things you can do if your partner has an eating disorder and isnt ready to recover / is struggling as someone whos been diagnosed with bulimia, anorexia, BED, ARFID and pica (ive had a fun life), and had partners with all of these (and my ex died of anorexia). this is mostly irl stuff but ill include some online things. this doesnt help everyone its just what ive found helped. these also apply to people with EDs in general so even if ur single, have a read. i say partner but this can apply to anyone. sorry if this doesnt make sense im super sleepy. this isnt a guide these are just some tips. if you disagree DONT tell me in the rbs this post clearly isnt for you. ty
encourage them to or make sure they drink elctrolyte drinks after purging (like gatorade), and to drink slowly. my first bf was bulimic and id buy lucozades for him if i figured hed purged
remember not to tell them to "go brush your teeth and eat" after they purge, instead they should try to rinse their mouth with water and baking soda or mouthwash and focus on getting in electrolytes
if you think they purged, dont spring it on them etc "you purged, why?" "why do you do this to ME?" "whats wrong with you?". know your partner. this is assuning theyre open about their ED, things like "can you answer me honestly, im not mad, did you purge?" and do NOT try to ask these questions at innapropriate times (e.g while theyre eating, outside, in a public setting, with other people)
signs of purging include burst blood vessels under eyes, inflamed neck/cheeks, red eyes/burst blood vessels in eyes and bite marks on knuckles. if these are bleeding please make sure it gets disenfected.
purging isnt shameful, it isnt disgusting. dont say stupid things about calories, carbs, fats etc (e.g youve aborbed the calories anyways, whats the point?) if it isnt going to help
signs of internal bleeding are coughing up blood, extreme stomach pain, coughing up what looks like coffee grounds
purging can cause throat bruising
in sexual contexts, some forms of oral play may not be safe if your partner has a damaged gag reflex. please have these conversations BEFORE sex/sexual activities that are oral and dont shame them if they do end up throwing up
threats dont stop people purging
in order to reduce harm, nails should be short, tools shouldnt be used (e.g toothbrushes, pipes) and alot of water should be drunk before and after
exercise bulimia/overexercising
research basic signs of torn or damaged joints/ligaments
try to encourage a rest break
to reduce harm, stretch amply, try have an increased intake and drink lots of water
watch out for typical signs of things like cardiac arrest
if you throw up, pass out or collapse exercising, take a break and do not resume until you feel entirely better
do not try be competetive (e.g i wont eat until you do)
some people want to eat around you, some dont. respect this.
not all anorexia looks the same, not everyone counts calories or restricts junk food
your brain needs 500c a day to function
dont make stupid comments (e.g thats alot of calories, thats not enough calories, thats too much/not enough [insert macro] - you dont want to make the food noise louder)
encouraging days of higher intake and eating with them can help, and listen to what your partner wants (e.g i find it helpful to be praised when ive eaten, but some dont because it drags attention to it)
remember safe foods and dont try to ruin them (e.g, i lost my safefood of greek yogurt because my dad put double cream in it to increase the calories)
dont spring things such as resturaunts and takeaways on your partner, it can bring on immense feelings of fear. either have it as a question "do you want to go out to (xyz) on (xyz), i have the menu online i can send to you) or bring it up a while beforehand. alot of people who restrict often create plans and it can be very stressful to have to change these.
dont try to encourage these. im talking mostly about people who have partners who restrict so they encourage binging. binging is painful and very very stressful
dont shame them after. dont tell them tommorow can be better or they can "make up for it."
if you are binging, try to fill up on protein first if you can as itll help you feel fuller first
try not to immediatley purge it (lax, vomiting, exercise)
drinking a herbal tea, going on a walk, sitting up or using a hot pack can help ease digestion
rubbing circles around your navel can ease stomach cramping
if youre worried youve done something extreme such as explode your stomach, immediatley seek hospital intervention. this can look like extreme stomach pain and blood in coughing/vomit/stool etc
dont spring on food related events without asking far prior
REMEMBER safefoods. these can be brand specific too, just ask
dont force them to eat something, even if its a safefood. if you create a negative experience they could lose this safefood
dont try to ick them out or force to try new things
