"I will never swim again until and unless I get surgery."
"This is why I try so hard to protect my trans sister, she has to deal with so much of this all of the time."
"And this is why I will never learn how to swim"
"I never go swimming, unless it's an event that explicitely mention that Trans Women are welcome"
And other such tags I am vaguely paraphrasing are ones I have had the horror of reading on my post. The trans girls are not swimming. It feels like there is a hole in my body where my heart should be, through which all my blood is pouring. I can't.
This is just the tiniest fucking window into how transmisogyny affect people. This is about a space that was held by trans people and for trans people where the transphobia targeting a transfeminine person was prioritized over everything else.
If anyone doesn't believe how badly transfems want to swim and how badly they fucking don't get to, don't feel/aren't safe enough to do so, whatever the fuck else, just look at the comments and tags. I thought there were already too many for it to be random on a post with, at this time, about ten times the reach of this one hereabove.
And yet I have ten times as many tags and comments on this here post about trans women and transfems not swimming. Heartbroken doesn't fucking cover it. I am trying to stay sane in the face of this but I am seriously not doing a great job at it. Fucking hell.
you donโt deserve to be confined to some bleak room playing video games for the rest of your lives. you donโt deserve to live in a world where cis people and men project their fantasies and disgust onto your bodies. you donโt deserve to merely survive. you deserve to grow. you deserve to feel your own feelings without shame. you deserve the freedom to cry out and take up space. you deserve joyย
"erm! actually! I'm not comfortable calling people it/its! it just makes me uncomfortable I feel dirty and icky and mean! why not just use they/them? sending love!" doesn't feel good reading once. reading it 12000 times on 4 different posts? fucking explode. leave it/it's users alone. you really don't have to share that someones chosen pronouns makes you uncomfortable. you sound like a transphobe.
The older i get the more i understand why some people become obsessed with privacy, not because theyโre hiding something, but because being constantly perceived starts to feel spiritually exhausting.
excited to see your take on the penguin if you ever do one.
also, have you ever watched The People's Joker
i can very vividly imagine a denmother kind of woman. runs a club downtown, takes in the poor and queer and offers them family in exchange for just a Few Little Favors that all escalate until they're participating in hits and burning down buildings.
no one touches her girls, she raised these kids and she wont let them be torn up by some sleazy guys drunk enough to thin paint but also she is the one making them work in her bar and doing jobs for her and utilizing how she fed and housed them if they ever talk back to her.
she'd do anything for them, but not enough to really cause her to risk her own hide unless its one she REALLY likes
have you ever seen a fictional male character that is obviously designed by straight people to be ugly as possible but you KNOW would be extremely popular with gay men???
i am at animal urgent care with nora, she was wheezing fast this morning and having trouble breathing, they said it looks like fluid in her chest. i'm paying for x-rays cause i don't know what else to do, but i'm gonna need a lot of help making rent after this and i already wrote my landlord the check. please help with anything if you can
ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs
i like w,hen ......... theres a Big scaresy fantasies beast ok .... and then the big beast has a litter of babies,,,., and the babeis are veryvery small . ok
It's been just over a year since Deltarune chapters 3 & 4 released! I did the 3D work, which mostly means Tenna ๐บ I figured it's been long enough to share some "behind the scenes" stuff, starting with a look at the Maya file for his static poses...
I'd individually render the poses to get that early 3D shine โจ Here's some of them at their original resolutions! I would work from text descriptions from Toby, and sometimes there'd be a Paint sketch to help out. Gigi drew the concept that I modeled from and some poses too!
I had a lot of fun pushing myself to match the dynamic poses Toby had in mind for Tenna - making him so crazy and expressive was something I couldn't have done without his prompts. He'd draw the faces on afterward too, which really brought Tenna to life!
(lots more after the Read More cut...!)
Here are some of the Paint sketches Toby drew to help me with specific Tenna poses! I love seeing his drawings LOL, genuinely really good and evocative ๐
There was a time when I was struggling to capture what he wanted for these specific Tenna posesโฆ Until Toby acted them out himself, and I thought, "Ah, it's like that. I understand." and then I was able to make them just how he pictured them.
When looking through the renders and choosing what to share, I laughed at these twoโฆ Remember when Tenna had a gun? Remember when he bent over in a very specific way that might remind you of another, different image? No? Maybe you don'tโฆ? Well. Don't worry about it.
These ones are cuteโฆ Tenna is pretty cute sometimes! Has anyone ever thought this? Actually, before people knew he was going to be a strange 3D sprite the Whole Time, I was worried people wouldn't like the style and it'd sour people's views on him. I'm glad that didn't happen.
Toby thought it would be funny to have Tenna do some really smooth, mocapped animations sometimes - specifically free to use ones that often pop up in other things. An extra funny part to me is how many frames these take up in the game, and how his tails are stuck to his legsโฆ
Speaking of mocap, Toby wanted Tenna to use custom mocap animations as far back as 2016 - Ten(na) years ago! I got an Xbox Kinect at the time and learnt how to set this up, but then never used it. Here's a look at messing with mocaped stuff again in 2022. So Normal.
Don't bother trying to help him here, he's just being dramatic ๐
I particularly like these poses - I think I improvised most of these just based off the context they get used inโฆ I always liked posing his tie and coat tails as if they were also parts of his body he could move. Which I guess they are?
After I rendered out the individual poses in high quality, I'd force the color palette to be limited to just a few shades and then I'd shrink the result down to pixel sized sprites. Like these! I'd tidy them up a little, but they'd really get improved on at the pixel scale by Clairvoire.
As well as Tenna's sprites, I also worked on his intro "movie"โฆ! Seeing people be completely overloaded by this on first playthroughs would always make me laugh. In game, there's a ton of extra editing done by Everdraed, but my unedited cut looks like this โฌ๏ธ
This was the entire storyboard I had to work from, and I'm realizing now that there's the note "put him in car etc" that I never did and actually don't know what it would mean exactly. Working on this had me listen to the accompanying audio many times, but it's good so it's okay.
Here are a bunch of random clips of the Maya project for Tenna's intro movie. This is how movies get made, I think!! Yeahโฆ Just like this.
Say it with him, folks!!
For the 3D Ralsei clip from the intro, Toby really wanted it to look a certain way, and drew more sketches for guiding me with this part than any other. They genuinely helped.
Remember how Toby's original storyboard has the note "covered in slime and shrinks"? That meant I had to learn how to make 3D slime. You can see my tech advancing here.
I'm really happy with how the final Tenna animation at the end of the intro movie turned out! It wouldn't look as good if it wasn't for some 2D animation to reference from SmallBuStudio, so thank you to them for the help! Tenna is cuteโฆ Huh, I already said thatโฆ?
Phew!! That's a lot of Tenna. I hope it was fun to look through my posts! Oh, one more thing - the Fangamer Mr. Tenna Figurine just straight up uses the 3D model I made, which I think is really funny and cool and nice. Check it out if you want! Thanks for reading!
