Dream Life

[itwearsadress]

A chapter for you <3

Hello!

Thank you for waiting for chapter 64 ^^ You can read it at the links below. MediaFire DL | Mangadex

The box lurks 👀

A couple of thoughts below the cut.

I haven't had too much time to look at the fandom's reaction to this chapter yet, but I personally found it really sad.

I'm happy that Doumeki tried to open up to Yashiro, but the reality of him forcing himself on Y is still glaringly apparent and I'm really curious to see how Sensei resolves that conflict.

I was very interested to see D use the term "greedy" (欲が出た which can also be translated as "desirous") because it reminded me again of his name's connection with the yokai Dodomeki. (I talked about his name and it's connection to this yokai among other things in this post a long time ago.) That was another little hint to me that maybe D's story has some parallels with the Dodomeki's themes around greed and taking things that don't belong to you, not money as in the yokai's tale, but "taking" Yashiro.

It also seems like Sensei is setting D up to do something really, really stupid. lol I don't have any great ideas about what that could be, but the foreshadowing is there.

And the damn box! The box and the contact case therein that haunts the narrative! How, I wonder, will that box play a role as we approach the final arc?

Speaking of final arcs - I thought this might have been the last chapter for volume 10, but it looks like Sensei is scheduled to appear in the next issue out on March 31st, so that's exciting ^^ I think probably ch 65 will be the end of volume 10 and if past is prologue Sensei will then take a break before volume 11 starts. That's all just speculation though, who knows!

One last thing- I will be giving birth on April 7th so please be patient with me (as most of you have been, thank you! <3) when ch 65 comes out. I'm having a c section so recovery will likely take a long time, not to mention, assuming no one dies like last time, I'll have a little human attached to me at all times (allow me my dark humor, it's how I survive), so while I'll try my best to get the chapter out before the surgery I won't make any promises.

xx

[bcgit]

Doumeki's family looks as if it was a lonely place to be. The parent's don't look like they are engaged in this family dynamic, both turning away from their children. Doumeki says they were emotionally distant, never doing much for him. He and Aoi are the only two connected. Doumeki himself can't understand it anymore. But he is holding tightly to her hand. In chapter 2 the translations are different in scans and the June's official one. He tells Aoi you have mom, in another he says you have your mom. The mother let him go to jail to protect the family reputation, but he went to jail to protect Aoi. The mother does show up at the hospital in Vol. 6, but no interaction is shown. Doumeki automatically tries to find his way back to Yashiro but Misumi kills that dream. Amou has pity and helps him at least stay in that world. So where he stands with his family still seems to be distant. He says he would never go back to that life. His main concern was Aoi and they have made peace with each other.

Some times we forget the life circumstances that led Doumeki to the Yakuza and why he made that decision to live a life that goes against all his values. I don't believe he ever felt as if he had a home or somewhere to go back to. His family home must have been full of bad memories so he was desperate for money to be on his own. After being released from prison he lived out of boxes and slept at the offices of Shinseikai, rarely going back to a empty apartment to sleep. He had found someone he felt a connection to. This person showed an interest in him and eventually showed that he cared about him. Doumeki like Yashiro has an emptiness, a deficit of love and care. Both were let down by their parents, in damaging and life changing ways. I hope he and Yashiro can find the missing pieces in their lives and move on to valuing themselves. Their love for each other won't fix everything but it's a start.

[bcgit]

Doumeki's family looks as if it was a lonely place to be. The parent's don't look like they are engaged in this family dynamic, both turning away from their children. Doumeki says they were emotionally distant, never doing much for him. He and Aoi are the only two connected. Doumeki himself can't understand it anymore. But he is holding tightly to her hand. In chapter 2 the translations are different in scans and the June's official one. He tells Aoi you have mom, in another he says you have your mom. The mother let him go to jail to protect the family reputation, but he went to jail to protect Aoi. The mother does show up at the hospital in Vol. 6, but no interaction is shown. Doumeki automatically tries to find his way back to Yashiro but Misumi kills that dream. Amou has pity and helps him at least stay in that world. So where he stands with his family still seems to be distant. He says he would never go back to that life. His main concern was Aoi and they have made peace with each other.

Some times we forget the life circumstances that led Doumeki to the Yakuza and why he made that decision to live a life that goes against all his values. I don't believe he ever felt as if he had a home or somewhere to go back to. His family home must have been full of bad memories so he was desperate for money to be on his own. After being released from prison he lived out of boxes and slept at the offices of Shinseikai, rarely going back to a empty apartment to sleep. He had found someone he felt a connection to. This person showed an interest in him and eventually showed that he cared about him. Doumeki like Yashiro has an emptiness, a deficit of love and care. Both were let down by their parents, in damaging and life changing ways. I hope he and Yashiro can find the missing pieces in their lives and move on to valuing themselves. Their love for each other won't fix everything but it's a start.

[kayura452]

I never considered changing my icon until now. I don’t think I’ve seen an image so beautiful, and, at the same time, sad.

This cat is Yashiro, deciding to remain a cat because Doumeki can’t help but be kind and gentle with him. 😭

Doumeki says that it’s rare to find a stray begging to be held.

Be careful of those feral kitties, Doumeki! 😂

Yashiro with ears!!

Artists, writers, doll enthusiasts… please jump all over this, cuz THIS needs to be a thing!

[danmeibrainrot]

Omg the night version is out!! 😍😍😭😭❤

Doumeki looks so cute with his hair down😭❤

[babyrubysoho-maiden]

Scanlation: Tankoubon Dai-Yon Maki Kinen Shousasshi (new part only)

My English scanlation of the new mini-manga from the MR doujinshi "Vol.4 Sale Anniversary Booklet".

Sorry this took so long! As you'll see, I've only included the previously unpublished part of this doujin (I have a lot of stuff going on🤣).

The rest is made up of release booklets for Vol.4 and Twitter sketches etc. that I've uploaded before. I'll get to including them at some point, but it's fiddly and time consuming.

Read it below or download here or here.

Check out the master post at the top of my page to find all my MR scanlations!

[tadayoedoshizumazu]

I wonder if Misumi can draw a parallel between Kurobane and Doumeki. Will he leave Yashiro, what he lost himself, and what he regrets all his life?

[danmeibrainrot]

New Saezuru illustration!! Yashiro resting on Doumeki's lap again🥺😭😭

[mixos11]

I looove this one (pls ignore the birds i don't know how to draw them)

[applepielifestuff]

Omg..So beautiful 🖤

[annaritastella]

"I want to stay by his side forever"

And now you tell me how you can doubt Doumeki s feelings... He is so pure and scared to lose Yashiro again.

[beigepillow]

After reading the chapter, I would really love to understand D's actions😭. I see many people attacking him( again), and I get their point of D making it seem to Y that he's using him for sex but I would love to understand why he does this. What do you think?

I understand where people are coming from as well. I think their current situation hits a sore spot for many of us as many of us have probably faced something similar in our personal lives. But I also wanted to put out a question of is Doumeki using Yashiro for sex or is he allowing Yashiro to use him for sex? I am working on a post talking about Yashiro and Doumeki in this chapter but I wanted to put that question out there.

[beigepillow]

Yashiro And Doumeki: Chapter 58

With this chapter, I think a lot of us are feeling very bad for Yashiro. He seems so hurt by what Doumeki is doing. Typically, I make posts trying to defend Doumeki or look at things from his pov but I wanted to try to take into account both of their feelings and thought processes for this chapter because honestly I think they’re both feeling terrible about this whole fuckbuddy situation. Side note: I know some people don’t like the word fuckbuddy for their situation but Idk how else to refer to it. They’re not together but I know they’re in love and my use of the word fuckbuddy isn’t intended to diminish their relationship in any way.

I’ll start with my thoughts on Doumeki. There is a reason I make sure to emphasize that a lot of our analysis on Doumeki is based on interpretation and not necessarily how he really feels. If you have the opinion that Doumeki is planning and making moves with the endgoal of being with Yashiro, this whole situation where he has sex with Yashiro and leaves makes him look like a real asshole. I think it is easier to think that Doumeki is doing okay because he doesn’t really express that he is not. Compared to Yashiro, he seems better adjusted and since we don’t see his thoughts it is easier to assume he is less affected by all of this than Yashiro is. But I think we need to recall what Yashiro used to tell Doumeki. He used to say that he doesn’t think he can have romantic relationships and that he is only interested in sex. Doumeki seems to have taken that to heart as well as the fact that he doesn’t know that Yashiro has moved on from Kage and is no longer in love with him. Doumeki seems to think that Yashiro didn’t value the moments they had outside of sex because honestly that hasn’t been shown to him. I think we can sometimes underestimate the amount of pain he went through when Yashiro kicked him out. I think Doumeki is having sex with Yashiro because he wants to have some kind of a relationship with him and he is also HOPING that having sex with him will keep Yashiro from seeking out sex with others partly due to jealousy and partly to keep Yashiro safe since sex is a self destructive behavior for him. I emphasize hoping because he is not forcing Yashiro to be with him nor is he constantly hovering around to make sure that he doesn’t go to Inami or anyone else. He is giving Yashiro space while trying to satisfy something Yashiro claims he needs. The emphasis has always been on Yashiro’s pleasure because Doumeki still has his own issues on sex. Doumeki doesn’t want just sex but he feels that he has no other option. He also seems to be repeating the behavior of leaving because that is what he seems to think Yashiro wants based on volume 5.

As for Yashiro, we can see that he is deeply affected and saddened by this change in their dynamic. But when looking at the conversation of Yashiro’s flashback, I think he feels betrayed as well. The last page is amazingly done with the rain almost symbolizing his tears but his mouth seemed both angry and sad to me. I shared the page of Doumeki answering Yashiro and letting him know that Yashiro was different from others because it stands out to me more in comparison to the moment where Yashiro rips off the bandaid. Doumeki told him he was special but then seemingly is with Izumi and treating Yashiro like everyone else does? Doumeki’s words must feel like a lie. I think this feels different from Kage’s rejection not just because he loves Doumeki more but because Doumeki made him feel special only for him to act like he didn’t mean any of it. It isn’t very rational of Yashiro considering everything but both get blinded by emotion. At the end of the day, they’re both very hurt and acting in ways they think the other wants but it is important to keep in mind that both agreed to this kind of relationship. I feel that Yashiro will end up giving in but I also think he has a separate journey to go through before he can be truly with Doumeki that I may write about in a separate post.

[saezurusteve]

Nah… they’re not in love at all. 🙄

Apparently there’s a rumor that Doumeki licks Yashiro’s bullet scar. Which one, I wonder? 🤔

[applepielifestuff]

OMG! New cover🥺❤️

[beigepillow]

Chapter 57: the Sex

So I am having some feelings about this chapter and I apologize if I start rambling and writing too many posts but I have some things on my mind lol. Lately I like breaking up my analysis instead of doing one large one because I feel like it makes me able to focus on one aspect of the chapter. Right now, I want to talk about the sex and how Yashiro and Doumeki are feeling about it. Yashiro admits to himself that he wants to run away when faced with gentle touches but he is also captivated by them. We see a self awareness that that Yashiro has ignored for decades come into play here. There is indication that he wants to run away throughout the sex but then he promptly gives in. Doumeki seems to be aware of his resistance and even tells him he can throw up if he wants to. When I first saw that line, it threw me off because it seemed cold and almost uncaring. But looking at the greater details of Yashiro pushing Doumeki away and still resisting that gentle treatment, I think Doumeki is acknowledging that Yashiro isn’t ready for lovemaking. Since there were flashbacks to volume 5, I wonder if Doumeki is remembering the aftermath of what happened the last time he pushed Yashiro to accept his gentle treatment. Doumeki is still very much reeling from how Yashiro treated him then. I think Doumeki needed some space in the end too and I am not sure what he meant by telling Yashiro he’ll come back. I think the sex and feeling like he is forcing Yashiro into is wearing on him and even in this sex scene, though he was passionate, he still had his cold, hardened exterior. I don’t want to say this was a test but I think Doumeki tried to push the limits and saw that Yashiro isn’t really ready for loving sex let alone a loving relationship. What this means for Doumeki can only be a guess but he doesn’t have much time to dwell on it since he now needs to focus on his yakuza tasks and there will be no Yashiro to distract him. Yashiro, on the other hand, has made the first steps towards understanding himself and what he really wants. He knows he hates the cruelty and he knows he is scared of the gentleness but likes the feeling of it. This chapter did feel like there was a loss of progress but I think it is realistic. Yashiro is starting to set the stages for him to understand and fight for what he wants. Doumeki cannot be the pursuer anymore as he has other duties expected of him so now I think it is time for Yashiro to fight for them.

[artemisrisen]

I’m so impressed with doumeki in chapter 57; he navigates this path through yashiro’s severe anxieties like a captain steering their ship through rough water. he’s controlled but on high alert, watches for any hiccups and adjusts immediately, and tries to find that wire-thin balance between gentle (scary and wanted) and rough (familiar but unwanted). when yashiro gets too shaky, doumeki resets their position to be less intimate, and then carefully re-introduces kissing until yashiro is far more relaxed. it’s really fascinating and lovely to see how much he's changed in his approach.

and I think we’d all love for him to admit that he loves yashiro too, or at least that his relationship with mama-san/izumi is a facade (or does not replace his love for yashiro), but after this chapter I can see why he keeps his cards so close to his chest. yashiro is so volatile that even he can’t predict his own reactions - there’s a chance that realizing doumeki loves him, even now, would cause him to backslide and retreat into the idea that he doesn’t deserve this kind of love, and do whatever possible to push doumeki away again. I don’t think that things would happen the same as they did in the past, but I’m no longer concerned about doumeki’s silence. he’s playing the long game.