The assistants - chapter 1
Beta: The lovely @madly-handsome
Author’s note: This is based on my assistants au, the original post is here _
I highly suggest you read it to understand what the concept of assistants is about :D
Warnings: none that I can think of but, if you notice any please alert me!
“So…” I heard Roman breaking the comfortable silence between us. “Your birthday is coming up-”
I groan loudly alerting all tables near us at… whatever this place’s name is, I never bothered checking the name of this coffee shop while walking in.
“Hear me out Virgil! I know you don’t want anything big for your 29th birthday.”
I interrupt to jog his memory despite him totally not needing it, I just need to tell him yet again my solid reasoning. Maybe then he’ll leave me alone about it. But that is just ol’ stubborn Roman. “As it just reminds-”
“Reminds you of the impending doom that is aging or dying or blah blah blah.” He mimics as throws his hands in the air though, swiftly putting them back down to tap on the table. “Like hold on and give me your attention for a solid… minute!”
“PLEASE!” He begs, trying to pull puppy dog eyes on me. You’d think after being friends with him since high school he would have learned that I don’t fall for such a trick. Alas, Roman isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.
I groan even louder than last time “Fine… fine… just get on with it before I fall out of reality again or some shit like that.”
“Well!” he starts. “Patton and I have produced a very important presentation for you!”
I scoff audibly, “You and your little ai.. Robot thing?”
Roman gasps incredibly deafening, in a highly offended manner. Oh great, I’ll get another speech again ughh. At least this stalls the birthday ‘presentation’ or whatever.
“I’d have you know I take GREAT insult to that! You know he’s more than that!”
“Oh pleaseeee it’s not like it has emotions or whatever, someone must have had to program that thing.”
“Patton’s literal function is care about my emotions Mr. Black Parade!” Suddenly Roman’s phone’s camera lights up as the 2-D figure, known as Princey’s assistant pops up from his holographic projection.
“Roman, you called? Are you ok kiddo? I’m sorry for not coming out sooner I was looking over some self help books for-”
“I’m fine Patton thank you for caring, you can calm down.”
I give off an awkward cough waiting for my best friend’s attention back. I guess pappy Pat catches wind of this and quickly turns arounds to face me fully instead. P.a.t.t.o.n goes from bug eyes of worry at Roman to more cheerful soft ones.
“Hey Kiddo, didn’t see you there!” Joy oozing from every word he speaks. Yep Pat is definitely a care giving, emotional assistant alright.
“Y’know Roman you sure have gotten attached to it, after only having it for a couple of months.” I pick up a tiny sad sigh probably coming from Pat after I ignore him, I almost feel kinda guilty…. almost.
“Oh come on Virge you can’t blame me, look that cute little face. How can I not get attached?!” P.a.t.t.o.n beams up at Roman.
“Daww Kiddo you’re too sweet! But remember who else is adorable!”
Roman huffs, however answers Pat back. “I am-“
“Exactly! See you are improving!”
I cough yet again, “As much as I hate the presentation you brought up Princey I’d rather see that than being stuck here watching you two in silence for an hour.”
“Oh right!” P.a.t.t.o.n perks up, “Roman can you begin the introduction while I start setting up?”
“Of course!” He smiles as he starts speaking. “As you and I are aware, you aren’t the fondest of assistants.” I nod slowly in agreement, what’s he getting at?
“Are you proposing that I attempt to hang out with Pat again?” Key word there, attempt. “Because if you don’t remember last time-“
That was a totally disaster, Roman left Pat and I alone in his house for a while. We just had sat there being quiet with P.a.t.t.o.n trying to make conversation for a second before giving up as it wouldn’t stick.
“Yes I remember all of the event that happened.” He rolls his eyes, “Yet, we were leaning more towards the idea of getting you, for your birthday an-“
“ASSISTANT! YOUR VERY OWN ASSISTANT!” P.a.t.t.o.n shouts his holographic arms wave up in surprise but he quickly put them over his mouth. “Oops.. sorry Ro that was supposed to be your grand reveal wasn’t it?”
Roman releases a soft giggle, “No no it’s fine Pat you can do your part now.”
P.a.t.t.o.n’s eyes light up, “Will do!” Patton disappears for a solid minute hopefully coming back with his preparations I assume. He pops back up and pins a couple digital documents to the screen that has tons of bullet points on it. He pushes his visor up, “While I know you don’t particularly want one-”
“And that’s the truth.” I sneer.
“Nevertheless, an assistant is what you need!”
I raise an eyebrow in response. I highly doubt that, but, Roman seems so happy about this so I may as well give it a chance for him. I sigh, give a small smile and say “Ok, go on then.”
Immediately both of them grin greatly and Pat continues on his marryway.
“Well Ro has noticed your amount of anxiety has risen recently, your snarkiness has as well increased and while that is just your personality it’s even more than usual. Which, is a sign to me that your mood has been lowered as of late.” He takes a deep breath. “Now that I look at you, you seem to have eyebags from probably lack of sleep AND THAT ISN’T EXACTLY HEALTHY KIDDO. My job maybe to worry about Ro, but as you are important to him, by extension I must do the same for you.”
I’m left kinda speechless, how do I respond to that-
Sir-sing-alot awkwardly chuckles “Wow Patton… that was better than we practiced.”
“Thanks Roman, I just got a little too emotional there, but I can’t change my function currently.” P.a.t.t.o.n rubs the back of his head awkwardly. “Please Virgil, just try an assistant out? I promise you ten cookies it’ll be worth it!”
“Fine-”, I grunt but agree anyway.
Both of them take a sharp inhale probably ready to scream in delight or something, I cut them off before they can do so however.
“Now! Before you two start throwing a party or whatever I do have one condition!”
They before nod, silently waiting for what i’m about to say.
“I only have to keep it for a month.” I utter.
Pat speaks up, “A year at minimum.”
Roman chimes in “6 months!’
“3!” I shout back, getting some odd stares in the process. “Take it or leave it!”
P.a.t.t.o.n whips around to give a look to Princey and gets the same look back.
They both at the same time say, “We’ll take it!”
A sad expression washes over Pat’s face, “Roman your phone is about dead, Should I shut off?”
“If you don’t mind that Patton.”
The light that once held P.a.t.t.o.n shuts off and he vanishes as quick as he came. Roman picks up his phone and puts in his pocket. “I’m really happy Virge, you’ve made the right decision!”
“Is it because you care?” I snort.
“That- and I may have already ordered an installment of an assistant that should be coming to your house tomorrow…”
Yeah, that sounds like something he’d do. “Of course you did.”
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