Glimmer took so long to understand that her feelings for Bow were mutual mainly because he never acted on them. He never tried to kiss her, never cuddled her when they slept next to each other, never asked to hold hands, anything!
Which would have been fine if she didn't know that Bow's main love language was physical affection. He loved giving hugs and comforting others, no matter who it was, horde soldier or rebellion member. He was kind and seemed to have no boundaries for his own personal space, most of the time.
Glimmer, on the other hand, tried to act on her feelings, but she doesn't know how to show love in the normal way. For her, love is about freedom, quality time, that sort of thing. And she does that a lot with Bow already so it's not like she didn't try to tell him about her feelings. She was just afraid of being rejected and winding up alone, all over again.
And after the battle, when they were finally letting out all they had been thinking about each other, Bow asked "Can I kiss you?"
Glimmer was too flustered at the moment to think straight. Her thoughts were all on Bow, Bow's face, Bow's lips, Bow's hair, Bow's eyes, Bow's blushed cheek, Bow's lips. Oh, Bow's lips got her attention the most, and so, she whispered "Yes" back to him and they kissed.
Only after a few days did Glimmer start being weirded out by Bow. They kissed a lot. A lot. A lot a lot, like, making up for all the years they knew each other and didn't kiss.
And yet, before every kiss, every single kiss, Bow asked if he could kiss Glimmer. He didn't miss one chance to ask her permission, and while at first it seemed sweet it just got old. Boring. Glimmer wanted to be taken by surprise with a big kiss from behind, or in the middle of a conversation, perhaps in between meetings so she could feel some adrenaline.
But Bow wasn't like that. He always had to ask, taking away that element. So she tried to make it happen for herself.
Bow was making his bed when he saw her walk in and his face lit up "Hey, Glimmer! I didn't know you were up already."
Glimmer's hands suddenly got sweaty, and so did her forehead. Her knees were wobbly and she felt her heart thumping harder while she walked up to him. There was no reason to be nervous, he was her boyfriend after all. He loved her, she knew that.
It just felt weird taking the first step. Admitting you want affection, committing to that action with the likely reality that you could be turned down, or seen as needy. It was scary to show what you cared about enough to work for it and make it happen.
She got on her toes, nonetheless, and went to kiss Bow, closing her eyes shut, trying to get rid of the nerves going through her mind once and for all. If she did it quickly enough, she'd feel more comfortable, and then she could kiss him again and again and again.
But his lips never crashed into hers. Instead, his hands went up to her arms, a little above the elbow and slightly pushed her back onto her heels. Glimmer didn't understand what was happening, but it felt like her heart was fracturing in pieces, yet still tumping on her ribcage. She opened her eyes and saw Bow's face, equal parts flustered, worried, and confused. He was leaning back, leaning away from Glimmer. Her head spun with shame, and a little flame lit up inside of her.
"Glimmer, what was that? Are you ok?"
"Yes! Of course it is! I just wanted to kiss my boyfriend" Glimmer said, a little harshly while getting up on her tiptoes again.
Bow pushed her back once again "You seem upset. You walked in here with a serious face, barely smiled." he cocked his head to the side, raising one of his eyebrows.
Glimmer rolled her eyes "It's nothing, I just wanted to kiss you" her voice was steady, her eyes were determined, but her cheeks were heavily blushed and burning hot. Her face was probably the same shade of pink of her hair right there and then.
Bow laughed "Well, if that's all you wanted you could've just asked."
Glimmer's inner fire went out of control "But what if I don't want to ask?!"
Bow's hands shot away from her arms and his light aura changed to a worried one. It seemed like his natural state, always worrying about others.
"I just wanted to surprise you with a kiss! I don't need to ask everytime if I can kiss you just like you don't have to ask me! We're boyfriend and girlfriend, that's part of being in a relationship!"
"But what's wrong with having consent?"
Glimmer groaned "Sometimes, it's sweet. Other times I just want to be surprised, ok? And asking if I want it ruins that."
Bow furrowed his eyebrows "I'm not going to stop asking for consent, Glimmer. Just because we're dating doesn't mean we're entitled to each other. Just because I'm your boyfriend doesn't mean I get to kiss you whenever I want. It's when we both want it."
"Yes I- I'm sorry I didn't mean to say I was entitled to your kisses or anything but- I always want to kiss you, so just stop asking."
Bow glared at her "I'm not sure."
Glimmer was a step away from him and still felt far from him, she didn't understand how he was thinking, which was crazy because she knew him for so long she practically lived inside his mind. She knew how he worked, thought, and acted. But this was destroying her thought process, so she just stayed quiet, awkwardly rubbing her elbow.
"I have that meeting in a few minutes, I guess... I guess I'm gonna go."
Bow looked at her with sympathy "Have a good meeting" and went right back to making his bed.
Glimmer's meeting was not exactly a meeting. It was more of a therapy session thing. Adora and Bow insisted she started attending those after all that had happened, since Angela died and her dad came back. She tried to act happy and upbeat like before but sometimes she couldn't. It weighed her down, and filled her with nothingness. Yes, she had her friends to support her, but it would never replace her mother.
Some sessions were harder than others. And this one was harsh. She left the room trying to hold it all in, thanking the therapist for their time and going back to her room so she could cry, hug her pillow and go to sleep.
She opened her door and Bow was sitting on the edge of her bed. He looked up, saying immediately "I've been thinking about what you said and... Oh." he looked at her face, with her red shot eyes and trembling lips "That bad?"
"Bow, not right now, I just want to be in bed." her voice cracked and Bow's throat went dry as he stood up. He couldn't stand to see other people cry, much less Glimmer.
"No, Bow, I just want to lie down!"
He looked more pained than hurt by her words "Is there anything you want me to do?"
"No!" she screamed out. He stared at her and then started walking towards the door and her mind started racing.
She didn't want Bow to hold her, she couldn't stand it when people touched her when she was in that state. She needed to feel like she was in control of her surroundings and herself. Being touched felt incredibly offsetting and confusing, and she didn't need that then. But she did need Bow.
"Wait. Don't leave." she didn't think he'd just leave the room. Just because she said she didn't want to hug him.
"Do you want me to stay here by your side?"
Glimmer hesitated. She remembered how her father would hold her hand when she was little and was going through anxiety attacks. How her mother did it after Micah disappeared. Even though touch felt wrong to her in that situation, somehow, someone holding her hand always felt like an anchor to reality. So, she said "Yes."
They said nothing more as Glimmer got in her bed and was covered by the comforter by her loving partner. She held her hand out across the mattress where Bow layed down on, facing the ceiling so Glimmer didn't feel pressured by his eyes on her. He held her hand on his chest, and she felt it in her hand his steady heartbeat and rising and falling chest.
She started to weep, gripping Bow's shirt tightly. She tried to calm down but her thoughts were running through her head so fast she couldn't stop them. So her tears just kept coming out.
Bow looked at her, worried, and reached a hand for her shoulder, slowly pulling her against him. He was trying to hold her, but that was too much touching, too much for the already overloaded system that was Glimmer's body and mind. She shook against it and whispered "No."
Bow let go of her and sighed, still holding onto her hand. So that's what they did for the next half hour. Glimmer cried and Bow cradled her hand in his chest.
After a while, she started to calm down. Her eyes and nose were red, but she could finally breathe easily without thoughts intruding into her mind with no control. She started to get up, slipping her sweaty hand away from Bow as she settled against the head of the bed, crossing her legs and hanging her head down. Bow sat crossed-leg too, in front of her.
They tried to speak at the same time and chuckled. Glimmer nodded her head for him to go first and he exhaled loudly.
"I'm sorry, for trying to hug you in bed after you said no. Sometimes I don't know what you need, and I don't want to do something wrong, so that's why I usually ask. But you were so keen on me surprising you and not asking so I thought I'd give it a try because I thought that's what you needed." shame started to seep into his voice, making it crack" I though you'd want a hug in that moment, but you didn't and I'm sorry" his lip trembled and he started rubbing his eyes, who seemed to barely be holding in some tears.
"No, Bow. You were right, you should ask, so I'm sorry. I should be more like you, respect your boundaries and tell you about mine."
"But you were right too" Bow said "sometimes you just want to be surprised, not asked. But how can I do that if I don't ask to know what you need from me?"
"I don't know," Glimmer sighed "but we can figure that out together. Maybe we could have a code for when we're in the mood." Bow chuckled "Or one of those stuffed animals that are reversible and represent your mood."
"You literally have magic powers and you're talking about a reversible stuffie" Bow laughed while sniffing and running his wrist under his nose.
"Well, at least I'm having ideas! I don't hear you making any suggestions" Bow laughed out loud, making Glimmer follow his example. It felt freeing, after all the crying she had done.
Bow looked at her intently and then at their hands. She nodded and they held each other's hand, scooting closer, staring into each other's eyes.
He smiled from ear to ear "You may"
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