SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES

WE DIE IN THE DARK SO YOU CAN LIVE IN THE LIGHT

[sacred-portal]

[billymayslesbian]

imagining a universe where porn is a marketable genre so you have to deal with raycon ads while trying to jerk your shit

[torchichate]

You’re an easy slut, aren’t you kitten? Almost as easy as dinner with Hellofresh

[i-am-a-lazy-mess]

hate when I type :) and this 🙂 fucker appears. Go away you evil soul

[squeaksterr]

reblog game tell me a girl character youre obsessed with (men you headcanon as women are not allowed)

[2colde]

i want to watch every single movie

[nicomrade]

[wizardarchetypes]

okay already i desperately need u.s. americans to practice the phrase, "not where i'm from, but maybe in other parts of the u.s."

because it's genuinely insane the things i've heard americans say 'america doesn't have' when it's just factually incorrect.

for some perspective: during my longest move i did by-car in the u.s., i drove ~3,000 miles. That's ~4,800 km. It took nearly 50 hours drive-times alone. Meaning, if I could have driven without stopping once, it would have taken nearly 50 hours. Of course I split that up over several days.

Driving that same distance here, If there's a ferry+road from Rabat (in Morocco) to Kyiv (Ukraine), I could take it and keep on going another several hours.

So you can understand how silly it is for someone from the u.s. to be asked to answer a question on behalf of the entirety of the u.s.—geographically, culturally, etc.

So now that we've said all that, I need you to know that I listened to a guy from Idaho tell an Irish person today, "yeah, we just don't really get snails much in America."

Snails.

[wizardarchetypes]

Next. Even if someone does say, 'not where I'm from,' you might still want to check that out for yourself:

[costumersupportdept]

yes, AND

i will die on the hill of knowing that when to insist your regional way is the Only Correct Way is the height of comedy.

(it's an otter pop, get fucked.)

[lazarus-lazuli]

i have no comment this is just the funniest fucking thing i’ve seen all day

[kosmogrl]

things that can kill you:

- the night before your birthday

- late summer evenings

- the way the sunlight hits the kitchen a certain way on a summer afternoon

[dogpuppy]

[bgm05]

I just had sex with hello neighbor.

[pompom-mate]

[puppybong]

so nice you see him twice

[flipchild]

Wow... Bad ass...

[flipchild]

Seriously badass and awesome 💗

[valtsv]

[junk-thunder]

i've survived far worse. i've also died to far less though so who knows

[dilf-in-peril]

I understand some of you are 19 but that is not an old man, he's 32.

[fagstaynight]

sometimes people dont care about you because you dont drop rare item

[magi-magi-tamamoland-chan]

as far as they know

[charlataninred]

Character duo where one *remembers I don’t like fitting characters into trope boxes* is a completely fleshed out and realised person *remembers treating characters as real people and not story devices written with intent is bad* who is written by the author and *remembers death of the author* uh. And *fumbles and drops my pile of queue cards* ah fuck wait no *the menacing horse* what was that.