***

kat, 21, aroace

[bug-with-rock]

Based on something I’m attempting to write… they are the magic users group of all time to me even though I just made them up

[swedenis-h]

If there was no me.. (X)

[scribefindegil]

I was in a long-term relationship that fell apart partially because I was ace and my partner was very much not, and every time we looked for relationship help we got told that I was the problem. Not just that a significant mismatch in sexual desire could be a problem in a relationship, but that it was My Fault, Specifically, for not being willing to suck it up and have a bunch of sex I didn't want. To my ex's credit, he cared about consent much more than any of the professionals we talked to and refused to pressure me even when my (lesbian, billed as progressive and pro-LGBT) therapist was actively telling him to.

But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!

Sometimes breaking up is necessary, and that's what ended up happening with us because there were other reasons we worked better as friends, but there *should* be better frameworks for discussing what people want and need that don't automatically assume that one partner's feelings are automatically more important or valuable than the other's.

[geese-in-flight]

I was dating someone who wanted to be accommodating and work with me to figure things out but lacked the EQ to do so in any effective way. It was my first relationship and I was still figuring out what being ace meant for me. It’s been eight or nine years, but I still remember very clearly the moment I realized we’d been approaching the entire discussion as if my orientation was the problem to be solved, and that it would be equally as valid to say that hers was.

She was significantly less impressed with this revelation than I was, but I tried to hold on to it ever since (although obviously the real problem wasn’t either one of us, but the mismatch and the lack of tools to deal with it). I think it’s super important to remember that we aren’t the ones in the wrong while our theoretical partners are the ones in the right. I was surprised by how much I’d internalized the assumption and I don’t think I’m the only one.

[ineffectualdemon]

The other frustrating aspect of this is allo relationships will often have periods of time where libido does not match (I'm not derailing and this will swing back to asexual people)

Just after giving birth, during a family crisis, during a mental health episode, during health problems, during stressful periods at work

There are a lot of times when one person is horned up and raring to go and the other has no interest

And the solution often presented is that the person who is going through something should just put out because they are the problem instead of like...finding ways to engage in non sexual intimacy to reaffirm closeness

An asexual person is going to get 10x the amount of pressure and blame put on them and no advice on how non-sexual intimacy can help their relationships and if they get that at all it will only be to sell it as a bridge to sex they don't want.

I really hate the selling of intimacy as only equaling or facilitating sex. Intimacy comes in many forms and should be explored more by every couple as a non sexual act. And it the given importance it deserves. In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier

And asexual people would stop getting shit for being themselves.

[scribefindegil]

Yeah, exactly! There are many different forms of intimacy, physical and emotional, and we need to stop viewing non-sexual forms of intimacy as inherently lesser.

And also you're right that while this post is specifically about the asexual experience, these problems affect everyone; desire gaps, whether temporary/circumstantial or ongoing, affect many if not most long-term relationships. And the solution needs to reaffirm bodily autonomy and compassion for everyone, not just carve out a specific exception for ace people. Too frequently I see people and institutions that, even when they're attempting to be affirming, essentially say "Well this is what a committed relationship Needs To Look Like . . . unless you already id as ace I guess" instead of allowing their general idea of what relationships can look like to expand and become less prescriptive.

No one should be pressured into sex they don't want. This should be a basic and non-negotiable tenet of feminism. But it goes out the window as soon as it's in the context of a committed relationship that isn't otherwise abusive.

[rayvven]

@dukethomas-week

day3-light & shadow-glowing eyes

[ciricearts]

she's hereee<3

[soranatus]

JO MUELLIN In Absolute Green Lantern (2025) #9

[kitkisart]

love you jo mullein…..

[soranatus]

BLACK HISTORY MONTH EVENT Week 3 → Favorite Black Creator: Jamal Campbell - feat. Jo Mullein

Once you learn to harness it fully... worlds will fall before you, and arise transformed

[imaginaryskeleton]

Finished Far Sector and Emerald Dawn the last couple days to kickstart my GL reading binge

[crowwkui]

Hi, I’m a huge fan of your work and your absolutely wonderful all lesbian au :D

Since you did the some of the lanterns’ designs earlier I was wondering if you’d be willing to do Kyle and Simon? I’d really like to see them along with Jess since you’ve said you’ll do a design for her.

Love ur art, and hope you have a good day/night! <3

thank you so much!! and ofc! :D i also added Jo bc i love her (ꈍ◡ꈍ)

[spaceshiprocket]

Catwoman by Adam Hughes

[spaceshiprocket]

Zatanna by Adam Hughes

[spaceshiprocket]

Catwoman by Adam Hughes

[burins]

(outsiders 2003 #16)

ugh Anissa and her dad are so sweet. the Lil Kim crack kills me

[witchqueenarchive]

That’s my girl.

[acecroft]

“Seems like only yesterday you were a geeky newbie sporting a terrified smile and the worst "grown-up” hairdo I’d ever seen.“

[dark-spirit-tamamoland]

they're still terming random transfems as i type this i see which does make quite a statement doing this today specifically

[puppetstuffing]

watched three girls who reblogged its new blog mutual aidpost (made literally 15 minutes ago) already disappear from its notifs. transfems are not included in their pride :/

[puppetedlove]

:)

[puppetvictim]

:)

[tamamowand]

QUITE the statement to be nuking transfems at the current accelerated pace right at the start of pride month like this, isn't it