Platoniromantic Feelings

Platoniromanticism is a little-known and rare orientation on the aromantic spectrum. A platoniromantic person is someone who feels no distinction between platonic love and romantic love. This is a sideblog about the frustrations and fascinations of being platoniromantic. The blogger (he/him pronouns) is a platoniromantic, nonlibidoist, repulsed asexual.

[van-dyne]

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (2011)

[kittydealer]

u/BringHoomanHome_

[platoniromantic-feelings]

Personal stuff incoming.

For the last 2–3 years I've been having major difficulties with a beloved friend who was the only person I could imagine having a secure, 'found family' kind of future with, and boy howdy does it give me extra sympathy for people who are going through divorces or bad break-ups. It's all such a huge, weighty mess, and I don't know whether to break up with my friend or not. I doubt that I will ever find another like him; and isn't that exactly what people say when they are debating whether to leave their boyfriends/girlfriends? "What if no one else ever loves me like he did?" "What if I never find another like her?"

I didn't want a 'found family' until I pictured a future wherein I had one.

I didn't worry about dying alone until I glimpsed a future in which I didn't have to.

This relationship caused me to envision the best version of my future that I can likely hope for, and then the same relationship rendered those dreams implausible, and now I am left with a shattered heart, a huge sense of betrayal, dreams that can't come true, and a relationship that probably can't be salvaged. I feel very much like a divorcee.

I wish I didn't care so much. I wish I had been able to stop myself from getting so invested. I wish I could bounce back instead of going into long periods of deep depression because my precious friend betrayed me.

I hate being platoniromantic.

[platoniromantic-feelings]

I sent him a break-up e-mail almost two months ago, if anyone is curious.

It took me months to decide to do it, and more months to psych myself up to doing it. One of the reasons that confirmed my decision, in the end, was that I have always criticised people who stay in relationships in which they are treated badly. He betrayed me and deceived me; the relationship was contentious and exhausting when it wasn't glorious; if I were to give advice to a friend in my position, I would recommend dumping the guy without delay. Therefore, if I remained in that relationship, I would be a hypocrite, and would lose my 'right' to tell others to leave relationships in which they were treated poorly ... just as the (ex-)friend in question remained with a girlfriend who treated him poorly, and I recommended that he leave. (He's living with her now, after breaking up with her about four times; and that's another thing that eroded my tolerance for the friendship.)

I loved him like I never thought I could love anyone. Really, I did. But he taught me that no amount of love compensates for a relationship that destroys your peace of mind and derails your life.

So. I guess I'm a 'friendship divorcee' now.

It feels absolutely rancid.

[mumblesplash]

it's such bs that the whole guilt-ridden stoic self-sacrificing martyr thing doesn't work outside of fiction. repressing all your emotions and neglecting your physical wellbeing should make you god's most tragically beautiful morally unassailable little soldier of righteousness but all it does is give you bad skin and gastrointestinal problems

[mumblesplash]

like what do you MEAN the number 1 sexiest character trait of all time is just kind of offputting and bad for you in real life. next you'll tell me smoking has consequences other than looking like a mysterious badass

[whatdoesthevixensay]

correct

[sleepdeprivedcinnamonbun]

Got a load new embroidery thread so made an aro bracelet!! Don't look too hard at the colours cause one of the background cream strings is actually the white that should be in the flags but anywayyy idk which way round to wear it and also how to tie it so uh yay!

Pattern under cut:

Some of it's wrong I think cause the last row should be four backwards knots but it's mostly self-intuitive once you get into the rhythm so yeah enjoy :)

[aro-culture-is]

aro culture is spite. “maybe you haven’t met the right person yet” well if i DO meet them i’m gonna deliberately not get into a relationship with them just to prove you wrong

.

[platoniromantic-feelings]

Allos always act like "meeting the right person" is (A) a foregone conclusion and (B) absolutely irresistible. As if the "right person" will immediately erase the part of you that isn't interested in romance. As if your eyes will meet theirs and you will instantaneously be brainwashed out of your blissful singleness and straight into romantic love and marriage and 2.5 children and a white picket fence. As if you will have no say in the matter at all, because all your free will disappears like morning dew in the presence of Twoo Wuv from the Right Person.

Skill issue.

[justgot1]

Protect him

[alexaloraetheris]

HE PUT IT INTO WORDS💞💞💞💞💞

[little-robin-h00d]

HELL YEAH, DUDE!!! Allos are just, SO weird about this. Which makes it so hard for literally everyone to just... be friends and have a good time, without suspicion, and just relax. Being around fellow aces as an aroace myself is where I've felt the most comfortable, and it is so so so SO REFRESHING to get a break from all that toxic amatonormativity.

Y'all (allos) needa get more normal about things. You're legitimately crippling your own ability to make social relations and form community outside of having a partner. GTFO with that nuclear family BS where the only close relationship you have is with your spouse. MAKE FRIENDS! DON'T BE WEIRD ABOUT IT!

[astriiformes]

To be quite honest with you all I do think that aro/ace-spectrum fans in fandoms where people are desperately inventing crossover ships and humanizing non-human characters in order to have a conventionally attractive guy to ship the main character with, instead of possibly having to enjoy a story with no romance in it, have the right to refer to everyone else as cowards.

[astriiformes]

Sorry you almost had to entertain the idea that people like me exist, I'm sure that was very painful for you.

[astriiformes]

This post has officially reached the "Let people enjoy things" crowd so I'm just going to come right and say it: Do I or do I not also count as a people.

[bayfuzzball7050]

Diversity win! The biggest yearner you know is on the aromantic spectrum

[aspecmemesdaily]

Yep, I'm sure puberty will kick in and I'll start paying attention to people aaaaany day now. Just like mom promised when she first started telling me I was just a late bloomer.

In related news, want some of my birthday cake? There's plenty. We had to get a big cake to fit 30 whole candles on it.

👆 Ah yes, would you look at that, yet another childish late bloomer who hasn't yet realised it's just a phase they'll grow out of (/sarcastic)

I hope you're doing well, no matter what your mom says <2. Aphobia, intentional or unintentional, can hurt (at least in my experience), and I wish you all the best! :)

Also, happy birthday, and YES to the cake!

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is seeing how amatonormativity harms everyone in the long run but people keep perpetuating it and perpetuating it and perpetuating it

.

[platoniromantic-feelings]

And it's so boring. :-C

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

in hindsight, growing up as an aromantic person who didn't know aromanticism was a thing...it woulda been really easy for me to assume that something was wrong with me, that I was "broken" or "missing" some piece of humanity.

luckily I was autistic, oblivious, and had a huge ego. it literally never occurred to me to frame it as a "me" problem. i just thought every single person i knew was a dumbass

[panic-at-the-aromantic]

redstonedust AND biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist are aromantic??? are all the famous tumblrinas aromantic??

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

OKAY LISTEN

[brightself]

i'm not aroace because "i feel nothing" :-/ i'm aroace because i feel way too much about things amatonormativity has deemed irrelevant.

[beekeeperspicnic]

Little Rant

I'm so tired of media which does the queerbaity thing of not making Holmes and Watson a romantic couple, but putting lots of jokes in about them being a couple to excite the queer fanbase (while not alienating a casual audience).

I know this is old news, but it specifically annoys me because I've realised it affects how people respond to my game which is very earnestly trying to explore the ambiguity of their relationship.

Case in point- In the prologue of Beekeeper's Picnic, there's this part where Watson is sent some flowers by a colleague. I wrote Holmes' reaction as being humourously overblown (he instantly decides he hates those stupid flowers), but I intended the feelings he's feeling to be very genuine — he's frustrated that this stranger can show the nature of her intentions so simply and openly, and he's very afraid of Watson's place in his life being impacted by Watson potentially entering a romantic relationship with her. I'm sure a lot of a-spec folks know that cocktail of feelings. It's also setting up the fact that he's not great at examining his own feelings or talking/thinking through them (and he may not be an easy person to live with) - he'd rather just get snotty about some flowers.

But I've found that previous experience has taught some players to react to that "joke" as being just queerbaiting, that Holmes expressing his frustration at Watson's potential paramour is just me, the writer, teasing the player, rather than a moment of genuine storytelling that will be pivotal followed through on.

Grrrr. Blargh. Hurumph.

[aro-culture-is]

aro culture is drew gooden's 'learning what love is' video. an alloromantic man's reaction to an over the top, poorly produced, cheesy 80s "guide to love" is my reaction to just romance in general, so it feels validating to watch.

honestly its an aro comfort watch, i highly recommend it. its also really funny

[platoniromantic-feelings]

I don't want to date you. I just want to go places with you.

I don't want to marry you. I just want to know that you won't leave me.

I don't want a shared bank account. I just want to go grocery shopping with you, put my arm around your waist in the supermarket, and have pointless, fun conversations about aioli and potatoes.

I want to not need an excuse to hang out with you. I want you to ask me for help and know that it will be given, and for me to ask you for help without worrying that I am burdening you or asking too much.

I want to not have to censor my facial expression when I look at you lest people think I am in love with you. I want to stop worrying about whether your girlfriend will tell you that you can't be friends with me anymore. I want to know that you won't listen to her if she does.

I want a friendship I don't have to worry about.

[wormpiratesblog]

bitches be like "it's so nice not having to worry about all that complicated romantic stuff" and then instead worry about their best friends abandoning them in favor of all that complicated romantic stuff