Scratchboard of Papa Emeritus I from the band Ghost. This is the first installation of a mini series of scratchboards Im doing inspired by Ghost because its been on repeat since watching Rite Here Rite Now.
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Jesse was being as destructive as ever, smearing the jelly off the bread onto the tabletop and Preston was kneeling at his feet with the same display of pity that was ever present around Jesse.
Something worthwhile caught my attention, as I caught a glimpse at Jesse’s older sister. I rubbed my cheekbones, trying to quell the smirk that was beginning its trek across my face.
“What’s so funny bitch?” Jesse shouted as he threw the loaf of bread to the floor.
“Your sister’s tits.” I smirked and began to stretch, keeping my eyes purposely on her chest, “They’re spilling out of that robe, obviously welcoming me into the day.”
He threw a sugar cube that I effortlessly dodged as Luna scoffed and pulled her robe in tightly.
“Tell your friend that I do not like to be ogled at.” She eyed me with disgust.
“Tell your sister that was all she was begging for a few weeks ago.”
“Idiota! Eres bien-” She cut her sentence short as she slammed her palms onto the table, cheeks quickly staining with pink.
“Say it again. The way your face blushes enthralls me so, but even more so when it’s fueled by your frustrations stemming from your love for me.”
She eyed me for a second, chest heaving. I knew the effect I had on girls, but it was all a game to me. One I grew bored of quickly.
“Your words are covered with roses, but intertwined with thorns. I know you too well by now-”
“You know nothing of me, girl. Be quiet while you’re ahead, wouldn’t want you looking as idiotic as I.”
She huffed and tried straightening her robe, “Nia, someone needs to put you in your place, your words are dripping with other lover’s bodies-”
I raised my eyebrow and watched her carefully as I softened my words, “Even if I spout the same, my words are meaningful when they’re directed at you Luna, you must believe me.”
She eyed me, her face relaxing slightly, “Maybe if you stopped, if you could be sincere, with-with me, Nia sometimes I think we could be so much-”
“You know it could easily be you, your words only need be, ‘baby….’” I dug my fingers deeply into the quaxi-honey pot near her, making certain they were heavily and thoroughly coated before pulling them up, allowing the substance to slick off slowly, “‘fuck me like you fucked her last night.’” I shoved my fingers into my mouth, scarcely controlling the laughter that was beginning to erupt from my chest when she quickly pushed out of her seat, causing it to drop with a loud echoing slam as she ran out of the room.
“Come on Nia, that’s not cool.”
“She fucking started it. I told you I’d respect her as long as she doesn’t speak to me.”
Jesse sighed and rolled his eyes, “I told her not to fuck you.”
“It was only once.”
“Fucking whatever, but you know I think she might have an actual crush on you.”
“When don’t they?” I laughed as I walked towards the doorway, “I’m off, there are two girls roaming your home.”
“Yeah whatever Capp, see ya.”
It had been years of the same constants; sleeping with faces I’d never recognize and inhaling a variety of toxins, hoping each one would cease this grim, repetitive cycle of waking. Though I wasn’t any closer to finding a cure from whatever tugged at my mind, whatever that might be I could never pinpoint, but I did know that it had been pulling at me for the past five years.
My arms were unsteady as they attempted to lift my desolate body off the bed, the sky serpents outside were only worsening this sickness that swayed in my mind like waves lapping at a ship. I felt incredibly ill, but no amount of sickness, mental or physical, would be enough to halt me from the way I learned to cope with my inner torment.
I finally lifted myself upright, vowing to end every species of serpent on this damn island when one of the girls moaned slightly, pulling at my wrist.
“Baby,” she moaned, “Come back.”
I sighed, trying to shake the residual effects of whatever I had ingested last night and uncoordinatedly managed to set my body upright.
“Please,” I could almost hear the pout in her voice. The type of innocence most girls feigned would only stir up animosity within me, it felt sickening to listen to. “Fuck breakfast, I have something better for you to eat right here.”
My face pulled up in disgust, there was nothing that made my skin crawl worse than when they wanted me that desperately. I knew it would take many showers to wipe the amount of pathetic desperation that oozed off of her away.
“No.” No, I’d never touch you or anyone else’s body while sober.
I searched with a purpose, the more rapidly I found my articles of clothing the quicker I could leave this Godforsaken building. Its walls were almost caving under the weight of all they had seen, and the pale morning sunlight made the once blurry room cast a gruesome reminder of exactly how my life was.
Lonely and meaningless.
“Please baby?” Her whiny cadence bounced off the marbled walls as she yawned.
“You were already allowed the privilege of having me speak to you, now be quiet. My head is in a great amount of pain.”
She scoffed and rolled away, “Whatever bitch.”
I ignored her as I clothed myself and was making my way towards the door when she raised her voice.
“Did you hear me? I said you’re a bi-”
“Yes, I heard you. Next time you open that mouth, do it for something a little more useful. Not that you were memorable last night, but it’s a proper place to begin searching for your worth.”
I walked off and let the door slam behind me. I hated everyone in my life. If there was a way I could make everyone disappear without a trace I would, but for now I used them for their bodies. I used them as a vessel that I rode until I was no longer in my mind, I used them as a way to escape the heavy burden and responsibilities I carried daily, and, of course, I used them to antagonize my mother.
I was here at the Villarreal home almost every weekend, the girls that revolved through these halls were nothing but blurs of skin, shallow ghosts that only served to remind others of who I was, and why I was craved so intensely. Even when I was gone, my reality continued to manifest through the languid bodies that continued to shuffle through the empty remnants of a place that poorly substituted as home.
Half the day flew by in a blur. Most people barely paid any attention to me, the occasional hi or forced interaction in classes but I was mostly blending into the background. Just how I liked it. I waddled into the lunch area and my eyes twinkled as I saw all the food laid out.
Gourmet everything?! They had savory foods, desserts, drinks, things I didn’t even recognize. My heart was racing because the best I had at home was laser heated or Wave-Shot instant meals. A real, warm meal?!
My feet hurried, and for once I wasn’t even bothered about not knowing where to sit and I piled food onto my tray like some starved over eager badger-raccoon. I grinned widely and finally realized I was in a line, headed towards a lady facing a holo-gram?! What for?!
“Lunch scan.” She mumbled dully and my breath got caught in my chest.
Lunch?! Scan?! I-I didn’t get one of those?! What should I do?! I looked forward, too narrow to get by and I looked back, far too crowded. Great, great. Oh god. What do I do?!
“Scan here.” She pointed at the base of the holo-gram.
“I uhm. Wh-What?”
“Your lunch ID, scan here.”
“Wh-What um, but what is that?”
“ID.” She said more irritatingly. A few kids behind me groaned.
I still didn’t understand her?! She wasn’t explaining anything at all to me. “I, I don’t-”
Someone grabbed my hand and sighed loudly, waving it against the scanner. It beeped green, showing my ID picture for a split second, then the lunch lady looked over me angrily yelling, “Next!”
The same person shoved past me gently after scanning their own hand and walked off without a word, waving at...Alisa?!
The human who pushed me was extremely tall, with fake dirty blonde hair, her eyebrows a dark color and she reached down playfully shoving Alisa as her perfectly straight teeth shined in the bright light.
The dusken girl who led me to my seat earlier today was sitting across from them, and as I stared at the weird mix of friends Alisa shot up from her seat and started waving wildly around. At that moment the fake blonde girl looked at me and laughed.
“Month! Let’s go, come sit!”
“I uh.” I looked around, not spotting anywhere empty, I accepted my fate.
“That’s Charlie, and this is Maziken, we call her Maze. Guys, this is November.”
I nodded and sat my tray down carefully, letting my bag slide from my shoulder. “Um. Th-Thank you.”
Charlie chuckled, “I have a grudge with that bitch dude. She never lets me have seconds, she was just being an ass ‘cause you’re new.”
“What happened?” Alisa bit into an apple loudly.
“Eh, she didn’t know you had to scan your shit to redeem the food.”
“Why do we have to do that?” I asked, wondering because the cost of it was covered in our tuition.
“They don’t want people missing meals or getting seconds and shit. Everyone has to have a balanced diet, at school anyway.” Charlie yawned and rubbed roughly at her shaved part of her scalp.
Charlie wasn’t bad looking, she was cute in that odd sort of way. She was gangly, way too thin for how extremely tall she was. Her bright green eyes shone in the light, one of the most common eye colors for humans, and her long greasy hair fell over her face.
She caught me looking and grinned, such a goofy grin. My face instantly heated up. Her teeth were practically perfect, extremely white and perfectly straight; compared to the rest of her appearance which was disheveled at best. I quickly darted my eyes away, not wanting to look weird.
“Nice to meet you, November!” Maze grinned. “How’s your first day going?”
“Fine.” I smiled politely.
Maze had the same beautiful dusken features most of them had. Angled faces and big round protruding eyes, they were a light green color with bits of bright amber, silky almost oil-like sheen; they didn’t have whites in their eyes like humans did. Her eyes were so kind, her entire face was, it made me feel incredibly at ease staring at her.
She was smiling brightly as she paused peeling her orange to stare at me. I felt so important when she turned to speak to me, as if she really did care about anything I felt like saying.
“Would you like some?”
My face heated up again, second time in a row around her and I quickly shook my head. “No th-thank you.”
“Maze is about to graduate this year, Charlie is leaving next year. I’ll stick around for a year after and you?”
I shook my head, “I’m in my second year.”
“You still have two after?! Nee wah.” Alisa muttered some old dusken slang and sighed, “Well guess for one year me and you will have to make new friends.”
“New?” I muttered as I swallowed my apple piece.
“Yeah! You can count us as friends.” She grinned widely and pointed at Charlie, “I’ll tell you everyone-”
“Dude-”
“Charlie was born into a royal fam. Well, not really, but they work for the government so you know, basically royalty. Even though Charlie’s a total genius, she acts like a total idiot-”
“Hey dude.” Charlie frowned and shot a squirt of juice at her.
“Charlie’s a total genius! Really!” Alisa rolled her eyes, “Even though she speaks like a toilet and curses worse than me, but trust me, that little b has a heart made of solid fucking gold!”
Charlie chuckled nervously for a split second before any trace of anxiety vanished.
“Oh but, Charlie is loyal as fuck and she’ll call anyone and everyone out on shit, she might be harsh but that’s just Chaw-lee.” She spun on her bench and pointed at Maze, “Maze here is the sweetest purest soul you’ll ever have the pleasure of meeting.”
“I-I met her in the assembly! She honestly makes me feel so at ease.”
Maze laughed lightly and her eyes turned down so hard they looked like a literal ‘n’. “I’m so glad you remembered me! Did you find your seat well enough?”
I nodded. “Thank you again.”
“Maze is from a very respected, very important dusken family. The Halfmoons-”
“Really?!” My eyes widened, “Your dad, um, or Nathanaël Halfmoon is responsible for half the artifacts they’ve found from the very first beings who landed here and-”
Charlie rolled their eyes, “Fuck, we got a fangirl.”
My face heated up as Alisa and Maze laughed.
“Dude chill, she doesn’t know you yet.” Alisa turned towards me, “Charlie’s a big fucking pussy and can’t knock a baby down, it’s just the way she talks.”
“Dude.” Charlie tossed a piece of food at her, “Alisa here, dude, she tries to act as tough as me but she’s only another tactless high tempered human. She also falls in and out of love twenty times in an hour, so be careful.”
“Dude! Ignore her, I fucking don’t!”
“How many last year? Shit, like 15?!”
“Fuck you!” Alisa threw a handful of bread at her and they both started arguing, throwing things at each other.
Maze smiled and ducked under their arguing, sliding a piece of dusken dessert at me, “I’m usually the peacekeeper but I find it wonderful for their development if they argue sometimes.”
“S-So how did you all meet?”
Maze quickly wiped her hands on her napkin. “I’ve known them since we were children. Alisa’s family works for mine, and Charlie was one of her best friends growing up. We sort of bonded over time and eventually we ended at the same schools.”
“Maze’s fam paid for Alisa’s schooling and shit.”
“That’s actually super cool.” I said as I pushed my meat around.
Charlie quieted down and looked at me, “So, what’s your story dude?”
“I uh. Oh,” I chuckled nervously, “Not that great.”
“You owe me!” Alisa exclaimed, “You said at lunch you’d explain your, you know...”
“Right..” I bit down on my lip. “Uh. S-So um, well, I, uhm.”
“Don’t worry, they’re not assholes.” Alisa leaned in closer, “Guys, November is an alien.”
“Knew that shit.” Charlie muttered.
“Oh, how interesting.” Maze smiled. As if she figured out why Alisa bothered to invite me.
“I-I don’t know much of my past. My records say I was brought over by my grandma...uhm. And then she passed away and I got taken by the government. After that my parents adopted me and I’ve lived with them ever since.”
“Your parents work?” Charlie muttered through a carrot chip.
“Uh huh, yeah. My uh, my dad works in the engineering field for a really great vampire company and m-my mom um. She was a teacher-uh, professor at the Altmeri university.”
“Wait, you said you’re on a scholarship? But your parents sound like they have great jobs-” Alisa tried interrupting but Charlie came next, with what I hoped no one would notice.
“Was? Where’s your mom now?”
“She…” I stared down at my feet and felt the color drain from me, “She passed two uh..almost two years ago.”
“Dude.”
“I’m so sorry!”
“Your dad?”
I shook my head, “I d-don’t want to talk about him much, I-I mean he’s still alive but we sorta had to move to district 55 and um-”
“District 55?!” Alisa exclaimed, holding her face tightly, “Holy shit?!”
“Yeah…” I bit down on my lip. “We, just...deal.”
“Did you change schools there?”
I shook my head, Charlie quickly interrupting.
“Alisa what the fuck kinda stupid ass question? Of course she didn’t, she’s here.”
“Oh, right.” She laughed quietly.
“It’s, it’s okay. I was supposed to switch schools but I had a year of tuition remaining and um, lucky I guess.”
“I’ll fuckin’ say.” Charlie burped and took a chug of her soda, “We’ll take you in Nove.”
“You’ll love us, I promise!” Maze smiled warmly.
“Or get so annoyed you’ll wanna kill Charlie like I want to.” Alisa rolled her eyes but quickly chuckled.
I smiled, for the first time in awhile. I’d only just met them, but they didn’t seem so bad. Better than having no one but Kali around most of the time. It felt like a rush of relief to not feel so stressed around people.
“Ready for class?!” Maze grinned.
“Let’s roll!” Charlie shouted as she walked off, Alisa skipping after her.
“I’m coming!” I pulled my bag and hurried after them.
I trailed a bit behind them, listening to Charlie talk all about how she has to watch her brothers play rugby at their first game in a couple months and how she was going to drag all of us there. Alisa groaned and Maze started going off about stats. I was just taking it all in, the normalness of it all. It felt almost peaceful compared to back home.
The birds chirped and the sky serpents roamed around, letting their soft roars shake me from my sleep. I groaned and smashed my eyes, I managed to sleep and wasn’t late. Surprisingly.
I shuffled to my feet, dropping food into Kelp’s tank and hurrying for my dad’s room. He was still snoring, good. That means I’d have time to get ready before I made him breakfast.
I yawned, feeling the eye crusties pierce at my eyelids and thought about how this new school might be. I wasn’t totally out of my element. School was always so easy for me, practically boring with how easy it was. Despite it being a private school, I doubted it would be any harder.
Dad came from a pretty well known Eastern group of Duskans, his great great grandfather made the move to the western vampire owned territories for a more diverse life and opportunities despite reluctance from the rest of his family.
Mom was a human and I knew my grandparents did not approve of their marriage but mom worked real hard and her family name ended up being well known because of all her research at the university.
Most of dad’s family ended up moving back slowly over the years, only a couple of his sisters and one cousin stayed here, of course with my grandpa too.
Mom’s family was very small, she only had a brother but they lost touch as they grew up and last I knew about her parents was that one of them had passed away. I didn’t know too much about them, and I hadn’t met any of her family. I doubt I ever would.
I shoved my toothbrush into my mouth and sighed, spraying toothpaste all over. Dad’s family blamed mom for tons of things that happened in their family, but it was their own family that was so messed up.
I cried out as I pulled my ugly dark brown hair through my brush and realized I had so many knots in it. I didn’t really know how to get dressed up, or even put on makeup and to be honest I felt too embarrassed to even try. I knew I passed for a defective duskan or human so well, it was the only reason I was allowed to register outside an alien district.
When I was a baby there was a great war in space or something and tons of refugees were fleeing everywhere but Earth was one of the planets that was really strict with who they allowed to apply for citizenship.
I stared at myself in the mirror as I finished brushing my tangled hair as best as I could. I had a human-like body, except no belly button and very pointy ears. They were so pointy and long, like duskan's except I couldn’t exactly pass for one. I was incredibly short and nowhere near as attractive as the ugliest duskan.
I rinsed my face, letting the warmth coat over every part of my skin. It felt so soothing, and for a small moment my thoughts were quiet. As I patted my face down I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, damn was I ugly. Those eyes were so unnerving, I knew why I had to keep my contacts on. Who would ever want to talk to a freak with solid black eyes? It was practically like speaking to a demon, or at least that’s what kids told me growing up.
My skin was a light olive shade, nothing unusual at all about my appearance. If I didn’t know I came from a different planet I would’ve thought I was a defective human or duskan. The only things unusual were my ears and eyes.
My eyes were solid black and since most people found that unnerving, my registration for living on Earth required me to wear contacts. I kept them a deep, almost jet black color. It was my natural color after all.
A small thud knocked me from my thoughts. “Kelp!” I dropped my hairbrush and hurried out, he’d crashed into the bathroom door and I held him gingerly between my fingers, letting the last few thoughts flutter away. “You need to be careful buddy.”
The District announcements were rolling by on the radio frequency and I was sitting at my desk with my goggles on repeating it all to Kelpy.
“Uh huh. Oh looks like we get a decrease in credits this quarter Kelpington! Disastrous if I do say so myself!”
His eyes rolled sleepily side to side as he lazily munched on a leaf of lettuce.
“I can see the voters are as apathetic as usual! I suppose a decrease in credit returns can be done if we do it subtly!”
“November!” My dad’s drunken voice stumbled down the hall and I quickly held my breath. “Novey-Nove!”
A term of affection. I let my exhale out, as my body relaxed and I looked at Kelp. “Maybe it won’t be so bad tonight…”
“Nove-”
“Yeah dad?!” I called out to him as I gently carried Kelp in my palm and slid my fingers against his scales.
“Can you come here for a moment?!”
“Yup! Be right there!” I slid my goggles off and turned the radio off with a click. I knew it wasn’t going to be only for a moment. “Well Kelpy, looks like commander Nove has a mission tonight. Look after the fort and be prepared to report in, in a couple hours!”
I set him into his tank and deepened my voice, “‘Oh but November, don’t you have school tomorrow?! At that fancy new school you’re so afraid of going to!?”
I sighed and nodded, my voice returning to normal, “Yeah, you’re right... but! Mom wouldn’t want us to be scared, she’d be like so excited and be all happy saying, ‘this is a great opportunity Nove! You can be a doctor now!’”
I smiled sadly as I thought of her lame jokes. I really missed her most of the time. I let Kelpy pull me from my thoughts as I turned his tank light on, “‘Well even though mom isn’t here I’m proud of you.’”
“Thanks Kelpy, you’re all that keeps me going most days.”
“November!” My dad’s words angrily flew down the hall.
I flinched, showing my teeth towards Kelpy, “Yikes, dad’s mad. Time for Commander Nove to work extra hard on this mission, g’night lieutenant!”
I hurried out, letting my door swing as I ambled towards the hallway closet. Clean towels, a few extra trash bags, and probably best to grab a few water bottles before I headed in with him.
I shouldered the door and watched my dad, splayed out on the bed, twisted like some stiff pretzel. The TV was way too loud as always, no matter how many times I told him to turn it down.
He twirled amongst the sheets and looked at me, his eyes droopy and his words slurring, “About time Novey-Nove.”
“Sorry.”
I started my nightly routine. Taking his shoes and socks off, trying my best to make sure he was comfortable enough for bed. As I struggled to rip his shirt off he laughed and hit his head on the wall. I ignored it and scooted the trash can near the edge of the bed.
I had to be ready for any projectiles his belly wanted to blow out, I was never going to clean puke again. Last time it made me heave, and I wasn’t sure what was worse that night. The accidental slap I got or the absolute gut wrenching disgust I felt as I cleaned it.
“Are you…hot?” I eyed him carefully as I slid a clean shirt over his head.
“Nu uh. Yes.” He nodded roughly.
I had to be careful with my words because sometimes I’d accidentally say something that reminded him of mom and he’d lose it. I mean, he wasn’t always like this. He wasn’t the best dad ever but he was enough, and he always, always tried. I knew with my past it would practically take a saint to deal with me. Though it wasn’t him… mom sure was one.
Since she passed away almost two years ago, dad totally lost control of every aspect of his life. I never blamed him for his deterioration. Losing your soulmate, I guessed it would crush all but the strongest of people. Dad became a shell of his former self, a ghost that wasn’t even here. All he did was drink constantly, and disappear for days.
It was hard for me, I was thirteen when mom passed and even now I couldn’t sustain a family. Sometimes I felt like my dad dragged me down, but we only had each other. How could I complain when I still had him here, alive?
He was laughing exaggeratingly at the TV and throwing food bits at it.
“Remember this?!”
“Dad, I think you should sleep.”
“No! I want to watch this…HAHA!” He laughed and switched his position, flopping onto his belly, “Stupid skyseal…”
“Dad…I uh.” I bit on the inside of my cheek and stared away from him, “I have, I have school t-tomorrow.”
“Don’t you always?”
“No, I-I mean yes-”
“You’re confusing me Nove.”
“I uh.” I inhaled and gripped my knees tightly, “I got transferred remember? Mrs. Avezedo put in my application to that really fancy private school and I got in b-because of my project?”
“Huh, what?”
“With, with robotics…stuff. I uh, the bot I built.”
“Huh, really. This is the first-” He hiccuped loudly and laughed, “First I heard. Come, come snuggle next to daddy.”
“Dad. It’s my first day there, I-I was already nervous and it’s really late-”
“Move Nove.” He shoved me a little too hard and focused on the TV, laughing loudly once more.
I sighed and already knew that it was impossible to talk to him when he was drunk. I was just grateful he wasn’t too horrible, worst he’s done was the accidental slap and threw stuff at me a few times. Mostly he was just embarrassing and annoying.
I flipped the lights off and grabbed the sheets, tucking him in, making sure he wasn’t too tightly bound. He hated that.
“No, no…” He mumbled and wriggled around to face me, “Don’t try to leave me Nove.”
“I wasn’t-”
“Not like, not like…” His eyes filled with tears and mine widened.
“No!” I quickly jumped into bed, “I-I’m sorry dad. I wasn’t going anywhere! I-I promise!”
He started mumbling through his sobs as I held him in my lap. Mom didn’t leave you…not by choice anyway.
His snores finally filled the room; I’d lowered the TV by small increments over the past hour and he still hadn’t woken up. Mission success! I turned the TV off and rolled off the bed like a ninja.
Still sleeping peacefully, yes!
I hurried to my room, flipping the switch on asking Grunt for the time as I slid in.
The bot activated with a spark, announcing the time and quickly shut back off. Almost 3am, not bad. That gave me a couple hours to sleep. I groaned and slumped onto the floor, staring up at the opening in the ceiling that exposed the industrial exhaust fans from our building. They whirred 24/7, but they’d grown on me and I found comfort in the rusty blades overhead.
I was struggling not to fall asleep, still needed to get my bag ready because of my need to be over prepared which was really anxiety, when my head hit the edge of my bed.
Ow, damn it.
I stared down at my fingers, unfurling against the shiny tile of my room and I couldn't believe this was my life now. I once lived in an amazing district with the best mom in the entire world and I had a relatively amazing life.
Of course my life didn't start out that way.
Maybe this was fate putting me back in my place?
We now lived on the outer end of a really poor human district. I knew if it wasn’t for my dad I’d be sectioned off into an all alien district. I grew up in one, it wasn’t something I ever wanted to go back to, no matter how bad things were between dad and me.
I jumped as my scanner sent a small jingle into the air. Did I actually get a text? Maybe it was my grandpa. I groaned and inched my way over like a section two slug.
Just a reminder to update. I sighed as I laid on my belly staring up at Kelp. I had no friends. Back at my old district I did have people I knew but most of them weren’t exactly friends, so when I moved I didn’t let anyone know where I moved to, and no one really cared enough to ask.
I missed the familiarity of having the same people to sit with during group work or lunch but I guessed I didn’t miss them so much outside of school situations. For the most part, I got close to Mrs. Avezedo and ended up being friends with a teacher more than with anyone my age.
She was the music teacher at my old school, I loved the piano but just as equally I loved building things. Anything I could get my hands on, I’d pull apart and figure how to make something new out of it. She accidentally stumbled into one of my projects when she came to speak to my engineering teacher, Mr. Van Oosten.
Without my knowledge or consent, she turned in an application for me. Every year a couple private schools would hold empty spots for lower class citizens. It was an incredible opportunity for me to go to a school like that! I would’ve never been able to achieve it on my own. Mrs. Avezedo walked up to me at the end of the year and told me to pack my bags ‘cause I got in.
So here I was, about to start my 10th year of school at this fancy place. And I was nervous. So. Nervous.
Anxiety.
It followed me around like a constant blight. Filling my head with static-like neurons, sorta like fizzy pebbles did in soda. It usually pulled at the edges of my body and violently shook at the insides of my gut. It was a feeling that took over every part of my body and mind. I’d take depression, anger, jealousy, any emotion over anxiety, but just my luck. I was stuck with it 24/7.
My fingers always seemed to run off without me, on anxiety fueled binges or panic induced spasms. I found a loose thread hanging from my bed sheet and started rolling it between my fingers like my life depended on it as I stared up at the dangerously heavy metal fans above; maybe my life would be better after tomorrow. Maybe this was a start to things looking up?
vaporwave
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2087
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