Shitty Knight Is Trans And Thats A Fact

It’s a fact because I’m trans and I love him (main @gayvampireman , if you want me to tag anything specific just lmk)

[h4nifah]

sorry im not giving into the cutting out sweet treats propaganda. life is hard enough

[onesleep-twopie]

[skullism]

I'M SO CALM AND NORMAL ABOUT THIS

[skullism]

ALL HAIL NGOZI UKAZU

[gremlines]

guys,,, guys can u believe i FORGOT THIS HAPPENED?????? that they got engaged at center ice at the rink where they used to do 6am checking practice?????? after winning THEIR LEAGUE CUPS??????? god they don't make it like this anymore

[aristocrating]

bitty: how was the hangout with kent, honey?

jack: oh, it was good. he had a friend over. doja, i think her name was? she seemed nice.

bitty: doja... cat?

jack: i think that was her last name, yeah.

bitty:

[lovelylittlelosers]

[zimms]

au in which wicky is traded to the falcs and naturally ollie moves to providence with him. do bitty opens them back into the area with open arms obviously, but to be honest, he is a little confused about why ollie is here as well. like he knows they're best friends, but it seems a little excessive to move across the country just for your best friend. so after 4 months of this confusion, bitty eventually plucks up the courage to ask and ollie just stops dead in his tracks. "what do you mean why did i move with him? i'm his husband?"

bitty: "his what?"

ollie: "jesus christ you were literally at our elopement after the frozen four"

bitty: i WAS?????

[polyfrogger]

[luminarai]

for your drawing requests - shitty knight from check please? <3

this came to me like a vision that I had to bring to life immediately, mr shits my beloved <3 and bonus ransom and lardo ofc

[ivecarvedawoodenheart]

jack and kent are simply problematique lightning rods for insane grudge holders holster and bitty

does this make sense do you see what i mean

[fortnitereigen]

i cant read check please without the notes because my reading experience improves greatly from shit like this

[zimms]

smh has a party where they all dress as their sexual awakening. it's funny at first until all three of the frogs show up dressed as jack at which point it becomes hilarious

[notallthosewhowander]

the media: now that jack zimmermann has announced his retirement how do you think he will cope with a life without hockey? how is he going to define himself? will his already unsteady mental health suffer? will he hit rock bottom? will he once more resort to cocaine to cope?

jack zimmermann post retirement:

[omgcheckplease]

for the rest of their lives any person who has been a member of SMH has gotten the same confusion squinting thrown in their direction: "Wait. Justin. You baked these cookies?" "Who made this pie—Anthony?" "Will, these are the most perfect pancakes I've ever—" "Larissa, you could enter these into a contest. Holy shit." "Okay, Alexei, where did you buy these?" And everyone is like: "Oh, yeah, I had this friend in college—" "Yeah, I got really good at baking in college—" "A friend taught me how to make two dozen pancakes while hungover—" "Yeah. It's an award-winning recipe. I learned it from a friend—" "Not store bought; I made them!!"

[piesandswords]

congrats to tater for officially being promoted to “member of SMH”

[tangredont]

Hall and Murray took one look at Jack, said “this guy needs to loosen up”, and put him on the same line as Bitty

[tangredont]

No Abby you going off in the tags was exactly my intention @zimms

[ohyoufool]

thinking about an older Bitty & Jack au where Jack ends up getting his PhD in history and not playing hockey professionally while Bitty goes on to the NHL. And Jack is like The Hot Prof at Samwell (bc of course he teaches there, duh) that every student is obsessed with because he’s kinda awkward but passionate about his field and a tough grader but gives great constructive feedback and really does want to see his students succeed. And so at some point he gets a particularly engaged cohort of students who are like “who IS this man we must know” and they do some deep sleuthing and find out he’s married to THE Eric Bittle NHL superstar and current record holder for most skewed ratio of checks on the ice to punches he’s thrown. Meanwhile Jack is peacefully grading someone’s analysis of the New Deal while the students are McFreaking losing it in the library

[tingo-tango]

Something that’s so funny to as a concept is that Jack, Chowder, Dex, and Whiskey all going to the NHL and reaching NHL stardom but and so they do a joint little interview segment, and Chowder is going on and on about how much Jack was a great captain, and so the moderator asks “I guess Jack was your best cattain in college, huh?”

And Chowder just immediately goes “Oh no Bitty was much better” and the moderator does a spit take

Dex is like “Bitty had a certain air about him when he was captain. He was commanding, but understanding and really lived up to the whole ‘Got your back.’ …also, not gonna lie, it was kinda hot”

Whiskey just stares for a minute and goes “Jack was a great captain and did really good by the team.” [A pause] “But Bitty didn’t make us wake up for practice at 5am even for optional skate”

Jack is just looking at them all with a giant smile on his face and trying not to laugh as the other three chirp him

[tingo-tango]

(Via @zimboniiiiii )

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT

Also the way that this would respark the whole Jack and Bitty stuff in the hockey world? Imagine ZimmerStans (thanks Abby /@zimms ) on Twitter seeing this interview and then just reblogging with gifs of the Center Ice Kiss and being like “Y'all surprised he loves his man?? smh”

And also Dex and Chowder just find old videos of Bitty as Captain and its literally so chaotic:

[Beyonce blaring in the background]

Bitty: IF YOU CANT FINISH DRILLS BEFORE THE SONGS OVER, YOURE DOING THEM AGAIN

Louis: You’re killing us-

Hops: I’m trying!

Bitty: TRY HARDER! IF BEYONCE CAN SING WHILE RUNNING ON A WHOLE TRACK YOU CAN DO ONE DRILL

It goes viral and other SMH players are posting videos of Bitty as captain/during his senior year

Half of them show his ruthlessness as captain the other half have Beyonce involved somehow. There’s a pie in every video.

When Bitty finally catches wind of it, he posts a video of a blog segment he never posted:

[On screen is a younger Bitty, around freshman year, in full hockey pads. In the background you can see is Faber, and Bitty is on the benches, seemingly finished up tying his skates]

Bitty: Hey y'all! I’m here at Faber, or thr ice rink! At 5 am!! You know why?

[The camera violently turns and points at Jack, younger and decidedly looking more closed off than now, lacing up his skates, but out of his pads]

Bitty: You’re right folks! One Jack Zimmermann has graciously decided to wake me up at 5 AM WHEN I WAS PEACEFULLY SLEEPING to practice CHECKING!!! …FUN

Jack, looking amused into the camera: Bittle, you know you have to get better right?

Bitty: I know I know…do you have to check me into the boards today, because I can make you pie-

Jack: Up, let’s get on the ice

Bitty: Or are you a cake guy? I can do cookies! Tarts?

Jack, laughing: Just get on the ice Bittle

Bitty: Fine, fine

[Video cuts off]

It has the caption “You learn from the best, eh?” and a kissy face

Jack retweets it with 🥧❤🏒

[tingo-tango]

#Whiskey: why are you asking me about Jack we didn’t even go there at the same time#Whiskey: anyway Bitty fucking wrecked our shit. i’m just glad I didn’t have to do the Russian calisthenics like the Waffles (via @birkholtzlovebot )

#i’m in love with all of this but ALSO#jack wasn’t even whiskey’s captain he’s just like ‘yeah no bitty was the best’#nhl stuff#zimbits#smh (via @pecanplease​ )

Bitty, being perceived as a nice gay dude who wears pastel and has a cooking book and vlog would not being seen as intimidating or whatever, and media people were like, “Hah, I mean, how is this dude a better captain than Jack Zimmermann, definable Hockey God”

And then Whiskey is just like “Bitty once literally yelled at all of us in Russian during practice and regularly lifted 6 foot players over his head during practice. He was ruthless. The freshman and Waffles were doing Russian calisthenics on the regular. He intimidated the LAX team into cleaning the Haus once. He literally trained us harder than my current practices. I described a regular practice with Bitty to my Coach once and he had to sit down and stare out the window. I think Hall and Murray gave him a card to contact them if he was interested in coaching”

And Whiskey was a hardcore player to the point where people say he practices harder than Jack, and the media learns that Bitty is terrifying

When Georgia catches wind of this, and hears about Jack’s talks of Bitty as captain, Georgia just discreetly talks to Bitty about maybe just giving some tips to their coaches, y’know, just to see what happens

Let’s just say after a winning streak, Georgia asks for Bitty to bring pies to the rink a lot more

[insertatitlehere]

NHL Bitty has been done, but now i want NHL coach Bitty Reporter: So we’ve heard about your decision to hire Eric Bittle as a coach for next season… Is that because he’s engaged to one of your players ? Do you really think he’s qualified ? Don’t you think him being in a relationship with a player would be a liability, that he would be too soft ? Georgia Martin: I don’t think you realise how heartless, clever and ruthless Bittle is when he’s in a position of power

[tingo-tango]

Coach Bittle being notorious in the NHL for being a strict, but kind and effective coach. A lot of people didnt believe in him, but the results *showed* and there were talks all about what he could do at full time.

Bitty, having published cookbooks and having finished all his current projects, realizes he…likes it. He likes being coach and moving people around and helping them help themselves. He GOOD at it. And he looks at the teams and he knows how each of them play and in his mind it comes together like a recipe.

Bitty has a plan. And he knows how to get it done.

[Later, when Bitty is doing his rounds as a coach, a bunch of people just call him Coach now, and Jack has a laugh about it. Bitty just smiles, and his dad sends him a cap that just says “COACH” on it. He wears it every game]