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A sign in the window of the fake pharmacy: “Dear customers, because of a lack of deliveries certain articles are out of stock”, is an example of life imitating art imitating life.

[x, x]

wilwheaton

Love

#david burtka #neil patrick harris #architectural digest

literarystarbucks

Wizarding World: Marauders Era

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin hang out in Starbucks all day. While Remus tries to do work, Sirius orders a number of drinks under different pseudonyms, with a different persona each time. Remus takes his only coffee with one cream, one sugar. Sirius spills it all over the table and has to buy him another one.

Andromeda Tonks gets a disproportionate amount of flak from her sisters for ordering a regular coffee, instead of something more magical.

R.A.B. never picks up his espresso.

Lily brings Petunia to Starbucks with her, but Petunia refuses to order anything.

James Potter orders a series of increasingly complicated drinks to try to impress Lily Evans. She is uninterested in all of them. Finally, he approaches her and asks her how she takes her coffee. “One sugar, one cream,” she tells him. He returns with two of those and asks if he can sit with her and drink them. She obliges.

Sirius pays Remus five galleons.

Myrtle drinks too much caffeine and finds she desperately needs a bathroom.

Frank Longbottom and Alice arrive for their coffee date. Frank accidentally spills both drinks; luckily Alice is charmed by his clumsiness and pays for the next round.

Lucius Malfoy goes up to the counter and orders hot tea with lemon. He doesn’t drink any refined sugars.

Arthur Weasley is fascinated by all the odd muggle technology. While the baristas try to keep their customers calm, he tries tinkering with an espresso machine. The fire grows.

Fabian and Gideon Prewett order coffees together, drink them in unison, and leave. Fabian leaves his watch on Molly Prewett’s coffee table as they depart for the unknown.

Nicholas Flamel remains seated in the corner, sipping at his umpteenth concoction.

Peter Pettigrew buys the Marauders a round of drinks: a coffee with cream for Remus, a white chocolate mocha for James, a caramel macchiato for Sirius and one espresso for himself. They toast their latest victories and down their drinks before setting off into the world together.

#literarystarbucks #harrypotter

literarystarbucks

Wizarding World: Next Generation

Teddy Lupin and Victoire Weasley arrive for their coffee date. Teddy buys; he gets Victoire a cappuccino and himself a brightly colored mocha latte that changes colors every few minutes.

James Sirius Potter sneaks behind the counter and begins calling out drinks for people that don’t exist. The baristas apprehend him and threaten to call his father. He stops.

Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy enter the Starbucks in the late afternoon, order a green tea frappuccino and a strawberries & creme frappuccino, respectively, and head to the back of the shop to study.

The Scamander twins attempt to order from the secret menu at their mother’s suggestion. The world-weary barista says, “Kids, there wasn’t a secret menu when your mother went to Hogwarts, and there’s not a secret menu now. There’s never been a secret menu.” Lysander produces a recent copy of The Quibbler that suggests otherwise.

Albus Potter sits with a group of students from myriad Houses by the window, talking and laughing and content to be amongst friends.

#literarystarbucks #harrypotter

literarystarbucks

Wizarding World: Fantastic People, Fantastic Beasts

Xenophilius’ barista is a boggart. When he orders, it asks: “and how do you spell that?”

The baristas keep brewing hot coffee for their most recent batch of customers, but by the time the dementors pick it up, it’s iced coffee.

The Giant Squid orders ten black coffees, then asks if there are any sizes bigger than the trenta.

Instead of installing a bell over the door, the baristas hang a portrait of Sir Cadogan. He convinces himself that each new customer is the first of an invading army.

Aragog brings his entire family to the Starbucks for lunch, but they’re not interested in coffee.

Hagrid orders two steaming hot coffees and sits at a table in the corner to drink them. They’re really hot. One is on fire. He’s smuggled a dragon under his coat. The baristas call security.

Newt Scamander orders a small nonfat latte, and takes it to go in a big hurry. He returns years later and orders three venti frappuccinos in different flavors. The entirety of the Starbucks watches the baristas concoct them, waiting with bated breath to see how they will turn out.

#harrypotter #literarystarbucks

literarystarbucks

Wizarding World: Death Eaters

Voldemort has Peter Pettigrew order and carry his coffee for him. To this day people still believe Voldemort did it all himself.

Bellatrix Lestrange orders an unnecessarily complicated drink that cannot possibly taste good, not that it matters, because she leaves before the baristas finish it. She just likes to watch them suffer.

Rodolphus Lestrange orders three coffees for himself, his wife, and the Dark Lord. The latter two thank him for all of the drinks, take them, and make no room for them at their table. Rodolphus stands there awkwardly before shuffling off to sit with his brother.

Fenrir Greyback finds a hair in his coffee. He keeps drinking. This kind of thing happens all the time.

The Carrow twins make their students pick up their orders, then slowly pour the hot drinks on their heads.

Barty Crouch, Jr. orders himself a mocha latte but the baristas forget to write “Jr” on it. He flips over three tables and has to be physically removed from the Starbucks while Winky weeps in the corner, having tried to clean up the mess by herself.

Lucius Malfoy orders a white chocolate mocha for himself and a dozen herbal teas for his brood of peacocks waiting outside.

Narcissa Malfoy is asked by the Dark Lord to approach the counter and ask the barista if there’s any more red velvet mochas. Narcissa thinks Voldemort is sufficiently caffeinated already. Although the barista says yes, there are more, she returns to Voldemort and tells him they’re all out of the ingredients.

Karkaroff orders using the mobile app and never shows up to pick up his drink.

After a few espressos, Stan Shunpike starts to realize that he probably shouldn’t be running with this crowd.

#harrypotter #literarystarbucks

literarystarbucks

Wizarding World: Professors

Snape goes up to the counter and orders the same thing he’s ordered every day from Starbucks for over a decade. “After all this time?” asks the barista. “Always,” he replies.

Umbridge likes the red holiday cups, but wonders if they come in pink.

Gilderoy Lockhart insists that he is a naturally gifted barista. He starts a small fire behind the counter.

Professor Sprout orders a herbal tea. It’s so hot that it emits a high-pitched whistling. Several patrons of the Starbucks keel over.

Professor Sinistra orders a dark roast, but the baristas forget to make it.

Minerva McGonagall usually orders a grande non-fat latte, no whip, half-caf every morning at precisely 7:40AM, but it’s game day, so she gets a red velvet frappucino with caramel bits on top to match her red and gold outfit, complete with face paint. She’s grown attached to the trophy in her office and isn’t keen on giving it up to Professor Snape.

Firenze goes into the Starbucks, and the centaurs will never let him back out.

Professor Quirrell orders a caramel brulee latte and a dark roast. “Two coffees just for you, sir?” asks the barista. “I… I’m addicted to caffeine,” Quirrell responds nervously while simultaneously coughing, somehow.

Professor Trelawney orders hot tea for everyone in the Starbucks, then proceeds to read everyone’s leaves. Unsurprisingly, 100% of the patrons are doomed to die within the fortnight. She puts the drinks on Dumbledore’s tab.

Dumbledore orders the phoenix latte. The baristas follow his instructions carefully, only to have it explode upon completion. They can’t believe they trusted him for so long only to have this be the end goal after all.

#literarystarbucks #harrypotter

literarystarbucks

Wizarding World: 90s Kids

Hermione Granger goes up to the counter. “Is this coffee fair trade or were house elves involved in the making?” she asks. After being reassured that no house-elves ever touched the coffee beans, she orders an espresso. She takes it over to a corner table covered in books and papers, settling in for a long study session.

Luna Lovegood tries to order off of a non-existent “secret menu.”

Neville Longbottom meets up with Luna for their usual afternoon coffee date. They get chai tea lattes and sit by the window, chatting about exotic flora and fauna.

Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan arrive together. Seamus orders a Fizzing Whizbee latte, which promptly explodes all over him. Dean pays for a round of cappuccinos.

Ginny Weasley goes up to the counter with her broom slung over her shoulder. She orders her butterbeer latte to go; she’s late for practice. She stops to talk to Neville and Luna for a few minutes before leaving.

Crabbe and Goyle arrive to meet Draco there. They are unable to buy drinks for themselves, as counting out change confuses them. They have also arrived three hours earlier than Malfoy plans to arrive, because he prefers them to be there when he wants to meet with him. They bully a first-year into buying them each a scone.

Oliver Wood enters in a huff. He goes up to the counter and asks if the barista has seen any of the Gryffindor Quidditch team there, “because they’re SUPPOSED to be practicing.” Fred and George, who are hiding under a nearby table, know that this is no laughing matter, but struggle to contain their giggles, regardless.

Draco Malfoy runs his index finger across the bar and picks up a thin layer of dust. “Wait til my father hears about this,” he says. The baristas just roll their eyes.

Ernie Macmillan orders a triple shot espresso to go. He’s rushing back to the library to work; he finds Starbucks to be an unhelpful work environment.

Percy Weasley drinks coffee with a napkin in his lap. When he examines his drink more closely, he realizes the name on it has been transfigured to “Big Head Boy.” At this point the twins collapse laughing and are asked to leave the Starbucks.

Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil order tea and drink it slowly, then read each other their tea leaves. Their cups foretell imminent danger, but they’re unfazed. They are Gryffindors, after all.

Colin Creevey takes pictures of his order to put on his Instagram.

Just as evening begins, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley make their way into the Starbucks from the snow outside. They order three butterbeer lattes and join Hermione at her corner table. Harry has to leave early, and the other two join him in solidarity.

#literarystarbucks #harrypotter

literarystarbucks

Wizarding World: Founders Era

Godric Gryffindor orders an English Breakfast tea. When he is done drinking, he enchants his coffee stirrer and leaves it on the table. Only the worthy will be able to find it.

Salazar Slytherin sees Gryffindor enchant his coffee stirrer and runs off into the bathroom. He comes back, rubbing his hands in delight, and insists that his heirs will have a far greater birthright.

Rowena Ravenclaw and Helga Hufflepuff buy scones from the smudged glass case. They sit back and watch the boys squabble.

Nicholas Flamel meanders behind the counter and concocts his own drink. He sits in the corner and drinks it by himself, refilling it whenever necessary.

#literarystarbucks #harrypotter

literarystarbucks

alexander hamilton?

How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore order his coffee?

He probably orders the most complicated drink off the menu with about five changes to it (extra whip, three extra shots of espresso, etc. etc. etc.) and then has a few of them in a row and sits in the front by the window writing all day and stopping passerby to ask if they’ve read the Federalist Papers and to ask them tell them their opinions on Thomas Jefferson and why he doesn’t have good taste in coffee, can you believe he just orders it black? And he doesn’t even go to Starbucks? He gets French coffee IMPORTED IN, from FRANCE, because he doesn’t understand America, and he probably has his slaves make it for him. Here read this manifesto I wrote about why Jefferson doesn’t understand coffee, politics, or how to be a decent human being. Laurens read it and said it was great. Eliza took away the Starbucks gift card Washington gave me for Christmas. I’m paying for these out of my own pocket now.

Burr is the barista and he’s been told that as long as Hamilton has a shirt and shoes on no, he is NOT allowed to forcibly evict him from Starbucks, no matter how loud he and his three “hooligan friends” get in the evenings after they’ve been drinking coffee all day.

#literarystarbucks #hamilton

literarystarbucks

Telemachus

Telemachus goes up to the counter and asks the barista to tell him all about what his dad ordered.

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literarystarbucks

Gavroche

Gavroche enters Starbucks with a list of orders from the barricade boys. He is shot dead before even reaching the counter.

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literarystarbucks

Scheherazade

Scheherazade volunteers to go up to the counter to order drinks for her very unappealing Tinder date. He keeps trying to make a move on her, but every time he suggests they “get out of here” she offers to buy him another, more tantalizing drink. After 1001 coffees he goes to the bathroom to pee, and she makes her escape.

#literarystarbucks