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sideblog where i yap about how i feel about my aroace-spec identity because so many people i know will not. get it. || open to dms/vents

[tuherrus]

you don't even have a dog

[aroace-ed]

i've noticed that people don't use my name as much anymore. maybe they've become so accustomed to having my attention that they no longer feel the need to say my name in order to ask for it.

[platoniromantic-feelings]

I'd love to hold your hand. I'd love to be casually physically intimate with you. But I can't, because we're just friends.

I'd love to build a future with you. I'd love to adopt you, and perhaps your family, as my family. But I can't, because we're just friends.

I can see it so clearly. I can see the future we could have. But I can't build it with you, because we're just friends.

And friendship is transient, isn't it? We insist on treating romance and marriage like they are permanent, despite the divorce rates, and everyone knows that "friends forever" is just a nice sentiment, while "I do" is permanent. Right?

My friendship cannot be forever, because I can't offer you a ring. I genuinely could, though. If you wanted one. But of course I dare not ask you to wear a ring for me, because we're just friends.

My friendship cannot be forever, because I can't marry you. Can't have children with you. Can't plan a household with you. Can't stake my future on our feelings for each other. Can't, can't, can't ...

It's just friendship. It doesn't matter what I would do for you; all the things I can't do weigh more, don't they.

It doesn't matter how much I love you platonically; the missing element of romance is the only part that really matters, isn't it.

So you'll go and build a future with someone who can give you all the things I cannot, and I suppose we all just agree to ignore all the things that she might not be able to give you that I could.

It's just friendship. You can have it with anybody. Common as muck; deep, intimate, meaningful friendships are just lying around like litter, aren't they? Like dead leaves; lightweight, worthless, easily tossed. Not like romance. Romance with someone you barely know is priceless, right? Every date a gold brick.

No matter how much effort I put into our friendship, and no matter how rare and special I think you are, in the end you'll choose someone else to create your life with, and I'll ...

I can't have romance; do you know that? Do you understand that the thing you have planned your life around is something I can never have nor even comprehend?

Do you realise that this means that friendships are the closest relationship available to me?

Who knows? Who cares? It's just friendship!

[aroace-ed]

i'm so sick of never feeling like my friends don't care about me the same way i do for them. i get that they're busy. i understand. but sometimes they go ages without a response. sometimes i get one in a day. sometimes even nothing, and i can see their activity status being online for hours. sometimes, i know that they don't want to bother me if i'm busy, even though i've told them countless times that it's okay. i love getting their messages and reading them even if i can't respond. i want to get spammed with messages. i want them to bother me about all the little things in their lives. i want to be reached out to. i want them to care in the ways that matter. i'm tired of being seen as an afterthought, as a constant presence that is expected to be there so much that it eventually gets tuned out. i don't want to be taken for granted.

[onyxeatsu]

give me a boy who doesn't really care if what i feel is romantic or a strong platonic love and he'll kiss me anyway and hold me close n say he loves me

[twomanyfandomshelp]

My friend @shellywith2ls found this on Pinterest during our homeroom today, and when she showed me I started dying laughing.

I asked her to send it to me and she just saved the photo and texted it to me, so I can’t properly credit the person who made this. If you see this, hi, I love this, let me know so I can properly credit you 🙃

Edit:

Thank you @voidisnthere for helping me out with the credit!

[neverquiteeden]

Waking up every day looking in the mirror and repeating "my friends will not abandon me for romantic relationships, my friends value me in their lives, I do not need to go through anticipatory grief like this, shutting myself out before they abandon me is not a valid strategy, it is better to have lived and loved and lost than to isolate myself out of this expectation".

[wormpiratesblog]

bitches be like "it's so nice not having to worry about all that complicated romantic stuff" and then instead worry about their best friends abandoning them in favor of all that complicated romantic stuff

[aroace-ed]

i'm tired of trying to maintain relationships that feels like if i did not try to reach out, i would not exist. no one pays attention to the tarnished statue covered in vines, but if i polished it to stay shiny, flashy, and bright, then they notice. then they care. but i am tired. the effort i put in for a mere glance as they walk by? i wonder, what if i don't maintain it. will i fade into the background, swallowed whole by the flourishing undergrowth? will they care enough to pick up where i left off? alas, the primal thing inside of me that craves to be seen will keep me coming back to that statue again and again, even when my hands are raw, cleaning it, because if i don't, i'm not sure who else will.

[aroace-ed]

i wish i was more content existing for myself. i hate that i keep holding on to the hope that maybe one of my friends could be more similar to me, and then i have to come to terms that they're not. and it's okay, it's just lonely sometimes.

[aroace-ed]

i've been gone for a bit, but happy pride month to all !!

[aroace-ed]

more of a rant then a proper vent, but i was thinking about my friends and then like my friends, and idk. there's one friend that i know of, and we barely text now, but whenever we managed to see each other before, it always felt so natural. they're somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, same as me, and we live so far away from each other now due to school, but i miss them. i like talking to them, and it always felt like they understood what i wanted to say even when i couldn't word it right. sometimes i think that if we both stayed for school instead of going far away, maybe we could have been something. maybe not romantic, but still, something. i think that even now, even being so far away, even with everything, i would still want to be something with them.

[wavefinderxv-deactivated2020021]

not even in a sexual way but i’m just craving affection because i feel like crap i just want someone to hug me for a couple of hours and tell me i’m going to be okay 

[wordycheeseblob]

Reblog to hug prev and tell them it’s okay

[aroace-ed]

in some ways, i think i resent my friends who can feel romantically. not because they do, but because i don't think i will. there is something so lonely in acknowledging that. lonely and freeing. i hate that they will experience an emotion i may never understand, one that is valued so highly by society, that i sit there and wonder if embracing this aspect of me will ever be worth it. what would i give to just have a taste of it? would the rush justify everything i have resented? i think that maybe i am biased because i do not feel romantically, but also, what if they are because they do?

[aromerrowace]

Being aroace with a squish is really like. You look so nice and cute and pretty (not like that), I’d like to snuggle up in bed with you (not like that) and play with your hair (not like that) and lay there for a while (not like that) and hold your hand all the time (not like that) and hang out with you one-on-one (not like that) and get to you know you on a deep and personal level (not like that)

[midnightcrisisstuff]

actually no, we're not "dating". we're bound together for infinity. like the stars. so, fuck you, actually.

[negativepeanuthoarder]

"love is what makes us human" actually it's 'select all images with boat' but go off I guess