Pilot with anxiety @anxiouswings - Tumblr Blog

I hate being so shy. Today something g weird happened. My gym trainer was at the gym with hes mate and I didn’t see them and he walked up to me and asked me if I could take a photo. I said yes. I was surprised and very taken back by them. Not kidding I blacked out. I took the photos and stuff but don’t remember seeing anything. I didn’t look anyone on the eye or say hi to anyway. WHY DOES THAT HAPPEN! why can’t I be confident. After that I left the gym and went home.

I just want friends. People to go to the gym with, hang out with,laugh with, drink with and party with. Why is it so hard to make friends. Doesn’t help my feelings shame. Everytime I meet a new guy I get a little intimidated and shy. And make a fool of myself. Damn it !

spaceexp

Guy puts the size of solar system into perspective by building a scale model of it in the desert.

My PT asked me today what my goal is for the next 6 weeks. And all I could think of is, “ I want to look like other guys” other guys being the gym guys or the guys I see at the beach. And thy made me think. A lot of the time I spend looking at guys is looking at there body’s. I like the look of the male body and I want that! I find it sexy. Don’t get me wrong I like dick as well. There is just something about the male body, pecs, arms, abs. The way the muscles wrap together and around. Iv always been intimidated by larger, stronger men. My whole life I hated gym guys and gyms. I was 23 before I went into one more then once. My intimidation made me want to push harder and get like those guys. I was sick of feeling so pathetic and weak. I’m a little stronger now and a little bigger but still they scare me. Make me feel little and small.

I think that’s also what helped me take the jump and have a go with men. I really wanted to touch another males body. I wanted to touch someone’s pecs and run my hand down a guys body.

Don’t be afraid of why you do things just do them. You’ll figure out the reason adventually.

Don’t be scared of what you don’t know.

Be inspired.

#noonegivesashit #insperation #gym

The worst part about being bi is I can’t talk to anyone. My straight friends I can tell find it awkward and I can see them judging me. My gay friends I can tell I annoy them with my questions and talking. I feel so alone and isolated. I understand how pretentious that sounds, a white bi male living in Australia complaining about how difficult it is to be confused about he’s sexuality. I know how many other minority groups have had it way worst! I’m lucky I can still fit in with what society thinks I’m meant to be. But I still can’t help feeling left out, alone and isolated in my mind and in my life. After all this is the first time iv felt socially ashamed. That’s how it feels. No one to talk to or talk with. I feel ashamed and embarrassed.

Stupid I know.

#bisexual

Soooo that happened

So I’m bi. Did not see that coming 😂 so if anyone has advice that would be great.

Ps don’t tell anyone if you know me haha

#turnsoutimbi

The pain of energy

It's a well know fact that no energy is created or destroyed. The pain we all feel and the sadness we get when where alone, all comes from somewhere. The minerals that are in our body's, iron,calcium,zinc all of them came from an exploding star. When we die those minerals go back to the earth. That energy is then given to plants. Which then live, give life and die. So where does the energy for pain and sadness come from. This massive amount of energy must come from somewhere powerful. Happiness? Love? I think that feelings are as strong as heat or any other energy. And therefore can never be created or destroyed. But can be changed. Happiness, as we all know can become sadness. So I ask you, why can't sadness become happiness? Why can't depredation become love ? Why can't anxiety become curiousity? It can. You've just got to try and remember that it can be done. You've done it before with out even knowing.

#anxiety anxiouspilot helpful worktomorrow happybutsad #depresion #energy

It's ok to not be ok

Matthew Colwell

#360

Wow so true!

#anxitey

Fear

The only place that fear can exist is in our minds and in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. danger is very real, but fear is a choice. This is something we all need to remember! It's ok to fear. Because it's ok to imagine. In brace the voice in your head make it apart of you but don't let it lead you astray. If there is one thing Iv learnt it's the soon you embrace your anxiety the soon you will live again. The soon you will be happy again.

anxietyandhumor

Hello, so I'm just gonna dive in. I did therapy a few years ago & it ended when they tried to put me in a hospital & my mom freaked & so did I. I got better for a few years & then a whole lot worse with my anxiety. It has gotten so bad I have officially left my public school & am doing school online. My parents want me to go back to therapy now & I just had a horrible experience last time so I'm very conflicted on whether or not I should go back. I would love some advice

Hi! First, i’m proud of you for contining school and wanting to get better. That’s huge! I think it might be a good idea to try to see a different therapist. You could call ahead and see what the first session could be like to make sure you’re comfortable. It’s completely understandable to be eerie of therapy after a bad experience. I think it would be beneficial to find someone who you’re comfortable wih! stay strong!

anxiouswings

I was involved in an accident a few years ago and needed help and the person was shit! They didn't help I got over it my self and when I needed to go back a year or two on for my anxiety the guy was great. I'm still seeing him and he is nothing like the other person I saw. I would highly recommend going back. Good luck :)

a380flightdeck

“Lufti” on short finals.

I lied

My last post was a lie. As I lay in bed unable to sleep just thinking about my test and all the bad things that could happen and how un motivated I am. I wish there was a pill to make it all go away I don't want to live with this for the rest of my life. I can't be tested every 6months and go though this ride of emotions each time I will go nuts. I want it all to be over. I want to go back to the way I was before these feelings came. There no who I am. I don't know if it's my work that's made me like this or the people I work with. But I don't like it. I know that know one reads this or if you do you don't really care but listen to me when I say if you can be happy day to day. Like if you can be your just sad for know reason. Remember that there are some of us out there that are scared to go to bed some nights and get scared when dinner isn't ready right on the right time or that we have to get up early some times. I love my job well at least I thought I did. But if I have to feel like this for the rest of my life I don't know if it's worth it. I'm going to try and sleep now so thanks for listening and have a good night everyone( no one ) that reads this.

The day I realised I'm getting better

Today I went to headspace as Iv been doing for a while. I have a big test on Wednesday so he helped me though my thoughts. I have anxiety and it's more the lead up to an event then the event it's self. My thoughts are what makes me anxious. No matter how hard I try they always sneak in. So Iv started to accept that which is helpful. But the thought of this test use to really freak me out so much that o would cry I'm a 21 year old man I should cry because of the thought of my boss testing me. But I haven't let and I'll be doing my test in 4 days. I'm ok I have broken down or lost it yet I'm more focused on getting though it. And here is how I did it. I went to head space. Ask me what I did it how I did it and I couldn't tell you. I have no idea what's happened or what Iv done but it's almost like when I was having these anxiety attacks there was a part of my brain that was missing and know it's like it's there now but I still have some more mild feelings of anxiety. I'm finally getting better I know that one day I will relapse and I look forward to it. I'm looking forward to the day I brake down. It's who I am. I will do it in quiet when no one is home I will and I believe it will make me stronger. I live with my anxiety I know there is know pill to fix it. I will live with this for my whole life and if it did go away I think I would be more lost then I am know. Thanks who ever reads this it means a lot. Regards The Anxious pilot.

Found out I have my test next week

So today I found out my test is next Wednesday and its with my boss who is very scary. My anxiety is associated with work and this sort of thing sends me right off ! Ill be in the simulator being yelled at and corrected. I'll be on one engine and at night in cloud flying under so much pressure. My heart is racing and I'm getting down just thinking about it. If someone is ready this and they know how to help please give me advice. I'm seeing someone on Friday Iv seen a few times before but that's still a few days away. I'm just so scared.

Today has been a better day but when I'm home alone there still feels like iv done something wrong or that iv been bad, a sad feeling i guess. never the less i have to keep it together because tomorrow i have to get up early and fly 7.5 tons of metal though the air at 500km/h. all while dealing with inner demons that stop me from relaxing tonight and having a good night sleep.

Tonight i should be able to sleep fine I'm feeling at peace at the moment. i have a beautiful girlfriend that i can talk to later and i have the weekend off so there is something to look forward to. :) :/ :( :/ :)

#anxiety anxiouspilot helpful worktomorrow happybutsad

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