I’ve been going back and forth and back and forth on how to respond to this, because I don’t want to tell someone that it’s #Problematic to find something empowering, especially when it involves marginalized groups, but I just don’t agree with this framing of the dynamic between Tyrion and Sansa. It strikes me as being in the same category of cheering for Cersei for refusing to be sidelined by misogynistic men, or Jaime for ending of siege of Riverrun without bloodshed because of the personal ambition/chivalry/virtue/what-have-you that the writer finds most commendable, while eliding what the character is exercising that ambition/chivalry/virtue/what-have-you in service of. And you can’t! Cersei is right to call out the Patriarchy’s bullshit, she’s right that she’s frequently dismissed for her gender rather than (her very real) lack of competence, but I just cannot cheer for her striving for power when her goal for and use of that power isn’t to help anyone else, but solely to serve herself and hurt those she hates (or who impede her, or are incidentally in the way, or she couldn’t be bothered to care if they would be hurt by something else she was trying to achieve, or…). Jaime’s right that it would be bad to murder even more people, he’s right that the Freys and Sybell Spicer are monstrous people worthy of no respect whatsoever, but he still engineers that ‘bloodless’ (NEVER FORGET THE THOUSANDS SLAUGHTERED AT THE RED WEDDING) takeover to reward those same people he so rightly has such contempt for! What should I celebrate in that? That he’s not committing further crimes to reward an atrocity that is already destroying the fabric of society by the time he returns to the Riverlands? The means and the ends both matter.
Tyrion himself points the audience toward the fundamental problem of how he’s relating to Sansa when he compares himself to the Knight of Flowers. The Knight of Flowers is exactly one of the False Knights Sansa has had to learn to guard herself against! Loras Tyrell was gallant and chivalrous toward her to the exact limit of what benefited himself and House Tyrell, and not a whit beyond. Tyrion absolutely had more concern for Sansa’s personal wellbeing than Loras, but both Knights of Flowers in the end put the their House’s gain before Sansa’s personal well-being. Yes, it is objectively better for Sansa for Tyrion to protect her from Joffrey’s beatings. Yes, it is objectively better for Sansa to not be raped than to be raped. Yes, it is objectively better for Sansa to be kept in a cage with nice cushions and food and other comforts than for her to be kept in a cage of metal gratings and a bare metal floor. But it is objectively bad to keep her in a cage at all! THAT is where I have a problem with applauding Tyrion’s behavior towards Sansa in their marriage: he never acts as a TRUE knight for her interests. Even though he knows full well that it’s the marriage to a Lannister, ANY Lannister, that is most painful for her, he never once considers a way to spirit her away to DISSOLVE THE MARRIAGE SHE WAS FORCED INTO AT SWORDPOINT. He thinks about them leaving together, but that’s as much if not more about his own discomfort and abuse from his family than what would actually make Sansa happy.
I’m not trying to say that Tyrion should have been able to make this step at that point in his character development. I’m aware that he’s also an abuse victim, and that it’s hard to break away from abusive environments. Tyrion doing so at that time would probably have been as unrealistic as Theon moving to rescue Jeyne any sooner than he did. Nor am I under any illusions that it wouldn’t have been extremely dangerous for Tyrion, especially as a disabled man. ADWD proved that, didn’t it? But I think Martin is uncompromising in what it means to be a hero:
“Seven, Brienne thought again, despairing. She had no chance against seven, she knew. No chance, and no choice.
She stepped out into the rain, Oathkeeper in hand.”
I’m sure Tyrion will be one of the three saviors of the world, but he’s not there. Yet.
TL;DR I disagree that we should ever celebrate the upholding of inherently abusive power structures just because a marginalized individual has managed to make themselves Exceptional within them. Especially when that exceptionalism is explicitly at the expense of another marginalized person/people. Let’s tear down the structures altogether so no one is marginalized at all.