The Archanean Times

Only the most important news from the front lines. (By @z-cerulean)

[archaneantimes]

Welcome to The Archanean Times.

Presently in a shed. Thank you for your readership.

Tagging Guide Below:

All past articles are tagged as #archanean times.

All articles for specific games are tagged as that game's number, i.e. Thracia 776 is #fe5, Three Houses is #fe16, etc.

Regarding spinoffs:

- Heroes: #fe heroes

- Tokyo Mirage Sessions: #tmsfe

- Three Hopes: #few3h

- Warriors: #few

All articles for specific characters are tagged with that character's name, i.e. articles about Marth are tagged as #marth.

Three Houses and Tokyo Mirage Sessions characters will be their full names, i.e. Dimitri will be #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd and Tsubasa will be #tsubasa oribe.

[archaneantimes]

Ylissean Thief Takes Up New Job As Subway Announcer

With Chrom's Shepherds pay unable to sustain his rotting sweet tooth's financial demand, thief Gaius has turned to a new side gig to meet its demands.

Pictured: Most free jelly beans of his life.

This would happen to be found within the Tokyo subway network. Simply for reading out station names and warning people not to go to a , perhaps with enthusiasm if the denizens of Tokyo are lucky, he makes enough money to afford vast quantities of sugar, almost enough to meet his gluttonous demands.

With the success of this scheme, he's now reportedly considered looking into a third gig as a cat.

More to come as Cordelia forces him to spend his money on new clothes unstained by confectionery to his chagrin.

(For Yut815 as part of FE Artscuffle)

[archaneantimes]

Tactician Realises He is Too Deep in This "Family" Business

It was a pleasant spring morning when strategist Soren of the Greil Mercenaries, whilst reading and eating breakfast, had a sudden, harrowing realisation.

He was in too deep.

Pictured: The shared abode of the Greil Mercenaries.

Soren, a known enjoyer of Ike, the group's leader, frequently makes it known that Ike is the single person he can name that makes life vaguely worth experiencing, which is only minor hyperbole.

It is when he realised Mist's humming as she put out laundry and the oafish crashing of Boyd against a wall in the courtyard did the realisation dawn upon him: This no longer annoyed him.

With his coarse, loner attitude at risk, you might expect this to cause a crisis of identity within the mage.

However, as his position let him remain close to Ike, and Ike would likely prefer if tensions between him and the other mercenaries were at a minimum, he ultimately determined that this change within himself was of little consequence, turning his gaze back to his tome.

More to come as every other mercenaries' antics make him really second guess this analysis.

(for Bea as part of FE Artscuffle 2025)

[archaneantimes]

Tactician's Plans Once More Altered Into Assurance of Destruction of All Factions Involved

Tactician to Chrom's Shepherds, Robin, has once more had to readjust their plans after already perfecting them, noticing they had been tampered with.

Pictured: That would be ideal, yeah.

Henry, a dark mage recruited into Chrom's army after quite literally emerging from a swarm of crows, brought with him his penchant for violence and death. This especially regards his own, but does not exclude the opportunity to anyone else around.

The first was as a minor alteration to Robin's plans that would have compromised Henry's position and put him in a situation less conducive to his survival. Of course, having made these plans, Robin noticed the change and restored them.

This has escalated to Henry redrafting a plan into a "charge of the light brigade" in which no-one would survive on either side of the battle.

Whether or not these alterations are meant as jokes or seriously are uncertain, but it has led Robin to develop a sixth sense for Henry's blood-driven editing.

More to come as a missed alteration causes Virion to be sent to the infirmary after tripping over a rock.

(For Maryu Ran as part of FE Artscuffle 2025)

[archaneantimes]

Garreg Mach Student Adopts Cat

Attempting to facilitate future attempts at flirting, Garreg Mach student Sylvain Jose Gautier has recently adopted a handful of cats under his wing.

Pictured: Last known picture of Sylvain before his new occupation.

The cats, of which are primarily strays from surrounding towns and villages, are all taken care of by Sylvain, with some assistance from other feline enthusiasts, such as Flayn.

This plan, however, seems to have backfired significantly. The heir to Gautier, in an interview, claimed that he was now too busy and invested in the livelihood of the cats to flirt. Furthermore, it appears that his usual targets are too preoccupied by the cats themselves to want to entertain his advances.

More to come as changing cat litter seems to link well to personal development, in one onlooker's opinion.

(For Mag7024 as part of FE Artscuffle 2025)

[archaneantimes]

Ylissean Farmhand Forgets All But Legal Codes and Breathing (Only slight hyperbole)

On discovery of his simple farm-hand ways leaving his mind a vacant void, legal student and Shepherd Maribelle has successfully advanced her revision methods by way of Donnel's unusually good rote memorisation methods.

Pictured: He must have a lot of free time.

With the minor caveat of having to de-boonify the delivery of Donnel's recollection of materials, her studies have advanced significantly since enlisting his help.

This has taken its toll, however. Recent reports have indicated Donnel's mind may have approached capacity and purged less useful information, following an incident in which he cited his own name as "Article IV, Section 3".

Maribelle has reportedly been doing her utmost to rely on his capabilities less. That said, her recent purchases of tuxedos may indicate an ulterior motive.

More to come as Maribelle reforms Donnel's bumpkin ways into high society.

(For Catrionne776 as part of FE Artscuffle 2025)

[archaneantimes]

Mercenary Struggling to Hide Deep Fear in Fighting Ring

Ike, leader of the Greil Mercenaries and recent giftee of what is being called "a real nair", claims only one thing strikes fear into him.

Pictured: Recreation of Lord Marth's range as described by onlookers.

Lord Marth of Altea is of course known for uniting the continent of Archanea. On the battlefield, or "Yoshi's" 20 years ago, however, he is known for his deceptive range.

Falchion is, of course, a strong weapon at his side with very strong capability to keep his foes at a suitable distance. As it turns out, however, he does not even need it.

Ike, in an interview earlier today, claimed he is thankful to have never fought Marth in "Yoshi's, 20 years ago". Falchion's reach seems to be a natural extension of his own two hands.

Inexplicably, perhaps through an enchantment or just superhuman ability, stories have come forth about him reaching impossible lengths to render an opponent helpless in his grip.

Marth has relaxed his abilities in more recent years, perhaps through power limiters or forgetting to ask whoever cast his buffs to redo it. Regardless, the remarkable performance he set years ago give him an incredible psychological advantage to this day.

More to come as Marth manages to get the cookie jar on top of the shelf.

(For jadetram as part of FE Artscuffle 2025)

[archaneantimes]

Publication Resuming and Address Change

Hey. It's the editor.

Apologies for our silence. We ran out of rent money. At present we have taken up residence in this shed.

Pictured: The aforementioned dilapidated shed in the woods.

We will be here publishing until the landowner does something about it and evicts us. They have not found us yet.

Please also note the change to our address as a result.

Thank you for your readership.

[z-cerulean]

This year at #EmblemCon I showcased a video on #FireEmblem: Mystery of the Emblem Book 1, an often overlooked remake of the original FE1.

If you're interested in ~38 minutes of talking about both the game and my no reset playthrough, it's live on YouTube now.

[z-cerulean]

This year at #EmblemCon I showcased a video on #FireEmblem: Mystery of the Emblem Book 1, an often overlooked remake of the original FE1.

If you're interested in ~38 minutes of talking about both the game and my no reset playthrough, it's live on YouTube now.

[archaneantimes]

Alliance Nobles Engage In Feline-Centric Gambling Ring

The antics of some noble houses of the Alliance have found new form as an apparent cat-centric betting ring in the Alliance army's base camp.

Pictured: Balthus winning I think.

Hilda and Holst of House Goneril, long-time friends of Balthus of House Albrecht, through one means or another have wound up in a cat focused gambling game between the three of them in an attempt to keep Balthus from accruing further debt.

This, reportedly, primarily revolves around the trio involving themselves in making bets on how long a given cat will sleep or whether or not they would enjoy certain foods over others.

Following disagreement over other stakes, such as Hilda having to do chores, the trio apparently have agreed to no stakes beyond the shame of defeat. This has proven effective, given the trio's personal history.

More to come as Lorenz has several questions about the subject.

(For emilyadamsillustration as part of FE Artscuffle 2024)

[archaneantimes]

Nohrian Soldier Shows Father Her Miku Shrine

Following formal registration as part of the Nohrian army, the new recruit Soleil has taken time to bond with her family following time dilation shenanigans. Through some stretch of logic, this occasion involves showing off her Hatsune Miku shrine to her father, the retainer to Prince Xander of Nohr, Laslow.

Pictured: Prime family bonding moments.

While some may experience a sense of mortification at talking about their interests to their parents, Soleil has been remarkedly unabashed about her vocaloid interests. Her passion has been met by her father, engaging with Miku far more than perhaps he'd anticipated, even going so far as to plan dance routines to Miku's more known songs.

More to come as Soleil is asked about how much all these figurines cost.

(For Sao as part of FE Artscuffle 2024)

[archaneantimes]

Divine Dragon's Stewards Rally Cats

In a new bid to show their appreciation towards the Divine One, the 33rd Stewards have begun rallying a variety of stray cats.

Pictured: The twin stewards in their new natural habitat.

Achieving what has been coined as "The Sommie effect", these cats have been populating a corner of the Somniel, inexplicably coming and going when food is left out for them despite the elevation.

What the stewards hoped to achieve with these cats is yet to be understood as none have supplied fish as of yet, but they have proven popular not just with the Divine One but with the denizens of the Somniel as a whole.

More to come as a distinctively large cat called "Tubbs" consumes the entire Somniel's pantry.

(for clara/evergrande as part of FE Artscuffle 2024)

[archaneantimes]

Former Bragi Priest Teaches Leonster Lord The Art Of BM

In addition to his wartime guidance of Lord Leif, heir to Leonster, excommunicated Bragi priest and renowned strategist August has taken to improving the lord's results at his Super Smash Bros. Ultimate locals as well.

Pictured: Leif Gaming(tm)

Known for his pragmatism, August's coaching has revolved around the use of BM, or 'bad manners', to enrage opponents into poor actions that are easily taken advantage of. Taunting, crouch spamming and excessive dash dancing are all fair play as far as the tactician.

Of course, merely committing to this fashion of play does not set Leif apart. With strong fundamentals and the correct reads on his opponent's reactions to not illegal yet less sporting behaviour, Lord Leif could become one of the greatest in the game and perhaps, in some way, a hero in his own right at it.

More to come as Prince Julius of Velthomer enters the local bracket.

(For Silphver as part of FE Artscuffle 2024)

[archaneantimes]

Silesse Heritor Sets Sixth Consecutive PB in Super Mario 64

Having successfully destroyed every single enemy soldier with a weapon that would be an above average soldier on its own even without a wielder, the supposed-to-be heir to Silesse has found a new pastime in a more modern world.

Pictured: Ced Gaming(tm). Image provided by @spaghetti-trash

While he should, all reason and logic, be putting his efforts towards restoration for the kingdom of Silesse in a time of peace, quirks of space-time have instead exchanged his responsibilities with the capability to perform Super Mario 64 (1996) 16 star speedruns. What whim of fate permitted this is unknown, but he has taken to the challenge all the same. He has consecutively beaten his personal best and is already landing times only slightly above 15 minutes.

His allies, similarly displaced, were approached for comment. One from Lord Leif claimed he should consider streaming his attempts, additionally noting the potential for sponsorships from products such as Stamina Drink.

More to come as the speedrunning community debates whether Forseti blood is an illegitimate advantage or not following evaluation of his input speeds and general dexterity. Further reports will follow of quick movements resulting in injuries from the Nintendo 64's control stick.

(for @errantsquam as part of FE Artscuffle 2024)

[archaneantimes]

Shepherds Dancer Practices in Swimwear

Despite her insistence that her new outfit is not comparable to her dancing attire, Olivia has pushed past her hesitations in dancing on the beachside.

Pictured: Olivia finding her confidence back in performing for Pixar reminiscent fish.

Following a moment in the ocean using her swimwear for her intended purpose (despite its ornate nature), she has seemingly managed to surpass her mental barriers in wearing this outfit for dancing.

Let's just hope that performing in swimwear for tropical fish is comparable to performing in swimwear for humans. Or Manaketes. or Laguz.

More to come as Marlin and Dory return to hunting for Nemo.

(For pipo as part of FE Artscuffle 2024)

[archaneantimes]

Mercenary Forms Bond of Friendship With Nordion Lord

The mercenary Beowulf, of whom can have his services purchased for at least 10,000 gold, turns out to have some legitimacy to his claim of friendship with the current head of House Nordion, Eldigan.

Pictured: The forging of a true bond, beneath a severed arm. Image adjusted for sensitivity.

In a recently recovered document, Beowulf had assisted the young lord in a demon invasion (potentially from Archanea), staving it off by breaking its arm off with his bare hands and having it mounted within Nordion's castle itself. Rumour has it he uses a sword these days as a power limiter despite how raw breaking off an arm with your bare hands goes.

Eldigan saw fit to reward him with kinship for these deeds, because why wouldn't you.

More to come as Eldigan's sister somehow never knew the guy that made the arm mounted on her wall.

(for bisexualmidir as part of FE Artscuffle 2024)