Apples from the Trees

Rowan l nonbinary l they/them I teach middle school. Send help. Icon by pkvannix! I tag on request.

[happifying-things]

📷 by Epic_Hoola

[blignick]

[bunjywunjy]

this is actually HILARIOUS because both domestic rabbits and domestic cats practice dominance-related social grooming but for wildly different reasons.

if you're a rabbit, the boss rabbit is the one who gets groomed by its subordinate rabbits.

but if you're a cat... the boss cat is the one that grooms the other cats.

BOTH these idiots are going "aw yeah, it's good to be on top >:) "

[jkottke]

The Color Game. “Humans can’t reliably recall colors. This is a simple game to see how good (or bad) you are at it. We’ll show you five colors, then you’ll try and recreate them.” I scored 39/50 but got a perfect score on one color.

[shadowvalkyrie]

Remembering is less of an issue than navigating the colour slider, tbh.

[rudbeckiasunflower]

[the-weeperrrrrrr]

Mutual hangout idea we all take an autism test and tell each other the % in the tags

[books-4-life9]

ADHD Test / Quiz | Psychology Today here's the adhd one lol

[burrito-fight]

kevin day, at 38 years old, is the oldest player on the us court, back to win a gold medal. comms never let the audience forget it, they're always saying "here comes 38 yo kevin day, oldest man here for exy", "and even at 38 yo, day still has it!", etc. media's always asking him about his career, and he finally gives in and tells them: "this will be my last olympics with the us court."

fans from all over gather to watch every us game, even if they're rooting for another country. this is kevin day's last time playing with the us court. no more gold medals after this one. his retirement from the nel is likely coming soon too. he's already the oldest player there, even if he's still producing. they watch, and the gold medal game for exy is the most watched event of the entire olympics - 35 million people coming together to watch kevin day's final stand. and he takes home the gold with the us one last time, because of course he does.

four years later, exy fans are preparing for their first olympics without kevin day in 20 years or so, and then there's a press release that shocks them all. kevin day is going to play at the olympics... for ireland. he claims that will be his "final olympics. period", but he's doing his last one with ireland. his birth country. something he's doing for his mother. and his younger self.

he takes to the court in those colours for the first time and all of the exy world is emotional. kevin day, wearing the same colours his mother used to play with. kevin day, who's known for the number 2 on his back, changing his number this once so that it's the same one his mom wore. photos comparing them go viral, and kevin saves every single one. he plays every game for her, a quiet dedication before he steps on to the court. and when he wins gold, he dedicates that to her too.

kayleigh day might've never won an olympic gold with ireland, but there is one day out there who did.

[sluttyquarantinetheory]

The most horrifying thing about being a human is that no matter how intelligent you are or how much customer service training you have, nothing will stop you from being the idiot customer on occasion. At some point you won't read a sign or you'll misread a menu or ask the dumbest question a human has ever formed and there is nothing you can do to prevent this. It will happen. Accept it and continue on your way as one of today's dipshit customers.

[titillatio-draconis]

If, say, you are absolutely ITCHING for some incredible life changing sports!fic, may I humbly present: There Are No Gays in Football by Malu_3

This is a BBC Merthur fic that completely rewired my brain. I’ve reread this bad boy probably once a year for the last eleventy years.

“When a deeply-closeted Arthur Pendragon finally earns a spot in Camelot's first XI, he's dead set on breaking records, not one of sport's last taboos. But life, like football, is a funny old game, and sometimes the only way up is out. Especially once he realises he's arse over tit for the new physio.

A queer Arthurian tale of courage, love, and football.”

I think this is the best sports fic ever written outside of the Yuri On Ice fandom. Although, I am willing to have my mind changed if y’all have any recommendations. The sex is steamy, intimate, and sometimes awkward in the most perfect way. Subtle dom/sub overtones. The characters exist here for me almost completely outside their canon equivalents but still fit right in. The plot and pacing are better developed than 90% of published romance. You will want every side character to be your new best friend. Every woman is a masterpiece (Morgana, Gwen, Freya…. Even fucking Helen).

Buckle in and start rooting for our number 9!!

#elder millenial #here to share the old ways #the ancient magic #once and future merthur #malu_3 #art by #alby_mangroves #mizufae

[prettyboyneil]

We love to call Neil oblivious or dense for not noticing he was in a slowburn romance with Andrew but how many of us were smacked in the face with the “that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t blow you”the first time you read it then of course you go back and reread and andreil was very obviously there the whole time you just get so caught up in thinking like Neil Josten that you also become oblivious so props to Nora for that

[fox-bright]

hi any life advice for 21yo

Don't date thirty-year-olds until you are at least 25.

Having a glass of water for every glass of alcohol will give you a 50% reduction in hangover viciousness.

Bad people will use your willingness to be quiet as a weapon against you. If someone's being awful to you and trusting you'll be quiet to keep from making waves, surprise them.

There is no physical object in the world that is worth as much as your honor.

Honor is not the same as dignity. Retaining one sometimes means leaving the other aside.

Don't have any sex you don't want to have; have as much as you want of the sex that you do, whether that's a lot, a little, or none at all. Nothing you can do to your own body is immoral, unless you're doing it as an act of self-punishment.

Food is morally neutral. You do not have to earn the right to eat calories. Fat and sugar keep your brain from eating itself.

Learning to sit still and breathe--in, in, in, hold, hold, hold, out, out, out, out, out, out--can give you five feet of clear space around yourself in a maelstrom.

Find out how to make three good meals: A comfort meal you can make for just yourself relatively easily, a fancy meal you can use to wow a date, and a meal you can feed a bunch of people. All the other cooking can come later, but you can build a community on those three meals.

If you ever get to the point that things are so bleak you can see no other way forward but to die, make any other choice. If that means leaving everything you own and being a beach bum, or quitting your career, or taking up or leaving a religion, or deciding to bicycle across the country, so be it; living means more chances, dying means everything stops and you don't get to see any more interesting things. As you have not yet seen all the things that can interest you, it is better to live.

[ferncloud]

🍎

[punkitt-is-here]

nothing I take less seriously then people who say "oh my gods" come on now girl

[zonky420]

americans know that theres religions that have more than one god, right?

like i can give you a list of polytheist religions if you need it

[punkitt-is-here]

i would post this shit if I was a natural born citizen of Jupiter

[punkitt-is-here]

I'm seeing some replies and I wanna add these tags since it's on the money, haha

[legendaryvermin]

If nothing else, it's deeply uncreative. Like, by polytheistic standards is kind of a brick headed minced oath.

It's the result of people coming into polytheism while living in the intense background radiation of Christianity. "Don't take the Lord's name in vain" made "Oh my God" a swear on par with "Jesus Christ". People start messing about with polytheism and end up just mincing the existing oath they've always used, where -devoid of the context of Christianity's treatment of the name of God as sacred and status as deity singular- it comes out clumsy.

Swearing is about transgression and the profane. Fuck is a swear because of taboos around talking openly about sex, shit about poop, and "oh my God" falls in with those. There isn't, in a polytheistic world view, much that's profane about invoking the idea of multiple gods alone.

"Thor's balls" on the other hand-

[bougiebutchbinch]

ranking the best things I have heard surgeons say mid-surgery:

1. "Five second rule!" while scrubbed, after dropping a sterile scalpel on the floor (no they did NOT pick it up again but I swear everyone's buttholes puckered)

2. (spoken during the closing of a particularly long and difficult case) "Nurse - my tunes." :heavy metal starts blasting:

3. Gently to a fretful patient, pre-anaesthesia: "It's going to be okay. I promise, I've dealt with worse." As soon as the patient is unconscious: "This is literally the worst thing I've ever seen."

4. [okay this one was a med student] "Wowwww, that's so gross!!" Reg: "Please remember that [patient] is awake for this procedure." Student to patient: "Oh my god. I am so sorry, that was really unprofessional - " Patient, cheerfully, also engrossed with what's happening inside them on the screen: "Nah - it's, like, super gross, right?"

5. [another procedure where the patient couldn't be put under GA] Patient: *starts singing country roads midway through the procedure* Surgeon: *shrugs and joins in with surprisingly good harmony*

[bougiebutchbinch]

okay okay there's more

6. Elderly surgeon to the anaesthetist who is gossipping with their reg: "I need you to pretend you're in church." [weirdest way to ask people to be quiet, but whatevs]

Anaethetist's new reg with big, horrified eyes: "You mean we should start praying???"

7. Panicking rad tech: "Uhhhh my machine broke. I need to jump on this part and kick it, but I am not paid enough if I break it. Can you - "

Surgeon, casual as: "Yeah, sure."

:violently beats up the C-arm until it starts pumping out those sweet, sweet x-rays:

8. ODP to theatre assistant: "Saw the new tasche earlier. Suits you."

Theatre assistant: "Thanks! it grew on me :)"

Surgeon, pleadingly, within accidental snipping distance of the patient's spinal cord: "Guys, do NOT make me laugh."

[bougiebutchbinch]

OH MY GOD I FORGOT -

9. Surgeon using the electrocauter, leaning over the incision and inhaling deeply: mmmmm, that smell always gets me hungry. I'm having barbeque tonight.

New med student: 👀

[bougiebutchbinch]

and the classique:

Spinal surgeon: hey, that scoli's getting bad. want me to fix it for ya?

Me: I mean. There's a pretty long wait list

Spinal surgeon: yeah but I could do it tonight

Me: that would be very illegal, Jeff

Spinal surgeon: only if they catch me

[tockthewatchdog-deactivated2020]

[findingfeather]

Every time I see this quote I realize how poor even very smart people are at looking at the long game and at assessing these things in context.

One of my favourite illustrations of this was in a First Aid class. The instructor was a working paramedic. He asked, “Who here knows the stats on CPR? What percentage of people are saved by CPR outside a hospital?”

I happen to know but I’m trying not to be a TOTAL know it all in this class so I wait. And people guess 50% and he says, “Lower,” and 20% and so forth and eventually I sort of half put up my hand and I guess I had The Face because he eventually looked at me and said, “You know, don’t you.”

“My mom’s a doc,” I said. He gave me a “so say it” gesture and I said, “Four to ten percent depending on your sources.”

Everyone else looked surprised and horrified.

And the paramedic said, “We’re gonna talk a bit about some details of those figures* but first I want to talk about just this: when do you do CPR?”

The class dutifully replies: when someone is unconscious, not breathing, and has no pulse.

“What do we call someone who is unconscious, not breathing, and has no pulse?”

The class tries to figure out what the trick question is so I jump over the long pause and say, “A corpse.”

“Right,” says the paramedic. “Someone who isn’t breathing and has no heartbeat is dead. So what I’m telling you is that with this technique you have a 4-10% chance of raising the dead.”

So no, artists did not stop the Vietnam War from happening with the sheer Power of Art. The forces driving that military intervention were huge, had generations of momentum and are actually pretty damn complicated.

But if you think the mass rejection of the war was as meaningless as a soufflé - well.

Try sitting here for ten seconds and imagining where we’d be if the entire intellectual and artistic drive of the culture had been FOR the war. If everyone thought it was a GREAT IDEA.

What the whole world would look like.

Four-to-ten percent means that ninety to ninety-six percent of the time - more than nine times out of ten - CPR will do nothing, but that one time you’ll be in the company of someone worshipped as an incarnate god.

If you think the artists and performers attacking and showing up people like Donald Trump is meaningless try imagining a version of the world wherein they weren’t there.

(*if you’re curious: those stats count EVERY reported case of CPR, while the effectiveness of it is extremely time-related. With those who have had continuous CPR from the SECOND they went down, the number is actually above 80%. It drops hugely every 30 seconds from then on. When you count ALL cases you count cases where the person has already been down several minutes but a bystander still starts CPR, which affects the stats)

[myfatfuckingface]

That Vonnegut quote brings this particular moment to mind:

Yes, it’s just a pie. Yes, the pie itself doesn’t do much direct damage in the grand scheme of things. But the pie is resistance, and resistance inspires resistance. Resistance inspires survival. Throwing pies sometimes starts a movement. Throwing pies sometimes saves lives.

And of course, we haven’t spoken about the inherent morality of throwing pies at oppressors in a world where oppressors have outlawed pie throwing. At the very least, pie throwing is a reminder to the oppressors that no matter how much money they have, no matter how much power they have, there are still some people, some moments they can’t control.

I’d rather go out throwing pies than just rolling over and accepting that pie throwing isn’t going to solve anything. Yeah, the pie throwing doesn’t immediately solve the problem, but it doesn’t have to because it’s just a starting point. So throw the damn pie.

[holy-muffins]

So throw the damn pie

[dustwalks]

when kaz tells inej he wants to be buried under the weight of his own gold he really means i don’t want to live in poverty like i once did. he means i want to have lots of kruge so i don’t have to rely on anyone else to be able to live. he means i don’t want to have nothing and for that to be the reason why my loved ones die.

and when a voice in his head says he wants inej what it really means is i would be okay having nothing if i could have you because then i would have everything. it means we would be poor and we would struggle but we would survive.

he denies it at first, but then he tells her as much, when he says i would come for you, kaz’s saying always no matter what. when he says because that’s what we do. we never stop fighting, he means if we are poor it doesn’t matter we will claw our way back up. we have done it before and we will do it again.

kaz backs it up with his actions — inej over money. he trusts in himself and in inej. in himself: there will not be a repeat of him and jordie. he is older and more experienced. he can let go. and in inej: he trusts her love in him and buys out her indenture (with, as he says, every ill-gotten cent). he finds her parents. he gets her ship. she’ll come back. he has faith.

[parvuls]

A Comprehensive List Of Jack's Canon Chirps

"Bittle, HEADS UP!" [Bitty passes out] "…Or get into fetal position at central ice. That's also an option."

"You've never seen the sun rise from a rink, eh? Thought you were a figure skating champion."

Bitty: "A fist bump! I didn't know you did those." Jack: "Ha - you gotta work for them."

"The sad thing is, I can tell he's lying not because of the library part? But because he'd never leave a pie unattended."

"Oh and Bittle, before I forget. This summer? Eat more protein."

"When you get Youtube famous don't go out and chirp me all over the internet, eh? 'Night."

"How many of those tweets do you start with oh my god y'all?"

"It's way too easy to make you laugh. Make sure you tweet that." [looks over Bitty's shoulder to make sure he tweets that]

[texts Bitty a smiley face] [follows up with:] "Sorry that was a typo."

"You only tweeted twice while we were working, Bittle. That's a record."

[Bitty gets knocked over] "I guess you're looking for extra checking practice, eh, Bittle?"

"We should get going and let Bittle here text about his walk to class."

Bitty: "E-excuse you, but my kitchen is no place for checking!" Jack: "…Your kitchen?" Bitty: "Well, the kitchen! Now move your big -- uhm." Jack: "My big…?"

[At Thanksgiving] "All that turkey's gonna make you slow for tomorrow, Chowder."

[To a kid wearing a Brad Marchand jersey while asking for Jack's autograph] "You know this isn't me, right?"

"17." [At Bitty's confusion:] "That's the number of pies you baked in September. In case you were wondering where your time went."

"I'm sure you'd be done [with your history essay] too if you had tweeted it. Is that an option?"

[looks at Bitty's tweets] "I said where'd you get that camera not is that the camera you use. Come on, Bittle."

[finds Bitty's surprise cookies] "I'm surprised your cookies got through costumes Bittle."

"I told my mom about all your tweeting? She says you're not following her. I'm more surprised than offended, Bittle."

"Shitty, don't you think I should get a tweet transcript or something since he quotes me so much? For legal purposes."

"Hey, Bittle. That Daily reporter didn't rope you into an interview after that jump?"

[after meeting Farmer] "She was nice, eh? Cute. …I bet you're texting about our lunch now."

[Nursey accidentally hits a kid in the face with his hockey bag] "Nice check, Nurse."

[in the middle of the night] "I figured you'd be up baking a pie or three."

[Bitty gets shoe-checked] "Hey, it's no shoes, no shirt, no service, Bittle."

"Whose shoulders are you going to sit on at Spring C, Bittle?"

[Shitty tears up while kissing the ice] "Crying a bit there, eh?"

[SMH buy Bitty a new oven] Bitty: "I need to bake something right this second!" Jack: "Stop crying first."

"If we move the kitchen table out, you can bring your bed in."

[About graduating] "The biggest change is probably my diet. Less pie."

"And hey, it's a bit different than you and Lardo, eh? Since everyone knew you were in love with her since sophomore year."

[during Falcs Faceoff] Teammate: "Heard you've never lost one a these, I'm scared." Jack: "Yeah, you should be."

[Gets chirped for dating Bitty] "This is a Samwell hockey record. Chirps lasting longer than the ones re: Holster & Esther S." Holster: "…Jack." Jack: ":)"

Nursey: "Yo, Bitty do you remember any French?" Jack: "No." Bitty: "I can speak for myself, Mr. Zimmermann." Jack: "Well. Not in French."

[To Marty & Thirdy] "Hauling your kids around on a sled just about wore you guys out, eh?"

[To Tater] "Potato champ needs more sleep, eh?"

"Bitty? Hey, bud, come on, say something -" [Bitty passes out] "Or you can pass out at center ice. I'm getting deja vu."

[mxinfodump]

Dex being in love with Nursey but like resignated to not do anything about it? And like he kinda has made peace with that and he’s just like glad that after everything that went down between them he can be Nurseys friend and even best friend and he doesn’t ever think thats gonna go beyond that

And then a Derek that hasn’t even think about it until someone points out how cute they are together (like a new friend that doesn’t know their history and just has seen them being besties and think they’re actually together)

So Dex replies like “haha no, he would never settle for me”

And Derek just tries to see what his friend is seeing and begins to consider Dex in a new light

And falls hard.

Also I imagine like Chowder or maybe the team knowing about Dex’s infatuation. It’s just like a fact that everyone notices during the last year. I mean, they think “who hasn’t had a crush in Nursey at least for a moment?”

So Nursey goes to talk about this realization with Chowder and he’s just :0. He wasn’t expecting that plot twist?) No one did.

So there’s this whole Nursey flirting with Dex, and asking him out but not in so many words. And Dex is super oblivious about the whole thing?

[parvuls]

no, because - famous person starts dating less famous person and is then gradually overshadowed is a trope. a trope often used to bring external conflict into stories. but jack and bitty are carefully constructed as the opposite of that, and I'm fucking feral over it.

we joke about how jack will eventually be bitty's trophy husband and be thrilled about it, but it definitely has a giant grain of truth in it. it's how they're characterized. bitty is an extrovert; jack is an introvert. bitty reached out and built himself an online audience to deal with his trauma; jack shut himself out and started avoiding the public to deal with his.

bitty finds comfort in being able to talk to others and (as seen in spotlight on eric bittle) considers being a public figure a sort of healing experience: coming out and being a public person (in every manner of speaking, not just sexuality wise) and putting himself in the limelight is such an important part of his journey because he sees it as a way of helping others who were in his situation.

jack grew up in the spotlight as the only son of two prominent figures. he grew up as a child with anxiety with the media's eyes on him as he was compared to his father. he grew up as an overweight teen featuring in trashy gossip columns as he was compared to his mother. he got into rehab in part because of this attention and it only attracted more attention to him. a lot of jack's anxiety stems from the notion of people looking at him and thinking about him and talking about him and judging him, and it's unfortunate because jack's dream is to play hockey, and that comes with even more attention.

but that's the thing: jack and bitty's story is (once again) a demonstration of two people making each other's lives better.

jack's fame thrusts bitty into the spotlight post-cup, and it's a giant push forward in helping him reach a bigger audience and thus grow his independent fame. bitty's growing fame slowly overshadows jack, to the point where ngozi says they'll one day be Eric Bittle and his Athlete Husband. and that means jack gets to play hockey, and win cups, and achieve fame in his own field, but the media's attention slides off him to his husband, and the fans on the street gradually approach bitty more than him, and jack is free to have his success with less of the personal scrutiny.

it's not that jack becomes less important than bitty. it's that bitty gets to stand in front of the direct sun and flourish as a result, while jack gets to stand in the shade bitty creates and flourish as a result. it's symbiosis. it's beautiful.