A terf called me a “gendie” and my genderfluidity and pansexuality just got stronger. {them/they} 18+ I have an RP sideblog so if youre an RP account thats why i followed you
we all know ilya is living drapery. the bisexual lean, the clinging to shane. but depression clingy is different from autistic clingy.
so i posit for your consideration:
autistic shane who becomes like a cat when he's comfortable with someone (speaking from personal experience)
yes, draping himself on ilya at every opportunity, biting ilya's face and then tearing off laughing when ilya jumps up to chase him, leaning his full weight on the top of ilya's head when he's trying to answer emails or be even slightly professional, sneaking his hands under ilya's tank or shorts just to self-soothe on his husband's warmest, softest skin
but also
leaning with his arms dangling over hayden's chest like a living backpack while talking to jackie (probably with the twins on his back), and hayden ignoring it completely
curling up against Yuna's side, shoulders touching, while they watch a game together, each person used to subconsciously dodging the other's wildly swinging arms at a bad call or goal
laying with his head on rose's lap when they go on a "bffcation" to cabo, each on their phones with drinks at their knees, showing each other memes and tipsy giggling
curling his arms around harris's neck and putting his cheek gently against harris's while harris scrolls through the photos he took for the latest social media campaign, talking excitedly about them
and some reporter asks ilya if he thinks shane is cheating on him bc ofc the tabloids have caught wind of this behavior and his face gets that particular smirk that means someone is about to be verbally defenestrated. "genius observation. they hire you at top of your class? breaking news: man is affectionate with loved ones. congratulations your pulitzer will arrive in mail in 6-8 weeks. no, truly brilliant idea for next Centaurs social media campaign. adopt a hockey player. ‘shane hollander: domesticated but not trained. may climb into pockets unsupervised.'"
of course it goes viral. of course shane reams ilya bc what was all that media training for??? and ilya just shrugs and gives him the big eyes like no one talks shit on you but me, but also fuck toxic masculinity and shane sighs and pets his hair and grumbles i knew i shouldn't have let you on tumblr
and of course harris absolutely loves the idea and begs shane to let them do it, which he acquiesces to.
shane's has an entire reel of him hanging off of people and shane is mortified bc he didn't even realize he was doing it but he's not actually mad bc it proves how many people he can be open and loving with, and the response is insanely positive
and then ilya's goes live and it leads with that infamous image of him skating away smirking with blood running down his chin.
and the caption says "ilya rozanov: feral. will bite. has bitten. will never be remorseful. beautiful fur, though." and the last picture is him in the locker room, gear half-stripped off, grinning at the camera with his curls wild and his lower half gear sitting just a little too low, the v of his hips framing his happy trail and nobody's quite sure which fur they're talking about.
when they come out and everyone is confused why russia's greatest love machine ilya rozanov is fucking boring shane hollander and ilya is like no no he is perverted sex freak i am the boring one honestly i can't keep up marleau
Ik we were talking about MILF Yuna Hollander and DILF David Hollander, but genuinely they were also both just THAT attractive even when they were younger, for reference:
Mind you these aren't even from that long ago. So yes, hot4hot strikes in the hr universe yet again.
Just thinking about Ilya making the playoffs for the first time with the Cens and getting texts from Yuna and David about it.
Yuna's one is like, "HOLY SHIT THE CENTAURS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS! I never thought I'd be so excited to say that. 😂 This is such a huge achievement and I couldn't be more proud of you! This means I'm finally going to have to cave and by an Ottawa jersey. Don't tell David I told you, but he's still drying his eyes about it. Bubbly when you and Shane come over on Saturday for SURE, okay? Love you lots. SO proud."
And David's is like, "You did it, Cap! I know how hard you worked for this and it's paid off. We'll be cheering you on for every game. I am so unbelievably proud of you, kiddo. Love you lots - can't wait to see you and Shane on Saturday."
And Ilya just sits there unable to breathe because he's never had a text like this after making the playoffs except maybe from Svetlana. He replies to the messages, eyes blurry with tears, and spends the rest of the night opening them at random times, just overwhelmed by how loved he truly is.
Happy Suck Him Off Sunday and Happy birthday, Shane! You get an orgasm as a treat.
“Ilya, Ilya p-please. Ilya, you promised,” Shane says, rolling his head back against the pillows as Ilya takes Shane’s cock into his mouth again.
It’s Shane’s birthday, and they have a deal. Shane can cum today, if he is good. If he gets up and does his workout with Ilya (check) and eats the breakfast Ilya makes for him (check) and gets out of the house so Ilya can set up his “surprise” party (check) and doesn’t disappear during the party itself (mostly check, except for a 20-minute spell for Shane and Rose to sneak off and admire the gifts Ilya got him, which Ilya does allow), then Shane can cum.
Except now the guests are gone, have been for hours, and the remains of the party are all cleaned up, and Shane and Ilya are blissfully alone in their tidy, quiet house, and Shane hasn’t cum. Not once. Ilya, however, has cum twice. The first time right by the door, Shane taking Ilya into his mouth, a thank you for the party and the presents and all of it, for how perfect the day has been. The second time after he’s opened Shane up with his mouth and hands and eventually, after an achingly long time, his cock. It’s a near thing, then, Shane only holding off his orgasm with a tight grip to the base of his cock as Ilya twitches and spills inside him, pressing kiss after kiss to Shane’s face, murmuring, “So good, so good for me, sweetheart.”
Ilya lets Shane recover, then, a necessity more than a mercy, knowing just how near Shane’s orgasm is. So he waits for Shane’s shoulders to drop, for the furrow in his brow to relax, for his breath to even out, he waits and he waits until Shane starts to wonder if he’ll get to cum tonight after all. But when Shane opens his eyes to look at his husband, Ilya’s pressed right up close to him, eyes still dark with want and the promise of more.
Ilya must take Shane’s gaze as the cue to continue because he moves, claiming Shane’s mouth in a filthy kiss. Shane feels dizzy with want, his pulse pounding in his ears and his cock, as Ilya’s mouth travels down to his nipples, licking and sucking there until Shane is babbling, and what he’s saying doesn’t even make sense to his own ears, but Ilya knows. He always knows what Shane needs, so he’s on the move again, placing wet, open-mouth kisses down his chest, his stomach, all the way down to where Shane’s cock is an angry red and wet at the tip.
Ilya’s tongue darts out to lick it up and Shane nearly jolts off the bed, but Ilya’s strong hands come up to hold his hips in place, and all Shane can say is “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” as Ilya takes the head of Shane’s cock into his mouth, all soft lips and perfect tight pressure.
It’s the work of a minute before Shane is right on the brink again, choking out “Close—close, Ilya,” because he wants to be good, he does, even if he can’t keep in the disappointed whine when Ilya pulls off his cock.
“Not yet, Shane,” Ilya says, petting along Shane’s hip like it can soothe him, like every touch now, no matter how innocent, doesn’t send sparks up Shane’s spine. “Ok, fuck, ok,” Shane says, “just—just feels so good.”
“Mmm, I know. I know you love my mouth,” Ilya says, and Shane nods, helpless and pinned down under Ilya’s piercing gaze. Ilya tangles their fingers together as he takes Shane in again, swallowing him down all the way this time, groaning as Shane’s cock hits the back of his throat.
As much as Shane loves this, Ilya might love it even more. He loves how it makes Shane’s abs quake, how it wrings these fast, shaky breaths out of him. Most of all he loves having Shane this close, thighs bracketing his head, nose pressing against skin, holding Shane’s cock deep in his throat. It’s so good it makes Ilya’s mouth water.
Ilya pulls off again when Shane’s hand tightens against his, and Shane’s whining this time, loud and desperate, “No no no please, please don’t stop.”
“Oh, baby, you’re so ready to cum, aren’t you?”
“Yes, yes I’m ready, please.”
“You want my mouth again?” Ilya licks his bottom lip. He wants Shane in his mouth again.
“Please, yes, please.”
“Did you earn it?”
Shane nods quickly. “Yes, I did everything you said. I was good. I was.” His voice shakes a bit, but his eyes are steady. Fuck, Ilya is so in love.
It’s Ilya’s turn to nod because Shane is right, he was so good all day, so he squeezes Shane’s hand and says, “Yes, that is true. You are so good for me, always, my perfect boy” and Shane lets out a quiet “yeah” at that, his eyes starting to tear up. Ilya feels like heart is going to explode.
For a moment Ilya pictures Shane from earlier in the night, head tipped back in laughter at some joke or other, shimmering vibrant in front of Ilya like something from a dream. Except Shane is real and now Ilya has him here, trembling a little and so fucking trusting. And Ilya’s jaw aches from the work he’s put in tonight, but the ache to have Shane back in his mouth is even stronger, so that’s what Ilya does.
And then Shane is saying “Ilya, Ilya p-please. Ilya, you promised. I was good, I was perfect, you said, please,” a bit panicky now because Ilya isn’t stopping and Shane is so, so terribly close, but he wants permission, needs to know Ilya sees how he’s earned it.
Ilya’s free hand comes up and takes Shane’s balls into his palm, his thumb stroking the thin skin there, Shane’s “oh fuckfuckfuck” drowning out the sounds of Ilya’s mouth working an unrelenting rhythm on his cock, and Shane’s warning Ilya, “I’m, I’m going to—I’ll cum if you don’t stop,” and Ilya hums out his assent and that’s all Shane needs to shake apart in Ilya’s mouth with a shout.
Ilya swallows it all down, like he always does, moaning softly around Shane’s cock as Shane gasps and trembles below him. It takes a while for Shane’s trembling to stop, but Ilya is patient. He keeps Shane’s softening cock in his mouth, runs his hands up and down Shane’s thighs and over his ass, until Shane’s body stills and his breath evens out and he starts to stir. Only then does Ilya let him go, sits up to see Shane looking at him with bright, wet eyes.
Married Hollanov decided to do an ad campaign together and they chose Peloton to be the first one. They sit down with the Peloton team and they’re throwing out ideas for the commercial when Ilya cuts in with an idea of his own. As Ilya talks, Shane realizes Ilya is describing the night in the gym all those years ago. The Peloton people love it. They’ll need to work in some other aspects but they go with Ilya’s general idea. The commercial comes out and it opens up on a shot of Shane pedaling on the bike. Ilya joins him a moment later, not before running his hand along Shane’s lower back. They pedal hard on their respective bikes. That turns into running on a treadmill which turns into shadow boxing which turns into other exercises to show off all of the Peloton features before they end up on the floor facing each other, sharing a water bottle and smiling at each other as the Peloton label fills the screen. Shane and Ilya watch the commercial and then decide to read the comments:
‘I didn’t know Peloton was a porn company now’
‘So if I get a Peloton I’ll get a hot husband? He’ll just appear beside me?’
‘You ever look at two people and just know they’re freaks?’
‘Did you see how Ilya mouthed ‘more’ to Shane when he was drinking??’
‘The hand on Shane’s back, helping him stretch during the Yoga part, oh I know Ilya tore Shane up after that shoot.’
Fandoms stopped being a fun escape from reality when people started spreading the belief that you should prioritize purity over pleasure and the art you create must be a reflection of your moral standards at all times.
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