seth holland.

" behind my eyelids are islands of violence. "

[lindsayslohan]

[henrykxy-blog]

‘ so i took the helicopter for a joyride today, and wound up in maui. needless to say, i ate as many things out of a pineapple that i possibly could and high tailed it back to hq. it was fun. you should come next time. ’

[aresholland-blog]

‘ that’s a lie. that whole thing was a big, fat lie. you can tell me if you just overslept, isabelle, you don’t need to suck me into your little dream world. ’

[aresholland-blog]

in this light / seth & gisele

[bcsile]

the small amount of civility that she had managed to muster up - despite this day’s continual stream of unfortunate circumstances - quickly died down as the sight of him. if there was something that gisele swore she’d never have to do, it was to be told twice. frankly, the girl considered herself to be clever enough to measure out where she was appreciated or not; clearly, seth had gone for the latter option. curling her body, almost looking like she wanted to minimize herself - and her presence - in order to spare him from the pain that she apparently brought upon him.  every since her time spent in the hospital ( in the crisp, clinically rooms under fluorescent lights with no actual sunlight to be seen ) . gisele carried little to no patience for small places. in fact; she held a large grudhe for them, very clos to her heart. ironically enough, the fear was barely recognized anymore, after the countless of situations where she had been exposed to it - gisele mainly felt numb in these situation. it was like her body had been exposed to the awful thing for too long, that it was now just a dull ache in the back of her neck; enough for her to beg for this elevator to start moving again, but not enough for her to be kicking and screaming at the innocent looking door imbedded in the car against her.  deciding herself to be looking at a lost cause, once she tried to reach for the strands left hanging from their former conversation, gisele had her sole attention targeting the documents she had been carrying. ironically enough; this was when seth figured it would be a good time to strike up a conversation. the tip of her finger as presed again the sentence her orbs left to instead meet the male’s gaze. “frankly, i have a long list of people who would place far worse than you, in a hyphothetical ‘ if i get trapped in an elevator’  scenario.. but then, of course, i didn’t exactly know you back then. i might have to consider doing a rearranging of that list once we get out of here. i didn’t take the possibility that you would be an ass into consideration, after all.”

[aresholland-blog]

whilst he had only meant to push her away to a metaphorical arm’s length, mostly to survive the immediate situation, seth mulled over his choice of words —  he’d been needlessly cruel, crueller than he’d anticipated and yet, he would not apologise. he was too proud for that. 

a brief nod was all he gave — he deserved her coolness, he deserved to be shelved in favour of her reading whatever it was she’d brought into this death trap. what he didn’t deserve was to be answered at all — after speaking to her like that, seth was almost alarmed that gisele did not simply drown out his words. despite their haughty fronts, it was clear that things were confused beneath the surface, and he felt suddenly as if his choice of phrasing had set their future encounters onto a new path — and he’d always wanted the opposite. seth felt like an idiot, and yet, unlike usual, there was no opportunity to run away. 

‘ i thought we’d gone over that one, ’ he sighed, his own incessant drawl rattling himself, so much so that he hated to even ponder how his endless rambling was affecting gisele’s nerves. ‘ i am an ass, not much you can do about that, and i’m not about to undergo a transformation stuck in a dodgy elevator shaft with you. so just keep reading, ignore me. whatever.’ he gestured flippantly with his hand, before shuffling further from her and instead taking up the most distant corner of the elevator, the space between them feeling more and more insufficient with every word he spoke. ‘ at least you brought something to read. ’

[aresholland-blog]

in this light / seth & gisele

[bcsile]

his coldness was as expected as it was hurtful; however, the detched behaviour of the male had become more or less of a norm to gisele. perhaps, their shared moment in the library which had taken place earlier that week had been nothing but just that - a moment. and, from what gisele could tell, that moment was long gone by now; leaving the girl with nothing but four cold walls and a stranger to spread acid in her open wounds. “ i have things i need to do.” the claim was as useless as it was ignorant - considering that gisele was well aware that seth was more than likely booked up for the day just as she was. 

the girl did nothing other than passively watch seth’s attempts to cause any motion from the metal box; seeing how the anger gradually grew inside of the agent - the same way she noticed the compassion increase under her own ribcage. “.. hey.” being far too proud and uncomfortable to use her words - no matter who was on the receiving end of them - , gisele always turned to actions instead.  her nibble fingers moved over his upperarm; trying her best to cease his jamming at the buttons in the most gentle way she knew how ( she didn’t know him well, but she did know that seth didn’t really respond well to orders ) . her unoccupied hand reached to press the emergency button, only to have the girl take a few stumbling steps backwards after the feat- her hand still tugging on his shirt - partly pleading and partly forcing him to follow her.  gisele let her head fall back against the all - consciously letting her knees give out and sliding dwn to the floor. “they’ll come for us soon enough.. - or well, not exactly soon enough since i am already late… but they will come the rescue before we have to turn to cannabalism in order to survive, and that’s always somthing; right?”

[aresholland-blog]

ignoring her retort, he attempted to press not only the ‘ open door ’ button but those of every other floor, and yet nothing seemed to make a difference. as gisele approached his area, his forefinger hovered hesitantly over the button again, as if he truly believed the thirty-fifth time pressing it would suddenly rectify the situation. 

seth stood still as he felt her hand curl over his arm and coax him backwards, and he firmly bit the inside of his cheek, his expression — if it hadn’t been still facing an array of useless buttons — one of disgust. years and years of having to fall in line with however he was told to be around gisele, and here she was controlling him, yet again. shaking her off him forcefully, he went where she wanted him to go of his own accord, if only to avoid unnecessary, and painful, contact. 

‘ i doubt you’d taste all that great, ’ he mumbled as a weak response to her apparent attempt at light-hearted conversation, and out of stress he delved into his own pockets in an attempt to find something to prise the door open, or at the very least to play with as they waited, so as not to have to spend the entire time focused on what gisele was or was not saying. 

his pockets were empty, and defeated he sat down as well, mirroring her vanquished position, although he ensured that despite the modest size of the lift, there was adequate space between them. ‘ i know what you’re thinking, ’ he said suddenly, still refusing to make eye contact, instead absent-mindedly twirling his thumbs. ‘ why him ? ’ his tone grew hostile, as if trying to prove a point, but if gisele were to meet his swift accusatory glare she would see in his eyes that it was merely to set himself at ease, and he meant no word of it. ‘ the feeling’s mutual, sweetheart. ’

[aresholland-blog]

in this light / seth & gisele

[bcsile]

gisele rarely allowed herself to get stressed. she despited the feeling; the overwhelming loss of control of what would happen fought against every bone in her body. that being said, her hatred for the feeling didn’t make her immune to it, which was unfortunate in this case. her legs taking the longest strides they possbly could; while her hues were frantically searching the pages in her hand, gisele prided herself on being on top of her game - always. and when the brief occurences came  when she wasn’t, it usually had dreadful consequences.

take today for an example - the brunette seem to have been running in circles for the majority of the day; not really knowing why her entire mind had been a muddled mess ever since her eyes had fluttered open that morning. late in the morning, she might add. running her hands through her hair repeatedly, gisele’s features got distorted in annoyance over her locks getting in the way of the letters. soon, she gave up on th feat of making the strands to stay in it place, instead raising her gaze momentareily to jam her fingers into the button; spending the next 25 seconds to impatiently tap her heel in the matt while waiting for the elevator to arrive.  the desired ding was heard; however, gisele had returned to the quite terribly statistics in her grip. her eyes didn’t rise when the doors opened; didn’t move even when someone brushed her shoulder on their way out. a huff of air was pressed out of her , before the slightly chapped lips returned to their tight line. flipping through the pages, growing more and more irritable with every turn. it wasn’t until the elevator came to a halt and gisele moved to exit - only to find that the doors didn’t open, when the petite brunette even became aware of the other person in the small space with her. her orbs narrowed slightly at the sight of him; as if she suspected that seth himself had done something to put them both in this situation. what kind of motive he might have for such a thing, wasstill undisclosed, however. “.. what did you do?”

[aresholland-blog]

as if glued there, the back of his jacket did not move at all from the metallic elevator wall, and in the whole time the pair went casually moving towards their individual destinations, he didn’t dare even to twitch a finger. the seth of the past was austere, yes, in gisele’s eyes at least, but his current demeanour was a whole different tactic entirely. he figured if he didn’t move at all, she’d hardly notice him, and they would both be spared the horror of having as frosty a conversation as the last time they’d spoke — despite, and seth was forgetting this on purpose, them having gotten along quite well at the beginning of it. 

her voice broke his steeliness, as usual, and his eyes flicked upwards with boredom at her icy accusation. brows furrowed, expression changed from vacant to indignant faster than the shift could be recognised, and he glowered momentarily at his fellow agent. gisele irked him most of the time in ways she didn’t even know, and occasionally couldn’t even control, and yet when she was so clear about her feelings, that just about broke him too. 

‘ ah, good one. ’ he spat right back at her, and with the sole of his shoe he bounced off the wall and moved over to the elevator buttons that she had been closest to. the allegation had thrown him — sure, seth would at times have liked nothing more than to be stuck in an enclosed space with gisele, and yet he was certain that she had no way of knowing about that — unless darius had decided to spill at a later date. the thought made seth nervous, and now he wanted nothing more than to leave the lift and the troubling girl behind. 

pushing the open button repeatedly, seth’s attempts were futile, and he glanced at gisele standing uselessly by the sealed doors. whoever was playing a prank on them — seth was planning more than simply getting them back.

[leonsat]

               He laughed, finding the thought of Bill Clinton listening to Backsteet Boys very amusing. “I don’t know — Music is very private, like president is not only the president and he probably when through an emo phase when he was young, had crushes and probably cried watching the Titanic. Knowing people also listen to different genres of music reminds me they’re not mere figures and it’s… nice.” 

[aresholland-blog]

‘ nice ? it’s unnerving. thinkin’ about the president jammin’ to britney or somethin’ doesn’t bode well with the fact he probably has the power to shut this place down with one word and get us all tossed back out on the street. humanising people with that much power just makes me... itchy. ’

[rhxas]

once she was finished packing away the knives the brunette turned around to look at seth, leaning against the table as she did. “i’d be concerned if you did say no to a beer, i’d assume you were dying or something.” rhea joked before laughing slightly, “they’re team toddlers for a reason.”

[aresholland-blog]

‘ we’re all dying, ’ he commented breezily, bending down to pick up the last knife in his immediate area, leaving the rest for rhea to handle. ‘ one breath at a time. ’ with that morbid statement, he shrugged. ‘ if i ever do some mad shit and get put with the toddlers, that gives you every right to stab me. repeatedly. to death. ’

[centralperksource]

[aresholland-blog]

in this light / seth & gisele

seth was nervous in lifts on the best of days. the feeling of powerlessness as the rickety machine soared upwards, the secret fear that the death trap would go crashing to the floor, leading to the young agents less than spectacular untimely demise —  these were concerns that did not mix, coupled with his jittery nature. seth might have seemed like a perfectly balanced guy, but he simply could not stand losing control, not even when it was the mere workings of an elevator resting on his ultimate fate. feet set apart, his presence swallowed the tiny space, blue eyes flicking from buttons, to bright ceiling lights, to the overly shiny floor, and he considered, rather darkly, his last words. slightly surprised that he himself couldn’t immediately recall the last thing he’d said that day, he decided finally that it must have been the lifeless ‘ fine, thanks ’ he’d uttered to a plain doctor-type woman who had casually inquired to how he was getting on. he hated that woman. if he was to go hurtling to a young death right now, she’d only go mouthing off that she was the last one to speak to seth holland, and that his final uttering had been ‘ fine, thanks ’. they’d put ‘ fine, thanks ’ on his headstone. the thought made him shudder  — fine; something nobody would ever use to describe his general state of being, and thanks; a word he rarely used. in fact, seth was beginning to wonder why he’d answered her at all, and why he hadn’t just kicked her right in the teeth.

a vague memory flooded his mind — best friends had on one mission been finalising plans for their individual funerals, and darius had thoughtlessly come up with ' seth in stone ’ for the agent’s grave. not wanting to give the other an ego, seth had shrugged initially, but to this day the suggestion made him smile.

the absent grin adorning his features died, however, and as quickly as it would have done should the elevator have crashed, when the familiar noise of the doors opening sounded above him, and he moved to the side to allow whoever it was to enter.

small stature, brunette hair — the lift might as well have gone sinking down, because seth’s insides suddenly felt like they were hurtling to the ground. the entrant was the last person he’d wanted to see again in a hurry, and yet the only person he ever wanted to see. sliding further to the wall, he allowed himself to slouch against it, eyes fixed to the floor, arms crossed rigidly behind himself, and he only looked up momentarily to meet her gaze, offering a tight smile — reminiscent of an expression you’d throw towards an old high school friend who was doing much better than you these days, and who you hadn’t particularly liked in the first place anyway.

[ofthwip-blog]

“ a scrub is a guy that think he’s fine and is also known as a buster, ” casey sang half-heartedly as she took another swing at the punching dummy. she shuffled to the left and swung her leg around, kicking the dummy square in the chin. “ no, i don’t want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me !! ” she aimed one final clock towards where, theoretically, the punching bag’s right eye would be. with an exhausted sigh, case wiped a bead of sweat off of her forehead contently. she turned to face the rest of the training room. “ so who wants to be serenaded next ?? i’m taking requests !! ”

[aresholland-blog]

having been leaning against the furthest wall, listening to her sing along to herself, seth stepped out from the shadows as she finished, advancing leisurely towards his friend with his arms folded. ‘ umm, i’d say, mm-bop, i’m too sexy, baby got back... ’ he started listing his go-to jams on one hand, pulling a finger back every time as he drew closer. ‘ there’s just too many to choose from. ’ halting about a foot from her, seth looked around the room quickly. ‘ should i pull up a chair ? ’

[lilystinson]

[bcsile]

it was barely a split of a second; the change in his eyes before his head was turned and she had lost the moment of .. peace? could that really be the feeling that had be filling her chest to the brink, to the point of almost exploding? “you know what - that was completely out of line.” the line was rushed out; giele being desperate to correct the sidestep she had made, which clearly had been grave enough to cause such a reaction from srth. “your friendship with darius is nowhere near my business, especially not now when we have..” her voice trailed off ( despite it being almost two years since they ended, it still felt wrong to verbalize, to let it become concrete ). her hues dropped to the cover of her book, her fingers itching to open it up and submit to the urge to simply let herself fall and hide between the pages. but, instead, the petite girl cleared her throat. “.. - like i said, it’s none of my business.”

[aresholland-blog]

he shook his head violently, wishing for her to cease speaking at once, the mounting anger turning inward, knowing that he had made gisele believe that she had done wrong. in reality, he knew the only problem that lay between the pair was his own stubbornness — his own childish grip on the notion that he should be allowed whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. ex-girlfriends of best friends had gotten along perfectly with best friends of ex-boyfriends in the past, and yet something deep inside seth would not allow it. the idea almost felt like giving in. ‘ that looks like a good book, ’ he commented, scanning it swiftly, thumb pushing into his forehead in a desperate effort to stop the pulsing sensation that was shouting ‘ idiot, idiot, idiot ’ between his ears. he needed to get out of there, and fast. ‘ i’ll let you read it. i need a shower, anyway. good talk. ’

[bcsile]

she didn’t want to admit it, but there was no denying the male’s effect on her. when he smiled, gisele smiled. it was no stopping it, feeling it being more of a course of nature than anything else. and, perhaps, if they had fallen into eachother’s path before, the act of itself wouldn’t feel so unnatural. “you wouldn’t have been a third wheel.. people are able to be friends with their friend’s girlfriend, you know.” gisele spoke pointedly; her hands placed on her previously indulging book, just to have somewhere to put them. “i mean.. - i’m not that bad, if you haven’t noticed. and darius and i.. we were this whole other thing. it shouldn’t have affected your ability to not be a tool, holland. us dating wasn’t that relevant - or at least it wasn’t to me.”

[aresholland-blog]

as much as he was savouring this unusual conversation, his chest swelled momentarily with frustration. how could she be so blind ? how could she assume that he would be ready to mould his own feelings into whatever shape she saw fit to work alongside her and darius’ whatever-they-called-it, these days. he balled his fist for a moment, watching his knuckles go white, and tried to shun the feeling as quickly as it had developed. ‘ you’re not that bad, no. ’ was all he managed at first, until he looked at her again. ‘ it was easier for me not to get involved at all. leave it at that, alright ? ’ eyes glinting with a flash of deep anger, he tore his gaze away from her again and exhaled, unable to curb his sudden vexation at her ignorance. ‘ it’s just... i wouldn’t have been a tool, if i didn’t have to be a tool. ’

[bcsile]

“what kind of awfully unobservant mother would call someone like me for gazelle? i honestly feel like i am shorter than most toddlers, - and i’m not talking about the division toddlers.” she chuckled, genuinly laughed at the thought, even if there was a stabbing in her chest at the brush upon family. “however, it is a plausible reason, and you are hereby forgiven.” a righteous nod to finalize her statement, gisele withdrew her hand - finally and unfortunately. “self-preservation? are you referring to your street smarts or the true nature of the animals life on the savannah?” another nudge ( god, what was wrong with her? )

[aresholland-blog]

his smile reappeared, more prominently than before, and he almost didn’t look away quick enough, attempting to conceal any concrete evidence that he was letting his guard down. after all, she was being so nice to him, he was starting to believe it might just be a ruse set up by darius to cheer him up a bit. ‘ thanks, ’ he muttered, bringing his hand to his other when it was freed and clasping them again, an action to ensure she didn’t again restrain his own fingers, despite her motive. ‘ uh, both ? ’ suddenly confused, he inwardly cursed himself for being so honest with her, and sought to sabotage his own openness. ‘ i just mean i’m not a third wheel kinda guy. ’

[bcsile]

it was a shock, surely - even if it might not show on her features. not only that he carried such horrible bagage; but that he so openly shared it with her. after all, gisele wasn’t much more than a simple stranger to him. a stranger who had frequently been around him and his best friend once upon a time - but a stranger nonetheless. instead of letting the wave of words inside of her spill out and hang awkwardly in the air, the girl hung her head low. gisele’s hand moved on it’s own accord, and soon and, the tips of her fingers were grasping at the skin of seth’s wrist. “well, i did.” she admitted - choosing to deal with the far lighter topic; even if her hand didn’t stray from his arm. “think you were a tool, that is.. - you barely spoke to me, you never looked me directly in the eye .. and i’m pretty sure that you called me by the wrong name the first month of me dating darius..” gisele nudged his shoulder, despite how out of character she felt while doing so. “.. - there wasn’t really much for me to like, was it?”

[aresholland-blog]

he allowed his hand to go limp, focusing on the softness of her voice instead of the unfamiliar touch, and he swallowed heavily at her words. ‘ i’m a shy guy. ’ he offered as a shabby excuse, but his attempt at abrasiveness was lost even on himself, and he immediately countered his own defence. ‘ that one wasn’t on me. i said to darius — like the animal ? and he said yes, like the animal. so i called you gazelle. like the animal, see ? ’ even his true explanation faltered, and seth put it all down to most of his mind attempting to block out the reality of her sitting so close to him, rather than concentrating on formulating sentences. ‘ self-preservation. ’ he breathed, eventually, which summed up just about everything he’d tried, though horribly failed, to justify. 

[bcsile]

unlatching her own grip, gisele moved the slightest bit closer to seth. “well, they do have a tendency to stop calling when you get arrested and start working for the other guys.” gisele laughed; again,  ( what was wrong with her? ). “.. do you mind me asking why people were after you? i mean, i should probably know this already - considering how long we’ve know eachother, but you and i have never really.. discussed these things before.” she gave him a tentative look.

[aresholland-blog]

seth smiled slightly, perhaps too slightly to even be noticed, but he shifted his body to answer her question. ‘ same guy who killed off my folks. guess he thought i had somethin’ on him, that i could do some sorta damage with what i knew. i was just a kid, though, so i never did anythin’, just ran from him every time he turned the corner. i bet he’s still out there. ’ sombrely, he glanced at the nearest door, although he knew that his old pursuer would never be allowed to set foot into amber, which had been a large part of the reason seth had joined in the first place. seemingly returning to his body, he blinked once and looked back at gisele. ‘ you’re right, we never really spoke like this before. i always guessed you thought i was a tool. ’

[fightlost-deactivated20180808]

“impressive? i’d say fucking difficult, y’know how hard it is not to stain satin with blood? it’s like goddamn impossible. positive reinforcement? what books have you been reading holland? spiritual guides and self help? don’t tell me your following those weed smoking hippie kids?” she chuckled softly as she glanced over at her fellow agent.

[aresholland-blog]

‘ wouldn’t know. i don’t have one of those little hot satin numbers. though i’d look good in one, they just won’t give in.  — you never had a dog, vernetti ? it’s common knowledge, not straight outta a manual. you fuck a dog up every time it pees somewhere, it’s just gonna pee more. outta stress, y’know ? if you’re nice to a dog if it does a good thing, it’ll stop all the peein’. dogs, men, whatever. same thing. most of them, anyway. not me, i’m a specimen. ’