Okay, so ace discourse is going on. People are doubting themselves. In wake of that, I want to put here a list of things I wish I’d known when I first figured out I was asexual. Because when I first found out I was asexual and again when I figured out I was arospec I was terrified. So if you just recently figured out you’re aspec, ace, aro, arospec, or if you’ve known for a long time but the ace/aro discourse is making you doubt yourself, here are some things I wish someone had told me before I became confident in that part of my identity.
It is a real orientation.
Your hormones are most likely not out of whack, and even if they are that doesn’t make you any less asexual or aromantic.
You don’t have to have sex or be in a romantic relationship to be “normal”
You don’t have to abstain from sexual or romantic relationships to be ace or aro.
If you have split attraction and one of your attractions is solely to people of the other binary gender you still have a place in the queer community if you want it.
It’s okay to be confused and not even know what attraction is.
You don’t need to be “fixed”
Because like I said, you’re not broken.
Don’t force yourself into sexual or romantic situations you’re uncomfortable with in an attempt to seem “normal”. Just don’t do it.
Don’t put up with “you’ll find the right person” comments
Correctional rape is a thing and although it’s typically associated with lesbians and gays it happens with ace people too. Be careful.
If you’re twelve you’re not too young to be thinking about that, and if you’re eighty you’re not too old to be figuring it out.
If you want to be in a romantic relationship without sex then don’t stay with a partner that tells you that you’d have sex if you loved them.
When explaining things, be calm. I’ve found the majority of people will find it makes sense and are willing to learn. If they’re being a douchebag that’s when you get snappy. Not when people are just genuinely curious.
Don’t waste your time on aphobes on the internet or people that keep insisting that asexuality is just an orientation for people who don’t want sex or demisexuality just means you want to take it slow. They are wrong. Attraction or lack thereof is something out of your control and there are allosexual people that don’t like sex.
If you want to be really loud about your orientation that’s great.
If you want to keep your orientation on the down low that’s also great.
I know sometimes dealing with a world that constantly throws sex and romance at you is hard. You can do it.
It’s okay to be confused.
You have a place in the LGBTQIA+ community. There’s a reason the long version has an A there.
Yes, people actually do feel attraction. They’re not all pretending or exaggerating, as much as it might seem like that.
You don’t have to be good at puns, but there will be a lot. Fair warning.
Being asexual or aspec is a beautiful thing.
Being aromantic or arospec is a beautiful thing.
The love you feel for your family and friends is not somehow inferior to romantic or sexual love.
You can be happy. Anyone that tells you that you can’t be happy without sex and/or romance is lying.
Embrace your pride flag. They’re all pretty cool. And there are a lot on the spectrums.
Your aro/ace headcanons are just as valid as the gay/lesbian/bi/pan headcanons.
Be aware of the alliance with the bi and pan people. They may seem like our complete opposites at first but they understand the erasure thing and are equally bad at puns.
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