Aquara_Siragon

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

STOP telling me when people are typing. it's bad enough i have to figure out how not to interrupt people in verbal conversations and now we're doing it in WRITING????

[aquara-siragon]

ITS NOT JUST ME!

[starman-davidbowie]

Yall would never guess the role I played in zolarian history

[aquara-siragon]

“Why won’t you accept/ask for help?”

I DON’T FUCKING KNOW

“Work smarter not harder”

WELL WHAT IF WORKING SMARTER FEELS HARDER FOR SOME FUCKING REASON

[aquara-siragon]

I wish I was powerful enough to have a crash out instead of a meltdown

[aquara-siragon]

Is it just me or do the fairies in OUAT look like jellyfish?

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 41 (masterpost here)

*fighting noises, grunts and the shwing of metal*

Tim: so me and Robin cleared out our section; want us to head over to you two?

Dick: *harsh impact* *slight chuckle* uh, i don't think this'll take us too long, you guys are good to wait.

Bruce: they're not overly prepared for an attack, that's for sure.

Dick: man, you know you're shit when Batman starts taking the mick mid-fight, *gunshot* oi-!

Damian: so we're just waiting?

Dick: yeah, take a break, Triple-R!

Damian, mumbling: stupid fucking nickname.

Tim: yeah shut up Dick,

Bruce, tired: just because it aligns with an insult doesn't mean you can disregard the no-name rule with Nightwing.

Tim: *snort*

Dick: B, sniper on the balcony- *gunshot* ok never mind he's a shit shot you're good.

Damian: Red, we can do the thing.

Tim: oh- holy fuck you're right,

Damian: you- *already sounding amused* you first.

Tim: ok well don't laugh yet, i haven't even... *trails off*

*fabric shuffling*

Dick, slightly breathless: wait, what are you two doing?

Tim: shut up, we're playing a game. you said take a break.

*thud* *hiss of sympathy*

Bruce: boys, please, we can't keep playing games on patrol-,

Dick: -yeah B might cry.

Bruce: i will not- i'm not going to cry??? just-

Dick: 'sounds close to tears. what are you playing?

Bruce, hissing: Nightwing,

Dick, innocently: hm?

Tim: ok, i'm ready. turn around.

*a beat of silence*

Damian, sounding slightly confused: *garbled, muffled by water* mf 'us a 'ox. wh- *abrupt choke*

Tim: yeah so this is- *snicker* this is my whole thing, this is what i uh, brought...

Damian: *sharp nose exhale*

Tim: he doesn't know i have it.

Damian: *water splatter* *cough*

Tim: HA! YOU LAUGHED!

Damian: *coughing* i did- not laugh, there's a difference.

Tim, incredulous: i HEARD you!

Damian: no no, i spat out my water. there's nothing against that in the rules.

Tim: that's the whole point,

Damian: i didn't laugh, i coughed.

Tim: oh- *indignant* bullshit, you laughed you liar.

Dick: the hell are you two doing? Red??

Tim: it's just a stupid game we thought might be fun where we both sneak the most obscure items we can onto patrol. if you laugh you lose, which you did-

Damian: i'm not gonna laugh at the kettle Pennyworth got imported from London, Drake. don't be a sore loser.

Dick: you brought- how the fuck did you keep that hidden?

Tim: shut up Damian. just do yours, you won't beat me.

Damian, apathetic: uh-huh. drink then, coward.

Dick: well now i kinda wanna know what Robin has...

Bruce, teeth gritted: Nightwing, please focus.

*silence*

Damian: open your eyes.

Tim: *instant water spitting* *choking*

Damian: you fucking- you spat on me you ass,

Tim: *high-pitched* what the- WHAT THE FUCK- *delirious shocked laughter*

Damian: fucking- 'm all wet now,

Tim: *still laughing* holy mother of hell,

Damian: i win, bitch.

Tim: I'M GOING TO- *incredulous* ROBIN!?

Damian: yeah... um. but then i also didn't want to play favourites, so...

*fabric shuffling*

Tim: OH MY- *instant wheeze*

Dick: ok seriously what is going on over there? Red sounds like he's going through anaphylactic shock.

Tim: *audibly struggling to breath*

Damian, calmly: no it's fine.

Tim, through tears: how did you- how did you even decide this was an option...?!

Damian: i play to win.

*distant thomp of boots on concrete*

Jason, distant, through Tim and Damian's coms: hey kiddies, am i late to the party?

Jason, voice dropping three octaves: ok what the fuck is that.

Tim, panting: read the- *wheeze* read the engraving,

Jason: oh. my. god.

Jason: DAMIAN. DAMI- HOLY- *chokes* oh my- WHY DID YOU-

*ping*

Jason, clearer: Bruce come get your son, Bruce come- *wheezes* *through cackles* COME AND GET YOUR SON,

Bruce: ok what on earth is going on up there?

Jason: he's got- *high pitched, delirious* i don't understand- Damian why?

Tim, also crying from laughter: we were playing a game,

Jason: WHAT FUCKING GAME-

Bruce: RED HOOD. I NEED DETAILS.

Jason: he's got- oh my fuck- he's got your parents.

*silence, apart from Jason and Tim's breathy cackles*

Dick: wait what-? i don't understand.

Jason: the ashes- he's got the- he brought Thomas and Martha's ashes on patrol.

Dick: W H A T?

Bruce: ...excuse me?

Jason: *cackles* oh fuck- oh fuck my side hurts,

Tim: *sniffs* i think i cracked a rib.

Bruce: Robin. what are they talking about?

Damian, sombre: i'm sorry father. i thought the family reunion might boost morale.

Bruce: WHAT.

Tim, amidst desperate attempts at breath control: what were you gonna do if you dropped one?

Damian: i mean, ash is not hard to come by. i doubt father would notice.

Bruce: ROBIN LEAVE THEM ALONE, YOU ARE TAKING THEM BACK TO THE MANOR THIS INSTANT.

Damian: hold- hold on father, i hear the ashes whispering to me.

*a beat*

Damian: they want to know why you dropped out of medical school.

Tim and Jason: *loose their collective shit*

[aquara-siragon]

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST FUCKING THING HOLY SHIT-

[papayafromtv]

there is no way jason and tim haven't gotten bored during patrol and decided to switch places for a bit. like the amount they must banter and joke about how tim stole robin so he's coming for red hood next, and that jason's gonna steal red robin as revenge for taking robin from him; there has to be an occasion where during a slow night they're both bored and in funny moods so they just switch costumes behind an air conditioning unit without telling anyone for a laugh.

jason shows up to red robin's rendezvous with nightwing, batman and robin clearly about to tear through tim's suit. dick and damian stare at him in the utmost bafflement until bruce opens his mouth to ask what the fuck and dick cuts him off with a 'hoooold on b, i kinda wanna see what happens when he tries to use those bo-staffs.'

they end up just quietly accepting it and jason spends the next three hours doing the MOST dramatic tim impressions he can, including answering literally everything with 'uhm, actually ☝️🤓' vibes and every five minutes going in a very high pitched voice 'man, jason todd sure was my hero back when he was robin. i wish i had been good enough to fill his shoes but alas, i am just a pathetic little rich boy with no skills other than being a potential peeping-tom'. damian laughs. every time. there also comes a point where they all get into a fight with some criminals and jason has to bust out the bo-staffs except he was never trained with them so he doesn't know the techniques, and it ends up with dick sat on top of a billboard calling out point scores as jason runs around holding one of the staffs like fuckin steve harrington with his nail-bat just whacking guys over the head with it as if he's playing fuckin' goon-golf.

meanwhile tim is over in crime alley surrounded by jason's subordinates who ABSOLUTELY fuckin' know this is red robin wearing their bosses suit because it is DROWNING him and they've seen the two hang out enough to catch onto tim's speech style, except they are absolutely NOT going to be interfering or asking why because red robin is wearing a bomb-helmet and is clearly ENTIERLY too happy to be in a situation where it is socially acceptable for him to be using guns and threatening to kill people and jason's goons do NOT want to get involved. the rest of the bats finally end up in crime alley and they find 'red hood' sat on a chair in the middle of a street he's blocked off via death threats overseeing a human version of chess that he's playing against black mask (who does not seem to realise this isn't jason) complete with a chalk chess board drawn on the road and all of jason's subordinates resignedly standing in separate squares with pieces of paper stuck to their heads declaring what kind of piece they're supposed to be. jason and dick walk onto the street just in time to watch tim declare 'knight to E5!' and the guy with 'knight' pinned to his forehead clocks his real boss entering the scene dressed as red robin, sighs bitterly at him, drags his feet over to where black mask's 'queen' goon is staring at the floor forlornly, says 'sorry matthew,' and then proceeds to sock him in the face so hard the guy goes down in one hit.

[aquara-siragon]

Ok I would like to fancast Lilith Max as Artemis for Ilium please and thank you.

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 24 (masterpost here)

*ping*

Jason: sup' sluts.

Damian: oh good, you're finally here.

Tim: yeah usually you're out doing shit like an hour earlier, what were you doing?

Jason: playing tech support for Ra's

Damian: oh god, what did he want now?

Jason: he was trying to figure out how to mute uncle Dusan's number

Dick: isn't Dusan... his son?

Jason: he doesn't like him very much.

Damian: *snickers* ok well now that you're here i can finally do... this!

Tim: *confused hum*

Damian: as you know, a game has been invented that you're all invested in with varying levels,

Tim: -oh my god it's a fucking league days thing.

Damian: now, Drake-

Tim: no, no, it's fine. i'm gonna fucking crush this but i need you to know i'm going to hate every second of it.

Jason: why did you have to wait for me to play, i'm literally the only member of the family who can't participate because i already know everything.

Damian: -well if you'd let me fucking EXPLAIN,

Tim: aight damn Robin-,

Damian: this league days entry is very special, in that Jason didn't write it. i did.

*a beat*

Tim: but why-

Dick: -you clearly just want to tell us something and are using the game to do it, so we-

Tim: -s obviously going to be true,

Damian: well maybe it is and maybe it isn't, you have to figure that out.

Jason, amused: alright, i'll bite, give me the line.

Damian: *clears throat* 'this morning, i had a very interesting catch-up with my mother, during which i learnt some very important information...'

Jason: that's so- *laugh* that's so vague Day, the fuck did she tell you?

Damian: well Akhi, as you know, my mother and i talk quite often, and equally as often you are the subject of conversation,

Jason: -because i'm cool and you want to be like me-

Damian: -because you piss me off and she and grandfather are the only other two that truly get it. anyway, this morning we happened upon the subject of your resurrection and coming to be at the league.

Jason, audibly confused: okaaay...?

Dick: like- like when he got put in the lazarus pit?

Damian: no no Grayson, before that. you see, when Jason first came back to life it was unaided by any kind of magical assistance. grandfather is still pissed off he doesn't know how he did it.

Jason: yeah i just kinda dug my way out, but i don't remember anything after that. why the fuck is this relevant?

Damian: well i was talking to mother about it, and as it turns out, you were wandering around Gotham in a comatose-state for twenty-eight minutes before a league member found you and took you back to the compound. after mother found out, she had the tech experts go back and scrub all footage of you during this time from the city security cameras. she did however, keep a copy on file. i am now in possession of this footage.

Jason: riiight...? so what- is this just you having footage of me wandering around like a dumb zombie and thinking it looks funny?

Damian, innocent: no no, there's another reason it's interesting. speaking of- Timothy Jackson Drake, you've been quiet for quite a few moments now; do you have anything to put in here...?

*a few beats of silence*

Tim: *slowly* i... am not completely sure... why i would be of interest to this conversation.

Damian: well that's not very good sportsmanship is it? Jason, shall i send you the footage?

Jason: what the fuck is going on?

Tim: ok, ok... ok.

Damian: i am sending it over to you all, if you would like to pull up your screens and take a took,

Tim: I SAID OK.

Jason: why am i watching this- it's just me walking ar-

*a beat of silence*

Dick, laughing slightly: wait. wait.

Jason: is that-

Tim: ok so i'm actually quite glad that this is coming up in conversation because it's been on my mind for a while-,

Damian: yeah so Drake fully came across Jason in his newly-resurrected state and upon watching him stumble down the street took a photo and then walked away.

Jason: WHAT

Dick: OH, MY, GOD. *cackle*

Jason: TIM?!

Dick: *still laughing*

Tim: ok, so-

Dick: *wheezing* HE JUST- HE JUST TAKES A BITE OF HIS HOTDOG AND WATCHES YOU DRUNKENLY WALK INTO A TELEPHONE POLE-

Tim, seriously: i have felt. so unbelievably bad about this for the past three years Jason, you have no idea.

Jason: what the fuck. you knew i was alive? YOU FUCKIN' KNEW BRUCE WAS BATMAN YOU COULD HAVE CALLED HIM!

Dick: *hysterical laughter*

Jason: DICK SHUT THE FUCK UP

Tim: I- I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS ACTUALLY YOU-

Jason: W- OH BECAUSE THERE WERE SO MANY OTHER OPTIONS?!

Tim: w- i mean maybe? i thought it could have been a cosplayer? or something?

Jason: A COSPLAYER. COSPLAYING BRUCE WAYNE'S DEAD SON.

Tim: THIS CITY'S FUCKED I DON'T KNOW-!

Dick: *weeping*

Jason: NO WHAT'S FUCKED IS YOU TOOK A PHOTO.

Tim: I- I LIKE PHOTOGRAPHY!? I DON'T KNOW- LOOK I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS ACTUALLY YOU AT FIRST, AND BY THE TIME I REALISED IT WAS YOU WERE ALREADY BACK AS RED HOOD AND I- I THOUGHT YOU'D BEAT ME UP IF YOU KNEW!

Jason: you.... little bitch.

Tim: Jason,

Jason: i fucking- i knew it,

Tim: come on-,

Jason: i fucking knew you'd been after the Robin gig from the beginning,

Tim: OH JASON COME ON-

Jason: ALL THAT BULLSHIT ABOUT IT NOT BEING YOUR CHOICE, ABOUT IT BEING FOR BATMAN, FOR THE GOOD OF GOTHAM,

Dick: *painful wheeze*

Jason: YOU FUCKING LITTLE. BITCH. i cannot believe i told Damian to go easy on you when he first showed up here. i mean you fucking- *slight wheeze* YOU TOOK A PHOTO-?

Tim: I'M SORRY.

Jason: YOU ARE A TRAITOR TO THIS FAMILY AND THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU IM SHOOTING YOU IN THE DICK WITH A RUBBER BULLET.

Tim: OH COME ON PLEASE-

*disconnecting ping*

Tim: ARE YOU FUCKING- DAMIAN WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!

Damian: *sounding pleased* maybe you shouldn't have eaten the last of the vegan bacon this morning.

Dick: *coughing, gasping for breath* oh my- oh my god i love you all so much, you make me so happy,

Tim: DICK HE'S GOING TO KILL ME-

Dick: so happy-

[aquara-siragon]

This may be my new favorite Holy FUCK

[aquara-siragon]

Brennan Lee Mulligan is the Ryan Stiles of dropout and Zac Oyama is the Colin Mochrie.

[robs-your-robins]

Tim: So let me get this straight, Uncle Clark is taking Damian for the weekend to stay at the Kent farm, Jason is doing a mission with Dick covering in Bludhaven, Duke is going to a concert. Steph and Cass are in Shanghai doing a mission for the Justice League, Alfred is doing Shakespeare in the Park. And I’m going to Aspen with Bernard for the weekend.

Damian: What’s your point?

Tim: Bruce is going to be alone. All weekend.

Damian: Oh, right, Father needs to nuture a child otherwise he gets distressed.

Duke: And starts snatching orphans off the street.

Steph: Making them wear costumes etc.

Dick: Oh, that’s taken care of.

Cass: How?

Jason: We give him a bag of dried rice about the same weight as a human baby.

Dick: It usually does the trick.

Cass: I’m going to need more information.

Steph: Show your work.

Dick, like its obvious: Bruce can hold the bag of rice when he starts feeling anxious about being alone.

Damian: They do something similiar to pandas in captivity when their young need to be removed for observation.

Jason: Yeah, it’s not like he thinks it’s actually one of us but it will keep him from going Robin searching or whining at the door.

Bruce, that very night: *sat leafing through casefiles with Rice!Bat Baby laid against his chest*

[abcdfghjklmpqrobin]

This is how I think the BatBurger place trains their employees for dealing with the Batfam.

Mark, the manager: Okay. So. We do pride ourselves on being the establishment of choice for the vigilantes of Gotham.

That means you will be serving the Bats. And there are a couple ground rules.

Now. Unfortunately this has happened enough times that it is a rule. Do not flirt with Nightwing. I know he starts it, he's joking, don't finish it. That's just an HR demand waiting to happen. And I will fire you.

Second. If Red Hood comes, don't ask him if he wants his fries jokerized. Just do it. He does want them jokerized but don't mention it.

Uhh, fair warning, the middle one will stalk you. Just for a bit. It's normal I think, he's just doing a background check. That's my bad, apparently I hired a 'Shadow' once, whatever the fuck that means.

The yellow one and the purple one, are cool. Yellow comes mostly during the day, so you don't have to worry. And if Purple drops any glitter just sweep after she leaves.

The one that looks like Batman but gender-bend is cool too, but you're not allowed to say 'yes' if she offers teaching you self defense. That's an order from Corporate.

Do not. –Listen to me– Do. Not. Serve the little one meat. I don't care if you're tired. I don't care if there aren't any veggie options left. You don't serve him meat. He's a vegetarian, last guy to get it mixed up is the reason why we have a job opening, got it?

And lastly. If ANY of them is actively bleeding or looks worse for wear, you press this button and don't say anything. It sends Batman a message and he pays us extra if we let him know his kids are hurt.

Mark, the manager: Any questions?

[aquara-siragon]

Who has the coolest gadgets?

BATMAN!

Who has the tricked out ride?

BATMAN!

Who does the sickest backflips?

NIGHTWING!

[heist-family-content]

One Halloween, the batkids decide to make Bruce grumble by literally dressing up as bats, each in their respective colors. Alfred helps them, of course. It's very much just like a gaggle of sheet ghosts, only with bat-eared headbands and little wing capes. They trap their father figure in a circle and run around him, screeching and giggling. Even Jason is having a bit of fun.

Bruce looks annoyed, but that's just because he's trying not to sob and take one million pictures. This man is a dad at heart. His silly baby bats are so adorable in their costumes.

[aquara-siragon]

We need fanart

[aquara-siragon]

The second Batman becomes public domain, I want the good fanfics published immediately

[aquara-siragon]

Ok so when Jorge said the first two songs were not in the odyssey at all and I actually believed him, I was kinda hoping that they’d run into Hades and Persephone on their way out of the underworld and I fancasted Morgan Clae (the one who did the viral get in the water) as Persephone, is it just me or is that not perfect?

[frinos-fan]

The captions on the epic merch are sending me