. I lift it to my head. I close my eyes. I place a finger on the trigger. I pull it. And right as I die, right as the bullet enters my brain, right as I have peace -

I wake up.

[anxiousandindenial]

When homophobic Christians realize the line really says "And no man shall lay with a young boy nor a married woman, unless he'll be stoned": *GaSp*

Meanwhile, the rest of us, who knew that already, because we studied the Bible closer than so-called Devout's did: Yep, let it sink in, try not to faint, just give it a second

When the homophobic Christians recover: All homosexuals are pedos and druggies

Us: no, no, that's not what it's saying, itd saying that -

homophobic Christians: GET RID OF DRUGS, GET RID OF GAYS

Intelligent people: Why do I even try anymore? What's the point? We all die alone and gay anyways, so what's the point?

[anxiousandindenial]

Here's a little rant thing of Percy Jackson's I made. Context ain't needed. It is a crossover rant with Harry Potter. Okay, here it is:

"You think you know pain, Harry Potter? You don't even have a glimpse of an idea of what pain is. Pain is a trembling that shakes you down to your soul. Pain is a misery so profound that you can't move, can't speak, can't look away. Pain is watching everyone you love getting slaughtered by the people who swore to protect them, yourself included. Pain is killing because you like it, pain is hurting because if you don't, you remember, pain is looking the girl you love in the eye as you stab her in the back. Pain is an addiction, a sweet and toxic chemical. Pain is standing before the goddess of poison, begging for death, only to be denied. Pain is when every inch of you aches like a thousand needles were pressed into every pore of your skin. Pain is waking up every morning in a cold sweat, haunted by your decisions, but too late to change them. Pain is seeking death from every angle, but being too scared to go through with it. Pain is forcing yourself to eat, drink, LIVE, when you just want to end it all. Pain is that little worry worming its way through your mind until you're consumed by it. Pain is seeing your nightmares come to life all around you. Pain is looking at the goddess of misery and laughing as she slowly suffocates on her own tears. You think you know pain, Harry Potter? I AM pain."

So, yeah, that's the rant. Have fun with this.

[anxiousandindenial]

I think that the Sanders Sides might represent more than each has told.

Let me explain.

Okay, so we know that the sides can represent more than just their official role. Logan also represents reason, knowledge, and realistic expectation. Patton also represent emotions, childlike wonder, and over controlling yourself. Roman also represents passion, ego, femininity, and masculinity. We haven't seen a lot of Remus, and have no official things that he represents besides intrusive thoughts, but we can surmise based on his personality and entrance he also represents dark thoughts (such as ones induced by depression), disturbing thoughts (which are very different from intrusive thoughts), and impulsivity. Janus represents deceit, denial, self-preservation, and selfishness. As for Virgil, he represents anxiety, but he also represents shame, apprehension, introversion, pessimism, paranoia, fear (to some extent), foresight, caution, anticipation, motivation (slightly, but this is more by proxy of him representing anxiety), and satisfaction. Now, that last one may not seem accurate, but here's a quote from Accepting Anxiety Part 2 from Patton: "ALSO, YOU'RE THAT FEELING OF TINGLINESS AFTER ACHIEVING SOMETHING HE DIDN'T THINK WAS POSSIBLE!" That feeling is known as satisfaction. However, satisfaction doesn't seem to go along with the other things he represents, which are all before the event things, while this is a post event feeling. So perhaps he represents more similar things, and perhaps the other sides also have more to them. Let's take another look.

Logan first. Now, if we inspect his behavior throughout the show, we notice something: He seems to get annoyed easily. He also gets angry rather easily. Some would say this signifies that he's being influenced by the orange side, and that the orange side is Anger/Wrath, but I have my own theories about that. I think that this may mean Logan may also represent Anger and Annoyance, two things that would go right along with Logan's personality, and his habit of being ignored over the need to be polite.

Next, Roman. Now, for Roman, it's a bit tricky, however, if we look through everything, including how he acts towards the Dark Sides, we begin to realize something: He seems to decry and defame anybody who is different, suggest a different idea, or who is criminalized by the world. Therefore, he may also represent Bias/Prejudice and Societal Conformity.

Third, Patton. Now, Patton is extremely difficult, but after some searching, verifying, and double-checking, I noticed that Patton's default is to try to convince the other sides that his way is most important, often going to Roman first, then Logan, then the others, in no particular order. Therefore, it could be that our dear daddy Patton also represents Manipulation. However, the reason he hasn't taken total control of them all by now? One, he is likely repressing that part of him in favor of being "nice", and two, Patton is canonically an indecisive mess. With that in mind, we can accurately guess that Patton likely also represents Indecision.

Fourth, Remus. Now, Remus' is a little bit obvious, he essentially says it right up front with the 'cut out all the juicy stuff' comment. Remus is Honesty. And as for the other, it may seem odd, or like I'm reaching, but hear me out. Remus makes a lot of comment about religion, especially on the way of innocence, the losing if it, as well as biblical events that were meant to teach a lesson. Therefore, it is possible that Remus may be Wisdom.

Now for Janus. In SvS Redux he didn't use lies at all near the end, relying instead in harsh truths, ones that Thomas maybe would've preferred to have been kept in denial about, so clearly he didn't care about or even consider his purpose as Deceit. Plus, Thomas wasn't even lying here, so Janus shouldn't have even been summoned. Some would claim that Thomas was in denial, and that's enough, but we have seen that the state of simply being in denial is not enough to summon him, or he would've been summoned three or four thousand times in the first season. You have to actively lie to summon him, and Thomas wasn't actively lying. Additionally, he was summoned in DWIT, when Thomas clearly wasn't intending to lie, and objecting to it in the first place. You know what he was feeling both times? Guilt. So perhaps he represents Guilt, which, while similar to his normal things, is also very separate from them. Now, in addition, we notice that Janus only attacks or uses sarcasm as a defense mechanism. Additionally, his whole purpose throughout the show has been "Protect Thomas by keeping him in denial," but then it became "Protect Thomas by helping him face his inner demons," as seen by the fact that he revealed Remus and allowed them to defeat him when he could've just let Remus keep festering, which would've actually benefited Janus, but not Thomas. So perhaps Janus represents Protectiveness as well, even protectiveness towards oneself.

Now, with this in mind, the realm for what Orange could be suddenly got a lot smaller. It has to be something that could be a dichotomy of Logan while not being an emotion (as none of the sides are an emotion, with the exception of Virgil). Additionally, it needs to leave room for him to also represent things that are not directly related to what he is. Now what is he? I can't say, though I do have my theories.

[anxiousandindenial]

So I've seen a lot of things on here saying "Gender is a social construct, we made it up, gender does not define us, we define gender," and I think that's great. But here's the thing. Once you think about that, you realize that everything is a human construct. Murder is a social construct. Morality is a social construct. Joy is a social construct. Loyalty, greed, wrath, every complex emotion is a made up this g by humans. Also, if you don't like made up things, why speak, since every language was made up? Why read, why write, why think, because every thought, every story, is a social construct, one that did not exist before, and has no true existence behind it. Existence is a social construct.

[anxiousandindenial]

Hey, so can we stop calling it gender reassignment surgery? That makes it sound like a failed assignment like, "Oh, I failed the test, guess I'll take it again." Not only that, but it makes you feel like you're reassigning a different gender to yourself, when that was your gender from birth, just not your physical one. Instead, call it Chrysalis Surgery. Think about it. Before the surgery, you're the caterpillar, uncomfortable in your own body, questioning who you are, like your skin doesn't fit right on your body. You go into the surgery, and come out the beautiful butterfly, having become your beautiful, full, true to yourself self, free of the burdens of your caterpillar past.

[anxiousandindenial]

Hey, everyone. Head's up. It's rant time.

Women don't trust us. They have been raised in a society where men are the predator, always out on the streets looking for a woman who may or may not be of legal age. Doesn't matter, not as long as we get laid. And we also don't care about monogamy. We just want the body, and don't care about anything else, because we're shallow, stupid humans with no practical worth in the world.

So they want to know if we're thinking about that one girl from three years ago who looked at us funny when we walked by her. How they know about that when they weren't therem couldn't tell ya, but they do.

Men are stereotyped just as much as women. Society just ignores it a lot more.

Oh, and also, they want a closer connection with you. Apparently, they think gettin told about all of your anxiety and depression that you've bottled up because “real men don't cry, real men provide for their family just as much as the woman, real men don't collapse into a heap of bones at the end of each day” is gaining a closer connection.

Additionally, no, they don't want honesty. Why? Because no one wants to hear about that one time where you locked yourself in the bathroom and tried to cut your wrists with scissors. No one wants to hear about your depression or anxiety. Why? Well, be ause you're a man. You're supposed to be strong, but sensitive, soft but protective, but not too protective or you're suffocating her. You've got to be kind but not flirty, but what in the holy hell is the difference because women treat them the same. You've got to love being around kids, but if you're too friendly, you're creepy and have to stop. You've got to open up to people but not tell them about your personal life because your vulnerability doesn't matter, women's voices need heard more. You've got to be feminist, but if you're too feminists you're more of friend material, except if you aren't feminist enough, you're chauvinistic and sexist. You have to be muscular and rich, but you can't be too hot, but you also can't be too rich, because then you're a snob. You've got to be smart, but you can't be too smart or you'll be smothering women's intelligence. You have to compliment a women, but you also can't compliment her because that's objectifying women, yet you also have to be totally fine with them objectifying you. You have to not speak up, not make a scene, and, above all, always take the blame for rape, no matter which one of you actually did it.

Sorry. Been wanting to get that rant off of my chest for a while.