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mamas
we all know ilya is living drapery. the bisexual lean, the clinging to shane. but depression clingy is different from autistic clingy.
so i posit for your consideration:
autistic shane who becomes like a cat when he's comfortable with someone (speaking from personal experience)
yes, draping himself on ilya at every opportunity, biting ilya's face and then tearing off laughing when ilya jumps up to chase him, leaning his full weight on the top of ilya's head when he's trying to answer emails or be even slightly professional, sneaking his hands under ilya's tank or shorts just to self-soothe on his husband's warmest, softest skin
but also
leaning with his arms dangling over hayden's chest like a living backpack while talking to jackie (probably with the twins on his back), and hayden ignoring it completely
curling up against Yuna's side, shoulders touching, while they watch a game together, each person used to subconsciously dodging the other's wildly swinging arms at a bad call or goal
laying with his head on rose's lap when they go on a "bffcation" to cabo, each on their phones with drinks at their knees, showing each other memes and tipsy giggling
curling his arms around harris's neck and putting his cheek gently against harris's while harris scrolls through the photos he took for the latest social media campaign, talking excitedly about them
and some reporter asks ilya if he thinks shane is cheating on him bc ofc the tabloids have caught wind of this behavior and his face gets that particular smirk that means someone is about to be verbally defenestrated. "genius observation. they hire you at top of your class? breaking news: man is affectionate with loved ones. congratulations your pulitzer will arrive in mail in 6-8 weeks. no, truly brilliant idea for next Centaurs social media campaign. adopt a hockey player. ‘shane hollander: domesticated but not trained. may climb into pockets unsupervised.'"
of course it goes viral. of course shane reams ilya bc what was all that media training for??? and ilya just shrugs and gives him the big eyes like no one talks shit on you but me, but also fuck toxic masculinity and shane sighs and pets his hair and grumbles i knew i shouldn't have let you on tumblr
and of course harris absolutely loves the idea and begs shane to let them do it, which he acquiesces to.
shane's has an entire reel of him hanging off of people and shane is mortified bc he didn't even realize he was doing it but he's not actually mad bc it proves how many people he can be open and loving with, and the response is insanely positive
and then ilya's goes live and it leads with that infamous image of him skating away smirking with blood running down his chin.
and the caption says "ilya rozanov: feral. will bite. has bitten. will never be remorseful. beautiful fur, though." and the last picture is him in the locker room, gear half-stripped off, grinning at the camera with his curls wild and his lower half gear sitting just a little too low, the v of his hips framing his happy trail and nobody's quite sure which fur they're talking about.
#hislingerie
when they come out and everyone is confused why russia's greatest love machine ilya rozanov is fucking boring shane hollander and ilya is like no no he is perverted sex freak i am the boring one honestly i can't keep up marleau
marleau: yo, you good bro?
ilya, hair disheveled with the biggest stars in his eyes: i can’t feel my dick
Ik we were talking about MILF Yuna Hollander and DILF David Hollander, but genuinely they were also both just THAT attractive even when they were younger, for reference:
Mind you these aren't even from that long ago. So yes, hot4hot strikes in the hr universe yet again.
timbits shane with mama and papa
Just thinking about Ilya making the playoffs for the first time with the Cens and getting texts from Yuna and David about it.
Yuna's one is like, "HOLY SHIT THE CENTAURS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS! I never thought I'd be so excited to say that. 😂 This is such a huge achievement and I couldn't be more proud of you! This means I'm finally going to have to cave and by an Ottawa jersey. Don't tell David I told you, but he's still drying his eyes about it. Bubbly when you and Shane come over on Saturday for SURE, okay? Love you lots. SO proud."
And David's is like, "You did it, Cap! I know how hard you worked for this and it's paid off. We'll be cheering you on for every game. I am so unbelievably proud of you, kiddo. Love you lots - can't wait to see you and Shane on Saturday."
And Ilya just sits there unable to breathe because he's never had a text like this after making the playoffs except maybe from Svetlana. He replies to the messages, eyes blurry with tears, and spends the rest of the night opening them at random times, just overwhelmed by how loved he truly is.
Baby Hollanov AU
They’re about 9 or 10. Ilya doesn’t know any English yet, but they still become besties
(SOMEONE PLEASE WRITE THIS FIC)
Happy Suck Him Off Sunday and Happy birthday, Shane! You get an orgasm as a treat.
“Ilya, Ilya p-please. Ilya, you promised,” Shane says, rolling his head back against the pillows as Ilya takes Shane’s cock into his mouth again.
It’s Shane’s birthday, and they have a deal. Shane can cum today, if he is good. If he gets up and does his workout with Ilya (check) and eats the breakfast Ilya makes for him (check) and gets out of the house so Ilya can set up his “surprise” party (check) and doesn’t disappear during the party itself (mostly check, except for a 20-minute spell for Shane and Rose to sneak off and admire the gifts Ilya got him, which Ilya does allow), then Shane can cum.
Married Hollanov decided to do an ad campaign together and they chose Peloton to be the first one. They sit down with the Peloton team and they’re throwing out ideas for the commercial when Ilya cuts in with an idea of his own. As Ilya talks, Shane realizes Ilya is describing the night in the gym all those years ago. The Peloton people love it. They’ll need to work in some other aspects but they go with Ilya’s general idea. The commercial comes out and it opens up on a shot of Shane pedaling on the bike. Ilya joins him a moment later, not before running his hand along Shane’s lower back. They pedal hard on their respective bikes. That turns into running on a treadmill which turns into shadow boxing which turns into other exercises to show off all of the Peloton features before they end up on the floor facing each other, sharing a water bottle and smiling at each other as the Peloton label fills the screen. Shane and Ilya watch the commercial and then decide to read the comments:
‘I didn’t know Peloton was a porn company now’
‘So if I get a Peloton I’ll get a hot husband? He’ll just appear beside me?’
‘You ever look at two people and just know they’re freaks?’
‘Did you see how Ilya mouthed ‘more’ to Shane when he was drinking??’
‘The hand on Shane’s back, helping him stretch during the Yoga part, oh I know Ilya tore Shane up after that shoot.’
Ilya in Ottawa like
the sheer audacity of some people to hate on satine. obi-wan would never stand for it.
May the 4th be with you ✨
yuna and baby shane 🐞
irina and ilyusha 🤍
yuna and baby shane. mother's day 1/3
Fandoms stopped being a fun escape from reality when people started spreading the belief that you should prioritize purity over pleasure and the art you create must be a reflection of your moral standards at all times.