LGBeThecowboy

hi i'm elena (they/them) and this is my disk horse blog! i'm a white nonbinary lesbian & i interact and follow from a blog that starts and ends with an s! terfs and transmeds dni

[heteroabhorrent]

Petition to destroy the myth that every person who doesn’t identify as ace experiences sexual attraction in this one specific way made up by the ace community that is a universal truth for all non-aces. Sexual attraction is /complicated/, for a lot of people. This idea of ‘normative sexual attraction’ doesn’t exist. It’s a myth. Not every non-ace person has a straight forward, healthy uncomplicated understanding of their relation to sex.

Like I understand the need to have words to describe what yourself and what you’re feeling. It’s important, it’s helpful, it’s why I identify as ace. But acting as if these terms are somehow coherent identities with definitive separation from those who don’t identify with them is useless and grasping at straws as well as putting a lot of people into boxes that don’t exist and don’t make any sense.

Like if you want to identify as demisexual that is fine and okay, but at the same time you have to recognise that ‘doesn’t want to have sex with someone until you’re close to them/doesn’t develop sexual feelings for people until you’re emotionally attached to someone’ is true for A LOT of people, most of which do not and will never identify as demi.

The same goes for asexuality and the entirety of the spectrum; a lot of people, especially LGBT people and various other marginalised groups have complicated relationships with their sexuality and sexual identity and easily fall on the ace spectrum by pure definition, regardless of whether or not they self-identify that way.

To act like there’s a coherent group of ‘allosexuals’ who all experience sexual attraction in a similar way that is considered ‘normal’ without issue is troubling and flat out a myth.

[powerfulwizard]

creating an entire sexuality just to include members of a marginalized group that would already be included in your sexuality doesn’t make any sense. like hello. i’m not a lesbian. i’m davidsexual. i’m attracted to women and jewish women. that sounds like weird bigoted nonsense right?

[powerfulwizard]

bisexuality is just attraction to anybody regardless of gender so why does there need to be a special term for when you like to date trans people?

[powerfulwizard]

also here are my new sexuality definitions, and its always been this way and ill call you a bigot if you say otherwise:

lesbian: liking women for their goyishness

davidsexual: dating all women even if they’re jewish

[powerfulwizard]

defining a sexuality around trans men and trans women feeds into the idea that trans men aren’t men and trans women aren’t women. in fact, it feeds into the idea that they’re not either. which is also a common transphobic view of trans people. that they’re neither gender and they’re both just genderless-things. also defining a sexuality around non-binary people just feeds into the idea that non-binary people are a monolith third gender rather than a large spectrum of people’s individual unique gender experiences.

[powerfulwizard]

the part about defining pansexuality around trans men and trans women is obvious transphobic nonsense. but also… the fact that non-binary people can be lesbians and can be gay kinda contradicts the idea that you need to be pansexual to date them doesn’t it? and if non-binary people can be ANY sexuality and can date gay men, lesbians, and bisexual people…. that kinda means… bisexuality and pansexuality are the exact same thing. the only difference is one is based on not seeing trans men and trans women as the gender that they are, and a misunderstanding of what it means to be non-binary.

[powerfulwizard]

I like how you say “being pan does not mean you’re transphobic”  yet you define pansexuality based off attraction based off not caring whats in peoples pants…. I’m a lesbian and I date women both cis and trans… I don’t care whats in people’s pants either. I am definitely not fucking pansexual. That definition you gave means nothing.

[powerfulwizard]

[mcprincessdiaries-archive]

he/him lesbians:

everyone: um not to be rude but what are you? like, how can you be? i dont get it. youre not a man, but you use he/him? what. thats terrifying, you terrify me. your existence confuses me and i want you to personally educate me. thats ok though lets go lesbians am i right haha :-)

[parakeet]

like good aro/ace rep would be characters like todd from bojack horseman cus they actually straight up say he’s aro/ace and its like part of his story. like him being aro/ace actually happened with the aro/ace comm in mind. media where the creators or the publishers won’t let characters explicitly be romantic or sexual bc they’re homophobic and they’re trying to bait lgbt ppl into watching or they’re trying to skirt around censorship are not good aro/ace rep. it shouldn’t be tolerated and it certainly shouldn’t be celebrated or treated as revolutionary

[alexlipnicki]

This is it. This is what the pan label did to bisexual people.

No matter how hard you all try to change the meaning of pansexuality, it will always stem out of misunderstanding bisexuality. It will always be the result of transphobia and a false belief that bisexuality is about being attracted to cis men and cis women. I hate this and I hate you all for forcing us to be ashamed of our identity.

[baptizm-deactivated20200524]

LGBT circles that are exclusively online and the mogai community were a damn mistake lmao. Amazing how an entire generation was set back by misinformation and ahistorical takes, 50 years of bisexual activism who?

[deletingbyebyesmileyface-deacti]

Posts discussing transmisogyny, made by people who don’t suffer from it, near universally receive more attention than posts made by actual trans girls. That is something I have observed and remarked on several times already.

The reason for this (I assume, seeing as I don’t have firsthand knowledge), is because being told “We need to do better about transmisogyny” by a more relatable, less hostile appearing tme person, helps to relieve them of some of the guilt that comes with being told what they’re doing is shitty. As opposed to when a trans girl (Such as myself) makes a post about transmisogyny, and is speaking much more directly (And sometimes vaguely hostilely) at the reader.

And sure. I get that being yelled at through the screen by a trans girl because you’re transmisogynistic, isn’t very preferable compared to someone who doesn’t experience transmisogyny, and is thus able to approach the topic with a more emotionally detached, more calm perspective.

To decide that trans girls are “too aggressive” in how they discuss transmisogyny/present their issues to TME people, is transmisogynistic. Transmisogyny is omnipresent in the lives of trans girls, and damn near strips us of any sense of personhood.

It is a luxury to be able to look upon trans girls discussing the horrific ways in which transmisogyny has impacted then, and decide “Actually, she’s being kinda a bitch so I don’t care”.

Understand that, as trans people who aren’t trans girls, you have it better than trans girls so. Plain and simple. As such, if you want to consider yourself a good ally, you have a moral obligation to hold yourself accountable for your own transmisogyny.

It doesn’t matter how “uncomfortable” it may make you to consider such things, because guess what? You can look away from trans girls trying to point out and bring attention to transmisogyny, to spare your own feelings. But us trans girls do not have the privilege of looking away to spare our precious feelings. More than that, transmisogyny is infinitely more impactful and damaging than taking 2 minutes to read a post from a trans girl, and hitting reblog.

Do better.

[slurptheworms]

Exactly

[aatmenexttime]

Hi, trans male Mental Health Professional here.

What transmeds don’t seem to understand is that in the United States, Gender Dysphoria is the diagnosis in the DSM-V needed to medically transition, but having dysphoria and being transgender are not the same thing.

On page 451 of the DSM V, Transgender is defined as “the broad spectrum of individuals who transiently or persistently identify with a gender other than their natal gender”.

Meanwhile, “Gender dysphoria refers to the distress that may(MAY) acompany the incongruence between one’s experienced or expressed gender and one’s assigned gender. Although not all( NOT ALL) individuals will experience distress as a result of such incongruence many are…”(Again, many, but NOT ALL).

On the next page, there is a set of criteria needed for the diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria for both children, and for adolescents/adults. For adolescents and adults, only 2 of the 6 criteria must be met for a diagnosis.

As you can see, you can identify as another gender, and have a strong desire to be treated as another gender, but you DO NOT need to hate your body parts. It also does not specify that you have to identify as strictly male or female, so non binary people that are dysphoric can transition if they so choose, because they meet the criteria of being transgender as well as having gender dysphoria.

In any case, dysphoria is different for everyone. Some people may think something they experience is not dysphoria, when it actually is. Some trans people may strongly identify as male or female, but not particularly care what their body looks like. For some people, dysphoria changes and becomes more or less severe at certain points of transition. Everyone is different.

Tl;dr, transmeds are saying information that is medically and socially recognized to be false, and are targeting people out of their own ignorance. You do not need to be miserable to identify as a gender that is not the one you were assigned at birth, which is what being transgender is.

It’s not a matter of agreeing or disagreeing, transmeds are wrong.

[dadvenom]

the ace spectrum is dumb as fuck especially when you consider that identities like demisexual and lithosexual are, by definition, allosexual

[dadvenom]

bringing this back to say that shit like demisexuality and grey asexuality are just being normal.

most people’s sexual attraction fluctuates. the majority of the population isn’t always experiencing sexual attraction. most people have to have a bond with someone before they’re sexually attracted to them. you’re not LGBT for needing to get to know someone before you have sex with them or only feeling sexual attraction sometimes.

[lycanrc-deactivated20200724]

Except that it is. The tag is meant for people to find others like them, for support, for answering questions. If you see no problem with flooding the tags with hateful spam and death threats, then you're beyond my understanding. This doesn't just affect the "evil cithets" either, there are LGBT aces who use the tags for the purposes I mentioned. Included me, including a nb kid who says that the hate in those tags makes them want to kill themselves. You think that kid is pathetic?

LGBT ppl: (some of whom are ace themselves) Cisgender heteroromantic asexuals and cisgender aromantic heterosexuals are straight IN ADDITION TO being asexual or aromantic and thus not queer/LGBT. They shouldn’t use the q slur nor should they take advantage of the resources our community provides.

Asexual/Aromantic people do in fact face stigma/prejudice that is unique to them but the LGBT community was built is a coalition of communities brought together by overlaping oppression that is completely separate from what asexuals/aromantic face and have faced historically. Instead of invading safe spaces that keep LGBT people alive, they should focus their efforts on making their own community and providing resources for themselves.

Ace tumblr (after having a collective conniption fit): LOOK AT THESE ACEPHOBES!!1!1#!1 And then…

Joke about bringing [guns to pride parades]

Say [this homophobic crap] related to the orlando shooting

Claim [it’s a privilege] to even have night clubs

Compare ace discourse [to a homophobic mass shooting]

Say they are glad [a few more aphobic gays are dead]

Claim the shooters actions [weren’t driven by homophobia] on the basis that asexual people MIGHT have been present at the club

[Make a list] of “aphobes” (LGBT people) the same day as the Orlando shooting

Say we should [thank aces for donating blood] in light of news that LGBT people can’t donate to help their sibilings

Say they’re glad that the events of the shooting are [weeding out “aphobes”]

[“At least you all have nightclubs”]

[“We’ll see how their gatekeeping stands up after a couple of more massacres”]

[“Gayer than thou”]

[Mock] the AIDS crisis

Say [this] blatant serophobic bull

Say more [serophobic nonsense]

Once again say something [disgustingly serophobic]

Even [more serophobia]

Insinuate “allosexuals” [get cancer from sex]

Compare [gay people to Ronald Reagan] for not wanting cishets in the LGBT community

Demand LGBT people [”help” them make their own community] (because we need to extend our emotional labor to cishets)

Say [this] ahistoric nonsense

Say [this] ableist crap

Outright say they [hate lesbians]

Say all the shit [in these screenshots]

Make this [victim blaming post]

Express desire to [“kill al lallosexuals”]

Claim “allosexuals” have been [raping them for centuries]

Claim rape is [less unpleasant for allos]

Demonise allosexuals and hypersexual people [once again]

Claim asexuals were [victims of the holocaust]

Compare “acephobia” [to the holocaust]

[Deny the inherit antisemitism] with one of the community’s symbols

Even more [denial and antisemitism]

Deny that being [disgusted by lesbians is lesbophobic] all while reducing them to sexual beings

Same person as above, says they want “aphobes” [to shoot themselves], [doesn’t care] that they said they want LGBT people to commit mass suicide and then goes on to insinuate that all LGBT people [deserve the treatment] for hate aro/ace people

Claim [“ace gays don’t exist while being lesbophobic”]

Write fanfiction [demeaning LGBT people]

Say this [homophobic] [revolting] crap

Want to coin terms [to further alienate LGBT] people and claim we’re oppressing them

[Make fun of] the societal oppression LGBT people faced

Say that all [ace people are bi] 

Claim cishet people [aren’t cishet]

Claim lesbians are [predatory towards asexuals]

Insinuate cishet aces are [more oppressed than lesbians]

Say SGA (same/similar gender attraction) is [“compulsory homosexuality”]

Lowkey say they’re [more deserving] of being in the community than closeted LGBT people

Claim they’re even [more queer than LGBT people] and use slurs to refer to us

Fucking [call themselves fags] and then claim that [straight people can reclaim the slur]

Same person above (who is a ace non-sga “bi” person in a straight relationship) [justifies ace tumblr sending rape and death threats] to a rape survivor for saying that cishet aces are not queer

Say this [homophobic shit]

Claim that calling people straight [is homophobic]

Blatantly say they want to [kill “aphobes”]

Blatantly say they want to [kill all allosexuals]

Blatantly say they want LGBT people to [kill ourselves]

Blatantly say that [gay people suck]

Compare using the ace pride flag [to cultural appropriation]

Compare “aphobes” (many of whom are trans) [to fucking TWERFs]

Compare [lesbians to TWERFS]

Call LGBT people to [”queer truscum”]

Call LGBT people [“sex-crazed psychos”]

Call LGBT people [”trashcan queers”]

Call LGBT people [“deviants”]

Call LGBT people [“deviants”] again

Call LGBT people [“weak”] because we experience sexual attraction

Call LGBT people “fascists”

Say thay have no problem with LGBT people [committing suicide]

Claim we, a bunch of “shitty cocksuckers” are upset that 1% of the population [doesn’t want to fuck us]

Call the LGBT community [a stupid gay pride club]

Call the LGBT community a [fandom]

Call the LGBT community [“full of drugs, STDs and alcoholics”]

Claim they can reclaim [homophobic and transphobic slurs]

Claim sex ed is a means to get people to [stop IDing as asexual]

Claim the ace community is cleaner because they don’t have a [“drug and alcohol problem”]

Deny [queer is a slur]

Spew [this vitriol]

[Misgender] the person who popularised the term allosexual in the first place 

Celebrate [someone’s death] and when called out [deflected] the issue [while calling her “toxic”]

The above person calls the deceased and her girlfriend [manipulative and violent]

And then called a lesbian woman a violent slur [only to demonise her] for being rightfully upset

Call all alloromantic allosexual people straight 

Coin homophobic shit like [”alloculture”]

Claim that “allosexuals” purposely [stay in abusive relationships]

Claim that “allosexuals” are [unfaithful in relationships]

Say that LGBT who are survivors of corrective rape don’t care about rape survivors when they criticise ace people for constantly bringing it up

Say [it’s a privilege] to be hypervisible in countries where being LGBT is illegal and punishable by death

And then claiming that if it’s so bad [we should just move]

Claim they’re [more oppressed than bi people]

Compare “aphobes” (i.e. people who think that cishets aren’t LGBT) to [the fucking KKK]

Compare “aphobes” to [the crackers who committed genocide] against America’s Indigenous population with smallpox blankets

Say this [antiblack nonsense] calling for the ace community (a cesspool of saltines and mayo) to be the “aroace MLK”

Say that LGBT ppl are [more likely to be rapists]

Think that [this] is the appropriate way to respond to a poz gay man talking about his experiences

Put trans women and trans minors [on the same list as TWERFS and radfems]

And then justify the above by [calling trans minors abusive]

Show how [antisemtic] they are

Literally use [someone dying] to further their disgusting rhetoric

BLATANTLY say they hate LGBT people

Express desire [to assault] against LGBT ppl

[Express disdain] with the fact that same-gender marriage is legal throughout the entire U.S. 

Deny that they are [invading LGBT safe spaces irl]

Outright say they find LGBP expressing affection publicly (e.g holding hands) disgusting and repulsive

And so much more…

LGBT ppl: Wow fuck these people -spam tags with easily blockable posts-

You: This makes me suicidal!!!

If being told to stay in your fucking lane makes you suicidal, then you have a grandiose sense of entitlement that you need to work on. Instead of sending guilt-tripping, manipulative asks about killing yourself to someone, why not LISTEN to what LGBT people are saying. LGBT aces are still LGBT and thus have a place in the community. It’s cishet aces and aros that don’t. 

But you and others like you are so hellbent on defending straight people that you completely ignore this. Lmk how kissing the asses of my oppressors works out for you.  Actually, don’t. The next time you want to send an ask like this to a suicidal person, fuck off instead you gross creepy s.o.b.

[bitter-blooms-deactivated202003]

the reason it’s considered taboo to reclaim dyke but widely celebrated to reclaim queer is because it is much easier to embrace nonspecific vague “queerness” than the blatancy of women fucking other women

[woebegots]

i’m p sure that lots of these have been made already but here is a handy flowchart for those of you who are confused

[sunseers]

Okay but the aces. Hetero aces are lgbt ya hoes

[ungudlyhr]

While asexuals are 100% a valid sexuality they also expierence exactly 0% oppression on a legal and systematic scale, the reason LGBT people came together in the first place is because we did face that kind of oppression and asexuals have literally never had any type of law that specifically targeted asexual people for being asexual y’all are basically on the same level as straight people when it comes to oppression

[sunseers]

That’s true but lgbt+ identities shouldn’t be defined by oppression!

[discourseful]

lgbt people’s individual identities aren’t defined by oppression but the COMMUNITY exists BECAUSE of the collective oppression we face. cishets aren’t lgbt and never will be.

[swordsdance-deactivated20191029]

i think there’s gotta be a kinder and gentler approach to the soft sexless sleepover sapphic culture that’s developed on here & on many other platforms because it is often a response to the sexualization of lesbians & bi women as well as the idea we have hammered into our brains that any sexual desire we harbor for other women is inherently predatory & gross. however. i also would like to say that i love having tits, in my mouth

[discoursexuality]

Some people are confused about the whole “aces who have sex are still ace” thing, and I understand why that might confuse you, but let me see if I can clear it up for you;

A person who doesn’t like pizza might agree to get pizza for dinner because they know it’s their significant other’s favorite food, and they want to do something nice for their partner.

An asexual might have sex with their significant other because they know they like sex, and they want to do something nice for their partner.

Does that clear things up any?

[colorisbyshe]

Every two weeks or so, someone trots out the “Sex is just like food!” thing and it never gets less stupid.

First off, there is no reason for the two of you to have to eat the pizza. If a partner knows you don’t like pizza and asks to have pizza together once a week, they are a fucking asshole. They can have pizza by themselves (so, jerk off) or you can agree that sometimes for dinner they can have dinner with friends and they can have pizza together (open relationship where the partner who wants sex can fuck other people).

Pizza is not an essential need, neither is sex. There are people who might be horny more often, have higher libidos, and in that case–if not having pizza/sex that often makes them sO unhappy–you need to consider that you might be compatible partners. If one partner consistently craves something the other partner does not enjoy and their happiness hinges on having it together, that’s not a happy, healthy relationship. Partners with mismatched libidos can make it work but sometimes they can’t.

If Partner A values sex so much they are expecting it from Partner B who does not like sex, they are putting their own “needs” (read: wants because, again, sex is not a need) over their partners comfort in their own body and wants to use Partner B’s body as a tool to get what they want.

Pizza doesn’t work that way. You don’t need the other partner to eat pizza to enjoy pizza yourself. A more apt comparison would then be expecting your partner to make you pizza, sometimes on a daily/weekly/monthly basis KNOWING they won’t eat/enjoy the pizza themselves. That is selfish and toxic. “Honey, spend significant portions of your time in a hot kitchen, sweating your ass off making food you will never enjoy yourself because I expect it of you.” (Adding to this is misogyny, women are raised to to believe it is their duty to serve men in terms of food and sex, so you cannot easily say “Well, she consented to it, so it’s fine!” Consent in a world where sex is expected and saying no can have violent reactions is more complicated than yes/no.)

Another way pizza isn’t the same as sex is the level of intimacy. No matter how much you enjoy or don’t enjoy a food, it is not intimate and having food (in 99.99% contexts) is not an act of potential violence. Mom made me eat brussel sprouts when I didn’t want to is not the same as my spouse made me have sex when I did not want to. There is no equivalence to be found; eating food you do not like is not rape. “I ordered food and it didn’t taste good” isn’t the same as painful, uncomfortable, or unwanted sex. Sex that doesn’t feel good is infinitely more traumatizing than food that doesn’t taste good.

In fact, enjoyment of sex also depends on factors like attraction and arousal. Literally, a body cannot relax to the point of it being PAINFUL and even tearing if there is no arousal or enjoyment. A tighter vagina is a sign of tension or lack of arousal and can lead to micro-tearing, lack of lube production and therefore even more tearing, and physical and even psychological harm.

Sort of like how eating food that lacks nutritional value all the time will affect you physically and even emotional/mental harm over time. Sex without attraction, arousal, and mutual enjoyment does the same. “Attraction and arousal aren’t the same thing!” is a good argument but arousal without attraction is actually something that happens in coerced sex and isn’t the point you want to be making, lmao. “If I stimulate them enough, they’ll physically respond but won’t find me any more attractive” isn’t a good argument and is in fact very, very horrifying.

Sex is one of the few things that should not be a compromise and should be something mutually and equally enjoyable. Most things should be mutually enjoyable in a relationship but there are some things that can be broken down a bit–if I want the bedroom’s tv to play overwatch for an hour and my partner wants to play a horror game for an hour after that and neither of us enjoys the game our partner is playing, that’s fine. “You’re gonna suck me off and maybe I’ll watch your favorite youtuber with you later” is not.

“But asexuals can still enjoy sex and want sex and have libidos!” Wanting to have sex with someone you like as a person is sexually attraction. This is why most of society does not separate romantic/sexual attraction because like… wanting to have sex with someone is both romantic and sexual attraction. Wanting to fuck someone you really really like is sexual attraction, even if you don’t like them for their looks or whatever.

Also, that makes NO fucking sense in regards to your pizza comparison. “People who don’t crave pizza can enjoy the taste and… crave pizza and want pizza.” What?

Not to mention… ace is an identity. Your relationship to pizza is not. What value does ace have if it doesn’t mean an aversion to sex? Gay means “NOPE! The opposite gender is NOT for me!” Straight means “Naaaaah, the same gender is nooot for me y’all!” What the fuck does ace mean then? What is the boundary of asexual?

If you said you don’t like pizza, people don’t expect you to have fucking pizza, let alone regularly say you want it and that you have it constantly. What the fuck does ace mean you don’t experience sexual attraction but you’re attracted to the idea of having sex?

Not to even mention the idea of sex repulsed aces being told that it’s still healthy to have sex which I guess is comparable to people being lactose intolerant/gluten sensitive/allergic to tomatoes being told that it’s still find to eat pizza with all of those things.

Genuinely, this comparison is dumb as fuck and the only thing it does is illuminate how worthless modern understandings of asexuality are.

[fish-course]

I see all these examples of “aphobia” that are men coming onto ace women and not taking no for an answer, and people wanna act like this is exclusively an ace issue when the fact is it’s literally misogyny. It’s misogyny and acting like it’s an issue faced exclusively by ace ppl is just detrimental to women as a whole.

[arovaricious]

It never fails to make me laugh at someone who is cis and/or allo getting unreasonably angry at being called cis or allo.

Surprise you are part of a majority! And in a societal sense you hold some amount of power over the minority you are not.

[shockcollars]

its completely different because a cis lgb, despite also being marginalised, holds power over a straight trans person, especially if were looking at a trans woman. meanwhile in no worlds does an ace person have less privilege on that alone. an ace gay and an "allo" gay are on equal ground. a straight ace and a gay nonace, the gay person is more disadvantaged without question. theyre incomparable.

[transcephalopod]

allo literally implies LGB people are privileged specifically for their sexual attraction lmfao

[scallioncreamcheesebagel]

it's not that storming a government facility such as an ice concentration camp can't be good-- it's been done before by ACTUAL activists successfully (for example, the occupation of alcatraz prison in the late 60's by native american activist group Indians of All Tribes) to create real change-- but it needs to be done by people who actually know what the fuck they're doing. experienced activists who know how to plan this shit. not people who have maybe been to 1 protest ever who PLAN THEIR "RAID" ON A PUBLIC SOCIAL MEDIA SITE. seriously if you're planning this shit on facebook or tumblr or discord instead of with actual secure communication (like you know, in person with a pre-established group of activists who have done other forms of activism together as a group before) you're already a dumbass. you can't just expect to lead a revolution when you've barely done any real activism. and that's all only talking about the concept and not the boatload of other issues surrounding this specific instance. god

[meangirls2004]

this is what cishets look like when lgbt ppl make one joke online abt how we hate them

[bubonicplague-deactivated202005]